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 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 3
Define Love at this stage Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I dont think love or courting is dead. Love never changes...not real or true love...it is one of the few constants in an ever changing world.

We are part of a different world, we have so many more opportunites than any generation before us. Per my Psyc book, it took 5000 years to extend the human life from 18 years to 41 years (so most of us wouldnt be alive if that hadnt happened and this wouldnt be a topic for those over 45 :p ) Marriages used to be arranged for the benefits of families, kingdoms etc.

We simply do not appreciate the gift we have, we take things for granted. We want love to be what we want it to be...(tall, dark and handsome) ... most cling to the ideas that limit who and how they love. Instant gratification, fast food type relationships.

We want younger or smarter or richer...when we were younger we all were unknown quanities ...now we have limitations on who we want in our lives and to justify our stupidity at limiting ourselves, we claim it is wisdom that is causing us to feel this way...we are suckers of our own intelligence, our own superiority.

We have the internet to meet people, before you were more restricted to family, friends or your own area. Very few people at our ages would have this opportunity but with it has come the grass is greener syndrome. People are so afraid of making a bad decision they make none. No one takes the time to heal they just rebound back into the next relationship cause someone is there.

Also with the way the whole world has changed by having the internet we are exposed to more viewpoints. We see more of the bad and less of the good. The news protrays most negative stories and it has made us miss out on some of the most amazing things in life...we have become jaded. Someone says something shocking and they are appauled as genuis to have come up with a way to shock people. We have people like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears and other young people who need guidance in their lives set up as examples to our youths...they are famous for what?

We have clouded the lenses of your minds eye in our views of love...but that didnt change love.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 5
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:03:24 AM
Interesting at our age to speak of love means to also speak of pain.

Having tasted the disappointment of love in the past... I am much more aware of the realities and consequences of loving and the pain of endings.

I started out being a bit careful with how I loved... knowing that to love fully means it will hurt when it ends. And as I lived the experience of hurt I began to be less cautious of it. I will survive it, because I have survived it. .. so the fear of being hurt has less hold on me, not more. What I have not experienced in my life is enduring love, and that I embrace.

Now or forever? I think I am blurring those lines.
I experience my love for him now and express it now... but equally, fervently, intend for our todays to run uninterrupted into the piece of forever we will have. YES, I want to grow old with this man... one day at a time.

And that is the distinction I'd place on it Ren. I am going to get old and die... and I most certainly hope I do get old before I die. And my intention is to love this man fully and completely for each and every one of those days. Not an "if it happens"... I have no intention of loving him from such a passive place. I will put all of myself into everyday that I have with him.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 10
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:09:44 AM
lol candlelight, that was good

Anyone see the movie "Love, Actually" Great movie, great songs.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 16
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/6/2008 12:39:57 PM
Another thread becomes about Ren, can these forums get any more boring!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 17
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/6/2008 3:30:06 PM
I don't think my definition of love has changed much. What *has* changed is how carefully and with whom I seek it. I've been lucky in my life, haven't often had to do repeat lessons. And it's way too late for my to try to find somebody to grow old *with*, lol! -- best I kin hope for is a very long time together. . . .

 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 26
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/9/2008 12:38:31 PM
Love should be active Ie. loving. Falling in love is easy compared to loving. Loving changes freuqently depending on the situation. Romance is not love. It is a part of loving. Caring for your mate when she has just had a child, is sleep deprived and has no interest in sex for several months is loving. Looking after a mate when he is ill is loving. Listening to your mate when s/he is sad or discouraged is loving.
Celibrating a success with him or her is loving. Watching your children grow and become adults is loving. Suporting a mate when a parent is ill or at deaths door is loving .
In my world love endures. It is both a feeling and an attitude. "Falling in love" is a lot easier than staying in love and love will change over time. There are times that even though I hate what is happening in a relationship ( any relationship not just romantic relationships ) I choose to commit to stay in relationship with that person because I am commited to loving that person. Many people mix up romance with love They are not the same. Romance can become love over time but for love to endure there needs to be commitment, patience, respect, kindness, forgiveness, fun, laughter, friendship and the willingness to work at behaving in a way thet ensures your partner is happy being with you. Loving is active and after the romance is over it becomes a choice.
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 27
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/9/2008 12:39:07 PM
Love should be active Ie. loving. Falling in love is easy compared to loving. Loving changes freuqently depending on the situation. Romance is not love. It is a part of loving. Caring for your mate when she has just had a child, is sleep deprived and has no interest in sex for several months is loving. Looking after a mate when he is ill is loving. Listening to your mate when s/he is sad or discouraged is loving.
Celibrating a success with him or her is loving. Watching your children grow and become adults is loving. Suporting a mate when a parent is ill or at deaths door is loving .
In my world love endures. It is both a feeling and an attitude. "Falling in love" is a lot easier than staying in love and love will change over time. There are times that even though I hate what is happening in a relationship ( any relationship not just romantic relationships ) I choose to commit to stay in relationship with that person because I am commited to loving that person. Many people mix up romance with love They are not the same. Romance can become love over time but for love to endure there needs to be commitment, patience, respect, kindness, forgiveness, fun, laughter, friendship and the willingness to work at behaving in a way thet ensures your partner is happy being with you. Loving is active and after the romance is over it becomes a choice.
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 29
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/9/2008 4:29:19 PM
It is great feeling...feeling of joy.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 34
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:10:39 PM

