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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > YOU'RE JUST GOING AFTER THE PRETTY ONES      Home login  
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 10
YOU'RE JUST GOING AFTER THE PRETTY ONESPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
For Ricky,
I have been without a girlfriend for over ten years, yet I have many friends who are girls. It is frustrating to me, too, but you have to think about this: It is better to be single than to be welded to the wrong person. And that is not a typo... I really meant welded as well as wedded.
My advice to you is go slow. Women like to think about you in your absence. Men are just the opposite. They want to be with their one and only. Remember what your mother taught you: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Good luck to you (and me!)
Oh, and there is nothing wrong with wanting a "pretty one". I'm so tired of hearing that "beauty is only skin deep". Does that mean that the pretty ones are somehow lacking? Does it mean that Heaven will contain only ugly women (and men)? I think not. God created us to be attracted to each other. The problem is that we forget Him and His design for our lives. I have lots more, but that is enough for now.
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 17
Posted: 8/13/2008 12:07:27 PM
Be patient. If we judge our attraction in terms of beauty alone, how can we expect the rest of the world not to. In our early teens, both males and females tend to be drawn to potential mates on the basis of looks (and bodies) alone. Over the years, we tend to seek out partners that we find attractive for a multitude of reasons. Intellect, values, humour and interests become more and more important. Until this happens, work on your self-esteem. Focus on what you bring to a relationship, not on your short-comings. One of the most attractive qualities a person can possess is confidence. I've had pretty good luck with people throughout my adult life. I generally approach people to simply talk and see what we have in common and find out if we can share a few laughs. Sometimes friendships or romances develop and sometimes they don't. But, in the greater scheme of things, at least I got to pass some time and meet someone I wouldn't have known otherwise.
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 25
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Posted: 8/13/2008 12:32:57 PM
This brings to mind a conversation I had with a very beautiful young friend of mine, who was/is 25+ yrs younger than me. We were on a convention together with her as my 'partner' cos I didn't have a girlfriend at the time, and she had a separate room next door to mine. One of the older guys on the convention asked her if she and I were going out together. She replied that the friendship was purely platonic!
His reply that they are NEVER platonic since after a while, there is always one side of the relationship that has stronger feelings (not always sexual) than the other.
So what do you to achieve 'equality?' Nothing - you can't! I see nothing wrong or unhealthy about loving, or fancying one or more women at the same time. To pretend that the only woman who is attractive is yours, and expect your woman only to find you attractive is madness. Everyone of us has a spark of genius, an inner magic that is available to the world, only if we are willing to acknowledge it exists..and when it emerges, then don't be surprised if it/you turn heads! Who you fundamentally are is much more beautiful than any make-up you think you can wear to make yourself look's way beyond 'pretty', and does not fade with ageing and wrinkles!! It CAN'T!
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 26
Posted: 8/13/2008 12:34:44 PM
In all honesty, if your "way different" online than off line, then that may be your problem. If your 2 completly different people, the person you meet may feel betrade
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 32
Posted: 8/13/2008 12:42:55 PM
I'm not suggesting that you'll have to wait until "the ripe, old age of 46" (LOL) to meet someone that is looking for more than a pretty face. I am just suggesting that confidence is an attractive feature. Focus on your character strengths, not on your physical flaws. Nobody else will value what you can bring to a relationship until you can. If you believe that the best you can hope for is a "sub-standard woman", that's all you'll ever get. Go for what you want. At the very worst, it's better to be rejected by really attractive interesting women, than by below average, boring one's!
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 40
Posted: 8/13/2008 2:45:06 PM
I'm going to take a different tact on this. The "friend" that told you that you are shooting to high - what does she look like? Is it possible that she or another mutual friend has a crush on you?
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 70
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Posted: 8/14/2008 1:02:22 PM
I can tell you this much: Listing on your profile that you are average or below average in looks and putting a p.s. that you are NOT cute as a button is probably not helping your case.

There's lots of people attracted to lots of different looks, but I don't know a lot of people interested in people who put themselves down constanlty.

Just some food for thought...

Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 76
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Posted: 8/14/2008 3:41:19 PM
There are a lot of women who want a mate who is their best friend, and I'm no stranger to that thought... I'd love to find a mate who has tons of things in common with me, and yet a few differences to keep the conversation exciting.

I tell ya, bud, it's not just pretty ones that may or may not be interested in, you will get that from ALL over... Big/Little, Old/Young, Pretty/Non-descript, etc

I think theres more to a person than just what's on the outside... Sometimes it just takes a little longer for some to realize that they may have a 'friend' who can eventually become more than just a friend...

Look on the bright side, at least the women are not leading you on... I know it hurts to be dejected, however, it would hurt a lot worse, if they took you for a ride, then told you they weren't interested.

Keep your chin up!

Chapman, Kansas
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 78
Posted: 8/14/2008 4:08:24 PM
"I go after average looking ladies and ones that are not that attractive to me"


Yr nuts!!
Go after the most beautiful awesome amazing women you can find.

I've dated women you or others might think are unattractive but I've considered every one of them - every person I've loved to be the most beautiful person in the world - and I'm pretty sure I've been right every time.
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 79
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Posted: 8/14/2008 4:12:08 PM

it is funny the stories a few of my lady friends have told me about how they met a guy in a party and found him cute, dance with him, kissed him. That is nice!!

and yet i wonder! how was that possible?

that has never happened to me.

Ok, so you told me it's not about your profile, but going back to what you said about your appearance on there: Do you think they maybe you also act in the way where you don't think you'd have a chance so you just don't try. You probably are "people person" as you said which everyone is friends with and all, but do you think that maybe you put yourself down during those interactions as well?
I have a friend who does that all the time. She's super outgoing, but she's always putting herself down. She's brining out things that other people might have not even felt or observed, but she brings it to light. Heck, I got tired of her low self -esteem because I felt like I always had to say something to make her feel better about herself on something I didn't even think was wrong.

Maybe, just maybe, you could be doing the same in your real life interactions. Please don't taake offense. I'm just trying to help.

Posted: 8/14/2008 5:00:02 PM

if the looks are there or if the attraction is there

see, THERE IT IS - looks do not necessarily equal attraction. One person's Miss America might be another person's ewwwwwwwwwww factor. So many different things cause attraction and believe it or not, looks are not the highest thing on the list.

I've dated women you or others might think are unattractive but I've considered every one of them - every person I've loved to be the most beautiful person in the world - and I'm pretty sure I've been right every time.

