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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 MidnightStorms
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 7
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
There's a reason he doesn't put not single on his profile. I would make it simple up date it or stop seeing me.
 flyboy114
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 10
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:00:27 PM
She certainly does have issues...........I guess it's not ok for her BF to treat her great, tell her all the right things, act the right way....be compatible in every sense...and have a profile up on POF.....yet it is ok for her to sneak behind his back and keep tabs on when he logs on and off.

Some serious control and trust issues here.

So you cook and clean for him. Terrific. How nice of you. You also spy on him behind his back...what does that make you? I know I wouldn't put up with that crap.

You asked him about it and he told you the story. Trust him. You cannot control everything. And if something as insignificant as a profile gets you upset, then wait till something important happens. What then?

take his word for now, chill out, and DON'T SPY
 flyboy114
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 14
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:18:17 PM
Look..it goes both ways. I will bow out of this because it's none of my business..except to say this, luckee.....

Maybe stay off POF for a little while and try and have a relationship with your bf away from the online environment, if you know what I mean. I cannot speak for him or you, but my comments are based on the impressions your words here give: there are trust issues at play here. Let it go. Seriously. Trust your man and let his actions and words towards you speak for the relationship. Do not spy on him. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he treats you well, says and does the right things and genuinely cares for you, then you should focus your energy and emotions towards the relationship.
Look...I'm not saying what he's doing online is right or wrong. But if you're as happy about him as you write, then maybe a little benefit of the doubt will go a long way.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 21
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:34:46 PM
Just ask him to estimate how long it will take for him to feel comfortable deleting or hiding his profile. He gives you a date (which may in fact be never). You decide whether you can put up with it or not. Honestly I wouldn't put up with it. Even though it's only been a month. But I also wouldn't do that adding to favourites and deleting to check up on a guy (why wouldn't he know you do this, btw? I get an email everytime someone adds me to their favourites - it's one of the settings options). Would I break up over an issue like this? Maybe, especially if my gut was telling me that he was going to be unfaithful. Sorry to hear this is happening to you. Guys, it's really not rocket science how to make your girl happy. This shit is ridiculous.
 txmary18
Joined: 3/3/2007
Msg: 24
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:56:38 PM
ummmm yeah dont let that bug u if it gets worser dump him aha
 hard starboard
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 32
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:25:02 PM
Put up a better one.
 bleeptwo
Joined: 11/29/2005
Msg: 33
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:25:30 PM
seems to me a simple solution is at hand ask him for his POF password then if you must or feel compelled just log on see what he writes and reads. hell I have had a few woman's passwords (to help them with there profiles uploading pic etc I suspect they changed them but I never would have got on there site. But in the OP case I think that the guy is keeping options open with others so maybe he was a little fast with the girlfriend introduction especially since he is still here. I love the forums they are a riot sometimes. But I think you may have a problem OP
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 37
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:39:42 PM

He says you are one of the most open minded women he knows? Hmmm, but not on this issue evidently.
Personally, I would not worry about it. Some people are just on to flirt and engage in interesting dialogs with others.
Darlin', he is with you for a reason, now trust him and have some faith in yourself.



A glimmer of hope shines brightly against a background of darkness. Well said!

Best,

ACP
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 38
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:43:18 PM

Forgive me, how have you come to that decision that "I have serious issues" I have a guy that told me "you are the coolest woman I have ever known or been in bed with" he also told me "You are the most intelligent open minded girl I know" I also treat him very well, I respect him and I adore him, I do alot of nice things for him and we LAUGH our ass off together all the time. We have known each other since April...He tells me I am the sexiest girl he has ever known! BUT he cant take his profile down OR HIDE IT.... or update it to say he is not single? I have issues....NOT



How do I come to the conclusion that you have issues? You hide your profile and only keep it active to spy on him. Adding him to your friends list and taking him off again just so you can keep track of him? You portray serious psychological issues with your behavior. So yes, you have issues, and you should seriously speak to someone about them.


I have to agree with RustySurfer. This behavior is pretty bad especially since you've only begun to date. I have a feeling that you had trust issue's in your previous relationships as well.

He has been very upfront with you, HE has not hidden his profile and lied to you or spied on you. As for the fav's. I get people putting me in their fav's and yet not heard one thing from them. A person doesn't control who puts them in their fav list.

Does he come on the forums or read them? Many on here come only for forums. Many do make friends both men and women and enjoy the connection - nothing to do with relationship or sex. I wouldn't expect my new partner to give up his friends just because we started seeing each other, and visa versa.

OP I am not trying to put you down. I don't think that your far enough into your relationship to warrant such behavior or demands. Heck it should never be warranted no matter how long. I would worry if he was lying to you but he hasn't. To be honest, he should be the one concerned if your going to such extents to keep an eye on him.

If your having this kind of problem now then maybe you aren't ready for this relationship. Without trust then there is no foundation. For me if I am going to the point of having to "spy" on someone whether online/emails/phone msg or whatever then it's long past time to get out.
 TennJen
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 39
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 8:48:07 PM
Girl, first of all ,to quote an old song, "if it don't come easy, you'd better let it go". If you have to drive yourself nuts about what he is doing, you do not have him in the first place. If you were both on the same page you would not be asking us. He is still looking while he gets it on with you. Trust me, I have been cheated on by the best of them and heard most of the lines. He knows this bothers you and he couldn't care less.
Also, all the things you do for him need not be mentioned. You sound needy. Sorry.
 TennJen
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 42
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:10:43 PM
Oh yes, he is full of crap! You are better than this. Concentrate on the good in your life and back off from him until you are satisfied that he's for real. A break up is only hard for a little while but a bad relationship is misery for the long haul. Bet if you cool your jets his will warm up fast if he really cares. You need to decide how much you are willing to put up with. A lot of guys are good in the sack. Think with your brain.
 Madame Chaucer
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 44
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:24:03 PM
I imagine that your boyfriend still has his profile up as "single" because he is indeed still available for dating, if the "right" opportunity caught his attention.

