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 ***piano4te***
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 4
Who likes coffee for a frist date?? Page 1 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
OP....

I totally agree with you. For the longest time, I was of the firm belief that if I was going to go out on a date from these sites, I was going to at least make sure I had a full stomach by the end of the date with some dinner. I mean, why merely settle for some acidic, coffee tasting reflux backing up into my esophagus when hearing the pablum being spewed out by the person across from me while sitting at a Starbucks?? If I'm going to HURL...then I want FULL CHUNKAGE when it's happening.

However, after doing one too many dinner dates, I was starting to realize how many really good meals were going to waste.....and I was starting to look like an Olson twin..........
 stopstarin
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 5
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:01:52 AM

I want to connect on more than a superficial level. A hundred emails stating YOUR SO HOT.. don't do anything for me.
I got many emails asking "what do you like to do for fun?".. for me the activity is not so much a concern. It's about who I am with. If you are with the right man you can have "fun" going to the grocery store.


shot yourself in the shoe on this thread!

I don't think the coffee shop has parking for your high horse neither!

 SwampHunter
Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 8
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:19:06 AM
I have never and WILL never go on a "coffee date".

I know two women who do online dating who used to do these routinely. They would meet at a Starbucks, and sit at tables across the room from one another. Then they would have men scheduled to come in 30 minutes apart.... ALL.... DAY.... LONG....

In between they would compare notes, trade this one for that one, make fun of some, etc. They both had a ball, and fed their ego's bigtime, but at the expense of all these good guys coming in wasting their time. That has got to be one of the most selfish, arrogant, and insulting scenarios I've EVER heard of, and I will not participate in something like that.

If I'm interested in a woman, I will spend time getting to know her on the phone until we both feel comfortable going out to meet for a real DATE. Someone once told me back in the olden days a guy would ask a girl to dinner, and then they would go eat together, have a great time, and usually the guy would even pick up the check. That sounded like a good time to me, so I tried it a few times, and I'll be darned, I loved it! I also have VERY few bad dates that way! Maybe our parents are smarter than we think?

Mark
 rebel64735
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 9
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:20:30 AM
I'd like to know if you go to meet someone for a "real date" and there is no attraction whatsoever on your part, are you going to enjoy the free meal and the rest of what the evening plan was, thank him and kiss him goodnight, or what? After going to meet any number of women who look absolutely nothing like their pictures or are nothing like they portrayed themselves to be, and even flying to other states for dates, I've learned that SOME WOMEN LIE!!! Just like some men. Now, some of my best dates ended up being with someone I was not really the least bit attracted to after meeting, just as some of my worst were with beautiful b!tches. But depending on the distance involved and everything else, I certainly opt for the coffee date that can always be extended into the evening if things click. Obviously I'm not flying to another state for just that though. Every situation is different. But I've spent thousands of dollars paying for dinners and drinks and events with liars too.... what's fair about that? Seems to me that if you're that sure of someone being right for you that you should instead invite them to your home for a home-cooked meal (which I would never recommend for a first meeting either), or be prepared to give him sex. After all, you've already said you were sure about the chemistry!!! Geez....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 10
Who likes coffee for a first date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:20:52 AM
I read a lot of profiles where men suggest a quick meeting for a cup of coffee as a "first date". What's up with that?

It's not a date until you actually like the person and want to spend time with them, IME. It's a meet - and it's short, sweet and inexpensive.

Some elaborate their reasoning is to "just see if there is chemistry". I don't get it?? I can figure out if there is enough chemistry to want to have a REAL l date by the photographs and a few telephone conversations.

Well then, you're lucky - and rare. Most of us can't tell any of that before we get face to face with someone.

I don't get these quickie Dunkin Donut meetings..They sound like your being invited to a "job interview". Forget that noice.

Forget that NOISE? Yeah - it's like an interview because you're talking to a COMPLETE STRANGER. Until you meet and it's a mutual interest, what else can you call it? And yes, it's quick because most of us can decide if we like someone in about 5 minutes. The other 15-25 minutes are just to be polite.

If I want to interupt my day to JUST have a cup of coffee I'm gonna call one of my girl friends and catch up on the local gossip or talk about shoes!! Coffee is not a date. .. not even if you throw a donut at me too.. Forget about it.

