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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Re: Why do some men act interested, then pull back?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 PuppeeLove
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 5
Re: Why do some men act interested, then pull back?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Hmm.. well I wish I had the answer to this.. cause I've been in the very same predicament myself. Only on rare occasions will I mail a guy on this site.. cause usually I get enough ppl approaching me. Well.. out of the ppl that do.. I may meet one or two and things will go well for a while; and I'll even ask upfront to make sure we're on the same page attraction/feeling wise and everything will continue to be fine.. then out of nowhere the contact becomes fewer and farther between, and then suddenly we're not talking and I can't figure out why! I'm not overly pushy, I don't expect to have every minute of his time nor do I expect him to make a committment right off the bat.. but it just seems to always end badly. I obviously do expect this type of thing may happen, of course if things were awkward when we met, or there wasn't a spark between us physically, but when all those things seem to be in place.. what else could be going on?
 PuppeeLove
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 6
Re: Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 3:09:18 PM
Oh, and in reply to the last persons post.. well what both of you have been in a situation where he had the opportunity to have sex with you but didn't because he felt it was too quick. Also, to me this wouldn't be a lack of disinterest considering he had continued to pursue you after that, and we had done most other things aside from sex.
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 16
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 3:47:33 PM
How about if a man claims to want to be with you, so you are on the phone, im, e-mail, and POF. OKAY. We got along well. I am not looking for "whatever. " I liked him. He liked me. I wasked him if we could officially meet "face to face" {in person} after my son returns to school. He wants to meet NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't meet now. My son is autistic and is wrecking the house. i would like to get my life back in some sort of order.
He is going to school in one week. it is not THAT long.
I am not asking this man to wait a year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not playing games, i am serious about this man, i liked him.
he was supposed to call me back and did not but went onto POF.
That PISSED me off.
Then he was supposed to call back. went on pof again to check his messages.
so he wants to see if the grass is greener. even though he told me that he wants a relationship with me.
so i feel deceived

i told him to remove his profile. we get along well. we have chemistry. we want the same things. cut the games.
he says that we haven't met face to face and we should take a break.
i feel that he is being a player.

telling me he wants marriage wife ect why would he keep his profile up and be building something with me while looking at other women?

what the man can't wait one week for my son to return to school?
 FTWDad76
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 25
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:39:30 PM
Fear of commitment. You meet a woman and you have a great time. You enjoy each other's company and you look forward to seeing each other. Then you start to feel like she might tell you that she loves you and maybe you get a little scared...or a lot scared. Enough to back off at least. Maybe its fear, maybe its immaturity, maybe its both.
 paulmag
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 27
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:05:25 PM
I am guilty of this....The girl I dated from this site was attractive...Intelligent..Witty...but what I discovered was she in my opinion had a drinking problem...that was the reason my marriage of 35 yrs ended..I was not about to go down that road again...Now somthing like this takes a few weeks to figure...but when you are the D&D every date...she has a glass of wine in her hand when ever you come to pick her up...you are sitting on a Patio with a gate and it takes her 40 seconds to open a simple latch and we have only been there 30 minutes...not only did I pull back I ran...I never even called her...She was well aware of my past situation....and tried to cover it up....so please Girls its not always the sex thing...some of us have morals and class..and we are not all knuckle draggers...have a great day guys...be safe.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 30
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:28:16 PM
You guys make it sound like only women get 2nd thoughts. Dudes are just as likely to change their minds as chicks do. Nothing nasty about any of that. Its called human nature, deal with it and move on.

If theres no chemistry would you rather the guy pretend there was and stay with you? And even if you think your vibing, that doesnt mean you aint vibing enough according to what he looks for in a girl. Dating is all about figuring out if their right for you or not, heck even being longterm gf and bf doesnt give you a guaranteed pass these days to "happily ever after" so just be mature about it, and dont demonise the guy because he got cold feet or isnt into you as you thought he was - were human and were allowed to have our doubts.
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 32
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:37:29 PM
if you get along well with somebody, why sabatog it by not calling back when you say but checking out the activity on pof? i understand i am going to makes sure that somebody means what he says, but life is too short.
be an adult be a player or get involved with this person that you really like
if you want a relationship, you don't need to be looking at different people, if you met somebody that you like.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 33
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:43:03 PM
What if you naturally get along with everybody you meet? Its not just about getting along, because then you could argue any friend that is the opposite sex is potentially a life partner, and that isnt the case at all. There are so many reasons guys will just drop off. Some find it better to distance themselves than to just say to the girl their not feeling the relationship 100% as she does. Saving face? who knows but if your adult enough to date then your adult enough not to take it to heart and move on.
 gurlseven
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 34
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 9:12:21 PM
I think people need to relax... sure I've had this happen too, but there is a reason for it. If you're close enough, he'll tell you, and if you're not then he won't.

I disagree with the above statement about not being able to be friends with guys... the problem is, most girls who are friends with guys start out that way due to crushing on them, not truly liking their company or the things they do, and so they get hurt by their guy 'friends'. Boys will be boys, accept that and your world and views will change. They ARE NOT women, you are right there, but they can be friends if you try to understand them and take them for what they are instead of trying to change them. If you're in it just to hit on them, or be hit on, it will never work. Flirting is cool, but don't take flirts from your 'friends' as something serious. Take it as fun -it's not a 'lead' into a relationship. Men are also SO much more agreeable than most women (including myself).

:) Men back off because of a million and one different reasons... that's life. We all do it.

Love is as perennial as the grass, whether you like it or not. If he's not the 'one' then there is 'another'.

