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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Another heart in desperate need of repair      Home login  
 AUTHOR
Another heart in desperate need of repairPage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I have never hurt this bad over anyone in my 50 years. I am hoping to find some help and that telling my story will help me feel just a little better.
I met her 5 years ago next month and it was the most wonderful feeling of love in my life. I have never been married and when I found her I knew this was the one I had been dreaming about. She felt the very same way and we had a wonderful time together. She was from a middle European country and just beautiful. We were engaged about 2 1/2 years ago and starting planning a life together. We became very best friends and spent all our time together but never lived together.
She started to get very religious and I didn't . She started to think WE were not working anymore and we were too different. She gave the ring back and I was really hurting but felt better that we were still good friends. For over 2 years we still did everything together but sex, no premarital now.
Three weeks ago she tell me she met someome and have been with him constantly ever since. She barely talks to me now and I have lost my best friend. He stays at her place every night and she seems happy.
I have been trying over these past two years to get her back as a lover with no luck. Now it looks like that I will never be have her in my life again. She says it is not like we just broke up now, but it sure hurts like we did. How does a person get over a love like we HAD and I remember and move on. I don't have many friends to talk to about it.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/22/2008 5:39:00 PM
Thanks blueangel it's nice to hear someone else feels what I feel. I feel your heart ache. I know the feeling of missing someone when they are in the other room. We both would say that we missed each other when we were sleeping even we were holding each other tightly. Another night without sleep I guess.
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 3
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History
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/22/2008 6:30:59 PM
Jim
You say you have never been married so I will guess that you never really fell in love with someone until you met her. As everyone has stated you now need to move on with the rest of your life. Appreciate her for the warmth and whatever she brought into you life but you have to let go for your sake. It does take time and you probably will go through some tough spells. You say she got more and more religious while you didnt. I mention that because there may come a time you need counseling help if things dont improve, if your depresssion overwhelms you, and you need someone to turn to. Pastors are usually happy to counsel with people because many, many people run into difficulties that overwhelm them. All of us that have had to get over a lost love know what you are going through. Basically, find someone you can talk to, spend time with them, find activities to do that take your mind off of your gloom, stay active, do physical workouts, etc. It does take time and up to 2.5 yrs is not uncommon for men.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/22/2008 6:36:24 PM
Cut all ties with this woman? I am trying really hard dbouthot. This might be the hardest thing I ever done but I know it would be best. Thank you all
 cowboy235
Joined: 12/16/2006
Msg: 5
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/22/2008 6:49:54 PM
Hey jim daisy and sam I think it would be safe to say cut all ties with this women!! I have been there alot!! Some people have no sence of hurting others to get what they want.They will go to any extereme to do it wether it be an affair or play mind games. It is a hard thing to do but alays remember the sun will always come up tomorrow!! Best of luck
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 9:53:13 AM
Wrote her a letter today, putting an end to my side of the relationship. After I gave it to her I had a overwhelming feeling of lonelyness, like I will be alone forever. Feels like I put an end to ever getting back together, not that there was a chance of that. Don't know what to do with myself.....
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 2:27:11 PM
Thanks for the "in your face" advice J Dub. Do not try to salvage of repair. I am going to see how that works for me. You can really tell you have been there before. You are wise beyond your years my friend.

carolann, after the engagement we did look at dresses, wedding magazines and talked about it then it stoped. Should have been a red flag I guess.

Thanks to all for the huggs, if there was ever a day I needed it that would be today. You guys are great.

After I gave her the letter today I went to the Doctor to talk about my worsening depression and when I got home she was on my called ID, no message but she was never one to leave a meassage. I really want to call her back but am resisting so far. Any advice on this? I really want to know what she has to say about the letter.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 8
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:23:54 PM
OP - many of us have “our story”.

Staying friends ................ sorry but that was the gamble that should not have been taken. That is sitting yourself up for ........... this.

Mine (seventeen years) - my wife - my girlfriend - my best friend ............ took off. I was totally devastated.

THEN ...... she acted like we were still buddy buddy (with some benefits).

I allowed that to continue for three years (yeah yeah hoping she would come back to her senses).

At about that point - I told myself - THIS SUCKS and I stopped picking up the phone.

I still think about her - mostly because I feel alone in the world. I could pick up the phone right now and start up the buddy buddy stuff again but ... I don’t.