Well for me it's different. Men want to meet sooner rather than later - which for me isn't gonna happen unless I sandwich a quick meeting between two other things already going on cause I have a busy schedule...

But thats ok - sorry, I won't waste more than $20 bucks and 30 minutes with someone I don't know if I have interest in, nor should the other person. What's with the big obligation to spend hours with someone I've never met? If I like someone I can make plans to meet again....no big deal.
 stopstarin
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 11
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:21:38 AM
I don't know about others, but doesn't a couple drinks, in say about 30-45 mins legally put you over the limit to drive? I'll stick to a quick walk and coffee thanks!



I like my license!
 Hawk8414
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 16
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:46:16 AM
She thinks that a date is supposed to be just that, a real first date.
Maybe people are expecting too much. Has anyone forgotten that it only takes a few seconds for a predator to decide whether he wants to kidnap you and possibly rape/kill you? Girl, you'd better start thinking with your head instead of your ass. I won't meet anyone unless it is in public anywhere just for the fact that it is safer. And no, you don't dare tell him where you live or anything until you get to know them alot better. I don't give a damn if its coffee or not, hell, I like coffee. I make a pot everyday. I can sit there and bullshit with somebody over coffee and donuts all day if theres something there. If not, I just thank them for their time and shake hands and say ,"Its been nice meeting you, and I'll catch you later." And then I'm gone.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 18
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 7:55:42 AM
The "just coffee" thing never really worked for me. There was something missing, turning the whole thing into an interview of sorts. What worked for me was going for a drink. Just that. No promise of dinner or anything afterwards. The thing is that if all you do is the interview, your guard is up all the time. She will say the right things, you will say the right things. So first you get a feel for the person. That takes about less than 3 minutes. Yes. 3 minutes. For a woman is about less, like 30 seconds. She will know instantly, not that she will sleep with you, but that she will NOT in a million years. So with the drink now you get a chance to make a fool out of your self and discover some of the things they would do when they let their hair down. If they pass, you can then conclude the first get together and plan a real date. Or change the venue, which in itself is like another date.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:18:22 AM

It sound like a crappy way to live your life too. Good luck to them if they find someone worthy of their presence. What do these women tell the guys, "I'll meet you between 7:30 and 8:00".

It's called time management - granted I'd not be scheduling a bunch in a row, but I have been known to throw a quick coffee meet with one before dinner plans with another....if you're single, who cares? Yep, I've said I have 5:15 - 5:45 open and then I have to be somewhere by 6. Absolutely.

I would not put a first date on a timeline. It's all ways been meeting at a bar/resturants type place, have a drink at first... the key word is ONE drink. It doesn't have to be alcohol. If you click, stay a little longer, have a bar snack or very light dinner. If not, say you have to leave and that is that. What is so hard about that?

I do, because a half hour is more than enough to know what you need to know. And if you like someone, you can plan a 5 hour date for another time.

Save the 7 course meals for someone you really want to be with.

Now THAT I agree with.
 a12004h
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 21
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:26:45 AM
It's not a date, it's a first meeting.

I have met about a dozen women from starting online.

Only twice have we gone on to a dinner date.

Only once have I gone on to a second real date.

I am glad I did not have to spend a full evening with some of those woman.

We had no chemistry at all.

Email is nothing like real life.

"Save the 7 course meals for someone you really want to be with."

says it all.
 SteveinHP
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 22
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:29:34 AM
Personally, I put coffee, tea, water, alcohol in my first date profile. It is somewhere that 2 people can go sit and talk face to face. I personally do not intend corny Dunkin Donuts. But if thats where we decide so be it. The first date I went on the other night involved a little Irish Style Pub with awesome food. We sat and had a good time. I do not feel I need to take someone I barely know out to a 5 star restaurant. I like things lively full of laughs, and comfortable and casual. I would probably not date someone who thought they had to go to a 5 star restaurant for a meet date anyways..just not my style. It really does not matter the place all in all, it is just a way to meet someone to see if there is the possibility of a 2nd date that is a little more involved. I do not like first dates that are movies, you cannot find anything out about a person.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 24
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:42:38 AM
I wouldn't have coffee on the first date because I don't like coffee.


