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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How do you fill a hole in yourself?      Home login  
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 3
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How do you fill a hole in yourself?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
"you just put one foot in front of the other... and soon you'll be walking out the door"
What was that from, Frosty or Rudolf? No matter. You just keep breathing and sleep walking thru life and eventually you'll come back. That hollowed out feeling eventually gets replaced with a more human feeling. (sexual feelings eventually come back too)

It takes as long as it takes. Longer than you'd like... less time than you fear. I think our bodies and psyches go into shock and kind of shut down and get numb to protect us from that pain.

No, I wouldn't let the ex back in your life... just rips the scab off the wound.

I'm sorry. I know it is awful to go thru... it was a good year before I began to emerge. Then I went thru that next phase where I thought I was back... and another wave of emotion would wash over me and I'd think "dayum, I'm not as far thru this as I thought I was"

It's grief mostly. Tempting sometimes to search for the fast forward in life, but I think you just have to honour the pain and ride it out. Knowing it will pass and you will feel again helps some. Knowing it comes and goes in waves helps some. Just allow yourself to be where ever you are with it.
How do you fill a hole in yourself?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:11:59 PM
I use a penis or a penis substitute!
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 9
How do you fill a hole in yourself?
Posted: 9/18/2008 7:25:34 PM
time will fill the took me a long time myself. And you just lost a wife and best (not) friend....
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 12
How do you fill a hole in yourself?
Posted: 9/18/2008 8:08:41 PM
I know that feeling. You do, you actually feel like there is a big hole in your chest.
Well, that's where trust used to be. You gave your trust to two people who betrayed that trust, and, they used and abused you.
This is the time to be sad, and a little angry. Neither of those serve much purpose, except as a way to learn what to look out for next time. And, there will be a next time that you fall in love and give someone your trust, and, the same goes for friendship. Everyone needs friends.
I know it seems hard, and it really really is, but you'll make it. So, keep your chin up and your head down. Good luck.
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 17
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How do you fill a hole in yourself?
Posted: 9/18/2008 10:11:03 PM
Your experience is normal for "catastrophic loss". The studies published are usually done about death or divorce, in your case call it a divorce. You had a LTR that got shattered. Its called grieving and its a stage after loss. Basically the average period to "recovery" for women is 1 to 1.5 years , for men 1.5 to 2.5. As others have pointed out time will usually take care of it. You can shorten the time by getting involved in things you enjoy or learn to enjoy, by interacting with friends or new friends, etc. whatever it takes to create something to fill that "hole" in your emotions (or at least ignore it for the day). Of course it may help to begin looking for new women friends also, at the friends and activity level. You might help yourself by reading up on the studies about loss because it will make you aware of the stages you can expect. You need to guard against withdrawing into a shell in an endless pity party situation. Keep thinking that with time it will get better , then more better, and eventually the real you will be back.
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