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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Going out by yourself.      Home login  
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 4
Going out by yourself.Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
go to the bar sit on a stool and make friends with the bartenders.
or is this to actually meet people?
cause women arent impressed by guys who go to clubs alone.
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 6
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:28:22 PM
I have gone out by myself. I go somewhere with a pool table, and shoot some stick, and make friends. I just be myself.....
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 9
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/13/2008 5:12:32 PM
I'm in the same boat, and just can't bring myself to go out alone, even going out for dinner seems odd. Wish I had an answer......
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 14
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/13/2008 5:26:15 PM
I go wherever I want, and if no one I know is interested in going with, I go alone. Always been that way - I remember being about 16 and going to a movie that no one else wanted to see by myself (my friends were amazed at the concept, LOL). That has included to a casino, bars where I wanted to hear the band, a trip to the shore...whatever!
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 16
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/13/2008 5:43:55 PM
Sorry if I'm redundant - not time to read the thread. Join stuff. Take classes. Volunteer. Check your newspaper and see what cool things are on and go. I went to Earth Dance today - very cool, tons of people, plenty appeared single. Go to festivals, music events - whatever. Go to lectures or speeches. There may be singles' events (heck, there may be POF events) you can try. If you're sporty, check for outdoor activity clubs or join a team. Take dance classes - men are usually in short supply.

I never go to bars - hate the things. I go to pubs for POF dances but otherwise I'd stay out of them entirely because there's SO many other interesting things to do!!
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 18
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/13/2008 5:45:57 PM
While I am too old for the bar deal (not all that cool seeing some old fart gawking at some 25 yo hard body’s butt) ........

I work from a home office and ....... never ever see ANYONE. So ........

I try to invent reasons to get out of here every so often.

I usually put on my back pack - fire up my motorcycle ........ go get a few groceries - go to my favorite people watching spot and ....... people watch.

My bike gives people (mostly guys) a good excuse to come up and start talking. I’ve talked/joked with guys for 3 or 4 hours and we don’t even exchange names but have a blast.

I’ve lived around Kansas City (not exactly a two dog town) my entire life and .......... still can’t really figure out were else to go.

There is one club - that has the occasional gal over 40 but ......... I think the plastic people (the old fart with the wig - and the hag with 50 layers of makeup {both of which are kind of scary}) are mostly trying to see each others financial statements. It is really kind of sad to watch some of them.

Anyway - I don’t like the bars much at all.

Then there are the ............ “singles events”. They are mostly the same as being online. The nice looking gal has 50 guys hovering around her like bees trying to out funny each other ......... and it is eating up all the attention.

As for guy friends ..... well I never have ran around all that much with guys. I also find some of them pretty silly out in public. Some of them are actually embarrassing. I’ve been standing there talking with them and had them start to hoot and holler at some gal that walks by. YUCK and those guys are around my age - DOUBLE YUCK.

I’ve always been a loaner anyway. I mostly always had a female in my life and ...... she was normally my real buddy.

I am not exactly shy but ....... I still stop short of walking up to some female. I always assume that one that would get my attention is happy at home. Besides she prob gets sick of guys trying to talk to her - so I leave her alone. I also leave them alone here online.

I don’t have any problems going out alone - I just don’t know of places I want to go or things I want to do really.
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 22
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:25:21 PM
I have no problem with going out by myself. That is how i fly the plane most of the time anyway.

Nor do i have a problem going out for a drink or for a bite to eat either. I sometimes work crazy hours, and i am not about to starve.
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 23
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:30:14 PM
I would never go to a bar alone.. male or female you never know what type of people might try something with you... Always, Always.. have a back up...

But I will say on several occassions I did go to a bar alone so my first statement isn't quite true. But I was in New Orleans on business.. and went to Bourbon street on a week night.. and had a nice time listening to music.. no problems at all with anyone.. How I got to the French Quarter was rather clever.. Found a decent parking place a couple of blocks away where others were parking and I waited for a group of couples to walk past me.. and I asked them if I could join them to walk to Bourbon Street and they replied yes. Then when I got ready to leave I did the same thing only in reverse. I was not drinking alcohol and the bars were more than willing to allow me inside without a cover charge course it was during the week not the weekend.. it is a zoo on the weekends. The bars there have learned that nice clean cut patrons attract nice clean cut patrosn... so I had a blast listening to the live music.. I am a live music fanatic.

So I will amend my first statement hahaha... to some extent.

