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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER      Home login  
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 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 3
Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNERPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I think it is the right thing to do if you know that person isnt someone you want long term and they are looking for long term...
 patientandvaried
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 7
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Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/11/2008 4:19:51 PM
This may not be the answer you are looking for but I would continue dating someone I enjoyed being with even if I did not feel I would spend the rest of my life with them. If they are ok with that well than it works for both of you. If they are not , one of you should end it as to not lead the other on.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 8
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Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/11/2008 4:21:51 PM
Dating is such a ghastly experience, best to just wait until the perfect partner happens into your life...
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 12
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Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/11/2008 6:27:03 PM
OP, it's not wrong if that's the way you feel and that's what you want.

If you feel like you are wasting your time or the other persons time then it's not going to work if you aren't "into it".

If you aren't into dating, JUST for the sake of dating and having just anyone around then how could it be wrong?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 16
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Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/11/2008 8:37:09 PM
OP I totally agree with you. In fact, I don't even bother going on a first date if the man doesn't seem special.

My thought is that I can go out on yet another date which will probably end up boring me, or I can go do something with friends that I know I will enjoy. No contest which I do.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 21
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Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/12/2008 7:07:35 AM

Rearguard2...without dating...how do you know when the perfect partner happens in your life? I am curious...


Do activities you are interested in, enthusiastic about, and happy while doing them. Others involved will notice and want to share the happy vibrations. You find that the same woman begins to appear regularly, and never appears to be in any hurry to run off. As life evolves, you find yourself spending more and more time together, until one day you both realize that there is not particular reason to be apart.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 24
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Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/12/2008 7:28:36 AM
Well, I suppose that some men do want to e-mail forever. Myself, I email people who I find interesting, but if they live on the other side of the planet, I don't really aspire to much more than conversations. I find that a woman in my life has to be pretty close geographically for things to develop in real life. One of the big things about these online sites is that you do meet interesting people who live far away, and generally, few who live close enough for the development of a relationship of a romantic nature. Why that is, exactly, I don't know, but ever since the arrival of the internet I have found that I have developed friends in both private and professional areas who I will never likely meet in real life.

I think its part of modern life. As communication get cheaper and more extensive, electronic relationships will become more and more common. The good thing about them is that if they become unsatisfying, its easy to get out of them. That is never true in real life, and is probably why they are becoming more and more popular.

As to the "RIGHT PARTNER", the social statistics on that are to me quite revealing. Usually, Mr/Miss Right is found within 5 miles of where you live, a person from the same socio-economic-educational background with life expectations that are very similar to your own (For example, you are both content to live in the same suburb, or area, shop at the same stores, eat the same kinds of food, engage in the local activities). The consequence of that is, to me, that Mr/Miss Right is something that you and another person create. You create that perfect match by joining them socially, physically and emotionally in daily life that both find, if not completely satisfying, then at least mutually acceptable. As you continue to create a life together, each adjusts to the others' needs to some extent, and feeling and commitment deepen.

As someone who has experienced relationships with more than mildly diverse individuals, I can say that the girl/boy down the block is much more likely to last for the long haul than someone from the other side of the continent, even if that person is really quite a fantastic person that evokes extreme interest and significant emotion.

I have said it before in these forums. If you really want a mate, go for a walk in your neighbourhood. The internet will through up far more unsuitable candidates than will the local social network.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 27
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Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/12/2008 8:55:09 AM
Move to Australia. currently there is a massive shortage of women (30 men per woman) in large areas of Australia, so it won't be more than a few hours before you are overwhelmed with offers of various types. I suspect that you would not even need to bring along your computer, what with word of mouth in those types of situations and all.

Same kind of thing applies to men. In northern Quebec there are hugely more women than men, and its hard to last a week there without being overwhelmed with tuna casseroles....
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 28
Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/12/2008 9:04:06 AM
I’ll wait.

I was never into the “dating” stuff anyway. Even when I was young and between “real girlfriends” I waited and looked and waited. When I saw one I wanted for a girlfriend ........ I got her.

I’ll wait.
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 29
Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/12/2008 3:13:18 PM
OP, I never did like dating....even as a youngster....but I always realized that it has to start SOMEWHERE!....so I play the game....meaning that I date, (or did), and have a good time while learning all kinds of interesting things about each other. When you both are comfortable with each other, THAT'S when it becomes FUN! If the feeling isn't there, and you know there is no future in it, I think it's only FAIR to end it...what's the point in going on?

