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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Calif1971dream
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 1
How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Let's face it. Humans are sexual beings. But most of us want something more than just sex. I can only speak for myself, but I want companionship and friendship too. The rules have changed so much since I learned about dating. Back in the olden days you didn't do it until you were married. Since I don't want to get married again, that is not an option. Nor do I want to wait forever. I'm human and I like sex. However, I am not a one-night stand and I don't want a one-night stand, but how far into a relationship do you wait before you are not dropped the next day?
 Gumby J
Joined: 10/20/2007
Msg: 2
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 5:59:36 AM
You can do it the first night or wait a year. It all depends on the guys attitude. Some guys just like the hunt.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 3
How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 8:19:31 AM
How long to wait to avoid being a one-night stand? One night.

The rest is relative and driven by chemistry. All the women I had one night stands had never done that before. Most of the women that I ended up in meaningful, long relationships we had sex on the second date, yet most of the relationships that ended up being difficult, filled with drama and tons of bu!!, where those that we waited past the 5th date.

So I personally believe when they say, let's be friends first. It's time to split. If she didn't feel the passion flowing in the beginning, it ain't going to happen. People who the rationalize that they like that other person are never that sure, and eventually will cheat on you.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 4
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 8:47:09 AM
^^^^^WOW...what he said...

Sitting here thinking that's been very true for me too!!! I just never looked at it that way - although I have come to realize over time that I have rationalized myself into relationships...because people tell you that you need time to know. I've always found for me, it's either there or not...

Epiphany!!!
 Diadora
Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 5
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 9:45:13 AM
Listen to your gut.
For some folks sex is a very important part of the relationship. If it is for you, only you can determine when in the course of the relationship you want to explore that part.

If your gut says he is just in it for the sample and you are not.....move on. If you both are in it for the momentary experience, be honest with yourself and don't build up false illusions.

If your bottom line is sex is someting Always and Only a part of a long term committed relationship then you have to broach the topic of long term commited relationship early and find out where both of you stand. And listen for your gut reaction to their answers.

Remember, male or female you have to be able to face yourself in the morning and live with the choices you have made the night before.
 made_n_brazil
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 6
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 9:54:27 AM
I agree with uptipghtjerk even though he was kind of a jerk about it () with this comment:
then maybe you deserve to be humped and dumped until you mature a bit.
 made_n_brazil
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 7
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 9:56:29 AM
oops, that didn't come out right so don't throw stones!
I meant I agreed with what he said, but that last comment was the "jerk" part of the uptightjerk coming out...
 isoU
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 8
How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 10:10:53 AM
I do not care ... as long as I am having fun with a lady sex is not that important. But then again most of my relationships started with sex.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 9
How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 1:21:35 PM


Msg: 1 -- I am not a one-night stand and I don't want a one-night stand, but how far into a relationship do you wait before you are not dropped the next day?


Wow, is that ever a rough call! This would have been so much easier if it were before AIDS was invented. Nowadays, I suggest that both of you endure TWO "STD" tests for each of you before the physical encounter. These two tests should be six months apart and NEITHER of you must have ANY sexual contact with ANYONE during this period of time. This includes anything from full penetration on down to any oral/genital contact. Be totally clean and pristine until AFTER the SECOND "STD" test. If both of you can last THAT LONG, chances are you may be right for each other. Place no faith in prophylactics. I never have and I never will.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 10
How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 2:55:56 PM
I don't think there is a correct answer that would apply to all or most dating situations. Some men will look at trying to get a woman to sleep with him as an challenge so they might be willing to wait for a while. Once she has sex with him, then he has "won the contest" and will move on to his next victim.
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 11
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 3:40:41 PM
I guess if i had to choose between going home alone, or a one night stand, guess which one i would choose? But i have not been put in that situation. Drat !
 flyingiguana
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 12
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 3:54:57 PM
only have to wait until the second night...
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 13
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/14/2008 3:55:58 PM
Rune's advice is accurate and should guide you and should you, despite being cautious, find yourself a one-night stand, just remember if it meant something to you and you believed it meant something to him at the time, that is all that is important and the fact that he turned out to be someone other than who you believed he was only cheapens it if you allow yourself to think along those lines.
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 14
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:28:23 PM
Having been single for 3 years, and had my fair share of dates, all the advice rolls into one thing.