[Love is "deciding" to be there for him during good times, bad times and all those times in between. Love is "deciding" to live this journey together.]

I had decided all those things 20+ years ago and thought the decision was reciprocal.
Somewhere along the way the decision making process became more like "oh well, if we get divorced, it will just be a new chapter"

I want the next chapter to flow a little better and started rethinking the whole concept!


For me, when I was in my 20's, I thought that basically that was what people (male and female) did when they fell in love and decided to get married. Imagine my shock a few years later when serious problems raised their ugly little heads, to discover my partner thought that it was *my* job to take care of them, not *our* job.

Now, scoping out *his* view of what love is, and how one keeps it alive is a major part of vetting a new love. . . .

 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 38
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/12/2008 10:20:04 AM
Must we have Definitions...???? You Darn right!! Essentially, it was the very Lack of definitions about things (such as Love) that got us into all those unhappy and failed miserable relationships in the past. duh!!?? I've had plenty of "if it feels good, do it" moments in my life... and most of em were great: however, all of my unsuccessful relationships were started just that way...too!

Of course, part of Love is the intense feelings that we all Like so much. And we really don't have much choice about who we might begin having these 'feelings' about, either. (We can fall in Love with people that are toxic for us!) But.... if we have thouroughly defined Love before we go looking to bag it, we will realize that just the intense feelings alone do not constitute the full definition of Love. Love is as much ( if not more!) a verb as it is a noun. It doesn't take any energy or committment to have those 'feelings'. It takes a lot of energy and committment to "choose" to consistently treat someone like you Love them. (thats the choice that was talked about earlier).

Would you give your full wallet to a known theif?? Why then would you entrust your heart to someone who will not take care of it, just because you have feelings of "Love" for them?
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 53
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/27/2008 5:32:02 PM
"Love is like the wind.You can't see it but you can feel it".
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 55
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:25:29 PM
Sometimes you do not trust...sometimes you do not accept...but you must forgive(parents love).
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 59
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/28/2008 4:04:37 PM
Well...divorce is a legal end of your marriage...and can be friendly...depends only on your and your partner wants.
Speaking about next generation(our children)...they were witnesses of our life ...they know
what destroyed relationship between they parents.I'm not worry about that.
They have pure brilliant hearts!
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 61
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 11/30/2008 8:50:21 PM
Hang in there it happens, I had a teacher at 65 she fell in love and even married.

I still get the butterflies (it's not gas) Look at an old couple. See what they have. It's out there. Love starts in you and spreads. Like seeds in the spring. It happens. Have faith.
 safn1949
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 63
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:24:50 PM
I wrote this in another thread once,I saw an elderly couple in a fast food restaurant,had to be at least in their late 70's.

Her with the lost tragic look of dementia as he fed her and wiped her face with a napkin,smiling and talking to her the whole time,you could see the love on his face.

One of the most beautiful tings I have ever seen.
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 64
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 12/6/2008 8:30:31 PM
safan 1949: Now that is love. I pray everyone has that expereince at least once in their lives. It is sad today in our disposeable society that more peole do not reach that enduring love. From holding hands to wipping chins. That is an a to Z love for certain.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 72
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/11/2009 11:07:51 PM
There it is Rob....here on the over 45s there is quite a gamut of emotional and structural needs, probably much more than the 18s to 45s. I found that the biggest changes in my life came from 50-60. Before that you just 'know' that someone else will show up to love, because they always have.