I would not put a first date on a timeline. It's all ways been meeting at a bar/resturants type place, have a drink at first... the key word is ONE drink. It doesn't have to be alcohol. If you click, stay a little longer, have a bar snack or very light dinner. If not, say you have to leave and that is that. What is so hard about that?


I completely agree. If a woman was completely unattractive or unappealing, I would end the date early. Otherwise I would spend some more time getting to know her before making any type of decision about her. However it seems like many people on POF are just the opposite. If there isn't instant chemistry within 5 minutes or even 5 seconds of meeting the other person, then they will quickly lose interest.


It's not a date, it's a first meeting.


IMO calling the first encounter a date or a meeting is largely semantics. I think some people will call the first encounter a meeting as an artifical way to lower pressure and expectations. However a first date doesn't have to be anything formal or fancy or involve high expectations. It could be something low key and simple such as having a few slices of pizza or some ice cream. If there isn't any mutual interest, then it is simply a date that didn't work out and there isn't another date. Very simple.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 26
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:02:56 AM
I'm just asking who likes the coffee date and what's up with that suggestion on so many profiles


I love the coffee date. I always have used that and if I find myself single will use it again. I've thought many times that Starbucks should get into the business since so many people use them... offer the $10 latte and license check (paid by credit card) to verify identity and then tag you as clear to the other person. :)

Fortunately for me I have places where a meet for coffee is just a jump start. I start early and keep my schedule clear for them. Coffee leads to many things, sometimes and entire weekend of things, lol.

If you live in a large enough town, you probably have an area with coffee shops and shopping and dining all rolled into one. The euro style malls are the best though (we've had Easton for a long time now) since you can people watch, window shop, catch a movie (or other types of entertainment), and have a meal or two all in one spot. I always keep a game card with credits on me for the gameworks in the center as well so we can play pinball, gauntlet or whatever else may strike our fancy.


I can figure out if there is enough chemistry to want to have a REAL l date by the photographs and a few telephone conversations.

I wish I could do that... I had a guy I really really hit it off with on paper and even on the phone with. We had so much in common and wants/needs that complimented each other, but when we met there was no spark... the connection never existed and by the end of the date I was just happy to be alone.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 27
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:10:34 AM

Djchickie,
I'm glad you found something that works for you.

I'm afraid if a woman told me she could slot me in 5:15-5:45, I'd be put off.
But I'm just an old fart and maybe that how you youngters roll that way now.

Maybe...I am not exactly that young, but I have a busy schedule, and I am essentially meeting a total stranger, who'd be oversensitive to being put off by that. They should also not want to spend more than a half hour with me, being that they don't know me and may not want to stay. It's fair for both sides. You can always make plans to meet again...I don't see the big deal.

I can always tell them I'm free a week later for a longer period of time, but that could put someone off too. If they want to meet you, then they need to go with what works.

I know if I asked a woman out around my age and told her I got 6:00-6:30 open to meet for a first meeting, I'd probably not get a first meeting.

She should be ok with meeting a total stranger in a public place briefly to determine if there's any further interest. If she's put off, she either wants to be wined and dined, or she's taking it all too personally.

Ladies? Would you be ok with a guy slotting you in?

When I get this, I might respond with "no that's not good for me, but I do have the next day between 7 and 7:30...long as I have the same half hour open, I'm fine with it.

I think I would rather go to the Dentist with someone than on a coffee "interview" at least they might have some good magazines.

Now that's a good point...if all places you were meeting people had something to read, at least you could do something else when you eventually zoned out from the lack of conversation. At least you'd get a good recipe out of it.
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 31
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:22:06 AM
Coffee dates are good for the retired, and for those who live near you. There are good ice breakers, if the Dunkin' Donut stand is close to your house, or work, and not an inconvenience. In fact, you may even meet a new guy, not on POF at the coffee shop.
 Robinrm
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 32
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History
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:41:47 AM
I think some men suggest coffee because they think that suggesting a public house meet gives the impression they are overly obsessed with alcohol. Afraid of the "oh yes. Another alcohol centred man" and thus being given the brush off before before a meeting is even agreed. I know that crossed my mind so I plumped for coffee instead.
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 34
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:47:45 AM
I don't like coffee shops for first meets. I've only done it once. Dog parks, beach, outdoor malls -- these were better.

