Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 2
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?Page 1 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I love him would be the only reason I need.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 3
view profile
History
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:48:18 PM
Ummm let me see? Insanity? An older man with a big bank account and one foot in the grave, the other on a banana peel?
Seriously? I guess if I truly felt it was love on both parts I would do it again. Although, I doubt that is ever going to happen
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 4
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:49:07 PM
Yeah,,,,great question!....I'm struggling with this myself
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 5
view profile
History
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:52:20 PM
Tequila?......
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 6
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:55:08 PM
lol itechman42, as long as it's Jose...im there...
 nikinikaia
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:02:57 PM
That's a question I've asked and been asked several times over the past few years...

My answer - Why do I need to be married? I've had and raised my children, am not going to have more children - I'll spoil my grandson and send him home to his mama and daddy.

I'm financially independent, own my own home, have a great job, travel at the drop of a hat, or veg on the couch and leave the dishes on the sinkboard until morning, have less laundry, more closet space, don't have to fight for pillows or covers and the only snoring I have to deal with would be my own (not sure if I do) or the dogs.

Sure, would love to have a special best friend to go places, do things, create memories, share times with - but, hey, that doesn't require a marriage certificate.

And, the definition of a long-term relationship doesn't entail a marriage certificate either. Just means you have committed to each other for the long run.

Come sit on the porch and watch the sunrises/sunsets, moon rises, starshines, and listen to the world sing with me each day - we don't have to be married to do that. Hale, we don't even have to live together to do it!!!

 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 8
view profile
History
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:08:52 PM
I thought long and hard about this after my last post. I got it!!!! A labotomy!!!!

Is marriage really necessary should two people wish to live together? Ontario laws make common law pretty much the same as far as the ole 50/50 split, *cough* pre-nupt*cough
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 9
view profile
History
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:13:06 PM
Who was it that said that nothing can ruin a perfectly good relationship more than marriage? Was that Ghandi that said that?
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 10
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:22:27 PM

As for giving up individual space? Hell at this point, if I actually found myself in a long-term relationship with a woman, and neither one of us wanted to give up that much space? I have more than enough property. I'd help the woman build her own house out here. lol


I have heard of a Mother-in-law apartment built on to a home, and men having their own den, or home office but her own house...wow ...of course I would just view that as more space to get friendly in /wink

I guess with kids still here and constantly finding MY stuff in their rooms I dont have a space issue...I would just like to find someone who would like to make new space with me...now of course...the closets are alllllllllllllllll MINE !!!!!!!!!!!!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 11
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:35:05 PM
The only reason I've ever married is for love. This time around will be no different, except the *quality* of this love, in this relationship, is someplace I've never quite gotten to before. I want him there on falling asleep and on rising, and all through the night. I can let him drive, which he loves, and I do not, with comfort and ease. He loves my cooking, and I love to cook, and . . . . Too much to detail.

And believe me, if anyone ever ends up in the hospital, there's a world of difference between a husband/wife and a medical power of attorney. Been there.

Short answer? Love.


 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 12
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:39:36 PM
Oh boy ..... this is another one of those .....

Don’tcha need to have a special person in mind >>> BEFORE

Before you start your yes/no/maybe thinking.