Guys are better off (when they get dumped) to get the hell away from the gal and stay away from her.

I don’t even ask the daughters (two daughters 27/29) about her ...... I just don’t want to hear about some dOOd. It is none of my business and by NOT staying friends .... I don't even know about it.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 9
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:33:14 PM

After I gave her the letter today I went to the Doctor to talk about my worsening depression and when I got home she was on my called ID, no message but she was never one to leave a meassage. I really want to call her back but am resisting so far. Any advice on this? I really want to know what she has to say about the letter.

Smart move on the depression thing....not so smart to call her. IT'S OVER. Trying to stay platonic friends with her is just breaking your heart,why are you doing this to yourself?

What do you do WITH yourself? First, face up to the fact that it's over. Grieve. Scream and cry and throw rocks at a tree,whatever. Then start giving yourself other things to think about.
Learn a new skill or hobby. Volunteer. Get involved in a cause you care about. Exercise. Remodel or redecorate your home.
She's found someone else, dude. SHE'S HAPPY. Stop tormenting yourself.
I'm so very sorry for your heartbreak. But you have to let go.
Cindy O
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:34:24 PM
I guess the overwhelming consensus is STAY AWAY FROM HER. I am going to try that, I will answer the phone when she calls I guess. But trying to stay away in this small town will be hard. She is still asking me to work on her car and I am NOT going to do it. Needs a gas tank right now. I get the idea from her that the new guy knows nothing about cars and she knows I can fix anything. I am really glad I found this fourm. You guys (girls) really help a person feel better.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 11
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:49:40 PM
" I will answer the phone when she calls I guess"

BUZZZZZZZZZZZ

Wrong answer OP.

************ DON'T PICK UP THE PHONE ************

Do a search and read the tread called

"So you want a 2nd chance"

Here is the link

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts3739515.aspx
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 12
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:54:54 PM

She is still asking me to work on her car and I am NOT going to do it. Needs a gas tank right now. I get the idea from her that the new guy knows nothing about cars and she knows I can fix anything. I am really glad I found this fourm. You guys (girls) really help a person feel better.


Well, if she has fallen in love with a guy who's mechanically DISinclined, then give her the name of a reliable and honest mechanic OTHER than yourself. You have got to disentangle your life from hers. I'm not talking about refusing to speak to her when you run into her around town,but you have to detach. At some point you MAY be able to be her mechanic/handyman but not right now. And if you DO fix stuff for her, don't do it out of your own pocket! I wouldn't dream of asking someone, old boyfriend, current boyfriend,or platonic male friend to do free work for me!
Cindy O
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:34:45 PM
That was a great post Ron, going to take that advice. I also wont answer the phone. She probable just wants me to work on her car anyway.
I never did tell what she did to me just three weeks ago. A very good friend of mine for
years had his 17 year old son killed in a car wreck by a drunk driver. I asked her to go to the furneral home with me for the viewing. I didn't want to go alone because I knew it was going to be bad. She said NO she had plans. It was with the new guy I didn't know about yet. Now this was a friend she knew very well also. I asked her if she could just give me 15 minutes from her busy schedule, SHE STILL SAID NO.

One problem around here is there is NO ONE around here. I am in the middle of nowwhere. It is hard to meet anyone. I know everyone in the county. How
I found her is she was new,been here a little while from the Slovak Republic (long story) and no one had found her yet until I spotted her working in a grocery store.
It was exciting to begain with.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:44:12 PM
Very nice Freeda, thank you.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 15
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:00:13 PM

One problem around here is there is NO ONE around here. I am in the middle of nowwhere. It is hard to meet anyone. I know everyone in the county.

SO???
You need to HEAL, not start another romance. Tell me, does one have to pay extra taxes or something in your county if they are not half of a couple?
It's situations like yours,like mine, and like other mature busy people who live in rural areas, small towns,etc for which online personal ad sites make sense. But don't get in a big ass rush here.
You may have to travel a bit afield to meet available ladies when that time comes, but for now I'm saying to you, looking for a rebound relationship is probably not going to truly help you heal.
That's where pursuing some new interests, volunteering, getting involved in a cause you care about can help you meet new people.
Cindy O
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 16
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:49:25 PM
Well brother, I don't really know what to tell you except I know how you feel, and have been there myself a couple of times. Really, the only think that truly helps, at least for me, is time. I live out in BFE as well, as they say "out where the hoot owls scr*w the chickens. It's not like anyone will come beating on our door. Try finding the pleasure, instant gratification if you will, in small tasks. Every moment not thinking about the situation is a step forward. Look at the sunset that is there for YOU to enjoy. Remember that just because these people don't want us, doesn't mean we shouldn't want ourselves. Be good to yourself.

