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 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 3
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Selfish loverPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
So why are you even seeing this guy?!?! Why haven't you broken off contact?!? Don't let him use you anymore!! He is a user and a very crass! He is definitely a selfish lover!
 Itsa Jelly
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 4
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 8:24:14 AM
Wow, I'm just trying to figure out what exactly you DO see in him?
 Beminetonight
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 5
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Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 8:25:10 AM
Good grief, is the topic here his selfishness or your intelligence?

Sounds like a textbook case of "Not worth a minute of your time".
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 9
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Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:14:11 AM
CTgirl1 - He won't change no matter what you say or do! When someone behaves like that - they think it's ok - and when someone allows it - which you have done, by giving into him - he will continue the behaviour - always!! You have reinforced his terrible ways! Now unless you want that in a relationship - I would move on!
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 10
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:14:54 AM
What a complete and utter ass-hat.

The only difference between the way he's treating you and the way he'd treat the local downtown hooker is that he's not paying you.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 12
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:27:56 AM
Men like this are the reason why there are curbs....use it and next time don't be in such a rush to jump into bed. Perhaps his sexual selfishness was why he had issues with his ex.
 CaliStevo
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 16
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:56:18 AM
"Later that morning he comes out of the bedroom and shoves his d**k in my mouth. Fine, so I starting sucking him off then asked for him to get a condom. He said he didn't have anymore so, I just got him off and that was the end, he just started getting dressed to leave."



And WTF's that about??? Right there, he's not even treating you like a person! More like a door mat........Kick 'em to the curb HARD!
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 17
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:01:00 AM
In my experience, people who are selfish in bed are selfish in other areas of their lives; it's just that this often becomes clear in bed before it does elsewhere. It's possible he's afraid of getting hurt, but if this is fear-based, he's not reacting well to it and not showing any concern for you. Personally, I'd kick him to the curb, but you need to decide how much of this you're willing to take before it's not worth your time.
 newblue1970
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 18
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:01:37 AM
Gee, thats pretty pathetic. A month into a 'relationship' should be great sex with it getting better! If its bad now, there's no hope it'll change. He's an idiot, looking to get off the easiest way. Dump him.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 19
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:26:40 AM

It's probably because you're in bed with him already before a month into the relationship.
You've established it as a sex only relationship. Why should you expect any different?
From his point of view, because you jumped into bed so quickly, he's already figured you're not long term material, so he doesn't care one way or the other...


Why do you assume everyone has the same narrow-minded attitudes toward early sex that you do?

I've been with people on the third date and they've been fabulous long-term lovers and boyfriends. Anyone who would see a relationship as sex-only simply because you BOTH had sex early, if you established that it was in fact a relationship, isn't worth your time anyway.
 Chimera_Obscura
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 22
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:58:04 AM

Later that morning he comes out of the bedroom and shoves his d**k in my mouth. Fine, so I starting sucking him off then asked for him to get a condom. He said he didn't have anymore so, I just got him off and that was the end, he just started getting dressed to leave.

I am amazed how stupid you are. You've known this guy less than a month. Yet you're having sex with him and giving a BJ without a condom. You might as well not use a condom for sex now either. If he had anything you've got it too now. Totally stupid!
You're giving this guy no reason to respect you. If you can't respect yourself, how the fcuk is he going to?

He doesn't kiss, says he doesn't like it, then changes it to nah, it's just too intimate.

Guys don't kiss hookers either. You should have waited longer to have sex. Now he thinks of you as nothing more than cum dumpster. If you had kept your legs together longer you might have found out what he was like earlier.

