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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 2
New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Bro, I understand where you are coming from, I was in the same boat years ago.

My suggestion would be to sit down with your wife and have a heart to heart. Hopefully you both can do something to bring some excitement into your relationship, so you don't feel the need to look outside it. You see, even tho she mayy be cool with things that transpired with "maria", I think ultimatly it will be destructive in some way.
Personally, I would avoid maria and all situations like that. I understand how it works, you meet someone and those feelings are like a drug... unfortunatly often times because of "infatuation" or whatever you want to call it, they are heightened to a level not keeping with reality. The danger is, is that the intensity will make everything else pale in comparison, and when that relationship fails, and most do, you will keep wanting to recreate that, and because it was so intense, it will be virtually impossible. You'll find that years later, you will still be looking for that "high".
I really do understand where you are coming from. If at all possible (and I don't know how your wife's attitudes are) but try to fulfill what you want with her.
Good luck man.....
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 3
New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:36:17 AM
Sorry OP - you need to face it - you need to go to an experienced Dr. and get a Bricktonostomy.

That is were the Dr. ties a brick to your weinersnitzel.

You have to go back about every six weeks for an adjustment.

The reason you need a skillful Dr is - the adjustments are crucial. A quarter inch of not enough stretch don’t help. A quarter inch of too much stretch and it totally stops the blood supply and your pecker falls off.

Be SURE you get an experienced Dr.

Good luck

--------

The entire idea about getting a Bricktonostomy is - while you STILL CONSTANTLY think about your pecker, your thoughts about it are not using it on some girl - but the constant nagging pain. So the patient can still spend all of his time thinking about his pecker and don't actually end up being a cheating azzhole.
 CherylCake
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 5
New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:43:25 AM
Yup. As soon as the new relationship gets routine, you'll be on the lookout for a fire somewhere else. Figure out how to spice things up w/ ur wifey. Maybe she'll lose that complacent attitude. How good are you at eating downtown? Learn some trix. Read some boox, then YEEE HA!
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 6
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New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)
Posted: 9/18/2008 8:23:07 AM
Infatuation and craving: (strippers, escorts, etc) you have some form of sexual addiction. Like all addictions you will continue the behavior until it ruins your life, you hit bottom, and you then seek a 12 step program of recovery and control of the addiction. Maria---wife doesnt care---"healthy" extra-marital: ..........well, this smacks of a swinging life-style. From what I have read about swinging some couples juggle that life-style for years but usually it all blows up in an emotional meltdown, then you may hit bottom (see first comment I made). How do you handle Maria? hands-off. Another respondent commented about damaging other peoples lives, especially those with children. Leave Maria alone. All-in-all OP your version of this story indicates that both you and your wife have some very deep emotional-relationship problems that absolutely require help. I suspect that only a competent couples counselor will be able to help either of you. You both need to find the root of your behaviors and then work on fixing things. It is a good sign that you express that you love your wife and apparently she believes she loves you and is willing to turn a blind eye to your dangerous exploits. What you have together is well worth fixing. From the sums of money you have thrown away it appears there is no reason not to find and pay for an effective relationship counselor and develop mutual happiness with your wife.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 8
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New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)
Posted: 9/18/2008 10:02:31 AM
Ok.. you don't mention in your diatribe.. or perhaps it was just so long that I missed it.. are you and the wife... do you have an active sex life?
 Willyfx
Joined: 2/11/2005
Msg: 14
New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)
Posted: 9/18/2008 4:06:36 PM
Well, It seems there are a lot of people that don't believe what you are saying about your situation. If you are being honest, then I would wonder why your wife isn't wanting to work with you? She tells you to go to a strip club??? Sounds like she has issues herself. Most women I have known would not suggest such a cure for this problem you described. I would wonder why she doesn't seem to care or worry about your situation. And also, I would bet "Maria" knows more than you do about how your wife feels. Good luck guy, and don't take to heart the not so nice comments here.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 15
New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)
Posted: 9/18/2008 4:08:30 PM
Do you really want to save your marriage? Then stop looking online for an intimate encounter. It's one thing to come on here and spill your guts and another to take possitive action. Quit kidding yourself. If you don't get professional things are only going to get worse.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
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New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:38:53 AM

I think your wife should start doing to you what you are doing to her. You are a selfish ,self centered,narcissistic little boy who always wants more. Grow up be a man and keep your penis in your pants.
What a way to start my day, thanks for the belly laugh sans the liquid on the computer screen.

Most of the men that are not satisfied with their sex lives are not particularly good in bed, don't know how to treat a woman, engage in foreplay and otherwise cause her to want sex more than once a week. Perhaps you should work on that. Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch is a place to start because it will also cause you to take responsibility for your own shit instead of tanking your marriage.

I think you get off on what you cannot have. You said that your wife was the unattainable person and it may be that while you do appreciate her, you miss whatever feeling you got from chasing something you couldn't have. Maria probably represents on some level something you shouldn't have and although the implied permission does at least in your mind change things but societally speaking, she is still forbidden fruit.

You sound like you have overall a great marriage. I would suggest that you start reading up on creating and/or maintaining intimacy in marriage. Your wife sounds very smart, I doubt your history has gone unnoticed by her. Perhaps she is smart enough to believe that your bullshit has nothing to do with her and saw Maria as a safe way to keep you from doing something even more stupid. Perhaps she meant what she said because she doesn't expect you two to act on your feelings because she trusts both and doing something about it would be the nail in the putting up with your crap coffin.

Sounds to me like you also ought to go to counseling to figure out why you have what everybody else on the planet wants and it is not good enough for you.
 osocute
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 18
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New to the community... complicated situation (extramarital)
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:49:20 AM
I will emphatically tell you to do your wife a favor and divorce her. Why? Because I have experienced the devastation of my exes cheating on me. It's not fun believe me. Your status on here is looking for an "intimate encounter". Give me a break! I have a daughter the same age as you and she is by far more mature than you ever will be. If your wasting your money, time and what not on strippers and whores then how mature do you expect us to believe you are? Carolann, I love your posts!! You are a hoot! Sorry OP, I know the truth hurts but you obviously got married too young. You may "love" your wife, I don't believe so, but try to put the shoe on the other foot. Would you want her doing what you do all day, fantasizing about the opposite sex all the time? I think not. Do the right thing by both of you, divorce her or at least separate and see what happens.
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