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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?      Home login  
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 taylor1965
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 2
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Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Maybe because they want to have a conversation and thats just one of the questions you ask someone-I know I do it all the time and cant see anything wrong with at all and it's got absolutely nothing to do with wanting your money! I would think that you would want to know what a guy works at-Its a central part of who a person is, can show what motivates them, what they are passionate about, their skills and abilities and intelligence ! So in a nutshell its as natural as asking your name! Chill out and and just in case if you have that much cash you're worried they're after it, I'm more than happy to look after it for you!!lol
P
 GECCO
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 3
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:16:40 PM
Perhaps because you left it blank? The fact is that a person's profession CAN say a lot about who they are.
 GECCO
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 4
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:18:15 PM
Speaking of using people for their money....your ideal first date is "a lobster dinner"??

Nothing else matters as long as he buys you lobster?
 juszcheckn
Joined: 6/6/2005
Msg: 7
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:25:38 PM
maybe they are just make'n small talk?
 RedsPetal
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 9
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:27:11 PM
IMO "Who cares about a woman's profession" is an insulting question to most women, since many women nowadays work hard to be independent.. .....
I agree, I know I do....and enjoy my ability to support myself and my daughter. Therefore I do not NEED a man in my life, but I want one.... for companionship, not their money... lol.
That being said, I do not believe a person should be defined by their profession.
What I would like to know is why so many men who message me in the first 5 minutes, or less, ask things like,,, do you like oral..... OMG! your never going to get to find out with that method, lol, but perhaps that is a question for another thread?????LMAO
 GECCO
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 10
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:27:53 PM
Men don't want to be judged based on their profession, either.

Let me ask you this - why do *YOU* think men are always asking what you do for a living?
 RedsPetal
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 13
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:32:53 PM
Lobster is so YUM! but expensive where I live. I would never suggest a man take me for lobster, but if he asked if he could......
 GECCO
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 14
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:33:39 PM

What's wrong with a lobster dinner? I am assuming you live in the states where it is expensive. Where I live though it's right on the coast and lobster is inexpensive for us. A lobster dinner is one of my favorite meals alone with any other sort of seafood.


Yes, it is more expensive where I live, but my point was more that when answering what her ideal date was, the OP focuses not on the activity (going to dinner) but on the menu. It just struck me as odd that she concentrates on that, as if the menu was more important than the person she's with and how they get along.
 Ms Brat
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 15
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:34:44 PM
Why does this offend you? Are you ashamed? H E L L O.......
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
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Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:38:39 PM
Maybe because when we meet someone outside the work setting we eventually ask them what they do because it is how normal people get to know each other. Whether they care if you are a waitress or a CEO is another question and has nothing to do with asking you how you earn your daily bread.

And btw, for some people it matters from the standpoint that we want someone who is happy in their work and financially stable, able to take care of themselves, so they may also be asking to find out if you are happy in your work. Do you not ask someone if they enjoy what they do for a living? Different question but it may be getting at the same answer.

Hon, maybe they want to know what you do for a living because if they are a driven person, they want someone that is the same way and/or understands what that means, that will be okay when he needs to work late as long as it is not all the time, etc. Your posts would suggest that you don't find any happiness or pride in what you do because you feel the competition with men so stiffly and I suspect that because of your cultural background you would be more happy settled down as a homemaker.

That is okay. Many women with careers if they marry and have children decide to do the stay-at-home mom thing instead of still working. Men may not be asking because they want you to continue bringing home a six figure income but because they are just wanting to get to know you. I chose to combine working at home and raising my kids, it is what works for me but I suspect when my x-husband asked me what I did for a living, figuring that out was the furthest thing from his mind.

Try being less sensitive to the question and focus more on finding out the reason for it. Try being less pissed at the situation at work and the guys, because it is a system that has been in place for a long time and they might actually agree with you that gals in your profession get a bum deal. Take pride in those times when you succeed and be happy and you will attract a good guy and can iron out the details of the life you want to have together.
 mjk21258
Joined: 10/20/2007
Msg: 19
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Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:43:38 PM
USSRchick on 8/16/2008 222 PM
Subject: Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Message: I'm curious why this question is asked. Do men really care if I'm a waitress or a CEO?
Why if hey do is it because they want to use me for my money, potentially?
Who cares about a woman's profession?

Could be any number of reasons, my high school track coach said he wouldn't have married a woman that couldn't support her or her kids on her own, just in case something tragic happened to him.
 mjk21258
Joined: 10/20/2007
Msg: 20
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Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:45:03 PM
USSRchick on 8/16/2008 314 PM
Subject: Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Message: Men ask me that all the time, not just on the site.
Do u treat a girl differently if she happens to have some lucrative profession?
I was raised with the notion that a man is a main provider, not a girl.
I don't want to be judged like a man, based on my profession.

Well, the way you were raised is old and out of date. Get with the 21st century.
 meeshcake
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 22
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:46:12 PM
umm because when people are first trying to communicate over email on a dating site, it's one of the "basic" questions.