Sorry.

News flash: Hot sex does not make every man feel monogamous.

I think your repeated posts about it are a little strange. The situation is real simple. Talk to him. Let him know how much it bugs you. He will take it down or he won't. You either accept it and go on as you are, or you don't.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 62
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:28:44 AM
I think you should copy all the posts you've made here, so you can be honest with him about what you do daily, show them to him and ask that he be just as honest with you about what he does here and whatever other dating sites he's on. That way you can both get it all out in the open and you can decide, after he tells you what he thinks, if you want to keep dating him or not. Really it sounds like you both play minds games with each other and neither of you are being honest with the other. The bottom line is, if he's doing something you do not like, why are you sticking around for it?
 RavenRayne
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 65
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:06:53 AM
Without TRUST, a relationship will NOT survive.
POF is a dating site. Not networking or any other claim he makes.
We all understand its purpose.
Let him go...If he chooses not to delete it!

RR
 TennJen
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 66
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:57:27 AM
OP You said he was "kinky". Make up a fake profile and check out some of the sex sites. Bet money you'll find him there. Not that there is anything wrong with a little kinky unless it is deceitful. I don't think after reading all these replies that you could even feel the same about him?
 TennJen
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 67
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:18:54 AM
Ulysses
Have you read any of this? He never said he loved her.
 Irishlass17
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 75
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:55:03 PM
With all the sites out there he has to network on POF? Gimme a break. I'd tell him to ride the rope. And anyone who has to go to these lengths to check up on someone, I'd dump you in a sec. I think the 2 of you should go your separate ways and find someone else. It seems the only good thing you have going is sex. This thread sounds like something out of highschool. After only three months you already don't trust him. And he has his profile still up on POF? If you want to stick it out, both of you stay off of POF and do something like realllllly getting to know each other. Shheeeesh!!! This isn't rocket science!!!!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 88
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:52:46 PM
OH DEAR!!! The OP began this thread on the 5th and has already permanently left the building. She did take quite a beating early on. OUCH!! I'll save my comment on the OT since it clearly makes no difference at this point.
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 91
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:48:30 PM

Obviously he still feels single . People treat us the way we allow them too. You be the judge of what you should do ,but do not be dumb about it. Tell him it bothers you and if he truly respects you he will take it off the site. If he chooses to keep it up then is there any question what you should do.


The OP is gone. I just can't resist.

When he responds that it that he is bothered by attempts to control his behavior and that if she respects him she will allow him to make his own decisions, if she doesn't respect his decisions then is there any question what he should do?

Funny, one of the indicators that I was all grown up was my ability to allow other adults to make their own decisions without attempts to coerce, manipulate, or cajole them into complying with my whims and desires. Perhaps she's just not grown up yet.

Best,

ACP
 TennJen
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 92
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:55:58 PM
Hey guys! Why are we still advising this girl when she has already "left the building"?
Apparently, she didn't really want to hear the truth or maybe she expected us to be all over how great he was and how he really DOES care?? Who the heck knows?? She really needs to grow up. I'm outta here, bye.
 kitkat855
Joined: 7/3/2008
Msg: 99
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:49:36 PM
You both have to decide if your exclusive.If thats whats agreed to then the profile gets deleted.Otherwise its casual dating /open ended you do what you what he does the same.AKA friends with bene's if thats what you want.Takes 2 to tango.If your not up for the dance move on.No such thing as networking on a dating site.Too much temptation.I wouldn't agree to the hidden one either .If its on here and hidden then he is still using his account.As far as the forums I don't believe you have to log on to read them perhaps just to answer a question.Either you like your fish or you throw it back!!!If someone wants dating advice they can get it free on many non dating type of sites like ask men etc.If its friends on here then you can chat offline thru email etc.Logging on and adding him to fav's just to "stalk" him isn't healthy either.Trust is paramount in a relationship. And he says you just "have to trust him" well no one makes you do what you don't want.Decide what you want out of this.If your both on the same page great.Otherwise your being played.Been there done that.Same senario!!
 mm143
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 104
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:11:57 PM
well u havent known him very long he does like u but i believe he is taking advantage of u you said the sex was great well i believe guys will stay and take u out and have fun but HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! no future there if he was into u he would of said both of u get off of this site if u bug him about this profile he might drop u and he might drop u just because he wants to move to the next one either way hes not the one get a guy who treats u like a queen respects and loves u REMEMBER U R THE PRIZE so whoever gets u is the winner good luck god bless
 mm143
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 105
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:19:45 PM
i agree bs and i dont think they have something real i think if 2 people r going to date they should really try and stay off here for awhile
 knee_knee
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 111
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:18:39 AM
how about move on and get a life.. ok hes profile is up?? yeah?
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 112
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:45:18 AM
I figured it out! OP means "original poster," no? Tell me if I haven't got it right.

Okay - I am not big on unearned trust. I don't trust someone because I love them, but rather the reverse more likely.

If you tell your SO (everyone know that one?) that you want exclusivity, then you can try saying you want their profile to make it clear they are in a monogamous relationship. Most likely a decent, committed lover would be willing to do so; if not, ask for a GOOD reason why not, think up another way to make sure, and see if he goes for that. Or ask him how HE can make you confident. "Don't you trust me?" gets the answer "this makes me worry I shouldn't."

And DO check the profile now and then. And you might even want to turn on "let people know I've viewed them" just so he knows.
ED BEAR
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