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 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 3
A quote from Anais Nin....Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I am not very sexually experienced, but the quote feels like something very honest and true to me.

The thing is that it strikes a chord in me that makes me feel insecure. I'm not quite an 'alpha' male. I often wonder if I have what it takes to be dominant like that.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 4
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:15:12 AM
There is no right way to be; people need to be themselves; anyone claiming to know the answers to sex and relationships is wrong.

Everyone is different; they need to be themselves; passion isn't read, its felt. Love initiates that passion. Sex is about desire.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 6
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A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:01:37 PM
OH I hear and feel those words - there is nothing better sexually than 'being a woman' - allowing our femininity and all that entails - to entice our man into his animal desires - overcoming us and enveloping us! Giving into a warm - strong - sensual man is hhhmmm!! The smell and the sight of a naked man ravaging us is like no other pleasure! The most exciting time in a womans life is when she realizes that being a woman holds some very strong powers!!

Ok off to take a cold shower - hubby at work - ugh!!


Edit (below) Funny but when I read her words I see that there is both submissive and dominant in what she is saying. I see the woman giving into who and what she is - submitting to being the woman - which in turn dominates her mans desire for her!
 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 7
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:07:11 PM
I LOVE Anais Nin, but I would like a relationship where we both can be submissive and dominant. I want to be with a man who knows himself well enough to have fun and explore with me. I don't want any rules in the bedroom.

I have been with a "dominant" man and enjoyed him. I have been with a "submissive" man and enjoyed him too. Both men had "power" issues and the relationships fizzled due to the inequality in power. I did not always want to be on the bottom or always be on top. I wanted to take turns. The guys in question could not understand this.

I am much too fluid for being either way.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 8
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:10:26 PM
Laughing (and Anais), absolutely! Spot on.

Argh, now I have to go off and read my emails (wink, wink).
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 9
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A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:26:47 PM

God, as a woman I want to be dominated


but I am going to be pursued, f*cked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."


I understand these sentiments, but I don't like them.
I've always looked at this as a kind of " lazy " way of going about things.
I'm hoping that the younger generation of women get away from these attitudes.

I don't like dominating people.
There's something in me which revolts at the idea of forcing someone to do something they don't really want to do. I like a woman who wants to do the same things I want to do and doesn't mind letting me know it.
I think me, and a lot of men hate that women want equality, but still want to play the same old game.

Ravishment is a fun game and I can play it.
Ultimately, equality in give and take is more fun.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 15
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 2:06:31 PM
I find it empowering as a man to know that having my way with my woman is appreciated by her.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 16
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 2:24:55 PM
^^
Thanks GrandPa Eazk.
 Retired-in-Idaho
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 19
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:01:37 PM
Hi Laughinglibra. I was somewhat supprised that someone actually knew who she was. I have read her 7 volume dairy and most of her books. She was an amazing woman and we could use more openmindedness here and now. Granted "Little Birds" was unsetteling but I even gained some insight from that one.
 stargazer1000
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 21
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:13:15 PM
I'm with Nipolean on this. This is a very "lazy" way of being, I think. Either take responsibility for every part of your life or don't. There's no picking and choosing, as far as I'm concerned. Each party in the relationship has equal responsibility to the other as well as to themselves.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 22
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A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:22:10 PM
Nothing boosts the ego more than being confident that somebody else desires you.

However....

Isn't there a little too much of a passive/aggressive game about this attitude ?
Are not women who want this sort of thing really trying to absolve themselves of any responsibility for their own sex lives ?

Frankly, I've grown weary of ," That wasn't my idea, that was all your idea ".
Isn't anything ever your idea ?
Of course, if the woman gets pregnant she can always point to the man and blame his over active libido, " You're the one who just has to have it so much ", she says.

Sex is the only activity where men and women meet each other on an equal footing.
How am I as a man, supposed to look at the person I'm dominating, as an equal ?
How can women ever expect men to look at them as equals if they don't start holding up their end of it ( pun intended ).
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 23
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:38:21 PM
I'm with you nipoleon. I think I know what your saying. It's great when a guy knows that his woman really does want him, and he can really be himself and be masculine.

On the other hand, everyone's entitled to a woody allen moment.

It's usually the most dynamic guys, in my opinion, who experience the most anxiety/uncertainty in their perception of the world, because they are truly innovative. It's a winning strategy to be always confident, always assured if you are middlemanagement in some cog factory, but in the more personal corners of your life, a man, just like a woman should be allowed to entertain doubt, uncertainty, existential dilema and have a woman who can accept this side of his masculinity as well.

It's hard for a guy to maintain a balance in life between being a thinker and a doer if his other half is not an equal partner, and relies on him to create a myth of security, sexually or otherwise, rather than face the uncertainty of the world and explore it along side him.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 24
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A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:52:00 PM
I've never read Anais Nin, though some of my best female friends have been avid readers of hers. Hints of the submissive side of the dominance/submission thing there. I like give-and-take, myself. There are moments when I like being somewhat passive, receptive, and I find it a real turn-on when a guy has a "plan." I love it when a guy takes me moves me a certain way, positions me, obviously has some idea in mind what he wants to do and it's exciting, that moment of anticipation and giving in. But I wouldn't want to be just that. I like being on top, too. I like surprising him and pleasing him and taking control. For me, part of what makes a good lover is the ease with which we can switch back and forth between passive and active, between being dominant and submissive, between being the leader and follower. Sometimes it is two together acting together, very much in synch, other times it's one taking the initiative and the other allowing them to do it. With a good lover, this interaction and shifting of roles is fluid and easy, like a good conversation.