Now I do frequently go out by myself for dinner and many times go to a movie alone. It relaxes me to go to movies by myself.. I don't have to worry about talking with anyone.. I kinda feel viewing a movie with a friend sometimes can be destracting.. you don't talk anyway so why not go by yourself..
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 24
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:30:46 PM
Hey Marc: Nothing wrong with doing things by yourself. Go out for dinner more often and change restaurants every so often. Check your local newspaper for social activities in your area.
We have a thing called first Friday here in town and its just packed with people. Look for car shows.
As for the bars, well if they have a live band its cool. Get out there and make yourself available... good luck
 mystic star
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 26
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/13/2008 8:24:21 PM
There's nothing wrong with going out by yourself, you just have to be smart about it and don't get yourself into danger and take reckless chances. If you wait until you have a boyfriend to go here there and wherever are seriously missing out on life!
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 34
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/14/2008 12:37:47 AM
i totally sympathize with you and have been taking baby steps in this area myself this past week. when i was single and living back east, i frequented a jazz bar, but most of the people and musicians and bar tenders knew me. i often got coffee and dinner, even did some work in between the afternoon and evening sets or just sat and talked to some of the old timers.

here, i've gone places with my ex SO and feel a bit uncomfortable going on my own and then running into him. however, i've discovered a neighborhood "bar" right on the ocean that i can walk to and listen also to some really good music. it too has food and coffee options and i've spoken to the owners and some of the people, as well as taken my daughter and some of the students who had been living with me, from japan. i think that by now, i feel comfortable going there.

last week, i had a meetup --but we were early and i had no problems meeting people outside the restaurant, having fun and learning a lot of local stuff. so, i think the fear is worse than the actual doing. in fact, i felt much better getting out and around.

if, you need a boost, checkout your local meetups for starters. then i think, just look for the quieter places. i just don't like loud and drunken bars. but i do like neighborhood and friendly ones, that serve food--or try coffee houses. it's hard to make new friends, but i am glad i started. i was getting way too "online" and not meeting and smelling real live people. in fact, i prefer meeting people that way to having to meet a whole lot of online "dates". i find that way more stressful and fake. unless, of course, you feel you know someone, but that is rare to have both that and in interest in more than friendship. or, at least, that has been my experience. i just wish some of my far away e-pals lived closer!
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 38
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/14/2008 8:56:49 AM
Not a big deal in my opinion. I have been to bars, restaurants, sporting events etc by myself. Sometimes my friends aren't available or they don't like some of the things that I enjoy. In the case of sporting events, sometimes the only tickets available were single tickets.
 Closing Shop
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 45
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:56:46 AM
I've done it all alone: movies, fine dining, museums, Broadway productions, camping, stadium concerts, national and international travel (with solo sightseeing and bar-hopping). I'm not going to wait around for a SO or for friends' schedules to open up to live life.

If the reason you don't do things alone is discomfort, then that's all the more reason to do it as much as possible. Like everything, the more you do it the easier it gets. You might even find there are a lot of activities you prefer to do alone.

If the reason you don't do things alone is safety concerns, it's time to loosen up on the paranoia. Going into a bar alone is no more dangerous than walking into the supermarket two doors down (assuming you don't shop at the Ralph's on Crack Alley). You should be alert and cautious to an extent, just remember that the overwhelming majority of people are not out to rape or kill you. I've had some of my greatest adventures result from stepping out alone and I think it's too bad that so many others have missed out on similar experiences because of fear.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 48
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:44:14 PM
Walking into a bar by yourself is not the most comfortable thing to do but it is like anything else, you can get used to it. Sit at the bar, talk to the bartender. You WILL wind up striking up a conversation with someone. What you may want to do is try going to a movie or to dinner alone.

Movies alone aren't bad and I think if you bring a book, dinner isn't either. Get comfortable there and then try the bar thing. If it is horrible, you can leave, if not, you will have a new thing to do. You can always act like you are meeting a friend and then do whatever when they "don't show."

You might even wind up meeting someone that would be impressed with your gumption to go out by yourself when your friends are busy or aren't into it.
 Spicy G
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 52
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 9:12:42 AM
Go to POF events in your area, there are lots of people by themselves with the same idea in mind... have a good time and maybe meet someone special. I love the POF events.
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 54
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:53:01 AM
I am a single, pretty, 29yo woman and I go to bars by myself every once in a while to have a drink, I always meet people to chat with. I wouldn't recommend going to a club, I only choose smaller places, maybe somewhere with a live band so you can focus your attention on the band when you don't have anyone to talk to. Just make sure to smile and say hi to people, that usually gets the ball rolling.