and that's it in a nutshell! Icon, it's a damn sin more people will manage to remain clueless about your statement - Bless your folks for raising you with those ideals!
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 84
Posted: 8/14/2008 5:04:11 PM
I say go for whom ever you are attracted too. To some you maynot be beautiful but to other your are the most beautiful person they ever laid eyes on. You have to take a chance. Yes you may get rejected but yet again you may find the love of your life. Keep your chin up and be happy. wake up each day with a smile on your face and live life to the fullest. Smile Be happy.
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 85
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Posted: 8/14/2008 5:39:57 PM
Made in brazil is right. I do that same thing. I have been told by many women that I am attractive. I just got rejected by someone just a couple of days ago. I have seen men that look like you and have more of a weight problem than you with the hottest women. They are also are not rich. The thing is that those girls likes big men. She told me because she is a friend, who considers me just a friend, I don't want to date someone I feel I have to feed. I tried to date her too. I am a slender man. I have had women hit on me because I am the Harry Potter type and the quiet type. I like kids they are the bomb. My Autumn is the bomb. This rejection I just got she is the daughter of a friend of mine. We were just kissing ther other week. Then all of the sudden she only wants to be friends. We even had sex. I felt used and abused. A freind said to me. Chris haven't you told women that you have had sex with you don't feel no spark and want to be friends. I said ya. He says so what is so different. I thought it over and said you are right, but I usually tell them before the sex, so there is no doubt of deception. She is with another guy now. I know she did want to be with me, but she met someone else who is not her fathers friend and decided not to risk me and his friendship. I respect her for being truthful with me, and not going on countless free dinners until I make her tell me that we are "just friends". I may also be a back up plan. The truth of the matter is that when I really started thinking about it. I was so infatuated with her looks that afterwards I came to the conclusion she really isn't the best person for me and my kid. She is kind of lazy. I don't want that to rub off on my daughter. I wont be interested in her even if she needs the back up plan. I hope this helps. Most people look at relationships like they are a possession. You are a free spirit. Just remmember they are too.
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 87
Posted: 8/14/2008 6:17:19 PM
lol what is this
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 88
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Posted: 8/14/2008 6:34:13 PM
Why would anyone want to have a relationship with someone where there is a lack of attraction?
Obviously, looks isn't the only factor, especially for a long-term relationship, but still it would be nice to be with someone you appreciate looking at.
Go for the gusto, at the end of the day it doesn't make a difference what anyone else thinks and at the end of the day if a hotty makes you happy go for it.
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 91
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Posted: 8/14/2008 7:26:10 PM
Oh my gosh, just caught the last of this post dude quit being awussy, when you meet a woman do you look her in the eyes and let her know that you can rock her world? beautiful women are approached everyday everyway how are you different? she can have her choice of good looking men how are you different. be confident and give them something different. make them laugh make em wonder let them know you know passion, hot emotional passion friendship is for friends passion is for lovers whooooooo wheeeeee. guys like you leave more for me LOL you CAN be lovers and friends but its gotta be a potential lover first not the other way around you dont grow attraction just friendship but keep it up youll figure it out
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 100
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:05:41 AM
how do you build that self esteem?? one does not get it automatically and creates it all in a few hours. It requires feedback from the other sex.

No, it doesn't and this is part of the problem for you. Thinking approval from ANYONE else is how people build self isn't. Shit if we left our well being up to a bunch of strangers to find out how great we were, we'd be SOL.

Losing weight and getting healthy for you is accomplishment. Heading to school and getting a degree and then doing what you love to make money is accomplishment. Helping others, giving money or time to those less fortunate is accomplishment. Accomplishing what you set out to do, and getting thru things in life is what builds self esteem and confidence....being productive is what builds self esteem. Watching successful people and being around them is a good way to start.

None of this has anything to do with getting attention from the opposite sex. If you make getting attention from the opposite sex your goal, you're never gonna get anywhere. That all comes from doing what you want to do for YOU....not doing what you think is gonna get women to talk to you. Don't worry about that - switch your focus. If you aren't happy with you (regardless of others) then change what you can change to improve so that YOU can live with YOURSELF.

Once you can live with yourself and you're actually content with yourself and your life daily, your vibe will genuinely change (from deep within where your posture, mannerisms, choices and personality stems from) and people will gravitate to you because they're attracted to the fact that you are a person who is happy within himself.

The rest will follow....
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 109
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Posted: 8/15/2008 8:10:49 PM
Don't sweat it. always go after the hottest girl in the place if thats what you like. Don't sell yourself short. Whoever says you should settle is OK with settling. Are you a man that is OK with settling? I didn't think so.

Here is my advice to keep you from being a "freemale friend." And yes, that is a word I made up. It means you are the male friend who gives her everything she wants for free. Free meals, free drinks, free advice about other guys, etc. Plus, because you want to be with her romantically, she gets first pick of all your free time.

Just work on being the best "you" you can be. Whatever your other goals are in life, press hard to achieve them. The more you accomplish,the more confident you become. And, nothing is more appealing to women than a confident man. Don't make the focus of your time meeting a new girl. Just go about your day and if you should happen to run into someone hot, then approach her. Ask her name and go from there. However, don't offer her to take her anywhere that costs money.

Every guy does that. Something small like coffee is cool. If she says," Lets go get something to eat.", say something like, "Are you asking me out?" That puts her on the spot and lets you find out whats on her mind. If she says, "No, but you can take me out." then you know to slow up a little. Tell her, "Sure, after I know you a little better." If she's a cool girl, she'll still want to hang out with you. If she's wishy washy and looking for a "freemale friend" she'll move on and you will have not wasted your time or money.

