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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do we have to sometimes ruin a relationship and move in together???      Home login  
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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 5
Do we have to sometimes ruin a relationship and move in together???Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Life is much simplier, when you decide ahead of time what you want, and then stick to that plan. Of course, life gets in the way, but if you don't need to play house, if you can just enjoy sharing time and going home alone...then you don't need to ruin what you have found, trying to make a round peg fit a square hole.

And if you decide you need to play house? Well, then you seek someone who fits that...and thus, less ruination :)
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 6
Do we have to sometimes ruin a relationship and move in together???
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:54:55 AM
This is so tricky. When my apartment was blown away by a tornado I moved in, temporarily with my gf. We were not ready. We had a huge blow out and split. Interestingly enough after a month an a half we started dating and eventually spent most of the time over her place. Some things become more ordinary, but other things became even better. To the point that this very weekend we are moving into a house together. Will it work? I don't know, but it's in an awesome neighborhood with many other bikers, trails, rivers lakes. So I think it will because we are not giving up our lifestyles to be together, we're just enhancing them.
 deepsea66
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 19
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Do we have to sometimes ruin a relationship and move in together???
Posted: 8/23/2008 3:17:39 AM
I so agree!

If you aren't planning to have kids, why live together?

I think a relationship stands a much better chance of lasting long term if each person has their own space to pursue their own interests, and not get bogged down in druggery.

I think it keeps the flame burning and the conversation interesting, and you look forward to seeing each other.

But I do think that if the relationship lasts till say you are 90 or so you may as well move in, you won't be doing a real lot, and it will make it easier to see each other, and you can just get home care and meals on wheels so no fighting over cooking and housework. And by then you'll probably both love bingo too!

Cheers, Deepy
 cloudthree
Joined: 12/31/2007
Msg: 24
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Do we have to sometimes ruin a relationship and move in together???
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:28:36 AM
From the time I entered the world of "Dating" my mother always said to me once if not a hundred times and I quote...."You Never Really Know Someone Until You Live With Them".
I have lived with great loves of my life for mostly long periods of time and for the most part it works as since I am easy to know and get along with, and I choose a person for a partner that is even tempered, not moody, jealous or other negatives.

You have to look at the Big picture and find a compatible person. Zodiac matching...Hmmmm, yes for me it worked 100% of the time. I was advised to stay clear of certain signs, and sure enough the advice was right on the money. But I realize this is a subject that will unleash a lot of debate. I speak only of my own experience.

Living together can work, but all systems must be a "Go". We are all not cut from the same bolt of cloth, but differences are what make us unique.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 38
Do we have to sometimes ruin a relationship and move in together???
Posted: 12/16/2008 7:51:34 AM
I REALLY value my space and alone time, so I doubt I will ever move in with someone unless it's a duplex or a side by side apartment deal, or a house that has a lot of space and spare bedrooms. If I feel like I am constantly tripping over someone, it's not gonna go well. It's not personal to anyone that I just have to go off and do my own thing sometimes or I feel like I'll go nuts.

It's better for me to spend time with someone when we want to, not cause we have to. Living together can cause that "have to" feeling for a relationship that was just fine previously.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 49
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Do we have to sometimes ruin a relationship and move in together???
Posted: 3/8/2009 11:39:28 AM
My sweetie and I moved in together in January. We'd discussed if it didn't work out (blending families can be tough to negotiate) we'd just get separate residences again and continue on with our relationship. It IS working out... much better than I would have thought and that's largely because all of us are very respectful of each other and pretty open in our communication. We talked a lot about expectations and living arrangements, and continue to talk about anything that comes up. We know there will be things to navigate and it's kind of fun and interesting to figure things out in a way that will work for all of us. So far, everyone concerned feels that they are personally getting "a better deal" out of us living together.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 51
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Do we have to sometimes ruin a relationship and move in together???
Posted: 3/8/2009 12:39:02 PM
I think that if you are in a situation where you a relationship is "working" but you wouldn't be able to live together, then you are probably settling in a way. That is up to you to decide though. If it makes the two of you happy and isn't harming anyone else, go for it. But I think it's wrong to think that you couldn't find someone who could make you happy AND that would enhance your life and makes things generally easier if you lived together. Not all relationships are ideal though. Actually, most aren't. So I could definitely see how two people would be able to settle for not living together but staying together. But there are all sorts of benefits that you two could be missing out on - getting to see each other at the beginning and end of each day (very comforting and refreshing), the safe feeling of having someone to sleep next to, daily sex, dividing cleaning and cooking chores in half, dividing housing expenses in half, the health benefits and bonding benefits of multiple kisses and hugs every day, getting to look after the other person (seeing them daily helps in that) and this is only really a benefit when it is true love - where you naturally have an urge to look out for the other person. Child rearing of course is much easier with two people, but I'm guessing you're not wanting to have a child with the person you don't want to move in with. I think it's a good idea for each person to have their own space that they can decorate the way they want and get alone time in though, if possible (like each person having their own den).
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