Chimera_Obscura
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 24
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:19:25 AM
Oh come on, having sex isn't the issue, his being a jerk is. If I was seeing someone for a month I'd hope sex was part of the relationship.
In either case, you can do better........
 supernovastunnah
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 26
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 12:55:04 PM
id never **** someone that wouldnt kiss me, but ive never had that problem ...i cant get wet without kissing....i love tongue.
 Chimera_Obscura
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 27
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:14:59 PM

I strongly suggest you look in the mirror and practice what you preach. I seriously doubt that you are saints and have never slept with someone within a month of dating and if not

Yes I did. Then I was young and stupid. Since then I grew up a bit and developed a little self-esteem and respect for myself. I'm not a stupid teenager anymore, can you say the same?
 Chimera_Obscura
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 28
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:17:15 PM

Oh come on, having sex isn't the issue, his being a jerk is. If I was seeing someone for a month I'd hope sex was part of the relationship.
In either case, you can do better........

He was being a jerk because she let him. He treated her the way he did because he didn't respect her. Gee I wonder why?
And sex doesn't always happen within a month. Some people do wait quite a bit longer.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 29
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:17:16 PM
Why assume just because she's sleeping with a partner early into the relationship that it means she has no self-esteem or self-respect? I respect myself a great deal and tend to sleep with new partner relatively quickly, simply because my sexuality is important to me. I'm also incredibly picky about who I date in the first place.

Not everyone has the same needs and desires, and just because you like to wait longer now, doesn't mean everyone should.
 Chimera_Obscura
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 30
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:21:32 PM

I respect myself a great deal and tend to sleep with new partner relatively quickly, simply because my sexuality is important to me. I'm also incredibly picky about who I date in the first place.

So why are you not in a long term relationship? Or do you find you have a lot of short term relationships? It's been my experience that people who have sex soon seem to have a lot of short term relationships.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 32
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:42:55 PM
I just moved where I am two months ago (and the moving is the main reason my last serious relationship broke up; we're close friends now). I also went through a two-year celibate period brought on by medical necessity, as I had a then unsuccessfully treated medical condition that made sex too painful for me. I've earned my assertive sexuality the hard way, thanks.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 33
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 2:23:22 PM
. . . or it could be that this guy is selfish person and lover, and that she's better off having discovered that early into the relationship and not wasting any more time with him. At any rate, I DO consider it his fault that he's selfish toward her; only he is responsible for his actions. She simply needs to make the decision to put up with it or not, which she has.

Not everyone wants or needs to make the same decisions you do, and that's okay.
 newblue1970
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 34
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 3:01:29 PM
Sleeping with someone early has nothing to do with lack of respect and being a selfish lover. I have always slept with someone very early in a relationship, and just about all have turned into LTRs. Sexual compatability is very important to me, and we better find that out before investing too much time.

Not all guys think like the neaderthals you think we are. This guy was just a loser and a lousy lover.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 35
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 3:10:26 PM


He says he is very sensitive, I do believe him. He was hurt pretty bad my his ex and thinks all women lie.


Hmmm, sounds like a catch.

"All yew wimmin lie!"
 newblue1970
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 38
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 6:58:55 PM

I do think it is relevant because having sex too quickly and before there is any relationship makes it very easy for someone to become selfish because quite frankly he does not care if you get yours.


I don't know what kind of guys you date, but I disagree. A selfish lover will be that way no matter who he's with. A good lover cares about his partners pleasure, no matter what kind of relationship they are or are not in.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 39
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 7:09:31 PM

Oh come on, having sex isn't the issue, his being a jerk is. .


Exactly. It sounds like if she was with this guy for any amount of time, he would still be an asshat. It's better she find out now, then later. I suggest you get rid of this guy. He's not satisfying you anyway. That's no fun.
 CaptainDad
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 41
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 7:46:39 PM
It's jerks like him that give the rest of us bad names.

DUMP HIS #SS!!!

be sure to tell him why, and that it's a done deal.

Good Luck
 MichaelInMV
Joined: 9/2/2006
Msg: 44
Selfish lover
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:39:54 PM
I'm with the other girls in this post. He may have been hurt by his ex, but don't allow him to hurt you. From this man's point of view half the fun of a loving intimate relationship is the giving and satisfying of her needs. It's better going without that putting up with that!
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