Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Am i important to him?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 2
Am i important to him?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Give him some space. He'll call when he has time. If you start crowding him, you are liable to scare him off. Most guys are not into talking on the phone. They prefer to communicate in person. He told you that he is seeing only you and until there is a reason not to, I'd believe him. You can mention on your next date that you miss hearing his voice when you aren't together and wish he'd call just to say hi. That might give him the message that you'd like more contact in between dates. Good luck!

PS - You're a beautiful young lady, so don't worry. If this guy is to dumb to appreciate you, there will be plenty of others who will.
 oceaneyess
Joined: 2/21/2008
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:41:01 PM
Angelica,

I really feel for you. I have been there where I have felt that angst in my gut when I felt that I had met "the one" for me. Dates went great. He said all the right things..Swept me off my feet and then calls didn't come as I had wished and I was right were you were, wondering and waiting. He had excuse after excuse for his inability to call. Hell, how long does it take to call or text to say, "I'm thinking of you."

Later I realized he wasn't the right guy for me. I'm not saying this one isn't. Just for your own sanity do as the saying goes...Don't make someone a priority in your life if you are just an option in theirs.

It could be that this guy really digs you,,,but don't you think that having the "commitment" talk with him after just 4 dates was a bit soon? Perhaps he was taken off guard and felt on the spot to answer "no there's only you."

My suggestion is to keep yourself busy. Don't call him. If he truly wants to talk to you, He will call. You are a beautiful,don't waste your time waiting,,accept other date offers and when you give your time to those who want to call and be with you,the wait won't his call won't consume you.