From 50-60 and up, not only does the body you've depended on for years start making changes that aren't so easily fixed by eating salad for a week or doing 30 sit ups a day. You become categorized as invisible or only a parent or grandparent, not a 'person' with individual wants and needs. Mentally you pretty much know who you are, where you've been and what is doable in the future and that having a long list of requirements at this point is just a joke . What you hope for and rarely see is:

Someone who actually knows themselves and knows what they are willing to accommodate at this stage.
Someone who can accept the changes to their bodies, mind and heart and still be hopeful and accepting.
Someone who isn't so stuck in the rut of their lives that they are incapable of admitting a new person.
Someone who has a sense of humor and irony and acceptance about this last little joke the gods bestow.
Someone who doesn't hate all women/men because of their own bad choices or experiences.
Someone who still thinks it's worth the risk to care about another human being, because the benefits could outweigh the alternative.
Someone who has not totally given up.

The dance of life can continue to the end, but it is a 'choice' not a given.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 73
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/11/2009 11:18:48 PM

Define Love at this stage


...Love is when he still thinks you look beautiful after being sick with the flu for 3 days...wiping sweat from your face and holding your hair back when you're too damn sick to care..

...maeflowers
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 74
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/11/2009 11:43:37 PM
Ah Mae.....that is not love, that is compassion.......oh well......would do the same for my friends or my dog.......just not even close....but what do I know.....I do not love......

Just my opinion......
 HereN916
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 76
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/12/2009 3:54:56 PM
Define Love at this stage to me would be:

Patient and enduring, the freedom to be exactly who you are and be loved and love unconditionally!
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 77
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/12/2009 5:49:10 PM
Love is...Me gettin his teeth from the cup beside the bed so he can get up an get me my glasses! Then we both cook breaky together....*sigh* Paradise!!!!
The true meaning right?
Oh ffs, messages this short may not be posted!
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 85
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:33:54 AM
Define Love at this stage


" ...love from one being to another can only be that two solitudes come nearer... recognize and protect and comfort each other."
Han Suyin

My Centrum Silver moment....
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 87
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:50:38 PM
What came first.... 'the chicken, or the Egg>>>>????????????

This is what this is all about. Feelings of Love that are generated from superficial and generally meaningless physical attractions and overpowering gratuities... are generaly a perfect recipe for the classical..."Love turns into hate while traveling the stupid road of foolish expectations " senerio. ha! Those very wonderful "feelings" we all crave and hope for are just that: Feelings. Feelings are generated by and for all sorts of things. A lot of these things we mistakenly label...."Love". ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. But alas, Love is not what we are feeling... but rather, 'what we are doing'. And just as important: 'whats being done to us'.

Heres a wonderful little (big!) gem that I have discovered over my very long time of slow and painful developement: [If you Love someone, you will treat them that way...consistantly. If someone Loves you, they will treat you that way...consistently] Period. Theres really no deep dark ephemeral mystery to it. I guarantee you, if you use this simple little law as your reference point: You will never wonder whether or not your signifigant other actually Loves you. You can use this same law on yourself as well.
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 89
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:26:39 AM
Many women are soooo romantic, many men are not. However, they can pretend to be. Everyone wants a beautiful person. No one thinks: "I should fall in love with an ugly one." Ugly people want a beautiful person. Older men long for a pretty young girl. But many do not get lucky in getting what they want. So, they settle with what they can get. Can they love such a person? Of course, not! They can respect such a person. And that can be interpreted as LOVE. If a woman is mature, she will have hard time finding a man who will trully love her. And she might feel that she is too old to be loved. Many women are looking for much older men who most likely will love them. Or unattractive but good men. Big mistake! My advise: look for much younger men (in thier 30s) and you might find a man who might love you. And do not expect to be loved forever. Just enjoy the moment. I knew a 47 year old pretty woman who married a tall and handsome 33 year old guy. And she is so happy. At least for now.
About older men. When they reach middle-age they realize that they are old and being with a woman that age reminds them of that. So, they want much younger girls. Younger girls make them forget that such men are old.
 ernstt
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 91
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/16/2009 3:30:58 AM
i think that how people love changes throughout their life, it is still love however
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