Keep smiling =], keep it light, keep it happy.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 37
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:17:25 AM
I think I may agree with this post, BYEBYEBABY! This place, as any dating site, allows a lot of window shopping and the opportunity for something better to come along. I had a guy "show interest", one I had even met and had dinner with, but because I would not conform to his "demands" right away, decided to continue his shopping while telling me just the opposite. I have 3 female friends on here, and the dum dum made a mistake of e mailing one of them, and feeding her the exact same crap he fed me. He may end up BACK on RussianBride.Com...lmfao I just wish people would not play games period. :)
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 40
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:42:35 AM

but then he kept on implying he wasn't interested in a serious relationship with a woman who had kids.



I knew there was attraction there, but I wasn't looking for a serious relationship and only wanted a friend for now.



I think there was some misunderstanding and he thought I wanted something different and casual, but I was not into that. Needless to say, I asked him why he even bothered asking me out since he knew I had kids and he acted like he wasn't sure if I had kids or not, but I know he knew I did.




Just wanted to highlight the important parts of your post. You answered your own question. Despite the attraction being there, you both wanted something different.

And how did you know that he knew you had kids? Are you a mind-reader? Do you know for sure what he was thinking? It's possible he wanted a NSA or a purely sexual relationship, but he doesn't seem to hide or play games to me, from what I'm reading of your post.
 Comida
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 44
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:18:18 AM
I've gotta agree with the poster who sees no need for explaination on that one. If you haven't even met this guy face to face, how can you expect him to take down his POF profile? You have no idea if theres even going to be a physical attraction there. I don't care what people say....there HAS to be some kind of physical attraction or it isn't going to work out.

Even if someone is the sweetest guy you'll ever meet and treats you like a queen...if they repulse you, the relationship isn't going to last...
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 45
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:31:29 AM
it is a matter of principal
how do you start a realationship
if he is looking elsewhere

why is he not investing his time in me if he is SOOOOOOOOOO INTERESTED
especially since i have taken myself off the market
and had committed myself to him

we are not children here
we both were supposedly looking for a husband wife
not to play the field

and if he feels the need to date
then do it without me

i want a man who wants to get to know me
if he wants to shake his willy at different women
when our personalities are compatable
there is a strong sexual chemistry~ been in the phone -email IM POF and VIDEOCAM
what the hell?
that is bull s hit!

don't need it
just pissed
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 47
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 9:34:02 AM
Posted By: coruja on 8/12/2008 1149 AM this is for you
well i am not the person showing up on his site babe. he is showing up on mine.
doesn't that sound like a baby game??? instead of going to my profile 20 times a day why not call me or talk to me??????? Send a message!

COMMUNICATE.

not run or play cat and mouse games
 Javan2
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 51
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:24:35 PM
It happened to me too windsor saints08. But it wasn't that I thought it was a joke. I feared future heartbreak. I knew that once I had this girl. My heart would not have been able to take losing her. I choose to not miss what I never had and rejected her offers of growing closer. That was over 21 years ago and today, I can't get her out of my mind.
 Goldie Girl
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 53
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:34:06 PM
because they are not interested at all, life is short... they actually need to get to know the person inside first... I don't go on physical looks only ..... I see if we click....and if we dont ...just be honest ....
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 56
Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:47:05 PM
For the same reason women do the same thing...

I'll let you know when I find out what the hell it is.
 mdavis4520
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 58
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/13/2008 12:19:55 PM
I hate to say it....but it sounds me me like this guy was looking for a "friends with benefits" situation from you.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 61
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:03:00 PM
I thought the whole point of going out with someone was to know how much your into them, so if the opposite holds true after a while... then its bad to not fake liking them and pull back instead? Seriously were all individuals here and to say that someone cannot leave you for some unknown reason is like stating that you have some totalitarian grip on them and that they are not allowed to excersize free will around you. I know it hurts or baffles us when that special someone we think is gearing up for a fulfilling relationship suddenly exits the scene, but if you respect them enough, despite the mishap. Then you can forgive and forget.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 64
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/18/2008 12:11:58 AM
Apparently real difficult for some relationships. Especially if the girl has a tendency to be clingy. You cant fault a man for being bad at breakups, not all men are this indifferent. But to carry on and mope about a jerk who doesnt know how to end it properly is like crying over spilt milk. Whats done is done, and if the woman has any self respect she will spend the minimum amount of time mulling it over. Cause the more she does, the more aweful she begins to feel about herself and question her own dignity etc etc, it never leads to anything, only more power to the guy who left her.
 American Woman
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 66
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:47:18 AM
For the same reason women do...they just don't do it for ya. Could just be bad timing.
 OneLifeTwoLive
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 68
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:42:59 PM
You got me on this one. Friends with benefits. Go for it dudes.
But honestly, why do you care? Rejection is part of the whole dating scene, don't take it personal men have been getting rejected, pull back, let's be friends or whatever else for thousands of years. Welcome to the party.
 RoughAsGuts
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 73
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Re: Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:12:35 AM
Mzsomebody, I agree that someone being sincere and open doesnt deserve to be shut down. But theres alot of idiots out there that will not think twice before completely doing a Houdini on a poor well meaning girl, what I meant before is that they are not worth considering. Not even worth calling up and asking for an explanation. The way I see it theres alot of good people out there to be wasting time pondering about the "could haves" or "should haves". Speaking for myself though I think that if someone is into doing a disappearing act, then let them. Life is too short to care about it long enough to make it an issue.
 ashmanonar
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 76
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/20/2008 12:00:33 PM
I know in one or two of my occasions, it's because the girl turned out to be crazy. Not fun crazy, just crazy.
 mjk21258
Joined: 10/20/2007
Msg: 79
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Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/20/2008 12:42:30 PM
applepiesweettart on 8/11/2008 6:01:13 PM
Subject: Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Message: I'm curious as to what the men's answers will be on this subject in general.

Men & math are hard. :-/

Don't know what the answer is, but don't think for a second that men have a monopoly on this type of thing.
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