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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Was I in the wrong, or was he? Your view?      Home login  
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 bbauman
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 7
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Was I in the wrong, or was he? Your view?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
walk away. His house is no where near in order enough for him to take on another relationship with anyone, divorced or not. His seperated wife is clearly unstable and is still a large part of his life, and will always be. Obviously he still trusts her more than you if he was willing to take the word of whatever his wife said about you at face value, without even contacting you for confirmation no less.

also, you need to start concerning yourself with your personal safety. She is already crazy enough to find your number and call you out of the blue to tell you off. Not being fullfilled by that (and obviously insane to some degree) she goes on the internet and slanders you there. Who knows what she is liable to do in the future but if i were in your shoes i would take him dropping you as a sign from god to walk away before things get worse for you.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 14
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Was I in the wrong, or was he? Your view?
Posted: 8/23/2008 4:19:08 PM
Jess I think since other people "set you up" and told you he was divorcing, I would believe that. The questions is - do you want to deal with the drama? If you think it's worth it, then I would say contact him and tell him - you know your soon to be ex, why would you be surprised she would lie? That should make sense to him...and if you don't want to deal with the drama for now - tell him, please contact me when things have calmed down. Good luck!!!
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 17
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Was I in the wrong, or was he? Your view?
Posted: 8/24/2008 1:22:19 AM
Yah, this sounds messy and worth giving some space. At the very least, giving the situation some space will help ensure that you aren't just used as a rebound (makes the situation easier for him, makes him feel better, essentially you'd be just a big human band aid that gets ripped off later and discarded).
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 18
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Was I in the wrong, or was he? Your view?
Posted: 8/24/2008 2:14:11 AM
Jess, this is the part that jumped out at me:

I dont follow any of this up, ...But I get upset and tell Juston I dont wanna talk to him anymore, At that very same time, the ex sets me up to look like I've just said some VERY bad things about there little girl. "I didnt". So Juston gets mad and hurt and stops talking to me. Point blank....nothing.

So you effectively dumped him first by saying you didn't want to talk to him any more. The lie from his wife is almost irrelevant at that point. Then you say this:

All I know is I like the guy more than anything, and I get different views on the story, do you think he'll ever talk to me again or did I mess it up to bad?

Once you told him you didn't want to speak to him, why would he contact you? And what form is his "checking up" on you? If he's asking mutual friends about you, you should tell those friends not to dispense any information... it's not their place.

As the others have noted, Juston's wife is an all-day train wreck and at your stage f life, that's not worth the constant hassle. Put Juston in your memory bank and add "no married men" to your thought process. Best to cut him off clean.

And do I feel bad for that little girl...
 jrbickers123
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 19
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Was I in the wrong, or was he? Your view?
Posted: 8/24/2008 2:25:30 AM
I once was in a similar situation. I found a girl, she has 2 kids, she was with her husband but they were separated a few times and she had told him its over, theres nothing left. she is leaving him as soon as financially capable. We were friends at the time, after she had finished with him we grew into something, it really got strong but because of the drama of getting away from the ex husband, her trying to start her life over and keep custody of the children.... and she broke the relationship off and we havent spoken since.

point is, this is a "history repeats itself" scenario. but the obvious now is single parents may be ok to date. but anyone who is in the process of going through a divorce/separation, or recently gone through a divorce IS NOT READY FOR ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP. They may want another, they may be looking for love, hoping to fill this newfound void in their life. but because of the extreme drama of the situation its damn near impossible for anything to get off the ground.


If you really like this guy, and you want a relationship with him. tell him you will wait, and do it. give him a few years to sort his shit out and get stable with life and the divorce. and then go for it. if you cant wait for that then trust me the relationship will never work, move on.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 22
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Was I in the wrong, or was he? Your view?
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:56:51 PM
Years? No one wants you to wait years. Step away and let other things happen. Stepping "away" and waiting for him is not the same thing. I wouldn't recommend waiting at all. I was thinking a few months in terms of giving the situation space, but I wouldn't wait around, I'd move on and date others.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 23
Was I in the wrong, or was he? Your view?
Posted: 8/24/2008 6:13:09 PM
My view, since you asked, is to see the big picture:

You've given up on bad boys. But you still have the problem, which is dramatic relationships.

Forget Juston. He's got a situation he HAS to settle before he can engage in any healthy relationship with you. Let him do so. If he's smart, he'll realize what happened, and come back and get the straight skinny from you.

how's he gonna get that, if his ex keeps butting in? Let him settle that problem. Its HIS problem, so don't make it YOUR problem.
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 26
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Was I in the wrong, or was he? Your view?
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:43:28 PM
Whatever you do, do NOT wait for a man.
Live your life, date other people.
If there is something special there, he'll look you up when the sh1tstorm has passed.

He's got a LOT to deal with, and you will be "rebound girl".

Live your life for YOU, not anyone else.
And congrats on breaking the "badboy" cycle... sometimes it takes us a while.

sydneyleigh
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