As to the posters who feel that chemistry can be determined on the first meet....well, that isn't always true. I think the first date can definitely ELIMINATE someone, if he/she is an absolute 'turn-off', or definitely not your type for whatever reason....but if that isn't the case, sometimes the chemistry doesn't appear till the 2nd or 3rd date. I know...it's happened to me....it's also happened to my daughter....and now it is going 'strong' for both of us in our relationships! Ya just never know....so don't be so quick to dismiss the 'first meet'.

~DC~
 nikinikaia
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 35
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Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/12/2008 6:30:51 PM
I understand what you're saying OP - I don't think there is anything wrong with honesty at all. If the chemistry just isn't there (and I'm not talking about that first lust rush feeling) then it's best to tell them how you feel sooner rather than later.

That's why I went back to friends on my profile - I'm just not in the 'dating' frame of mind right now. Saves everyone the time and trouble of contacting me if they are looking for something more than friends. (That is if they believe what they see in the written form, which seems to be an errant idea to some.)

So my vote is, just be honest.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 36
Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/12/2008 7:10:07 PM

As to the "RIGHT PARTNER", the social statistics on that are to me quite revealing. Usually, Mr/Miss Right is found within 5 miles of where you live, a person from the same socio-economic-educational background with life expectations that are very similar to your own (For example, you are both content to live in the same suburb, or area, shop at the same stores, eat the same kinds of food, engage in the local activities). The consequence of that is, to me, that Mr/Miss Right is something that you and another person create. You create that perfect match by joining them socially, physically and emotionally in daily life that both find, if not completely satisfying, then at least mutually acceptable. As you continue to create a life together, each adjusts to the others' needs to some extent, and feeling and commitment deepen.



...I'm not too sure about finding "Mr Right" in my neighbourhood....I've done a lot of door-to -door canvassing on behalf of the Cancer Society, school & community fundraisers and I have yet to come across one eligible bachelor...not that I was looking.

Unfortunately, it is highly unlikely I will meet anyone in my line of work, I deal with the less privilaged, the homeless and the unemployed....and any males I do come in contact with are usually married or in some type of relationship.

But I truly believe that if one broadens their social cirles there is a much better chance of meeting someone...a friend of mine accepted an invitation to "glow in the dark" bowling of all things (she has never bowled) and guess what? She met her current boyfriend when he accepted the same invitation from a co-worker...they got to talking and the rest is history.

....maeflowers
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 43
Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:02:46 AM
I'm with a lot of you who would rather not be dating someone just for the sake of dating....or 'until someone better comes along'. I enjoy my own company and have better things to do with my time. However, let me give you an example of the difference between a first meet impression....and how it can change if given another opportunity.

A man from POF and I have been emailing and wanted to meet, and as he lives a few hours away and has an RV, he decided to come to the local state park for 4 days and I could meet him there. I thought, "Oh No! How awkward would THAT be, if we don't hit it off?" He let me know, that if I didn't want to see him any more after the first meet, that was fine...1)he would either leave...2)we could decide that it won't work, but decide to spend the next 3 days as friends....or 3)he would just enjoy the rest of his time at the campground alone...no problem.

FIRST MEET...the guy was REALLY nice, and very funny, had me laughing most of the day....but I felt he seemed old for me...older than I was used to, anyway...not by his actions...more by the way he dressed, I guess. Had this been a meeting at Starbucks or something, I probably would've ended it with "No thanks"

SECOND MEET.... (or maybe FIRST DATE, although the first meet lasted all day...just as friends...no romance involved...or I probably wouldn't have gone back)....We spent the day at the park again, and the more we talked, the more I liked him, the less difference I felt our age to be, and the more appealing he was. Still no romance, but I went home wishing he WOULD'VE tried to kiss me...a WAY different feeling than I STARTED the day with.

THIRD DATE....I knew now that this was a man that I wished to continue seeing....and the chemistry was there...BIG TIME!!!!....at this time, it still wasn't sexual, but I think we both knew it would be eventually, if things kept progressing the way they have been. I won't go into where we are at this point, other than to say that we agreed to make it exclusive, but it just goes to show how first meets can be misleading.

Something to think about....

~DC~
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 44
Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:32:32 AM
THIRD DATE....I knew now that this was a man that I wished to continue seeing....and the chemistry was there...BIG TIME!!!!....at this time, it still wasn't sexual, but I think we both knew it would be eventually, if things kept progressing the way they have been. I won't go into where we are at this point, other than to say that we agreed to make it exclusive, but it just goes to show how first meets can be misleading.

Something to think about



...It certainly does give a person something to think about.

I will admit that in the past I was guilty of doing just that...relying soley on first impressions. It wasn't until I was on PoF for a while that I began to realize what I was doing was wrong. I wasn't being fair, not only to them but to me as well.....getting to know someone takes time. Oh grant you, there are those instances that you know immediately you don't want to take things any further....like when he shows up half looped.... once is enough.