Do some people have to know because they weed out based on the amount of money someone makes? Sure it happens, but most of us are just curious and find that people like to talk about their jobs.
 mollymousse
Joined: 7/3/2008
Msg: 24
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Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:51:07 PM
well id rather be asked what job i do than what colour knickers im wearing
 RedsPetal
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 25
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:55:34 PM
Shieldvulf.... lol, they are my age, slightly younger or even much older.... I guess ''boys'' will be boys, maybe some will never grow up. But I want a '' real man'' LMAO again !
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 28
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:58:05 PM

You're a hypocrite. You want conditional equality and independence.

That's more of a turnoff than any career that a woman may have.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 33
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Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 1:13:26 PM
Actually Platonism, if the bus system is owned by a municipality or other government entity they do work for the government. Just like police, fire, and anyone whose paycheck reads City of ____. The District Attorney works for the county or state depending on his position, and did the guy lie? The only problem was that bus driver was not in your mental data bank of government positions. When I see transportation, I recognize that they could be in trucking, drive a bus, work for an airline in about a gazillion capacities, or own the airline, at least in their minds.

OP, I don't know what the hell you are doing to make so much money that you outearn most men, so I assume that you are a very good attorney, a very smart woman working in finance, or are some type of executive in whatever corporation.

You can tell someone what you do for a living without telling them exactly what you do until you figure out what their motivations are and in terms of a divorce settlement, that's what prenups are for and just find someone with a job. Believe me, you split, saying goodbye to a little money if the dude has the stones to go after palimony/alimony, not googling, pales in comparison to getting your life back.

If you are a lawyer, you don't have to tell the firm, just tell them if they ask the firm, that you would rather not provide that information until you know them better. Many people do not want someone knowing where they work right off the bat. You also don't have to tell them you are successful, you could be working out of a storefront, or your home for that matter, barely paying your bills as many attorneys are.

If you are in finance, just say banking, if they ask more, give them more information but not anything that hints at your true level or income. Same with CEO or vice president of whatever, I am in management in a blank corporation, don't even need to give the name, just refer to the field, retail or whatever.

One option you have not considered is changing employment and doing well but not so well that there are no men that can compete with you financially. Are you rewarded by what you do? Seems like the issues your success has brought up are causing you to be slightly unhappy so maybe before you try to find the right guy, you need to make sure your head is in the right place to invite him into your life. Right now, you are perhaps understandably frustrated and hostile but who the hell wants to hang with someone that's pissed all the time.
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 37
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Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:12:48 PM

i think the problem here that I'm out of my own element :)) meaning as an immigrant I'm just out of my circle, naturally...probably have to date europeans again... no european man btw ever asked what do u do for a living, EVER! makes u think


In my part of Europe they ask it all the time...
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 39
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:16:30 PM

no european man btw ever asked what do u do for a living, EVER! makes u think

You do have a point. It's primarily Americans who equate person's merit to what they do. Typically when Europeans ask it's about what a person enjoys doing, big difference.

We even believe that our happiness in what we do for a living is more important than what we do in their non-work life (if we even have a non-work life). Hell, people have even posted that people are defined by what they do for a living. Yeah, it does make you think.
 RedsPetal
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 41
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:23:40 PM
People should NOT be defined by what they do for a living. Some people may not have had the opportunity to pursue their dreams early on, or ever maybe, it does NOT mean that they are unintelligent. We should also be learning and growing our whole lives, it does not end with high school, or university, or whatever. As my Doctor friend once told me, a person can have a dozen degrees and still be an @$$hole. He was educated AND enlightened. Education does not guarantee enlightenment any more than age guarantees maturity or wealth guarantees happiness....
 RedsPetal
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 45
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:48:30 PM
Well, I really don't know how you got judgemental out of that but to each their own... oops was that judgemental too? LMAO @ vulf
 bryan01980
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 46
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:56:14 PM
A number of reasons...
-small talk, getting to know you
-what a person does for a living can tell you how much drive a person has
-And, personally, I am not looking for a sugar momma, I make a pretty decent living, but I would prefer a woman that has a decent income herself, and is at least self sufficient
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 51
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:09:17 PM
I can't talk for other men, but I do care. It's not a deal breaker, but a CEO is way more appealing to me than a waitress. I don't need your money, I make enough myself. But the drive that it takes to become a CEO... that's hot.
 animalloverjulia
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 52
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Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:09:17 PM
I was going to post what I do for a living and why I try not to tell people early on. Then I thought that the post would be tied back to my profile! I have a good job but a lot of people would hold it against me. Once they know me they might not!

A couple of people from this site know exactly what I do. It is not a popular profession but it does keep me and my daughter. It is ethical and honest.

Someone did suggest that I was nasty for doing the job I do. I am not!
 jon525
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 54
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Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:23:18 PM
yes you are right a large group of women do work hard,.
but on the other hand more men are used by women for money ,
I don't care if woman pump gas, all I want is this,
# 1 they enjoy their job and if not don't take your choice out on me.
simple.
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