And yes, you are one of my favority posters, too.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 25
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A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:55:08 PM

libra you are my absolute favorite within these forums love your posts and your incitefull replies to others why no one has pulled you from this pond to have and to hol d ill never know best to you reg

I'm sure you meant "insightful." "Inciteful" replies might . . . oh, incite a riot?
 greatmane
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 27
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 5:54:30 PM
Anais Nin is a wonderful author and many of us who are into Dominance/submission are very familiar with her writings. She was one of the very first modern female authors of erotica. And it is erotica not porn.

laghinglibra if you would like to discuss more about dominance and submission feel free to look me up. I love to talk about it with people of like mind. If you are curious I'm willing to answer questions.

This also goes for others who may be reading this. If you are writing to blast me don't bother. I can hit delete faster than you can write. But if you have an interest or are genuinely curious feel free to write.
 bigshrek
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 30
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:34:12 PM
Obviously a lot of people out there do not understand that no matter WHAT kind of relationship they are in, SOMEONE is Dominant and SOMEONE is submissive. This also includes times when the roles switch. Someone is always taking the lead, even when a decision is shared.

And submissives have a helluva lot more power than most people think.

 johnm23357
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 34
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:45:04 AM
Perhaps when the idea of Yin and Yang first germinated, it was because of sex.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 35
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:26:45 PM

"I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness."


Whew! To have such a gift as to be able to be honoured with such a way of life as Anais describes is truly one lover's gift to another...

The implications of "submission" in Anais' quote are, I think, being misread by many. If a reader takes the time to explore that she is actually commenting on the ecstasy of being able to be all that we are in our core femininity with a man who is able to bring that forward, there is no submissiveness actually involved in that miracle.

Of all that we might miss in our lives as singles, I think this is the greatest cause of our mourning... where we have met that one person who could also revel in the "darkness and richness of our femaleness" and been unable, for whatever reason, to go forward with him.

*sigh*
 Pleasurelimits
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 37
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:17:36 PM
Hey sweetheart, just reinforces that if you can master making love to your girls mind you are well on the way, the largest, and heaviest, sexual organ responds to subtle ministrations that is why I love the idea of the japanese game I have spoken about in the bedroom where you bring your woman to orgasm without sexual penetration or sexual touching (no clit rubbing). What blast to be able to heighten her life so that you stimulate such a reaction and to the question do women really have the power, do kangaroos hop?dah
Imagine being able to drive your lover to orgasm with just talk and tit play, hoolaah that is true dominance. " I can make you go weak at the knees just by whispering to you" fantastic
 Pleasurelimits
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 38
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:21:28 PM
Nipolean, I just had to respond to your post, men and women meeting on an equal footing. As my girl says she loves her femaleness but a man can so control the bedrood, both physically and psychologically, just as a woman can have us chasing them in bed we can drive them to distraction and to the point of elliciting the 'for gods sake f**k me already' response and if that is not a power then I am not here
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 42
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A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:45:03 AM
The part about this I don't like is the passive/aggressive manipulation aspect of this.
Women who use sex to manipulate men into getting what they want.
Women who think they can get a man by adopting a passive role sexually and excusing themselves from any responsibility for sex and the results of sex later.
There are too many women who play this little game and it's a losing game as well.

This has always been a sticking point with men in regards to female equality.
You can't be submissive and equal at the same time.
Women want to play on the field with the big boys, but they don't want to play hard ball. They don't want to take equal responsibility for sex.
Women want to point their fingers at men and say, " You're the one who has to have it, I'm not the one who needs it like you do ".
Don't you see how this is a sexist and prejudiced attitude ?

I understand the whole lustful, passionate, " in the moment ", sex play.
But, this should not be a basic strategy for a relationship.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 44
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/17/2008 9:45:57 AM
I stumbled on this thread, although I hardly ever go and explore subjects of Sexuality on the forums, because I find many are attention seeking. However, laughinglibra I have read a number of your comments in the past and you always impressed me. Since I must step out now and take care of some business, I just wanted to mark this thread so I can come back to it. What you said about female sexuality, it is very true. Anais Nin.... it gave me nice warm shivers, when I read the paragraph from her book. Yes, I want him over me, and always over me and me always under him..oh, god yes.

This what I always try to point out on forums, when people discuss equality issues, but are so fukced up when they try to understand the dynamics between female and male in a romantic relationship. In a bedroom I am a woman and he is a man. and we are not equal, meaning not the same.

Thank you, La Jaconde
 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 45
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/17/2008 2:29:13 PM
"You can't be submissive and equal at the same time."

There is a grain of truth to this. The dominant male I was with had major control issues outside of the bedroom, which he needed to work on and I would not tolerate. The submissive man was in the same boat, but on the other side of the spectrum. The bedroom is a microcosm of a relationship and if there is inequality there, it spreads throughout.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 46
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:49:44 PM

The bedroom is a microcosm of a relationship and if there is inequality there, it spreads throughout.


hardly...

inequality in bedrooms, isn't actually about "Inequality per se", it is just a word we are using 'inequality' but the word has different meaning when you apply it to bedroom and versus real life.

Him over me, me under him... it has got nothing to do with 'inequality per se'
 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 47
A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/17/2008 4:03:45 PM
"inequality in bedrooms, isn't actually about 'Inequality per se', it is just a word we are using 'inequality' but the word has different meaning when you apply it to bedroom and versus real life."

Your experiences have been much different than mine.
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