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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What does he need me to do?      Home login  
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 Wildman46
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 5
What does he need me to do?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Op give the guy the space he seem to want right now. Is mind is in another place, Wait until all the result are in, If the cancer is back, let him know that you would like to be there for him, If he needs you to be. if he needs space, tell him you totally understand and will be around if needed.

I will say a prayer for him, lets hope that all the test he is going through come back negative.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 9
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What does he need me to do?
Posted: 9/23/2008 8:50:20 AM
Why don't you just tell him that. I care about you and want to be there for you if the lymphoma has returned but I need you to tell me what is really best for you. Some people reach out, some people want to be alone. You don't want to care about him in a way that makes things worse for him.

No one on this board, even those that have been through their own cancer or being with someone else can tell you which type of man he is. If you don't know him well enough to recognize that he withdraws or reaches out, you have no choice but to ask him. You never said whether the cancer had anything to do with the original break-up?
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 12
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What does he need me to do?
Posted: 9/23/2008 9:38:00 AM
when i went through my cancer battle, I withdrew, because I didn't want the constant "how are you feeling" and pity parties.

Those who did know about the cancer (i gave out that information on a STRICT need to know basis), and were my closest friends, simply asked what they could do, and sometimes just called or came by (calling first, especially after a treatment) and talked with me about the usual BS (and dragged me out of the house when I was able to go).

I was not dating anyone seriously at the time.

If I had an SO, the best advice I would have given them is to let me know what you are willing to take on, and I'll base my requests on that information.

Tell him what you told us. And let him take it from there.
If his mindset is anything like mine, he's not wanting to put you through his suffering, and not wanting to get too attached in case its really bad news. That is NOT necessarily the best path to take. One thing I learned in my recovery is that I needed my friends, and have to be willing to take the risk with an SO.

From a survivor.
~sydneyleigh
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 14
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What does he need me to do?
Posted: 9/23/2008 10:25:39 AM

Would it be OK if I occasionally took his daughters out for an ice cream or to a movie? I'm not sure how much of this he has shared with them, but I do like those girls & want them to know I'm there for them to talk to also.


That's a question to ask HIM.
My daughter (who no longer lives at home) was not informed of my illness until it was necessary, and I had all the information I needed to tell her. Particularly in the realm of prognosis.

Unless you are already actively involved in their lives, that could be a VERY sticky wicket.
But if you are, its probably one of the nicest gestures available.
 UnzippedPassion
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 16
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What does he need me to do?
Posted: 9/23/2008 2:13:05 PM
Sometimes those going through serious types of illness will shut down and close people out for a lot of reasons. One of those reasons may be he wants to protect you from witnessing the horror before him. He may also need to be alone at this time for a short while to sort things out.

If I were you I'd let him know exactly how I feel about him and that you're not running away because of any diagnosis he may receive. In fact, you'd like to share this time with him and remain close. Let him know that you understand his need to be alone too and don't want to intrude on any personal level of growth he may be going through and that you're there waiting patiently for him to open the door and let you in if and when he's ready to.

If he doesn't respond, don't push. Allow him the time he needs with a reminder here and there that you're thinking of him, really care about him, hope he's all right, and would love to hear from him.

Other than that............pray!
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