First meets are difficult, most of us try too hard to make a good impression instead of just being who we are....yeah right, after saying that I should take my own advice.
...anyhow the point is, DC is right, sometimes it does take going out 3 or 4 times with that person.... maybe, just maybe some of us are a little guilty of wanting to make things happen too fast...yes?

Something funny just occured to me....even a few of my good friends did not make a good first impression with me.

...I would also like to comment on something else you said....
at this time, it still wasn't sexual, but I think we both knew it would be eventually


This should be in the " Intimate approach and rejection" thread for all to see. Very well put miss DC, conveys my view on the subject very nicely.

...maeflowers

...maeflowers
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 46
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Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:06:02 AM
At this particular point in time, I am on "hiatus" from dating. I simply don't have the interest and think that meeting up with someone is more "work". Ergo? I don't date. And I am ok with that for the time being. I hope my feelings change but to date, nothing has occured to make me think otherwise. Ced la vie eh?
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 47
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Posted: 9/14/2008 11:11:37 AM
Does that imply, Ms Moon, that you are exclusively interested in empty, meaningless physical encounters with men who happen by?????????

Darn! I live soooo far away......
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 48
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Posted: 9/14/2008 11:13:00 AM
Alas, Mr. R. No that does not mean I am into meaningless encounters of the third kind with strange men. It means that on Saturday nites ye shall find me home alone, watching a movie in my jammies!!! Maybe throw in a glass of fine wine or two....
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 50
Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:07:42 PM
I don't think of it that way, not wanting to bust your chops, OP over a word. I'm awful at waiting, it implies that I'm not doing something to "wait" to do something else.

I just live my life, do things that I enjoy as much as possible and enjoy the people I meet and interact with. I let things happen when and if they will and am doing other things if and when they don't. Often people complicate or make things more difficult than they need be. Even using the term "dating" or a "date" seems to come with various levels of expections.
 Minnesota Bliss
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 51
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Posted: 10/4/2008 8:13:59 PM
Ahh..but do you let her know that you're not interested in her, or do you just stop calling her?

(It's best to tell her that you don't feel you're a good match.)
 nikinikaia
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 53
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Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 10/5/2008 4:40:25 AM
OP, I've not read the rest of the posts, but in my book dating is supposed to be selective. It's the mechanism we use to decide whether the other person is someone we are compatible with, it helps us to visualize whether we can spend days and nights with, and finally whether we feel this person is who we want to be the first thing we see each morning and the last thing we see each night.

So, no, I don't think it is wrong to end the interaction if you truly feel there is no hope of being more than friends. After all, the other person is in the same boat - looking for that one person for the everlasting.
 bewitchingall1
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 55
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Posted: 10/5/2008 4:25:15 PM
I like that "opening a lot of oysters to find the pearl" very poetic. Fact is u can't expect Mr or Mrs right to drop from the sky into your lap. If you "bait the hook and troll" you stand a chance of finding that special person. Nothing says you have to go out on a date... Ck out pics/profiles, email, message, talk by phone if your not feeling the spark or there is alot of dead silence chances are your not compatible. If you feel the spark then set a meeting. Make it something that you want to do so your not missing out on fun even if the potential Mr/Mrs right turns out to be Mr/Mrs dud.
So keep opening the oysters....I know I will til I find my pearl
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 61
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Posted: 10/7/2008 5:45:03 AM
Same old crap you've said for years.

"I'm so happy, Men should love me, men dthat don't like me are boring, women should listen to me as their idol or they're creeps....."

I know there's way to many that have dislocated their shoulders with all the back patting you give your self or is it they're secretly double jointed?
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 64
Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 10/7/2008 2:21:20 PM
I date for all sorts of reasons but I primarily date to have fun. It is nice to go out with an attractive and intelligent lady and do whatever. I also date to find an eventual mate but I tend to keep that kind of dating on the back burner. Most of the women I currently date are not long term material and I am not now of a mindset to settle for one woman. A good prospect turns up now and then but not often and I really do not worry about it.

One thing I do know for sure, it is quite unlikely I will find dates sitting on my couch so I do get out and around a lot and I usually meet several new women a week although I actually end up dating very few of them.
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 65
Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 10/7/2008 2:21:52 PM
Well...it should be dating vs hoping to find the right partner!

 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 67
Dating vs WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PARTNER
Posted: 10/8/2008 8:32:21 AM
Did anyone ever see that picture of 4 elderly ladies all sitting together and covered in cobwebs... waiting for the "Right Partner?".......I may be joining them.


...maeflowers
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