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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > No orgasm..a problem?      Home login  
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 2
No orgasm..a problem?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Well, the question isn't does it bother him, but does it bother you?
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 4
No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/15/2008 7:27:51 AM
well my observation is that most people put too much importance in orgasm ...yes orgasm is good ....but I know there are times when my wife just wants to have sex for the closeness and tells me that she really dont care whether she cums or not...some times she even says she dont want to cum...and though it is much rarer I have been there also ...maybe if you started just enjoying the sex the orgasms during penetration will come.....If you enjoyed seeing him and having sex with him ....tell him ...also tell him that orgasm is not the most important thing to you and that you have a problem getting off through intercourse ...and show him how to make you cum ..whether it be through oral ..masturbation ..let him watch/help you get your self off ...if his oral skills dont meet your needs him how you like it ....dont tell him he is doing it wrong just say I like it this way ...and show him ...I guarentee he will be happy to learn what pleases you ...if you like him dont let him slip away ...GO TALK TO HIM
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 5
No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/15/2008 7:33:43 AM
Well, if it really bothered him, wouldnt he have asked or done something that would have gotten you off?? Many, or maybe even most, women do not orgasm through vaginal intercourse, which is why 95% of the time I make sure they have an orgasm (via fingers or oral) before intercourse.

It seems he has the makings of a selfish lover, but only you know how he made you feel. A man who cares about his partners pleasure will do his best, but if thats not working, he will ask for guidance or even a demonstation so he can learn what his lover enjoys. (I'm assuming you can orgasm through masturbation)

Since you really like him, and it was your first time together, its certainly worth another try. But if he isnt concerned with your pleasure, thats a problem. If he's really trying, you should try to gently direct him or tell him how you like being touched or licked.
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 9
No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:32:40 AM
why do people; especially females; constantly post things like this? how in the heck are we going to read the mind of a guy we dont know. It's obvious you are only physical with this guy and thats all it is. You can have sex with a guy, but you cant' ask him how he feels about something because its too intimate? lol

work on your communication. Ask him; not us.
 Kenny Knight
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 10
No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:32:51 AM
he doesnt care he got his nut off
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 12
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:16:13 PM
when my wife just wants to have sex for the closeness and tells me that she really dont care whether she cums or not

Take my word for it...there is never a time a woman does not want to climax...there may be times she does not...but it is not because she doesn't want it.
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 13
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/15/2008 2:30:22 PM
It's probably just *new partner jitters*... I can be like that too. Can take ages before I'm at that point I can orgasm with a new partner.

I've never made orgasm the main goal of being with someone... I aim for fun. Sometimes I don't/won't/can't orgasm.. sometimes he won't/can't/doesn't want to cum. I feel bad/sad about it, but he often reassures me it's ok.

Second times are usually better.. and it just keeps getting better and better from there.. usually.
 Wilf Huckitt
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 17
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/18/2008 6:53:29 PM
Due largely to the fact that most of us males are mainly programed to procreate I doubt it will make much difference to him at this point if you did climax Miss C!!

But in the future if it works into something longterm, Yes you should ask him what you can do/experiment with to achieve mutual satisfaction!!

There is no greater pleasure than knowing full well your partner is fullfilled in my books atleast! And by that I meen the no way she could possible fake it type of fullfilled!

Best of luck! From an old dog haha
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 18
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:04:11 PM
just fake it like every girl does....

the real question is, does it bother you?
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 21
No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:48:40 PM
Open your mouth up, tell him what you need to get off or show him.

Otherwise shut up and live with no orgasms or do it yourself when you get home.

I don't think orgasms are the end all be all to sex. You can have pleasure but faking is just a waste of time. Its immature, and you will get no further ahead by it.
 Lover of Sand
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 22
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:59:14 PM

This question is probably more directed to the male readers although feel free to jump in if you're a lady.

I recently had a fantastic sexual experience with a very delectable man. He is in defence (special forces) so obviously is very fit and is a perfect male specimen. We connected very well also as I found him to be surprisingly intelligent, articulate, sensitive and just a really cheeky bugger.

We spent an amazing weekend together and had sex several times, but even though he had an orgasm each time, I didn't. Do you think that may have been a turn off for him, that he wasn't able to make me come? We did go pretty hard but I've never been able to cum through penetration, and even though his oral skills were pretty good, I've definitely had better.

Anyways I still had an incredible night with him and am keen on repeating the experience but not sure if he would feel the same way as he wasn't able to take me to the same level of sexual gratification. Do you think that would've bothered him or be an issue?

Any takers?
So over a weekend having sex several times you did not get comfortable enough to rub your clit as he penetrated you ?

You pretty clearly have some problems sexually based in your descripitions your not very orgasmic you need stunning oral skils to make you get close or orgasm and you dont use your fingers during sex .. or did he move your hand there and you were to shy to do it yourslef as he enjoyed penetration of you ?

Ask yourslef why you did not touch yourslef to join him in an orgasm ?

Once you get those answers you can pursue calling him for another weekend when he is off the base.