From time to time, touch her. Don't try to hold her hand. Don't do anything perverted or creepy. Just from time to time touch her. If you open the door for her, lightly touch the small of her back. Kind of like you're guiding her through the door. If, while the two of you are talking, her hair falls in to her face and she doesn't remove it say, "Your hair is distracting me." Then, gently try to move it away. If she pulls back, stop and say, "Don't worry, I wasn't trying to do anything crazy. I like to look the person I'm talking to in the eyes and your hair was in the way. If I see something that needs to be done, I just do it. ." Then, if she relaxes, remove the stray hair. If she doesn't and seems to be uncomfortable, pull back and continue the conversation. If you're getting up to get something, wait until you're about to walk past her her, then touch her shoulder, arm or hand and ask her if she wants anything. The point of all this is to show her that her looks don't intimidated you. She could be Angelina Jolie (you lucky **stard) but, you are still a man and are always in control of your emotions. This will help grow tension between you. And, at the end of every date, always go for the kiss. Whether you think she will go for it or not, try. Nothing sloppy or gross. Just a nice opened mouth kiss with just a hint of tongue. Remember, you're not trying to get on her good side. You are trying stay out of the "friend zone." If she is interested in you, none of this will turn her off. It will do the opposite. She will want you more or at least, remain interested. If she is not interested in you, this may flip her off switch on. But, if it does not, thats cool too. Why, because you're not trying be her "freemale." Wish her well and move on to the next one.

The woman who is already your friend, that you want so badly, stop hanging out with her so much. When you do hang out with her, make a move. Don't get me wrong. Don't be a lecherous douchbag about it. Be discreet and classy. No one around you should know you are hitting on her but the two of you. Don't ask her, just do it. Swat her butt. Pull her hair lightly. Do something flirty. And, as always go for the kiss. If she reacts negatively, end your time together. If she wants your time, she should treat you like any other man she wants to spend time with (family members not withstanding... yuck!). Affection is the currency of the realm. No affection, no Ricky. Remember that.

I know it sounds mean, but if you want to move from friend to lover, it's worth a shot. Does it work all the time? No. Once you're a "freemale" friend it's not always possible to be anything more. But, it can be done. You just have to stick to your guns. And if it never works on that girl, you still have a great buddy. And sooner or later, you two will find each other in a romantic situation. It may just be a "one time encounter." But, hey if you're good, it could morph into something more. My point; anything can happen. Don't give up.

Lastly, make sure your breath is fresh and you're smelling good. Nothing ruins a potential attraction like funky body smells. If you've been drinking coffee, keep mints or a small toothbrush or something. You'd hate to do all that work, get her heated up, and ruin it with dragon breath.

Good luck.

Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 110
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:41:45 PM

wow, nice DJ

yet!! accomplishments do feel great. I really get a joy out of just getting one done and going after another one! yet! it is a psychological fact that even after all of the good points in a bucket. One little draw back cracks that bucket. One negative makes a person feel bad for one whole day. You go out and have a good and nice day you get home and notice that you scratch your car. That nice feelings get erase due to that negative feeling.

The small negative only ruins a whole day of positive IF YOU LET IT. Sorry, but this starts and ends with your mindset. You should plan your day for success and then factor in that shit happens and prepare for it. It's not what happens to you, because stuff happens to all of us. What sets some people apart from others is expecting things to happen and reacting well when it does. It's that simple. I have YET to have a day where everything from sunrise to sunset goes the way I plan it.

I love all the accomplishments and everything I've done for myself. I love that I am losing weight and people notice it. YET!! and YET!! I do not have the one thing that would truly make me it would feel to have a lady next to does that feel??

