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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Our walls are thick and high.      Home login  
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 medy8
Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 1
Our walls are thick and high.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Some of us here have walls that are thick and high, built by ourselves for whatever reasons. I just discovered that some other people find that a challenge, and do their best to penetrate these walls, months and months of chipping away at it, relentlessly...

Them we let them in, use the "L" word back at them, and they up and disappear, leaving us as another challenge completed, smug with the thought that for them, no wall is impregnable.

And what did it really accomplish? Once we get over the heart thats been broken yet again, we rebuild the wall, thicker and higher, until we can't be seen from the outside world.

8 months, and during it all, I now discover the pattern I overlooked while falling in love, that I wasn't the only one in her life, those mysterious weekends she'd suddenly disappear on another "church retreat", the text messages from her "daughter" that she'd ignore sometimes but had to reply to other times...and so much more...

You been played for a fool too?
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 2
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:02:32 PM
Sorry for your loss. Kudos for a poetic "Ode to the L word"

Never been played for a fool, but can sympathize with the walls....
 okcgreeneyes1029
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 3
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History
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:48:05 PM
A fool once or twice, but higher walls than just about anyone. I hate that. Everyone around me is finding love and getting married. After being divorced 8 yrs this month, I want that too.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 4
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History
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:49:49 PM
""""Them we let them in, use the "L" word back at them, and they up and disappear, leaving us as another challenge completed, smug with the thought that for them, no wall is impregnable."""

What are you talking about?
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 5
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:54:51 PM
I hear ya bro, been there too. Right now i'm having a 3rd attempt, if you will, with someone I care deeply about. I know the deck is stacked against me, but I have to at least try.
How many chances do we get I wonder?
I doubt I will take any more if this one tanks also. At least I will have the memory of feeling love, and hear someone say that they love me.

Such is life I guess........
 Shari67
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 6
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/13/2008 7:14:48 PM
I think a lot of people have, even some that don't want to admit it. You can tell just by all the angry man/woman bashing you see so often.
 actualizing
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 7
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/13/2008 7:28:11 PM
Wow I am sorry you feel played. That is tough. I let my walls down years ago and now I walk around with a thin coat of armour.....that I sometimes take off. That is where the heart breathes the best.....nobody will ever be able to do that to you again. Peace brother.
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 8
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/13/2008 8:53:26 PM
She didn't think you were really into her. Did you ask her for an engagement? Did you ask her to be exclusive? She probably thought that you were just using her, because you didn't express your intention to her.... so she decided to look around, before you broke her heart. You said things, probably, that made her feel insecure, so she broke your heart, before you broke hers. Do unto others, before they do unto you. Maybe this is a verse she learned at a church retreat. Do unto others.
 jus dave
Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 9
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/14/2008 8:44:01 PM
i wrote this awhile back and have shared it here before- hope it helps:

sometimes,
when you
back away from
a wall
you find
it's not as
high or
as wide
as it seemed
close
up.
-------------------------------

we sometime neglect to see doors or windows within our reach when our noses are pushed to close to a wall we make or have made for us.

dave
 DirtyHarry44
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 10
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/14/2008 8:47:07 PM
I knew there was more to those old "church retreats', dam it boy, and they say were the playas, please! If you need help building those dam walls bigger and higher just let me know, put a mote around it!And watch out for that Trojan Horse!
 indehills
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 11
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:00:43 PM
I've been on both sides of the wall. I put one up with my ex-wife, telling myself that I couldn't be hurt by her if I didn't care about her. But you know what? The only person that ends up getting hurt is the one who has the wall up. You end up hurting yourself by denying yourself the love you could be feeling for someone else.

I've also been on the outside of the wall. My ex-gf had a huge wall up because of being hurt in the past. After chipping away at it for almost two years, I barely got a peek at what was behind, and one of the reasons I left was that I just got tired of trying to get it - tired of trying to get back from her the love that I was giving to her.
 jst62
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 12
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History
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/17/2008 2:09:58 AM
How can you ask "what are you talking about"? are u thick headed???Duh! ANYWAY... Smooches -to "walls "-Never had a wall-still looking for a real man-I find too many Kens that think they should have a Barbie on their arm I just have average looks w a big heart and respect a real man
 SueisWho
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 13
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/17/2008 7:22:02 AM
No walls or fences here....

Fears...a few....but I do not build walls or fences around them....

I usually tend to be a runner!! I run when afraid...
 MaryAnn Singleton
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 14
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/17/2008 4:58:38 PM
See... that's the thing about walls, they protect us, but they also keep people out...! And it's really hard to let down those walls after you've been burned a few times. I guess it's a tough balancing act. You have to screen carefully and then if someone seems genuine, then you could let them in. But it's so easy to go the other way and be too cautious.

I like what Robert Frost wrote about walls in "The Mending Wall" :

Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun,
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.

Although that's the beginning of the poem and he ends it with the thought that "Good fences make good neighbours" - hmm, does that mean that good walls make good daters? Somehow I don't think so.
 cattalist
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 15
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History
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/19/2008 9:15:31 PM

Although that's the beginning of the poem and he ends it with the thought that "Good fences make good neighbours" - hmm, does that mean that good walls make good daters? Somehow I don't think so.