Unless you are specifically setting out to just get laid, it's not a ONS.
If you have met, dated, and sleep with him, and he ends things the next day, its just a failed attempt at a relationship. Dust yourself off and move on.

I have asked MANY of my male friends about this and the answer is the same. He's not gonna dump you after sleeping with him if he's truly interested. (1st date or 5th, makes no difference)

So the best you can do is do it when it feels right - and not worry so much. Hey, you may not want to see HIM anymore after you've slept together.

sydneyleigh
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 15
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:11:22 AM
That is when he told me he is impotent..... And here I just thought he was a gentleman.... lmao... Murphy knocks me on my ass again !


OUCH. Yep - I have that one under my belt as well.
I know those guys don't want to ADMIT to it, but damn, either do something about it, or make it clear that you are NOT looking for a sexual relationship.

Of course, if us girls were slightly more honest about our sexual needs and desires, I'm thinking it WOULD actually be a conversation we could have up front.

(cursing the cultural norms...mutter...mutter)

sydneyleigh
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 16
How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:15:20 PM


Msg: 25 -- Someone almost always gets hurt.


I disagree with the "almost". Someone ALWAYS gets hurt, and it is only a matter of time. What? One night? One week? One Month? One year? One decade? Time marches on. The relationship WILL end. One person moves on. The other is in agony. Life is cruel.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 17
How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:30:12 PM

Msg: 33 -- Of course, if us girls were slightly more honest about our sexual needs and desires, I'm thinking it WOULD actually be a conversation we could have up front.


My Gawd, that WOULD be **REFRESHING**!!!! Some woman I am dating for the first time and she says that she WOULD **OR** WOULD NOT want to go to bed with me!!!!

I have offended much by stating my desires "prematurely". But, only ONCE in my life did I EVER hear a woman indicate her desires for me on the first contact. She and I lasted for two years after that. I consider that a victory for the both of us!!!!

BUT, there was an IM session that lasted a few months that was quite heated, as our mutual desires mounted. Unfortunately, that fizzled, though, and we never truly had a "face-to-face". Based on that, I stand by my "only ONCE" statement.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 18
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:50:35 PM
So......Are we talking about being a one night stand sexually, or emotionally?

Does this mean if you stop seeing someone after having sex the first time, that they are a one night stand, even though you might have dated many times? Or, is this strictly if you meet another and take them home for sex just that night?

Can it be that you might date a few times, have sex a few times after that, and then decide that there are to many obstacles in the way of continuing, so you end it or slow it down, and just act like friends?

I guess OP, you need to define your "one night stand" comment and what it means to you.

I am with you about not wanting to get married again, or have more children, yet enjoy the company of the opposite sex in and out of bed, so it begs the question.....what to do????

How do we satisfy our own physical and mental needs and desires, and meet the needs of the one we are with, yet not make it permanent, or a one night stand? Can two juggle being in a relationship that is not going to marriage or living together, stay independent, yet not feel being used?

I have no answers for this, but will tell you that I have lost more than one relationship because the needs of the one I was with and enjoyed, were different than mine, and even if the sex was good, the company wonderful, and the time spent together awesome, the lack of meeting both of the needs individually made one or both of us feel like it was a "one night stand".

Just my opinion........
 melaniee9999
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 19
How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:11:52 PM
Congratulations: You have life finally figured out.........You are right on the money.
Sex is NOT what it is all about but Yes, it is an important part............only if the rest is there FIRST....
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 20
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How long do you wait to avoid being a one-night stand?
Posted: 8/22/2008 5:50:08 PM

So if you don't want a ONS, wait until you feel fairly sure he is truly interested. Sometimes it is impossible to tell.


In my personal experience, when I look back on those dates that ended up being (gawd, i hate this phrase) a "hump & dump" - the common thread was that in hindsight I DID see it coming. The guy in question had actually told me that he was really only looking for a FB, FWB, or ONS - and if I'd have not glossed over that because I liked the idea of a relationship with him, I wouldn't have been shocked by the "dump" part.

So, in the last year, I've grown a pair and had honest conversations, and LISTENED to what those dates were saying... and while I had some first dates, I didn't have a lot of sex, unless that was what was on MY agenda for the evening....

and then low and behold I met the guy that had a similar list of "what I'm looking for".
Hopefully his was my LAST first date.

sydneyleigh
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