Then you'll always be miserable. How do you know that's what makes you happy if you haven't had it? You need to be happy BEFORE anyone else comes along. It's a vicious circle, you can't be content to by alone if you base happiness on being with someone else. If your happiness depends on someone else, then you will always be at the mercy of others....which is fine if you CHOOSE that path. Personally, I'll pass...I'd rather be happy consistently. The only person I know I can count on is I'm placing bets on myself.

you can say that I have to work on myself and all of that and be happy with what I have. BUT!! you've had that feeling before!! you know how it is to have somebody next to you, even if you are single now. You are still dating. I am not, I do not get that benefit of even going out with somebody or dating. Think about it...the mere factor of the kind of self esteem that creates for anybody, that somebody is willing to date you, is a great factor. You can say that to me that I have to work on myself, but again! one little negative does crack the bucket. I am happy of all of my accomplishments, do not get me wrong, but I am not happy with what I want in order to feel happy for the rest of the things I've done for myself.

Sorry but all I can say about this is "waaah". If you are alive, have food, a place to live, clothing, a job and good health all else is gravy. Go spend some time in a homeless shelter or in a third world country where you MIGHT be able to get clean drinking water on a good day; you need some perspective about what's important.

BTW, yes I've dated, and been in love and all that - why do you think I could care less now? It's overrated...and not the only thing going on in this world. If it was, I'd have thrown my life away chasing it. If anything I know more about you when it comes to what part it plays in my life. Honestly, most times I like single better.

i work as a teacher's aid btw!! I am working towards my own goal in doing so and been around people who are teachers as well. That is confidence for me...yet!! again..I need that one thing that would give me that feeling.

There's more than one thing that would give you that feeling. A watched pot never boils....if you don't take the focus off finding someone, all your efforts will be to get that result...and it'll elude you. Do EVERYTHING in your life FOR YOU, not someone you may or may not end up with. That's nuts to throw your hopes and dreams on stuff you cannot control...

Or...keep doing what you've been doing and keep getting what you've been getting. Your choice.

And to DJ, awesome reponse.

Thanks. Glad it made sense to SOMEONE. lol
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 111
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Posted: 8/15/2008 9:47:47 PM

I am reading all of the replies, a lot of them are great. but i still have a problem that it could work in Los Angeles, CA. I do not see it work here, women here are a lot more picky and do not give lots of chances to the average guy. If you have the looks, money, and the character you can go far.

Yeah, L.A. is the worst city for dating in my opinion.

In this city, no looks=no date.

I don't agree with that. I'm in a wheelchair and my body is very unsexy(very, very skinny). But, I don't care and I do OK. I work with what God gave me. More women like me than not (out of the ones I approach) and I have a great time dating. I believe in my self. If one girl doesn't like me, so what. The next one will. I don't care how hot she is. I'm the prize, not her. And, I carry myself accordingly.

Doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful to women. Just be happy with who you are and believe in the uniqueness you bring to the table. Everything else will flow from there.

Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 113
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Posted: 8/15/2008 10:01:16 PM
I too have more initial immediate rapport w/the 9-10's (sorry about the little rating system, ladies, I didn't invent it). Sometimes it's short-lived. (Hasn't always been.) The more natural 5-6s seem to make life a little harder for me. Like I have to prove my sincerity. And sometimes overcome the hurts they've experienced by their being played before by who knows whom. My excuse/reality is that I grew up w/women, am comfortable w/extreme beauty, don't have a banging need to lay every hot piece I see, & know that the bikini contest winners & the like are people, just like you & me.
That's why it's so easy for us to have fun & laugh. And occasionally, more. I KNOW that makes sense 2 some of U studs out there, hopefully 2 stud-ettes (new word) as well.
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 116
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:50:50 PM
OMG.... OP seriously, you have been given so much good advice and all you want to do is whine. Knock it off, grow up, tissue's in the bathroom - blow your nose.

This has nothing to do with LA, your looks, blah blah blah. It has to do with your attitude. No fricken wonder girls only want to be your friend if this is how you carry on. I don't think you really want advice, just attention an pity.

Go ahead and make some comment about my being divorced or whatever like the sarcastic remarks to the other women on here that didn't say "poor op" it'll be ok, it won't bother me I am not the one whining and complaining. Unless you do some serious attitude adjustment then get used to being alone and if your lucky "the friend". I wouldn't even call you the friend if all you did around me was whine and crap. Are you not hearing the ego boosting stuff you want to hear??? Seeking attention and compliments by whining poor me is the most unattractive thing ever, I don't care who you are or what you look like.