My best wishes to you.
 ~~~PlayNice~~~
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/4/2008 1:29:34 AM
not to be rude but in all honesty, maybe you're not. that's not a bad thing. it's only been three weeks. some guys do still like the chase. hey, some girls like that part too! it may not even be about that.

it probably just hasn't been enough time to get so serious so fast for him. you say he's older... with age often comes maturity. no need to sit on the phone all day and be in constant contact. what's the rush? i myself would feel smothered to death if after three weeks, a guy was calling every day. just give him some time. confidence is a lot sexier than insecurity. especially so soon.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 9
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:48:17 PM


Msg: 5 -- Don't make someone a priority in your life if you are just an option in theirs.


I see this quoted so MANY times. And for the same reason. Most folk just don't seem to get it. But, that doesn't decrease it's value as a nugget of sage advice.
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 15
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/4/2008 10:47:54 PM
OP I think the question should be "Are you important to yourself?"

I can relate to what your dealing with and the best advice has already been given. You are GIVING this guy control over you, control he may not even know or want. You also are definitely appearing way to needy and clingy and acting like an insecure wife almost.

Quit focusing on him and take care of you. Why in the world would you want to stay at home waiting by the phone for a possible call? Don't put your life on hold waiting for a maybe... and I don't think anyone (man or woman) finds that especially attractive, more like desperate which you do not need to be. JMO Good luck.
 cassandrat2001
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/5/2008 11:35:18 AM
it sounds like maybe u are overreacting to the situation. you said you have only been dating for 3 weeks. maybe he just doesn't like to talk on the phone. i know a lot of guys that don't like talking on the phone, they just want to say what needs said, not chat like us gals do. it seems that you are overthinking it & making something out of nothing. i would say calm down & give him a little space. if he does not call for like a week that is 1 thing but just cuz he doesn't call the same day he gets back from a trip or whatever is not a big deal. maybe he had jet lag or is tired from traveling or whatever. & if he says he is busy at work, maybe he is just busy at work. u could try to talk to him about it but don't demand that he call you all the time cuz it is still very early in your relationship & that could scare him off. good luck.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 19
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/5/2008 1:14:17 PM

actually yes. we do. And i do go once in a while to see what's new and stuff. But..i have seen him online too. So..i don't know, if that means anything...or i should touch on the topic of deleting profiles..etc. let me know.:)


Three weeks a relationship does not make. Call him, say what's up. But I think you're rushing.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 20
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/5/2008 1:17:51 PM
you are only 21 and you acting like it; I think you are into his position, money, and status at his age, and he's obviously into a young girl. You live in Marin County area and it happens all the time.

Get ready to get used to it. He's not going to change and with so much travel and business there is no way he's going to not have contact with other women.

I think already you are acting pretty clingy; Also, if he was so into you he wouldn't go days without calling. Look at his actions. I think right now you are so infatuated that he could say the Golden Gate Bridge was green and you'd agree.

I think you are a bad match for sure. You are at 2 different points in your life. You are worried about him calling almost like a high schooler and he's worried about making money. good luck.
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:26:41 AM
Angelicagirl
A very similar recent thread is "trying to figure this guy out..." , so look that up and become buddies with your "twin sister"
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/6/2008 11:08:49 AM
Yah, I would move on. I'm not saying your amount of contact is the right way or that his is, but two people should be a match. If he knows that you need more contact and he's not willing to give it, you can probably find someone who will. It's not about being from another country. If I was in your situation, I would want to hear back from him at least the next day he was back in town (even if you didn't try calling first). If you both weren't that interested, then it might be able to work, and neither of you would need to hear from each other that often. But it sounds like you are more interested. Sorry to hear about this. I have to say though, that take everyone's advice with a grain of salt. It doesn't have to do with our opinions, it has to do with what you personally can put up with. I know some people who are in long term relationships (one married) where the woman was extremely patient with the man in the beginning - would complain to girl friends about the lack of attention, but didn't say anything to her man. Eventually I guess the men came around. So I don't really know. But I think that there are lots of relationships where the two people do contact each other every day too, and the man makes sure that the woman knows how he feels - and that's what I want.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/6/2008 11:20:26 AM
It is funny, there was a thread put up way over a year ago about whether a man would call if the woman was important to him. To a one, all replied, yes, they would, never really got an answer about how long they would keep that up but that was another thread.

I guess your question is whether you really should be important to someone at 3 weeks. Most people would say that it is healthy for someone to have a life and let's face it, most men don't call their friends or anyone else every day.

I do suspect that this man is never going to turn into someone who will give you the attention you seem to need.
 real1foryou
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:22:50 PM
Control? Who on here said he was controlling her? He is a healthy person who has been generous in going on dates with her and clearly has a life. Who wants a loser without a life? Call her every day? Over a kiss? She doesn't really sound all that 'in' to him. From the information she has told us, she is now trying to play games and many of you females are encouraging her to play games. Worthwhile guys have a life and spend their time living it. If you just want to date then hang out with 16 year old boys. If you want successful men then you must be more mature in your approach to being a good partner, not a dater.
Judge
 real1foryou
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:28:48 PM
Man enough to do something about it? Jeepers... He already has been doing the teenage dating thing. I suppose she is lauded for being woman enough to give him a kiss. He is not responsible for her over the top feelings and doesn't have to do ANYTHING about it. She should tell him and show him her interest. But he has no obligation to do anything but keep a balanced life and see if she is a partner or a game player.
 real1foryou
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/6/2008 3:40:57 PM
Nautical: typical and unnecessary to whine about your questions. So this is about you getting attention and having your questions answered? Your guess seems in line with your issues.
A significant man has taken his time out to see this gal several times. She clearly doesn't have enough life pursuits and needs to look at her talents and use them for something good in this world. Maybe she would be more mature and complete for a mature male.
Now. IF he had offered to take her to his place, the advice from you paranoid experts would be to not go because he could chop her up or rape her, etc.... Now you say, if he doesn't take you to his place then he must be a horrible married man. Make up your mind.
So here is the deal. Shallow dates of dinner and a movie are not the beginnings of a relationship. They are time wasters and time killers. Maybe the teenage dating game should be set aside and she should offer dinner at her place or his place. Of course, she should also call him at least once every two days or he won't consider her very interested in him. He is busy afterall and living a good life. It is on her to present something that he would want to trade his freedom for. People don't give up their freedom for nothing and too many ladies don't understand that. You are not the only woman who could be interested in the man and he knows it. So you need to be the BEST woman who is interested in the man.
Nautical: thanks for understanding the reasoned discussion. Life is truly good for many of us great guys.
Judge
 real1foryou
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/7/2008 2:36:20 PM
hehehe Call him once and then quit? How serious are you if you only call once? With a majority of ladies being 'confused', going through a phase, playing games, etc... a guy who really has a life and his time is valuable with useful careers and community activities, then THAT is the kind of guy you want and should gain his trust that you are not a drain but have something to offer. If you are solid and can call him now and then to keep letting him know you are interested, then do so. Just don't attach life or death labels to his responses for now. The more you show you are a mature partner and can run with the ball, the more he'll envision you as a partner who he can't do without. Remember, your goal is not to manipulate him or give him ultimatums; your goal is to be someone's partner who brings something valuable to his life.
Judge
 KLeighHeart
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:51:27 PM
My goodness... its sounds so familiar.... I just hope its not too late for me... and this great guy isnt put off... and hopefully is open enough to talk about it...
I came out of a not so great relationship bout 2 months ago... then I came across someone I can just talk to... its nice... its nice to feel for someone that says they appreciate it...I would hope whatever happens ... the friendship is still there...
there is still some misunderstandings.. mixed with wanting to talk with him.. just becuase... but... ehhh.. I tend to ramble...
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 58
Am i important to him?
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:36:55 PM
Angelicagirl 21
-


User closed account Sep 9 2008 9:11PM
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Am i important to him?