Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SeattleRob
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 2
view profile
History
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?Page 1 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I figure if she's with me instead of them, that's all that needs to be said. If she's survived to this point in her life disease free, all I see is a person who knows what she wants and is careful about getting it. I certainly wouldn't pry for details, I'd be comfortable with whatever she wanted to share.

(You might try sharing these feelings with your love, and soon, because it sounds like you're starting to obsess. It doesn't take too long before YOUR feelings on the issue get so strong that you can't talk about it anymore, and that's a bad road to take...)
 notjesus
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 4
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:20:49 PM
OP, sit back and ask yourself : if you could get that much ass, would you? and be honest with yourself.

Then rethink your question.

Also, if she's in your age range that probably isn't a gigantic number... 3-4 a year if she's been 'active' since 18 or so?
 SteveinHP
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 5
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:21:49 PM
I figure she loves sex and that she may be able to teach me a thing or two....
 Wildman46
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 8
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:59:46 PM
OP you obviously are very insecure, So insecure in fact that you felt the need to ask this woman about her past. Not only ask but wanted her to go into details( whom and when kind of thing) how utterly silly. Now you're going to drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Remember , don't ever ask a question that might bring you back an honest answer you don't like. Somethings from the past, are better left in the past.

I am afraid your relationship is now doomed. It's obvious that it's eating away and you and you will never be able to get over it. I wonder how many women have you slept with in the past, And does this girl really gives a rats ass about that.

Break up with her and go find a virgin, That's the only way you will ever be secure, Too bad you're expecting something from your partner you're not able to bring to the relationship yourself...PURITY.

The first line of your profile says "I am open minded" ....Was that an attempt at humor? because an open minded person would not be asking this question in the forums.
 notjesus
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 10
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:08:33 PM
seriously. and 50 of those could have been in a drunken college incident one night. So that totally lowers the ****s per year ratio. Cmon, we all had those nights.
 notjesus
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 11
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 8/30/2008 8:32:40 PM
yeah, I would feel bad if she only got 2 a year.

OP is just insecure about his lack of puss. i would say the lady has proper experience and will likely fcuk your brains out.
 supernovastunnah
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 12
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 8/30/2008 9:02:32 PM
this is why i never ask a guy about his past some things are better left unsaid...altho i normally ask if theyve been with another dude...thats an important one for me
 djrdx
Joined: 7/22/2004
Msg: 17
view profile
History
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 8/31/2008 5:29:10 AM
well, think of it as she is 'experienced'
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 18
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 8/31/2008 5:41:49 AM
Who cares - as long as she loves you now and is totaly commited to you and you only . She could have 200 and would not change anything . I know when i go home she is with me .
 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 27
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:56:44 PM
why not, most men do the same thing, there has to be women out there that have been there as well. if your doing it, your doing it with someone, how do you expect them to be virgins..hmmm
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 30
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:35:15 PM
OP, my last g/f was quite experienced, way more than the figures you've got. IMO, the only problem is the way a person relates to that. I guess it just depends on how you are wired. I happened to find most of her stories quite erotic. The only problem I had was that she talked quite a "liberal" line at the start of the relationship, and as soon as we started living together, got very conservative. Of course she had every right to choose what she did and didn't want to do.
Perhaps you need to find out why they had that number of partners? In this instance it was due to a rape at 14, figured she might as well do it on her terms after that, instead of having it taken. Of course there's more to it than that, but that is her story, not mine.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 33
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 10:28:50 AM

I'd bet that hardly anyone here who has exprtessed their opinions has actually been in the situation you describe... so they're talking off the tops of their heads... theaory is one thing, actual situations are another...


I have and to be quite honest, that made it very clear to me just how silly the whole issue is.


Anyone who thinks the past is the past is full of it... maybe when the numbers are comfortable, but not at the other extreme... especially if they haven't dealt with it in real life... Their thoughts are sanitized and not as graphic... everything people do or have done changes them... people will say, it's made me who I am... to that I say, just think of how much better you could have been....

The part about saying the past is the past is true. Some people just don't want to know. On the other hand, knowing about the past doesn't mean you have to make a big deal out of it. And yes, the numbers are probab;y much higher for a couple of women I've dated, than in your case.

I sometimes wonder why it is that out of all those guys, I'm the only one who could see she was worth keeping when so many threw her away...

It doesn't sound like you do. It sounds more like a struggle to rationalize it.