Good luck bro.....
P.S. And by all means if she calls wanting anything, tell her to BUGGER OFF! She made her choice now she needs to live with it.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/24/2008 1:16:04 PM
I don't know what I would do without you guys (girls). Coming home from work and feeling low because I see her car or her I start hurting but coming here make me feel like I have all the friend A broken heart could have. You don't know how much I appreciate it. The Zanax doesn't help much
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 18
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/24/2008 1:30:14 PM

I live out in BFE as well, as they say "out where the hoot owls scr*w the chickens.

Pfft! You think YOU got it bad as far as being in the sticks? Yesterday I walked out in my back yard and saw 2 blue jays trying to have a 3 way with a crow...
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 19
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:01:58 PM

Well.....I can beat that! I've been having a fling with a scarecrow!! And I'm so deep in the woods HE is considered the BEST MAN AROUND!!

So? I'd been dating one of those blue jays for nigh on a year

OK OK we're gonna get in trouble for chatting, when we actually are trying to demonstrate for the OP that he's not the only one who lives in the tules...
Cindy O
 Rick-56
Joined: 11/14/2006
Msg: 20
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History
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:30:50 PM
Jim take my word for it, it does not get any easier. I was in love with and married to a women I would have given my life for. We were together for almost 30 years till she admitted to me she was having an affair. She had a younger man on the side for almost a year till she left me for him. I was devastated, I could not eat ,sleep or function for almost 4 months after she told me. I finally decided I needed some help and spent 2 years on a shrinks couch. I learned alot about me and how it was not my fault which is what I thought that it was. All I can tell you is seek out your friends, talk to them, seek thier advise and don't dwell on it. That will only make it worse, get a hobby that gets you around people so you don't feel alone. There are no easy answers, believe me, I wish there was! Wish you luck!
Rick
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/24/2008 2:38:40 PM
Yea, I knew all that was a croc! There was lots of others like I can't do this or go there because I am too tired. She hasn't been to tired for I last three week as far as I see. And then there was always I have to work in the morning you can't stay the night. There is never a night he hasen't stayed over in the past two weeks and she is working. I deserve better that that.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/24/2008 4:44:43 PM
I guess I don't have it so bad. There are people in a lot worse situations than I am. Like my good friend tells me, good thing you didn't get married, you would still be setting home alone but with half your stuff. And I got a lot of stuff.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:43:56 AM
MAN! I hate to be a pain in the ass to everyone that has been good enough too help me but I am really feeling BAD today. Having trouble even being at work today. I guess because she hasn't contacted me since she was last on my caller ID. Dying to know what she wanted and I REALLY miss seeing her, talking to her. I know this goes against all the wonderful advice everyone gave me. I guess I am just weak
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 24
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/25/2008 9:14:40 AM

Dying to know what she wanted and I REALLY miss seeing her, talking to her. I know this goes against all the wonderful advice everyone gave me. I guess I am just weak

No, it means you are human. Of course you miss her. And I'm sure she knows this and is using it to keep you on the back burner, rather than doing what's really right and staying out of your life. I'm not getting any sense that you and she had any children, property, or business dealings that would REQUIRE continued contact? Sounds to me like she's just trying to keep you on the string.
Cindy O
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 9/25/2008 2:02:39 PM
I did see her today, accidentally. She was walking down the street when I left the Dentist office. Man is she beautiful, always thought she was out of my league and she is.
We were close to her place so I stopped in to talk for a minute. I KNOW EVERYBODY why ask for advice on here if I'm not going to take it. I am sure that will be our last contact. She is pretty clear about her feelings for me, I am just a friend and not a close friend like we were before. She still wants to call but I can no longer answer. I see the signs of her liking this new guy the same way that she first felt about me. I guess that is what hurts the most. Knowing that we will never be together again. I was holding on to some kind of hope that maybe in the future that she would realize we were ment for each other and love me again. That little bit of hope was all I had, now it is time to fall apart. All I can do is hug the little white dog I bought her for a Christmas persent that she gave back along with the engagement ring and cry. Thought I was bigger that this.
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