I love that!!!!!

Walls are walls, we build them to protect ourselves, inadvertantly we confine ourselves. But they can be scaled, they can be overcome. At least sometimes.....sometimes we find someone that "melts" our walls. For good or for bad it happens.
 lbronson
Joined: 2/13/2005
Msg: 16
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/19/2008 9:26:36 PM
if the purpose of a wall is to protect something weaker inside or outside of it, doesnt it make more sense (although much more work) to make the treasure within (yourself) so strong it can stand on its own? and no, i havent always taken my own advice, lol
 daisykahne9
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 17
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/20/2008 12:34:22 PM
I believe that every person that comes into my life, has been put in my life for a reason. Good or Bad. Look at it this way you've learned something from this person. You can take this experience into your future relationships. Hopefully this will make you stronger and more aware of what it is that you really want. As for the walls, they can be a good thing. Don't give up, the right person for you is out there!
 missouri-gypsy
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 18
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History
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/20/2008 12:42:17 PM
Who knows what in peoples minds, but I see on your profile that you are separted (please excue spellling just had a sesure in Aug. coming back but) anyway maybe that's it, she was in love but how can you make a commitment to a women when you are still married?
 iamnotsinfuld
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 19
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/20/2008 12:44:15 PM

Some of us here have walls that are thick and high, built by ourselves for whatever reasons. I just discovered that some other people find that a challenge, and do their best to penetrate these walls, months and months of chipping away at it, relentlessly...

Them we let them in, use the "L" word back at them, and they up and disappear, leaving us as another challenge completed, smug with the thought that for them, no wall is impregnable.

And what did it really accomplish? Once we get over the heart thats been broken yet again, we rebuild the wall, thicker and higher, until we can't be seen from the outside world.


well the world will be here waiting for you when you grow your testicles back.
 LeeAnne51
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 20
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/20/2008 1:04:34 PM
We all have walls, some higher some lower, each time we fail at a relationship we build them up higher and higher and tuffer for the next person to climb over, in every relationship we build we start looking for red flags, then if we dont see them we look harder until we chip away any good we can get from it. If you had doubts about the retreats the text messages you failed but least you tried, most of us dont do that, dont fault your self for trying...and dont stop .....
 64 Classic
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 21
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History
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/20/2008 1:12:33 PM
I can understand where you're coming from. It's hard to let someone in when you've been hurt so badly in the past. It's even harder to realize that when you do finally let someone in they were just in it for the challenge. :(
 german chick 1968
Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 22
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/21/2008 11:35:10 AM
well at times I thought I was a born a fool ...
but what can you do . i for ones refused to give up that there are good and honest people in this world , call me naive, or anything you want ...
have I been played befor , heck yes ,, I have my share , but I tryed to turn it to the positive side . yes maby I got played but there is always an upside to all of that ...
If you still early with the break up , you just cant see the positive side yet ,,, as days go by and you get more distance between you and the situation it gets better ....
I learned that the ones that played me get played worse in the end and that they are the real loosers ....
I had a wall arround me that would have made FT knox proud , but after time past I took it down myself ...
I am more aware of what people do to me or for me ,,,.......
I still have a shield up , and I do good with that , I guess the most important part is to believe in your self .. dont stop loving others because of some jerks and be happy with what ever comes your way , or at least try ...
sorry you had to go thru this
good luck
kathy
 Indomitable1
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 23
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/21/2008 12:53:50 PM
Been there – done that.

Some men see having sex with a woman as a conquest, and will endeavor to have as many conquests as they can. I have found that there are some women out there who have a very similar orientation, but their conquest is getting men to fall in love with them. Once they have accomplished that and satisfied their inner need to prove to themselves that they could do it, they're off to the next conquest.

I totally understand the instinct of building walls higher and thicker to keep out such women – but to do so means that you will end up keeping out ALL women and will lead a lonely and increasingly bitter life. I think it probably goes both ways (for men and women) – it is much easier to discourage good people from being in your life because they aren't trying to prove anything. (Women take note – that guy who just seemed to “slip away” might be a whole lot better for you than that jerk who keeps calling and calling...)

My advice is to take about 1,000 deep breaths and realize that building walls higher and thicker is not what you should do. Be careful with your heart. Be very, very careful who you trust and how much. Keep your eyes wide open and pay attention to red flags. But always remember that life is short, and going through it alone is not fun.
 diamondgirl2727
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 24
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/21/2008 8:36:09 PM
smileee4u, the verse is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" big difference......
 QUICKSILVER217
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 25
Our walls are thick and high.
Posted: 9/21/2008 9:51:38 PM
Did it cross your mind that she may not have been able to cope with the prospect of being loved? Some people see themselves as a fixer, then they can't live with change.
Grow from this experience, you should be proud that you were able to step forward, it says a lot about you and your growth. Yes she ran away, for all the reasons people often have, but now is not the time to return to your cave- you are out now. Live!
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Our walls are thick and high.