Good luck
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 23
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:14:31 PM
In answer to the question the thread starter, who requested an answer to. I don't think he knows or really cares whether you had an "O", or not. Most so guys, (I wouldn't call them men, just guys) just care if they enjoyed it, and they really do not care, whether a girl enjoyed it or had an "O". These guys do not care. They are just users. Even if the guy enjoyed it, it does mean he is likely to see a girl again. I am still trying to figure out guys, because I would really like to be with a real man, just so he is male . I try to teach them, but some are just morons and users and they just don't care.
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 26
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:52:26 PM
Miss Congeniality, you look alot like the girl my ex, who is on POF spent this weekend with. I know he use to be capable of giving me an "O" sometimes, but he probably forgot how, because he got involve with jerking off the "cam girls" at $2.99 a minute.
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 27
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:42:25 AM
" or maybe even most, women do not orgasm through vaginal intercourse"

STFU noob, where did you read that.. my dear sir you are wrong in this statment.. most women get off most effieicnetly when the interior G spot, (Located inside the vagina about 2 inched on the foreward facing) and the Clitorus are both stimulated. This is best accomplished in Missionary while using you hand to stimulate the cltorus..
You need to stop reading hustler and pick up a REAL sexuality book...
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 29
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/19/2008 3:06:33 AM
.. This thread is too mechanical and shallow... if you want real satisfaction and good orgasms... grow up to a LOVING, LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP with someone you love and loves you back... wondering if you'll ever see the person again eventually kills orgasms for most... making love is 90% in the mind and 10% physical... get your mind right... I know, that's scary, loving..., you might get hurt...
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 41
No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 8/22/2008 7:26:07 PM
Who knows. Everyone is different. But for me, no- I dont need to orgasm every time. I'd MUCH rather FEEL that deep, HARD penetration ANY DAY!
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 43
No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 9/4/2008 9:13:02 AM

is very fit and is a perfect male specimen. We connected very well also as I found him to be surprisingly intelligent, articulate, sensitive . . .

OP- sooo, you were surpised that he was intelligent, articulate, sensitive because he was fit? special forces? a man? It may be that there is something imperfect in your filter, Dear. I suspect that your orgasmic difficulty may have more to do with your skewed perceptions and prejudices than any mechanical difficulties. That said, I pretty much agree with most of the others, i.e., short term, no problem, long term, deal breaker, and that's just for HIM. Unlike many in this post, it seems way premature to throw him into the self-centered pig bin. You don't seem to know him very well, and that suggests that you are a spontaneous creature, which is a good thing. Use the spontaneity to raise the issue with the organ. He'll listen and adapt; he's proven he's eminently trainable.

BTW, Deanna, LMAO!
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 46
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 9/4/2008 9:19:56 PM
I would be disappointed if a woman wanted to climax and I couldn't help her get there. But sex is more about intamacy to me and as long as she wanted me back for more, I would be there for her! NO problem here.
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 47
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 11/4/2008 2:49:20 AM
Lots of interesting perspectives. FFI, this is a very dense site that examines the BIG PICTURE:

IMHO women 'failing' to climax during coitus is generally due to the gentleman's ignorance, clutziness, or SELFISHNESS. All men SHOULD know that women require clitoral stimulation, which is easy w/ penetration IF one keeps it in mind (& her anatomy is normal).

As for self-centeredness, that comes from operating from part of the CNS below the Higher Porpoise:

How bout living by the Golden Rule, guys???
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 48
No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 11/4/2008 8:46:39 AM
If it does not bother this young lady to experience an orgasm, there is no need for it to bother her partner.

My question relates to her sexual history. Have you ever had an orgasm (vaginal/clitoral/or both)? Depending on the answer, you may be having issues with one of two types of female sexual functioning. While it may be related to your partner's technique, he won't know that if he isn't informed.

Some woman enjoy the sexual activity, the connectedness and the sensations associated with intercourse without experiencing orgasm.

If you are satisfied with how your body functions, there is no reason to be concerned unless he questions the lack of response and then you can make him aware. If you are concerned that he may take the non-response as a personal failure and he is working to provide you with pleasure, then you need to make him aware of how your body functions and that it is not his fault. If he is not pressing the right buttons so to speak, then you are responsible to provide direction to assist him to help you in experiencing the sexual fulfillment that you desire.

There is far to much emphasis being placed on "achieving orgasm" as if it is a mountain summit to conquer rather than enjoying the experience and the intimacy.


Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 49
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 3/14/2009 7:58:52 PM
Good point ACP, except I believe you omitted a 'not'!

Explored in depth at
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 50
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No orgasm..a problem?
Posted: 3/14/2009 8:48:54 PM
You said he was,
...surprisingly intelligent, articulate, sensitive ...
that said, my bet is that he completely understood. However, I am concerned that he didn't bring it up. Nobody orgasms every time; and anyone with any experience is aware of that. If the woman I'm with doesn't orgasm, I'll talk to her about it, find out what she enjoys; assure it's not an issue with my technique; and, with her guidance, do whatever it is that she most enjoys; letting her know I understand; and there is certainly no pressure from my end.
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