You wonder if one guy is enough for her...
You wonder whether or not you're enough for her...
You wonder am I the biggest, the best...


You have to get over it. Face it. You weren't the biggest. You probably weren't the best looking or the best in the sack. The last one can be fixed and the other two are irrelevant. If those mattered, she'd be with someone else.


She's suffers from depression over it...
She's had thoughts of suicide...
She's worried about going places where people will know and or talk about her...
She feels she was used and manuipulated because she was naive and didn't know better.... she had all the classic low self-esteem issues...


You aren't doing a whole lot to improve her self-esteem. Stop trying to rationalize her behaviour as being due to anything but her own choice and respect her for her choice instead of giving her a way to feel bad about herself. Your attitude is beating her down. She wouldn't be so worried about being seen or talked about if you were more positive. Your insecurity is not a positive thing. Your attitude ought to be, ``So what?'' She's dating you, not any of those people you might see or who might talk about her. If she's the topic of gossip, those gossiping need to get a life. If they're talking about her, then obviously they have some interest in the person YOU are dating. They may want to sleep with her, but YOU ARE sleeping with her. That ought to count for something.

Yes, there's nothing like making love to your lady and she suddenly breaks down into a crying fit because you've just done something that triggers a bad memory of what someone else did to her...

As I understand it, she was a willing participant. Your issues with that are the real problem. The more it bothers you, the moe she's going to feel like she has to feel bad about herself to justify her actions to you. Get over it. She did those things. There is nothing you can do to change it. Moreover, you won't be satisfied with anyone regardless of the numbers, even if the number is zero. Eventually, you'll find a way to feel insecure with a virgin. You'll always wonder if she wants to see what other guys are like; if bigger guys are more fun or better in bed.
 Tanmanjohn
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 34
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:29:11 PM
m_church you are a great example of what a true gentleman is. I'm not sure most men understand what it takes. The first steps are leaving the ego at the door and spending time with your love. I'm working on it but that dam ego keeps tripping me up! LOL Thanks for sharing
 lastbat13
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 38
view profile
History
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/1/2008 2:49:21 PM
OP, I've never been with a woman that has had as many partners as you mention, but every person I've ever dated has had more partners than I by at least a factor of 3. I was always cool with it. My problem would be if she was tired of sex. I don't care how many partners she's had before, but we have to be on the same page sexually or problems will develop.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 48
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 12:34:25 AM

Again, since you say "I have" it implies that you're referring to an ex...


Can the self-pity. There's a woman I'd date right now whose numbers are way above anything yo're talking about, if she were available. It's not just an ex. I got clued in and figured out, it doesn't matter.
 Alexander_86
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 50
view profile
History
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 2:03:37 AM
well you have to ask yourself if your cool dating a slut that has a CONSITERABLY higher risk of STD's ... if your cool with it, then its ok.. if not then no.. I guess its all a matter of what your standards are.. Personally being 21 I date women between 18 and 25 and I think that between 0 and about 5-6 is perfectly normal.. if she's had 10-15 then I think shes kinda a slut.. but thats just me..
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 54
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 1:19:45 PM

But you're not dating her right now are you?


Sheeesh... READ I've dated such women in the past with no problem and I'd do it again. Why should it be any different the next time?


I think that is the point the other guys have made. You're not living with the situation now are you? In other words what you think would be going on in your head IF you were dating her is all hypothetical isn't it?


No, it's actually something called logical inference. I've driven a car. I'm quite likely to drive a car again.
Based on previous experience, I don't expect my ability to drive a car will change much, even though I'm not driving a car right this second. Do you have any expectation that rocks wil fall down instead of up the next time you see a rock?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 55
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 1:27:30 PM
That is precisely the reason men don't want a woman who has been with every guy. It's because it shows more character for a woman to say NO than for her to say YES.


Character is about having the personal integrity to do what one thinks is right and stand up for it, independent of your opinion or anyone else's opinion of what that is. You can make your own judgements and act on that accordingly, but your judgements are yours, not mine and yours aren't any better than mine. I'd argue the reverse, since your idea of character imposes constraints which are unrelated to that concept.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 56
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 1:35:12 PM

As was said before. We're can't handle the truth.


Maybe you can't. I prefer handling the truth, since reality isn't going to change for my benefit.


How will you know someone is clean? Some STD's don't show up for a hell of a long time even in testing.


