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 AUTHOR
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 1
Christian MenPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Ladies - Do you think "Christian" men are any more ethical in the dating world than men who are not religious? They don't seem to be against sex outside of marriage, drug use, or alcohol any more than the average bear. They even seem to be opposed to the idea of marriage or knowing how to love someone. It makes me think they are only Christians when it is convenient for them, and furthers my belief that often religion is just a joke or used for manipulation. I think some men use the "Christian" label to fool us into thinking they're not just trying to get laid just like any other guy. It is hard for me not to see a self proclaimed Christian man as a fraud or hypocrite when he freely does things that go against his own beliefs. It freaks me out when a man is preaching to me one minute and trying to sleep with me the next, and religion has the same effect on me as a cold shower does.
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 Wildman46
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 2
Christian Men
Posted: 9/19/2008 8:15:03 PM
Op did some Christian man use religion as a way of getting into your victoria secrets?.
Is that what this thread is really about?.

This is your BASH Christian thread, Some poor Christian offended you in some way, Now you want Christians Tarred and feathered here in the forums. Come On Op you're better than that.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 3
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Christian Men
Posted: 9/19/2008 8:54:02 PM
Well alrighty then.

Shug, I really don't think whether a man is Christian, Buddist, Jewish, et al, means they will be better, or worse.

With that being said, when I was a young adult I was raised Mormon, and I have to say those that are in the young age bracket BACK WHEN, were very polite, and did NOT try to get into my pants. This probably was because the majority of them back then knew that it would be a horrible disgrace to their indoctrined family, thus things remained above board on the first few dates.

Frankly I never dated any of them on a LT basis, so I don't know how they acted past a first or 2nd date.

If you are looking to date someone that is going to respect you, and not do things you don't want them to do, then YOU have to be of the same modeling of those beliefs yourself.

You will then without problem know a guy Christian or not, is really genuine, or just another hound dog, like any other trying to get laid.

Point being, taking on a religious title does NOT make the man.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 4
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Christian Men
Posted: 9/19/2008 11:09:34 PM
There are good people and bad people of every background including those that believe themselves to be "religious" whether it is Christianity, Islam, Judaism or any other religion. My pastor as a person leaves something to be desired in terms of behaving in a "Christian" manner but you know, we are all flawed human beings and perhaps it is not appropriate for us to expect someone to be better than others just because they are a Christian or even a minister.

Many people are not very good at living the values they espouse but I think jumping to the notion that men would use their "Christian" status to improve the woman's comfort level in order to maneuver her into bed is a bit of a stretch and I'll leave it at that before I say something tacky.

Anyone that preaches to someone about anything whether it is values based on religion or anything else is not really being respectful of the other person's ideas and views. If someone indicates they are a Christian and chooses not to behave that way I don't really care, that is his/her deal with God and none of my business but I don't have to invite someone into my life who is going to tell me how to live mine.

I have a friend who said he would never be in another relationship with someone that was incapable of communicating but oddly enough, he is terrible in that department. When he is upset, he shuts people out and in other areas, even when he knows that his ideas are futile or do not really make sense, he refuses to change his position so in addition to expressing himself poorly, he has a closed-mind. Does not make him a bad person, just not who he thinks he is.

As in most threads of this nature, just be happy you figured out quickly that the man was not for you Christian or otherwise and move right along. If you were expecting something better because of the box he checked, that is really more your deal than his because you have preconceived ideas about how he should behave.
 dub08
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 5
Christian Men
Posted: 9/20/2008 3:41:06 AM
Hey Im a good Catholic Irish girl - dont think my local priest would be impressed if I confessed all though!!
 mm143
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 6
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Christian Men
Posted: 9/20/2008 6:02:53 PM
i dont care what religion they are they are always going to try to get what they want its exciting for them
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 7
Christian Men
Posted: 9/21/2008 12:06:08 PM
No this is not a "Christian bashing" thread. I am just trying to understand. I am just trying to see if I was stupid for believing that a man could be real and have integrity for a change. I do not present myself as a Christian on dating sites because I don't buy into everything the church teaches. So if I laid claims to being a Christian that would make me a hypocrite. Yes, Christians have needs too - but they shouldn't eat the fruit if they are not willing to tend to the garden. That leads to hurting other people and how Christ like is that? The church teaches that fornication is wrong, but in a perfect world I would already have a loving husband and that wouldn't be an issue. I believe that God forgives the lonely for wanting love, companionship, and those physical needs (that he gave us to begin with). Men just seem to acquire them under false pretenses.
I have been a church pianist for years, but have been pretty embarrassed by other Christian's behavior. I believe in Christ's teachings, but I am not going to let church dictate and run my life or pass judgement on me. People in the church do not know what it is like to go through life alone - and the church does not really know how to minister to singles - especially older single women. I have been told in the past not to date men who are not Christian if I am looking for someone for commitment, LTR, and marriage. To me it doesn't matter if they are or aren't as long as they are a good person.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want a guy who acts like a monk and someone who is not romantically interested in me, but I also don't want someone who decides after a month or so of being hot and heavy to conveniently send me this -