"What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?" >>> The right gal.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 14
What Would Compel You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:31:16 AM
I know I would like being married. It's way more than a piece of paper to me, so if someone says that, it means they don't value the real meaning of marriage. I've never married and feel like I have to pay for other people's mistakes of choosing bad partners earlier in their life. I don't choose to live like a nun and shacking up doesn't fit my lifestyle either. "Dating" someone for eternity can be exhausting too. Mr Right does not exist, but Mr Willing might. Introducing someone as my BF all the time just sounds stupid to me at this age - like I'm still in high school and going steady. Even at this age I don't want to continuously give to someone I care about if he has no intention of having a lasting relationship with me. I can love someone with all my heart and soul, but if he doesn't care about making an "honest woman" of me, then he does not truly love me. On the other hand, just because I want a little sausage doesn't mean I have to live with the pig. I've seen many many older people marry who are pretty happy so it hasn't gone out of style.
What would compel me to marry?
1. I've waited a long time - I don't take it lightly.
2. It's my turn - divorcees have already had their chance and blew it.
3. I know what I need and what I want - didn't have a clue in my 20's and 30's
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 15
What Would Compel You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/20/2008 9:35:57 AM
Just a quote I find amusing:
If "I am" is the shortest sentence in the English language, is
"I do" the longest? - Carlin
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 16
What Would Compel You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/20/2008 1:45:22 PM
Without trying to be insulting, I would like to ask those who are opposed to marriage, why would anyone want to date you knowing it would be a dead end (no pun intended) relationship? When I fall in love, there needs to be hope of a future with that person. Are we too old to care about our future?
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 17
view profile
History
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/20/2008 4:45:01 PM
I'd say probably Prozac Ok, Mr. Right, at the right time, the right place, and for all the right reasons.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 18
What Would Compel You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:06:45 PM
If I loved someone enough to share my life with I would marry again.
Do we have to do it? Of course not.
We could live together for ever and never get married yet still be committed to each other.

I had two relationships with men in my twenties where I lived with them. I never felt so powerless, frightened, and had such a low self esteem as I did then. I could be put on the street any time if they decided I didn't meet their needs anymore. I knew I was settling for whatever love I could get. I knew they didn't love me enough to ever make a real commitment to me. I gave them all of the love, services, and amenities that a husband should have, and yet I had none of the security and respect that a wife should have. My father left when I was young and I knew that they also could conveniently leave me at any time. When a man just wants to live together, I know there is always is that unspoken statement that he knows his relationship with me is not what he wants for the rest of his life. I've never pushed the issue ever with any man as I'm well aware that women drive men away with that kind of behavior. I just suffer in silence and start to wonder if I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough, skinny enough, loving enough. Pretty soon I'm trying so hard to be perfect while resenting the fact that men seem to marry the most messed up women they could possibly find. I also know that if I was just "shacking up" with someone in the conservative area I live in, people would be less likely to do business with me since they are leaving their children with me on a regular basis. I know live in"boyfriends" are seen as having less integrity than a husband, and a woman that just lives with a man is likely to be seen as being lower class. Living with a man or just having sex and dating him for a long period of time will always make me feel that I am not good enough.


Then what is it that really drives us to do the formal thing of marraige? Is it morales? tradition? cultural? acceptance by our social environment? values? A feeling of security? Maybe a little of all of the above.


I have been alone all of my life. I can't imagine what it would be like to sleep next to someone I love and that loves me back every night. Like the song "You'd be so nice to come home to - you'd be so nice by the fire". I can't imagine what it would be like to have someone to have breakfast and dinner with, watch a movie and cozy up on the couch maybe once a week. I can't imagine what it would be like to have guiltless, worry free sex with abandon on a regular basis, or to get a hug and a kiss when I need one, and not have to drive across town and pack a suitcase for the weekend to get one. I can't imagine what it would be like to have someone to go someplace with or take a vacation with. I can't imagine what it would be like to finally be the one that the groom looks at a says "I do" without reservation. (Being a pianist that has played at 100s of weddings, I see it close up and happening to everyone but me) I don't know what it would be like to be part of a "we" instead of just "me". By now, so many people my age are bitter and jaded about marriage, I feel I am being robbed of or denied the life I really want. I am teary eyed (self pity) and melancholy even writing this right now knowing that I may never get to enjoy and experience the love, commitment and attention that so many people enjoy or have taken for granted.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 19
What Would Compel You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:09:48 PM
Nothing could ever "compel" me to marry - the only thing that might convince me to marry is being head-over-heels in "love", and he wanted to.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 20
What Would Compel You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:02:59 PM
Thanks Zeeba,
You are gorgeous and intelligent and it reassures me to think that maybe I am not terminally single because I am a social reject. Heck if I was a man I'd marry ya.
Nice to know I'm not alone in the unwilling spinsters club. You know the whole PMS thing and the full moon a couple nights ago - well let's just say those are not myths.
I go through cycles where I remind myself I have a great, peaceful, comfortable life, lots of good friends, and it's better to be alone than in bad company. It's impossible not to think of what I've always been missing once in a while.
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 22
What Would Compel You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:55:10 AM
if , we could share the responibliyt of housework and keep the bank account in balance . and know what each other does . NOT like my ex , going gambling .
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 23
What Would Compel You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/21/2008 10:12:55 AM
As for a marriage lasting forever I think most who enter marriage do hope it to last their lifetime, but life has its curves and we must drive the road it gives us. I hope you find what your looking for.