Life is a risk and eventually, you'll die anyway. The only way to make the most of the time you get is to try and discover all of the facts you need to make an educated decision about the risks involved in doing something. Note that you can't make an educated decision if you can't handle the truth.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 58
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:28:37 PM
[quoteI dated women in with a lot of partners in the past when it didn't matter. I wasn't planning on keeping them so it didn't matter.... Now, the girl I'm seeing, I plan on keeping so it does make a difference...

I don't date women I don't plan to keep. The fact that it makes a difference to you is something you need to deal with instead of burdening your girlfriend with your issues. You can't possibly make her feel good about herself if you're having so much difficulty accepting her as she is. Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if she were to have so much difficulty deciding if you were worth keeping because you had done something (it doesn't have to be sex?) You'd probably be depressed because there is nothing you can do about it and you'd constantly being trying to make up for it or apologize for it. I understand your problem, because it was something I had to get over. But, I really think that it would not make any difference if she was a virgin. You would eventually find some reason to feel insecure. You need to stop caring what OTHER people MIGHT think about you because of your girlfriend or whether your girlfriend is comparing you to anyone. Are you going to pass up someone who could make you happy for whatever time you get to live because of such a silly thing? Notice that a large number of people in this forum who haven't had a lot of partners, who are divorced and who have ridiculous problems with relationships haven't fared any better because their partner count falls below some arbitrary number, pulled out of someone's a$$.

The worst that can happen is that your relationship won't last. I'd say that with in your present frame of mind, it's a sure thing to not last. You really have nothing to lose by changing your outlook.

You don't have to believe I'd accept your situation. The message is not the messanger.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 59
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:37:24 PM
Age and eyesight, reflex changes may or may not impact your ability to drive a car in the future...
Move to downtown New York, you may never drive again due to preferences...
Move to England, driving is really different... you can't assume you can drive on the roads the way you used to....


Analogies are just analogies. They serve the purpose of making a point clearly, not providing a perfect parallel to substitute for what they analogize. I'm sure you get the point. You are just determined to misconstrue it in order to wallow in existential malaise. You can be miserable or you can be happy. People who are miserable forget to be grateful for what they have. Your issues are inconsequential compared with what many others face, through no fault of their own. Appreciate what you have.
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 65
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/7/2008 4:39:21 AM
Who cares - as long as she loves you and is totaly commited to you and you only . She could have 200 and would not change anything . I know when i go home she is with me . that is thee most important thing . I was with one girl who said she was going home with another guy . made me feel 2 inches tall . to think all I was good for was "just " so she find another guy . I would not care if , she had 50 F buddies .
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Bette Milder & her husbands response
Posted: 9/7/2008 6:36:21 AM
When someone's book exposed Bette Midlers true appetite for men, she went to her husband and asked how he felt about it (she was worried b/c they have a good marriage). I loved his answer "Good....let everyone know what a hot babe you are....and now you are mine". What a classy guy.

My philosophy comes from years of hearing men talk about cold women; the women we are talking about in this post, are usually very warm and like to be touched. The women who hold out for the right one, are not always as warm, touchy feely as the bette midler types.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 67
view profile
History
5 dates a year!
Posted: 9/7/2008 6:54:18 AM
"course in another post you have someone stating it's common to have sex on a first date...so you wonder how women end up with 5 guys a year?if the poor girl only has five dates a year...."

Very funny. well put. MAde me laugh. (if this were the real situation....)This poor girl (with the 5 dates) should do some serious searching to find out why she has only one date per guy.

This is why I tell people who ask me for advice.....keep the first date out of the bedroom. After all, its hard to be sure they are free of HIV in just one date. also remember the condoms have been known to break.
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 69
view profile
History
men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?
Posted: 9/7/2008 11:56:31 AM
Easy? I would simply say that she is enjoying an active sexual lifestyle. Why would you care? She is obviously comfortable with her sexuality as well as her body. A libido is like weight....everyone's is a little different.

Some men while "indulging" a woman enjoy hearing about her previous sexual encounters, some women enjoy telling while in bed. Some men as well as women are turned off by it and still others couldn't care less.

Sounds like this woman could be a lot of fun. If she told you this she is apparently able to communicate on a sexual level which for some is a difficult thing to do. If however it's bothersome to you then jump ship.

I know that it wouldn't be a problem from my perspective...Each of us again are different. Do what is correct for you.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > men, how do you feel when the woman you love tells you she had many [30-...] f- buddies?