"What you said about love, you find love through God, not another man. I do know that it would make it easier to love when we have that special person in our lives but the bible tells us that we should focus on God, let him fill our cup, and through Him show love to others." I guess his cup must still be empty, because after his 2 divorces he doesn't seem to be capable of expressing love. My cup runneth over with love - I'm just tired of guys drinking from it and not filling it back up. lol
I just expressed an interest in planning a romantic weekend get away or traditional friday night date, heck even watching a sunset, going for a walk, etc. and that is asking too much? But playing music together or having sex was perfectly acceptable to him? , But he said friends with benefits would be ok with him? and yet he called me on his lunch break to say hi just about every day?

It seems the minute your expectations in a "Christian" person to love become apparent they go and hide behind "You should be getting your love from God and not from another human". What the heck is he doing on a dating site looking for love if he gets all he needs from God? Why do Christians get married, fall in love, want commitment from each other? This all further reinforces my thinking Christianity is all a bunch of convenient lies people use to hide behind. I've seen more loving behavior from an athiest than I've seen from Christian men.
I don't care what they say they are - I just expect them to live up to their OWN expectations. If they say they are a Christian, then they better be at least trying to act Christ like? WWJD? I don't think he would be looking for sex with no commitment on dating sites.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 8
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Christian Men
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:00:13 PM
Shug, this guy you are describing, is just another play, except instead of being open to you that he is really a wolf, he is hoping you just see him as a sheep. Following the "Lords" word when it suites him.

There are many who know what it is like to be a lone and lonely, but this guy just wants to have his cake, and being getting it from the Church ladies social for free.

I hope that you dump his wolfy azz and keep looking, because he sounds like he has no problem in being "UnChristian" like, and still smile as he bows his head in prayer.

There are truly good respectful men out there, and ONES that still hold the values that they were brought up with. However they are getting fewer and fewer, because they get married. After the pond dries up, what do you have but pond scum, and the poor little fishy left to die without water.

He's pond scum...

Sounds like your interests and desires are as such, someone that really truly loves you. This guy loves one person and it isn't God.

I personally have gotten away from organized religion, because I got tired of the phoneys and fakes that used the lamb skin cloak to make themself appear worthy of my being.

I would challenge any foolish person (man or woman) where it says you should only be getting your love from God, to prove where that is part of the 10 commandments, and any other percieved script. Then I would look them square in the eye, and ask why they are search for gratification from anyone else besides God themself.
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 9
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Christian Men
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:32:17 PM
Well Mewsic and Sepia:
First the OP finally nailed it down to mostly one specific "christian man" who liked playing,,,,,,,,,,,,,both music and her. Sepia, U must've been asleep during all the scripture lessons about hypocrites and holier-than-thou religious types. As I recall the New Testament is chock full of condemnations of "scribes and pharisees",,,,the label for the outwardly pious religious folk of the day who were very careful about observing external protocol but were vipers on the inside, and as such conveniently disregarded the whole intent of the Law. Thumbing backwards in the Bible tune into Eli, the head rabbi who schooled Samuel. He raised two sons that were part and parcel of his administration as the high priest. Check out the description of those two "holy men". Guess what, there was a come-uppance for that behavior. So while some will try to turn this into another "bash christianity" thread basically it comes down to each and every individual you meet. You have to examine their credentials whatever they are and double check their description vs their behavior. If a guy claims he is a banker with impeccable honesty but instead robs you of all your savings and destroys your credit will we be seeing a thread,,,,,,,,,,,,,"Bankers,,,,are they worse than non-bankers about getting into your Victoria Secrets"?????
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 10
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Christian Men
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:58:28 PM
Well, I have dated some so called Christian men who were anything but Christian. The worst man to me was my ex husband and I met him in church and went to Bible School with him. One of the best relationships I ever had with a man was a man I met in a bar. We lived together for 3 years... and he was good to me..

But I agree with Kevin and think he wrote an excellent post.

I just wished people would act out their beliefes.. consistantly.