Quite a few less complications as you're older though. Imaturity, thinking the grass is greener, having children and raising them, financial instability - those are the curves. Now we should be able to relax more and enjoy each other.

Thanks for all the good wishes here. We should start a support group for never married, childless women over 40. I am blessed that I never wanted children myself, so I never had that longing along with being lonely. I see the conclusion of menopause as a blessing although it's years away.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 25
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:53:47 AM
I swear I just dont get this...if I invested my time and energy into a relationship to find out at the end that all they wanted was a long term relationship that was more like date night occasionally it would so burn my butt.

I cant imagine how you would have to be to have long term in your profile and realize that in reality all you truly want is someone to date....

I can get being independant, I can get needing your own space...but I dont understand why you dont feel it is possible for you to be independant and have your own space inside a relationship that you are actually WITH someone. To me it smacks of settling...you are finding someone close enough to try and guard against them being able to hurt you...you are loving with conditions...I know when I am in love with someone I dont want to be smacking into their walls..yes you risk hurt but gosh how wonderful it is to wake up and see their face ..what a beautiful way to start the day!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 26
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/22/2008 11:09:22 AM
When I was at my lowest and feeling like no one would ever want to be with me, I was pretty good at saying, "Well, I don't need anyone, anyway! Who cares?" Well...deep down, I cared a lot. But I was so emotionally low that it actually felt better to say I didn't need a man. You know, the whole "reject them before they reject you" sort of thing.


This is a little offtopic but.........
Isn't it amazing how we use our pride to protect ourselves? When I was younger and a guy would say or do something that was really hurtful and I didn't realize it sometimes until later, I would act like it didn't bother me because I was embarassed. Deep down I cared a lot, but it wouldn't have done any good to admit it to myself or anyone else.
Isn't it nice to be older and not be afraid to ask for what we need and want, and not be embarassed by it, and also knowing that we deserve to be happy? Then when they reject you, it is a reflection on their character and you know you did nothing to deserve it.
and Zeeba - hope you find your Batman by Halloween. I'm sure flexibility would be a great cat like quality.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 27
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/22/2008 2:05:34 PM
I like your idea of starting a "never marrieds" support group. How about a new thread? One question I have is, are there really as many differences between non-married men and non-married women over 45 as society seems to think there are? I find it hard not buying into that idealology myself, though I am definitely working on it.

I think socially and possibly psychologically there are monumental differences, needs, and concerns, between older men and older women who have never been married or had children.
Older men who have never married are considered "confirmed bachelors" as if they have some kind of swingin lifestyle and are getting a different woman every week. People figure a grown man is getting his needs met somehow or he's a closet perv who likes to spend a lot of time by himself.

Older women who have never married with no kids are considered either frigid or desperate. There is something wrong with a woman who doesn't want children and she must be doing something to scare men away(crazy cat lady). She is sad, stays at home, has no social life (thus the houseful of cats) , is dried up and bitter, and possibly hates men. Her close friends feel sorry for her and can't understand why she can't find someone nice.

I have a couple of platonic male friends my age who have never married. They are contented being single and one of them gets scared anytime a woman shows interest in him.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 28
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/23/2008 8:08:31 AM
I guess my question is ...if a person isnt good enough to make you want to marry them, they why would you want to be in a long term relationship or date them?
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 29
What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?
Posted: 8/23/2008 9:10:26 AM
I think there are lots of reasons why people stay in relationships. But I find it wrong to continue a relationship with someone if you realize that they are looking for more then you can give them....

But the hurt and frustration comes from knowing what they are looking for is not realistic. My last BF was an aerospace engineer, he thought anyone should be able to long division math problems in their head. We were left and right brain people. He is now dating an accountant, and he's said that he'll never marry her because she's so sexually uptight.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > What Would Compell You To Marry After Age 45?