I also like meeting in the evening at a restaurant and just have a glass of wine... you don't need to feed me and I may not want to be stuck in the seat until the bill arrives.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 35
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Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:52:18 AM
If you are interested on free 5 stars Dinner to impress you by a man, it is not gonna happened, unless the man sees you already in person and you are Miss Universe type,then sky is the limit ... Your qoute -------incredible chemistry on phones and emails ? of course you are correct ,especially if the topics is sex,sex and sex.. The chemistry of man and woman is not solely on sex alone,they should have the same social connections. Your qoute,> This whole internet dating is a**backwards because you should meet the person FIRST and then everything will work out if it is meant to happen. This is like a wolf saying that the apple is sour because she can not reach it.
 niksmama1124
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 36
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:00:05 AM
I like coffee for whatever reason!!!
 Icestorm
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 37
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History
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:00:44 AM

Which means you'll have to get in your car, put gas in it and pay the TOLLS on the way down, and I WILL, also ask YOU,,, to bring lunch, you can either purchase it, or make it yourself, I'm not real concerned how it's done as long as it tastes good...And in return you will receive a ride on a nice boat and a day of snorkeling.....Exactly how many people have come back with a positive response,,,? ZERO


KeyzGuy369, really, for a first date? They aren't turning you down because they are cheap, they are turning you down because that sounds like a great way to get yourself killed and your body dumped in the ocean--and, to add insult to injury, you fed the murderer first AND served yourself up on a silver platter.

It's way too risky and chancey for a first date.

This is worst case scenario, of course. If you don't kill them, I'm sure it would be a great date.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 42
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:25:09 AM
I agree with the OP regarding the fact that it doesn't HAVE to be a coffee, as long as it's inexpensive, casual, relatively short and public it could be anything...

I don't tend to do drinks unless it's in a restaurant bar because once men start drinking, behavior can turn on ya a bit (unless you have him meet you somewhere you're meeting your friends earlier on)...
 printer2
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 46
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:44:54 AM
I went for coffee with a woman that said she already found the man for her. After swapping emails we were just curious what the other was like. We had an amazing four hours with each other.

I met another woman that I exchanged a number of emails with and talked to on the phone. We went to a street festival but there was no chemistry between us and I could only wish our time, although short, was over as quickly as possible.

I prefer doing some kind of activity with a woman but lets face it. If there is nothing between you two then you both want something that you can get over with quick if things are not going well. If things are going well, down that cup of coffee and head on out to some place more conductive to having fun.

Edit:


This was my first time ever started a thread and OMG i did not realize how ppl argue semantics

Glad you got your feet wet. That is what makes this place so much fun.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 47
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:59:15 AM
Your post reveals something about you that isn't too flattering. I'd say you're a shallow likely selfish woman who really isn't interested in the other person's or man's point of view.

A coffee date has two parties or at least, I hope they do. Nobody can gather enough information from a few emails or phone calls to evaluate another person. A face-to-face meeting is absolutely necessary. And yeah, it's an interview which is more important than being looked at for a job. It also serves both parties in that it reveals a lot things that are impossible to discern without meeting.

BTW, sometimes I throw in a little carrot cake.

The Eagle
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 57
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 12:34:57 PM

I think it would be great to see the roles reversed for a while. Have the women pay up for a while. Wow would things change in a hurry! I know when I go out and pickup the drink and dinner tab which usuasly runs around 75 with the tip, alot of the times I feel like the biggest fool around. And that is not fun. Or intelligent.

We do pay up - or at least I pay for myself. Pick up the whole check for a stranger? Don't think so - and that goes for both men and women.

If you don't like to do that, then don't do it! If they insist, then move on! Simple.

Women will pick up the check when men no longer work and we need to take them out to decide if we want to "keep" em, or when we date them long enough to WANT to pick up the tab. And they should do the same.
 luv2muv
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 58
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History
Who likes coffee for a frist date??
Posted: 8/28/2008 12:39:07 PM
I totally agree. In addition it takes the same amount of effort and expense to do your hair , makeup, etc. If a man can't commit to spending an hour or two of his time in a nice quiet setting after having seen your picture, spoken to yyou on the phone, the n why bother? In my opinion these men are shopping around and will try to drink coffee with as many women as possible. I'm looking to find a man who knows how to treat a woman not an immature player.
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