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 Lario
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 3
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Repeatedly breaking dates.....Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
ShinyToyGuns, I think she was upset because he repeatedly broke dates... To break a date just to drive a child to a party seems a poor excuse to me. It would be acceptable to drop the child at the party while on the date, after all both parties have children.

I'm sure we'll all agree that one has children, they should come before dating but most likely the fella just wasn't into you Cindy.
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 9
Repeatedly breaking dates.....
Posted: 8/18/2008 1:03:45 AM
he is hiding somethingand not being honest with you. he does not communicat his feeling nor has concerns for yours. He has you on a leash with a choker collar around your neck.
you pbobally feel pretty bad.
no relationship is perfect. but he is not putting the effort. you seem to be doing the work here. that is unbalanced.
i am sure that he makes you sad. get control of yourself again. date a man on here.
 BBG38
Joined: 5/10/2008
Msg: 10
Repeatedly breaking dates.....
Posted: 8/18/2008 1:13:34 AM
Hey, I totally understand that predicament.....I met a guy on another site, we knew each other 15 years ago....it was great catching up and although in our younger days had never explored the possiblity of dating...it now came to pass that it was there for us. We met spent the day together and found the attraction incredible, we were comfortable, and easy with one another. But after a couple of more dates and not even getting involved intimately, we both were drawn to each other but being a woman I knew something was holding him back....he too used his 2 boys as the excuse or even work...and being a single mother of 4 children I too allowed for these excuses because things do come up and that is life...but after awhile of being put off constantly but being dangled the carrot just enough to keep me around...and seeing him still online looking for maybe "greener" pastures...I realised what was important...it wasn't about did this guy like me or how attracted I was too him, but the fact that after 3 failed longterm failed relationships, I had too much dignity to become someone else's door mat. Men don't want to date a doormat they want a real woman who will stand up for herself and have confidance in herself....and it provides them with the challenge to pursue you further. But it sounds like this man may have had life situations come up but you are right, a man will show you, that you are just as important by making other arrangements or following thru after he tends to the kids....it's not hard to be compassionate and understanding but this is just men....they live on Mars and we live on Venus..." Move on Girl" Don't allow this one man to ruin your confidance there are "plenty more Fish in the Sea" (so to speak) good luck
 boutenuf
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 14
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Repeatedly breaking dates.....
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:08:48 AM
As a single mother of a teenage girl, if I had plans I would tell her. I would see what other arrangements could be made but if she hadn't told me in advance that she need this or that then she would be out of luck.
 KRN1994
Joined: 7/26/2008
Msg: 15
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Repeatedly breaking dates.....
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:55:22 AM
Finding that balance is tough... I think any of us that are single parents and trying to date have been there. There have been a few times that I just didn't date because my schedule was so tight with everything my child had going on. I would not expect anyone to be that understanding, so took a break. And, sometimes, if I met someone I would tell them upfront about the hectic period and let them decide if they want to ride it out. There have been times were I told my child that I had already made plans and she needed to find another way. I talked to a guy last night that is trying to get his house ready to sell and told me upfront , "Hey, you might not want to go out after I tell you this"... I told him we all have busy lives.

I think some of what he had to do sounded either fishy or lazy (not that into you or "wow, I don't feel like taking my child to a party and then go on a date).

If you think you have that much in common, I would say to give it another shot but as someone else said, be careful... AND, if it happens again, and you really like the guy, have a sit down with him and explain it from you point of view. If he likes you and is a person that has the ability to see another's side he may understand and make some changes. Some might view it as an either/or or you are making them choose, which is not the case, but about being reasonable about the obligations in our lives and finding balance. As someone else said, we teach people how to treat us. Not everyone has the same value system and it is our job to explain ours to them. If they don't get it, well, then you have to decide if it is something you can live with.

 Urbanessa
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 24
Repeatedly breaking dates.....
Posted: 8/23/2008 9:42:28 PM
OP, it sounds as if the man you were seeing has major trouble to distinguish between his children's needs and their wants.

If he is tap dancing every time his kids whistle you will always be second best - at best. That is something I wouldn't put up with, no matter how much I liked a man. If playing the second fiddle is good enough for you, go for it. I wouldn't do it, but to each their own.
 countrymanisgentle
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 25
Repeatedly breaking dates.....
Posted: 9/17/2008 11:55:01 AM
Yes, an EXCELLENT comeback comment indeed!!! It just kills me to read over and over and over and over again "MY KIDS COME FIRST", "THEY ARE MY LIFE".

Then why in the HE!! are you on a dating/relationship site? This is supposed to be for people who are SERIOUSLY LOOKING for an SIGNIFICANT OTHER, or so I thought.
If your kids are "all your life" why are you here?

I went through the female having kids dating arena, and the relationship arena with her/they having kids also. Three times in dating a woman where she/they had kids, two relationships where she/they had kids. Even though she and I, in all BUT ONE of these cases got along well, it seemed there was always the most extremely extensive excuse or latitude given her kids. Small kids, as young as three, and as old as seventeen. Males AND females included. Some a mixture of both genders. Some a mixture of very young mixed with teenagers. One, with one single kid, two with two kids, and two with three kids.

It just didn't seem to matter, if whatever kid in whatever situation wanted something EXTRA, whatever that was, OR if she and I had plans already made ONE or even TWO WEEKS in advance, just didn't friggen matter, the spoiled kids got what THEY wanted, WHEN they wanted!!! She put our plans aside, as if unimportant.

Surely, all women don't feel this way and don't treat the men in their lives this way. I might be lonely, and I might have to spend the rest of my life alone, but I will never go through that BULL again! Not for ANYONE! I had lived that life for TWELVE years, but not ever again, even if she promised to jump through hoops for me! LOL And I NEVER have expected anyone to jump through hoops.

I don't think anyone wants to be used as a fifth wheel, or even less to be number 5th or 10th down the list to be considered.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 26
Repeatedly breaking dates.....
Posted: 9/17/2008 11:59:00 AM
Both of his excuses to cancel were lame. For one, I can drop off someone at a party AND go do something on my own. As for the teen boy and his break-up? As a teen, I certainly would not have required my dad to stay home and hold my hand.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 27
Repeatedly breaking dates.....
Posted: 9/17/2008 2:41:33 PM
I fully agree with you, OP. Teaching our children how to be fair and upstanding is important, and they learn best by watching us!

I also feel it is perfectly acceptable to break an engagement for an emergency, but feel it's important to show the child that when you make a commitment you're required to keep it.

I would explain that you understand and respect his family obligations, but that you expect enough respect and consideration that he doesn't cancel plans with you unless there's an emergency. Give him one chance to shape up and then move on.

Every parent should be able to make room for both children and partner.

Nutt
 Heather1970
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 31
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Repeatedly breaking dates.....
Posted: 9/20/2008 2:17:14 PM
Walk away darling!

He is not for you. I have experienced men who do what you have described and I just stop contacting them! It's a waste of your valuable time.
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