 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 11
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Christian Men
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:25:40 PM
inlabutnotalaguy:
Correct, Snake gets it. so did a few others. Others , well, their words tell their story.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 12
Christian Men
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:43:00 PM
I don't expect anyone to be perfect. The whole idea of Christianity centers around love. So if a Christian man is afraid to love and rejects it when it comes along, it seems pretty silly to me. If he repeats the same mistakes he's made in the past such as being drawn to cheating, alcoholic, contentious women that led to 2 divorces (I'm sure there was a level of hotness there) although he told me even if a woman was smokin hot, he would not date hr unless she was a Christian. I suspect I am not the type of woman he has fallen for in the past and I don't think he intentionally set out to take advantage of me. I think he is falling back to his old ways in realizing he still wants the woman with drama, and excitement - and hotness. Maybe he's hoping that a Christian supermodel will suddenly show up at his church one day. I know somewhere in his eyes, I don't measure up, and I'm sure his shallow ways started to rear their ugly head the moment he saw an imperfection (maybe I had a pimple). I know in my own eyes, that I have a lot to offer, and I am more loving than he will ever be. I told him I have no interest in finding love from an imaginary man, I'm looking for a real man to love. This is not the first time I have heard the old "You should trust more in God and not people" - I heard it from a pastor a couple of years ago when I questioned a betrayal towards me and he used that line on me to avoid being accountable to me. Of course that was after he literally got on his kness and begged me stay with the church. Talk about phoney and manipulative. Now that REALLY gets my hackles up.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 13
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Christian Men
Posted: 9/22/2008 4:15:36 AM
Not generalization all christian men...Dating a christian man is a three some,Jesus is always in the topic of conversation. Sex is ahh..He mumbled a long prayer before hitting the sack, by that time I losed my horny.. it makes me feel like a pious nun...
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 14
Christian Men
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:00:30 AM
I really get tired of people saying go to church to meet a nice man , just because you meet him in church does not qualify him as better or more moral. however many people that masqurade as a Christian are the furtherest thing from it.

Sure - There are plenty of nice MARRIED men at church - I'd say about 98 percent of people at church are married couples. The other 2 percent of men are there because they are struggling to deal with "issues" like addiction, divorce, etc.
The ONLY single guy at my old church was a farmer and neighbor - much older nice guy, but had a toilet sitting in his front yard for months, and thinks all women are after his money. He would call me a "fox" one minute and criticize my weight the next.

The single women seem like the social outcasts and usually the minister is obviously not comfortable counseling them about private or personal issues. Church people will REALLY look down their nose when they know you are dating a non-believer, because they think that you must be having sex with them - what else would you do with a non believer? lol
I have been working for churches for over 15 years now and it certainly is not teaming with eligible single men. I have gone to singles retreats where it is mostly older divorced women and virtually no men. The younger men who do happen to show up are sadly disappointed that there are no smokin hot chicks.
I met one Christian man online that believed any man a woman had sex with in the past was considered her husband in God's eyes, so he considered me to be "divorced" since I was not a 45 year old virgin. I guess that makes me a polygamist too.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 15
Christian Men
Posted: 9/22/2008 3:40:39 PM
When someone uses the term "christian" it is a label like any other "good guy", "nice guy" (GAG...haha). They may or may not be, and there's a wide range of what individuals consider "christian".

Someone going to church doesn't make them a christian any more than going into the kitchen makes someone a gourmet chef.

Whatever someone may say or make claims to, it's up to the other person to come to their own conclusions by interacting with them and observing their behavior. When words and actions aren't a match, there's something wrong. We all should be aware and alert, and listen to our "gut" and instincts.

A person who's genuine and sincere will invest the time to let you get to know them and make up your own mind.
 TheyCallMeMrAwesome
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 16
Christian Men
Posted: 9/22/2008 8:14:11 PM
Dub, I'm with ya there
I'm Catholic and if went to confession
Well, i can just say that I'd be in hell in no time.
but I follow my belief an do things in my community.

btw....I don't rape little boys, I am going to hell because of it because it seems to be a catholic pasttime
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 17
Christian Men
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:59:44 PM
When I became sincere about my faith, the one thing that was the most clear to me was that the whole point of being a Chrisitan is this... I am a sinner in need of a savior. Period. I am suspicious of those who feel they are better than others because they are "Christian." Those are the true hypocrites. I have read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. I know its contents. I know in God's eyes that when I take the Lord's name in vain, or dishonor my mother, or take tell a white lie, or a big one, when I am angry or I lust, they are all sins in God's eyes. He does not discriminate. Gossip is a sin, gluttony is a sin, pointing out the sins of others is a judgemental attitude that is also a sin. That is the whole point. NO ONE is without sin.