So OP, if you want things to change then quit whining and put some of the advice into action. Stop posting so much excuses, go back and reread everything and see where you have been given some golden advice. It's your choice whether you want to stay miserable or not.
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 122
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:32:26 PM
OP You just proved my point... I almost feel sorry for you but not quite. You make your choices. You don't want valid input just other's to feel sorry for yourself. Don't listen to that, keep up what your doing. Let me know how that works for you.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man showing emotions, that is not the same as one who feels sorry for himself and whines about what everyone else has and he doesn't. Two very very different things.

No I do not feel ashamed. I read through the entire thread where the op was given great advice and instead of listening he made excuse after excuse or HE attacked others who didn't feel sorry for him. I do not feel sorry for people who choose to play the victim role. The op was given good advice on how to help himself, he doesn't want that.

Cougar, PLEEEASE, I would not waste my time with a little boy. See your immaturity is showing. Instead of hearing anything that might possibly help, you gotta act like a high school kid.

If you were willing to take some sound advice from others and try to make some changes then maybe I would feel some sympathy for you but your not. You choose to be miserable, you choose to bash those who don't agree with you. You seem very passive/aggressive.

And to refer to Columbine High and similiar incidents says a whole lot for your state of mind. That is just plain sick and scary. You need some help if this is the type of person you relate too.
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 124
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:45:04 PM

Before you point the finger at me for being rude, try looking at the entire post. And while your at it, aren't you being quite hypocritical yourself?

If the op seriously wanted help then why not take the advice and apply it instead of finding every possible reason to keep complaining and blaming it on everything but his own attitude. Maybe I sounded harsh but I wonder if it would matter if I was all sugary sweet, I doubt it. The op's problems are not his looks or where he lives so much as his attitude. If he were to work on that things would really change but that means he'd have to stop complaining and blaming and start working on himself. That is a fact for every person. That is called blunt honesty.. did the op want people to come on here and lie to him or did he want some real advice that might just help him and make things better for him???

He was given alot of that both with hard truth and sugar coated truth. For the most part it seemed he didn't really want that by his own attitude. And both your and his last ridiculous slandering of me shows what I am saying. I really am not concerned with how you see me, you don't know me and are not anyone whose opinion affects me in anyway. It's sad that the op and you allow others opinions to create such anger in you. That tells me you have serious issues that should be addressed before you date. Anger that deep won't go away with a date regardless of what she looks like.

And if you don't want others opinions then you shouldn't post in an open forum.
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 126
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:56:41 PM
Ok OP I will make a suggestion to you that really might help. Take one of your really good female friends, not one your attracted to or a female coworker/relative whatever and go to the hangouts you go to to meet women and have her observe how you interact with other women.

I can not tell what you are doing that causes this unless I personally can see, so this is why taking a female you trust and are NOT attracted to with you will help. Try to make sure she is outgoing and stuff, you don't want an opinion from someone who doesn't know how to get into social activities.

Be OPEN to what she tells you ok, don't get offended if she points things out in you that might not be positive - remember you want honest input that will help you to make things better for you to find someone and if she see's something that is prevented you from attracting a girl then you need to know what it is so you can work on it. OK?? Just have her sit in the background and observe and you do your normal activities and be yourself.

This is where you can start. Work on things from there. If your serious about wanting more then just being friends then try this and see what she says. Having another's perspective on a first-hand basis will be much better.

Sorry for being so harsh earlier, your right, it was a little overboard. Glad your not in the Columbine state of mind (seriously).

OP really, your not a bad looking guy. It is not your looks. I can't say first hand about your living area but your problem is definitely not confined to that area.

Learn to be open to others input, I know for me the hardest truths, tho they hurt and make me angry, are the ones that push me to change and grow. Everyone can learn and grow if willing. And maybe some barbie types only see looks but most women really are attracted to attitude and confidence, area's you do need some help with and I don't say that in a mean spirit.