Good luck and have fun.
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 55
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:59:13 AM
Personally, I feel weird. Just feeling like I'm looking for something to happen and the possibility that that something might not be a good thing more likely than not, discourages me. Plus, I don't drink and feel silly nursing a water or juice while everyone is getting into their own or collective intoxication from what is basically, a poison, doesn't thrill me either.
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 56
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:16:47 AM
I go out by myself all the time. By middle age, most contemporaries are either married or attached in some way, so there's not much choice. The few guys I know are afraid of being seen as gay, so they won't do more than share a meal when out. Women don't seem to understand that I'm not looking for anything romantic, so either I'm truly an undesirable or they just don't want to lead me on. And so, 'alone again, naturally'. It's not so bad though; you never have to compromise, you get to do exactly what you want to, and you don't have to worry about the entertainment factor for your date. Not to mention, on occasion you can be completely disgusting, and roll out of bed,throw some wrinkled stuff on, and just go out, eat, go to a movie, to a bar and get smashed, and go home and forget the entire day existed. I do that about twice a year, when I just get disgusted with trying to meet someone and need to stop taking life so seriously. Not to mention, that when you're out by yourself, you only spend half as much money (for guys, anyway).
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 57
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:19:29 AM
Personally, there's nothing wrong to going to a bar by yourself. But keep a couple of things into consideration. First, what type of bar is it? If it's the type of place that then is drowned in loud music, then is not that good. Also not good is to stand around holding a drink waiting for something to happen. So find a bar that has a good set up, that means is not too big, so people are forced to gather around the bar area to order drinks. Second, what drives people to that bar. The bar I used to go, was a full island with TVs all around. So you came to watch a game, or golf, or whatever. This bar is part of a wing type of restaurant and after nine it becomes pretty much a club with live music. Just find a chair, preferably a corner, that way you get a lot of bystanders asking for drinks, and gives you a chance to talk. Very important, get to know your bartenders. Make friends with them. When you get to the bar, you can start talking to them about the game, some of the regulars any stuff. The importance of this is that women that come to these type of bars, will stay away from the loners, but if they see you talking with other people, you will be surprised, how often, it is them that interrupt you and want to talk and even get your phone number. Get to know the regulars as well. The bar I went to, because it was at the base of the North Georgia Mountains, it attracted a lot of Harley biker types, with their leather jackets and what not. These guys look mean, but they are just as fun and normal as some corporate geek. I used to go there right after a trip to the mountains but instead of a motor bike, I used my bicycle. Interestingly enough they would comment, "is that your bike out there" when they saw my bike on top of my Jeep.
Anyway, go to a bar, first not to pick up, but to get to know anyone. Anybody sitting at the bar, is automatically your friend and you should joke, talk, laugh, share with them. You could make friends with a couple, then some chic arrives and sits to chairs down and is curios about some thing you were talking. And bingo, instant connection. Also, because of the location of this bar, it got a lot of women that came to town for some kind of high tech training, so they are bored and lonely. A friend of mine, actually met his wife that way and they ended up dating long distance for over two years.

So, go out, have some fun!!
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 58
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:26:10 AM
The only reason to go out to a bar would be to meet people who hang out in bars, and to work on that lung cancer thing.

Try the contra dances in Baltimore (Lovely Lane church) and the DC area (Glen Echo Park). Great folks, pleasant music, no drunks falling off barstools or blowing smoke in your face.

Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:53:07 AM
I go everywhere by myself, including bars, clubs, concerts, etc etc...there are now places I prefer to go alone because I can't truly enjoy them when someone else is with I tell people to meet me everywhere. There's such freedom in knowing your car is feet away and at any given time you can just bail if you don't want to stay somewhere...or you want to go somewhere different.

There aren't nearly as many people worrying about what you're doing as you think...and there's no reason you have to go everywhere with other people; it's just a habit.

You see and do way more if you don't count on friends to accompany you everywhere...

I plan to travel alone too...only thing I haven't done yet alone. I look forward to it.
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 62
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 2:35:01 PM
I go out alone ALL the time, but honestly it's only for certain personality types. You can mentality over-come this with a little work, and mental exorcises. In fact I loved going out alone because it forced me to interact and socialize, or I'd be standing there alone looking like an A$$.
It did wonders for my social life!
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 64
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 2:58:51 PM
chesher........c'mon man it's never that bad! You need to re-frame that into the right frame of mind.......Here's what you really meant to say:

"I've been dining out, Traveling and being entertained in Solo for the past 30 years, because I'm secure and happy with myself, I'm my best friend, and as of now I know of no-one that loves life as much as I do.
So I shall continue on with my life till my path crosses with someone that is headed in the same direction as me and we may take it together"
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 66
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 3:34:28 PM
I never went to the bars alone. Until one night I went to one bar just by myself and sat there had a drink that lasted for about 2 hours. I ended up talking to some people but that was it. I did take a trip across the p0nd this summer just on a whim. I really planned on going with my ex but she ended everything. So, I just planned out what I wanted and away I went. I am an introverted person but I am trying to move on and out into the world. Most of my friends I had were army buddies and or college friends but everyone has gone on to bigger and better things.
All you have to do is just walk in the bar and once inside it is darker and just go to the bar and order a drink stand there and just look like your looking for a friend or someone. Who cares, everyone is not looking at you they`re mostly yapping about nothing with each other. This doesn`t mean your going to be a barfly. Just experience the exposure to other people and see if you can handle it. If not nothing lost, just go home or whatever.
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 71
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 8:06:30 PM
My problem with going out to bars alone is that is bores me to death eventually. But in my old town when I did that, I invariably would run into someone I knew and so some random, weird but fun evening would ensue. So it can be hit or miss. It's just generally better to have some reliable conversation.
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