It seems Christianity is all about making us feel bad about ourselves and that we are just not good enough. I'm not buying into that. I think I'm a really good and loving person. I believe in the golden rule - do unto others.......... I refused to live my life in constant guilt - my mother did enough of that for me. Christians in general don't seem to be very happy people either.

Being a Christian does not make one immune from sin. We are still sinners, we just are more aware of the sin in our lives and hopefully make better choices as a consequence.
When we do fall short, we should admit it, ask forgiveness and try and do better next time. When my husband was alive my devotion to him kept me protected from one very big category, sexual sin. I don't know any single adult with a pulse who is not guilty of adultery in the biblical sense. Now that I am single, I hate to admit that I think about sex all the time. When I am not thinking about sex, I think about food. I think I have an oral fixation. I am surely going to hell now.



The bottom line, Christians are faced day to day with all possible sins and temptations. We are not immune from them and we stumble and fall. A Christian should ask forgiveness, and try and do better next time. When you are an adult, with needs and desires, sex is a big stumbling block. For that very reason, I hope to find someone, fall in love and get married again some day. In the meantime, I do the best I can, by avoiding intimate encounters, stay away from casual intimacy in dating , have not made a friend for benefits, avoid getting involved with a younger man looking for a MILF, I keep my cougar claws retracted, and make it know by my profile my goal is not to get vertical. Does that mean if I meet someone that makes my blood boil, and the sparks fly I will say, no way Jose or hit the road Jack... only time will tell.


I believe that Christian or not, there is a price to pay for sex outside of marriage. But it's not because the bible says so - it's just common sense - especially for young uneducated people who are not ready for all that it brings - unplanned pregnancy, unplanned life etc. I did my share of casting my pearls when I was younger, but I also knew I didn't know what I wanted in a partner, did not want children, and was not ready to make those lifetime commitments yet. Being a nun didn't sound like much fun either. Throughtout my 30's and 40's I have not been afraid to be alone and have spent years at a time choosing to be celibate. I didn't miss men all that much, but I also felt pretty dead inside. I'd like to know at what point in history it became evil for a woman to indulge in sex, and it became even worse for man to really be interested in a commited relationship? Do you really think God wants us all to be alone and lonely?

I'm a good and loving person that knows what she wants - I refuse to let anyone tell me that's wrong. I'm not going to go through life bitter and mistrusting.

I have heard the "hospital for sinners" thing before. To me if someone's life is that much of a mess and that much chaos, perhaps dating shouldn't be the biggest priority on their list. My life is pretty good, peaceful, and content - there's only one thing missing and that's why I'm here. Men whose live's are mess confuse me because the last thing that would be on mind is finding a date or a mate in their situation. I think I may have dodged a bullet with this one because I am finding out about PPO's with his 2nd wife and his first wife filed a report against him this week. I'm hearing a lot of anger when he talks about his ex's. I'm thinking there is a lot more than meets the eye. I want a man with no MAJOR character or personality defects so I guess I should avoid Christians in the future.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 18
Christian Men
Posted: 9/24/2008 6:45:41 AM

Yep this thread turned out exactly as I predicted. A religion(particularly Christian) bashing thread.Way to go op you have shown yourself to be judgemental, one who generalizes,and close minded. You refuse to see things as they are because you are so close minded that you want to be right no matter how wrong you are. There are good and bad people everywhere. There are people who use labels on themselves that instill trust in others only to take advantage of others. You will find this happens not only in religion but in all areas of life. But then again that's not what you want to hear, so by all means continue on in your ignorance.

Actually I do agree with you MaryPoppins. I just haven't come across any good ones yet and wanted to know they actually exist.
If anyone's ever seen the movie "The Apostle" with James Duvall, it shows how a man can do something bad in one moment of anger but still do a lot of good in the world.


Sweetheart it aint going to happen! We all have character flaws and defects, and it's all a matter of perception as to what is MAJOR, and what is Minor.
Bottom line.. you don't have to accept anyone! .


My definition of MAJOR would be someone (he seemed so normal) using Jim Beam to deal with the unresolved anger towards ex wives, restraining orders, and an arrest warrant that goes along with them, and then telling me I should get my love from God and not from a man. The thing is, I did accept him before I knew about these things this past week. It is him who didn't accept me.


You can go on being single and judging people as hypocritcal


My life is usually pretty drama free - I guess I'll have to stay single to keep it that way.

 freshcoffee1015
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 19
Christian Men
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:09:16 AM
A real Christian man would not be dating heathen. That much I do know. Whatever happened to not being unequally yoked?
 ffryan
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 20
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Christian Men
Posted: 9/24/2008 4:14:47 PM
A person's actions will be reflective of whether or not they are a Christian. I assume it's the same way with every other faith as well.

POF religious selection is very vague. There is no option to select "practicing" or "non-practicing". If a person was raised in the Catholic church, went to mass, confession, etc and chose not to practice the religion to the letter, I don't think I could fault them for selecting "Catholic" on their profile. Whether they are practicing or not is up to you since that determination is not possible simply by reading a profile.

If you are convicted in your own values and beliefs, what other people say shouldn't make any difference as to whether or not they get into your pants. Keep your standards high and don't compromise them for anyone. If you desire to be with a Christian man, then one who rises to the challenge may be what you're looking for.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 21
Christian Men
Posted: 9/24/2008 5:07:59 PM
"Before I was a "real" christian"

Two way overused "buzz words". There will be no agreement or set mindset as to what "real christian" means. It means what it does to you, I'm happy for you, sincerely, that you've found your path. Just saying that to understand that it won't mean the same to everyone else.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 22
Christian Men
Posted: 9/24/2008 6:05:42 PM
Ok, so this thread is not about bashing Christians or sexuality. I do know a lot of really nice people (none of them single men) that are Christians. I really don't care what a person believes - it is the content of their character that I'm concerned about. I am not naive and definitely not that trusting of men in general. If a Christian man is not at all open to future commitment or marriage/ long term loving relationship -what would be the purpose of dating?
I have peace, joy, and contentment in my life so someone who feels the need to numb his emotions with weed or alcohol to deal with ex wife drama is insulting me by preaching the whole "you should get everything you need from God and not other humans" to avoid be accountable in a relationship that they initiated with me. All I was asking for is that I could spend more time together getting to know him more.

When he tells me the bible says NOT marrying is a good thing, I know he is full of it. I may be wrong about this but I believe it was Paul who never married and promoted singleness so as not to be distracted from doing God's work. I have told him it also says "It is not good for man to be alone" and "It is better to marry than to burn".
Why would a Christian man who mistrusts women and is anti-marriage want to date?
I know the answer and I did figure it out BEFORE I got hurt. I don't think he's a bad guy - just too many issues to work out before he can move forward into a relationship.

As far as the gentlemen concerned about religious persecution in other countries, I don't have any answers for that. I goes on all over because people get so wrapped up in "My religion is better than yours and I will make you pay if you don't agree with me" attitude. I try to treat everyone with kindness and respect - that's the best I can do. If I don't recieve kindness and respect from them in return, the best I can do is walk away.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 23
Christian Men
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:40:12 PM
I haven't read most of this thread, and am not in any way dissing anyone's religious beliefs but.. the tune "Plastic Jesus" is going through my head and I need to make it stop.

The best bumper sticker that I have seen in my life is "Coexist" with the symbols of many relgions and beliefs united.

 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 24
Christian Men
Posted: 9/25/2008 11:23:05 AM
(I should have added that it only takes one... although I have no objections to making friends LOL, on re-reading that I thought maybe that should be clarified! )

Once a guy goes into "lets be friends" mode it's because he's not romantically interested in me. I've given those kind of "relationships" a chance but they never go anywhere. The conversation becomes small talk, they don't take me out or ask me out. I see the let's be friends as code for "I'm not interested in you". Once I put a guy in the "friends" category the chemistry towards him is gone and he never REALLY lets me get to know him. A friend is someone you can count on to be there no matter what. I have not found that men that I've dated want to be there for me. I have no problem making friends, Christian and non Christian in the real world. Come to think of it 95 percent of my friends are Christians. I just don't see how that whole "dating friends" thing works. If a guy I meet in online dating says he just wants to be friends, (which the one in question has) - what does that mean? What exactly would we do together as friends if he doesn't want to go out to dinner, to a movie, go for a walk, hang and talk, etc? There is NO romance, therefore I see no relationship potential. After playing for churches for over 18 years and sometimes hearing the same sermon 2-3 times every Sunday, reading the bible together for hours is not my idea of fun or relaxation. I don't want to sit around and talk about love, I want to live it. I can't be friends with someone who wants to talk about love yet doesn't welcome it in his life.
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 25
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History
Christian Men
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:45:38 PM
ZZZZzzzzzzzz
OP, I have read all your comments and excuses. Lets be friends.
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