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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Is it cheating . . . . . .      Home login  
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 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 3
Is it cheating . . . . . . Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
no it is not cheating ...unless he is forgoing sex with her and looking at porn and jacking off


Men, would you look at it as your girl cheating on you if you walked in on her pleasuring herself?


no but i definitely would watch ..and offer to help
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 4
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Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 6:39:16 AM
This has been explained to me as your "attention and arousal wasn't being saved for her and directed elsewhere".

My Ex believed looking was cheating so I conditioned myself to never even be mistaken as looking at another woman because if my head didn't move away when a woman came into my field of vision, I was in trouble.

Of course at one time she had some kind of odd explanation why sleeping with a boyfriend at work while we were married wasn't cheating. I should have wrote that down because I am sure it would be so entertaining to remember that explanation now.
 newblue1970
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 7
Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:02:58 AM
Cheating requires 2 things - another interactive person ( ie. NOT porn) and deceiving your SO. Phone sex, cyber sex, webcam sex is cheating if your partner doesnt know and approve of it. Masturbating to porn is not cheating. However if done to an extreme it can cause problems if the SO is neglected.

I hate when some people think they OWN there partners sexuality. That person SHARES their intimate lives, they dont give it away. This woman probably tells her husband he can only fantasize about her.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 8
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Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:03:21 AM

probably drop to my knees if he wanted me to, or sit down beside him and start playing as well! Whatever worked at that moment!!


I wouldn't give him the option!!

No it's not cheating. And as long as I was still being satisfied, I wouldn't care.
 Blondecharmthe3rd
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 9
Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:04:15 AM
No its not cheating. BUT.... if I am not getting any and he would prefer to wack off, then I am officially pissed.

To me its fine if you are both not at the same place and want sex, but as a crutch so you don't HAVE TO HAVE SEX is something different.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 12
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Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:30:09 AM
How I sort of view it is that cheating is whatever your SO considers to be cheating. Regardless of how it is in our own mind and based on our own beliefs, if he/she feels a personal betrayal by some action then isn't what matters how they view it?
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 15
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Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:21:19 AM
Is this cheating if he's taking care of his own business? Maybe he didn't want to wake her up to get some.

Despite the opinion of others here, anything you choose to hide from your spouse is cheating. In most cases this involves sex and relationships with others, but it certainly isn't limited to that. Basically it is cheating if it's behavior you would not be engaging in if your partner was standing right beside you.

That being said, were the videos from a live webcam site? Was he IM'ing the person on the other end? Or were they just your standard porn trash found on the net?
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 18
Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:32:02 AM
This type of question is always very silly to me. He was masturbating. I don't feel it's cheating. Everyone does it. Is she jealous of his hand? Does she think that is the first time he ever did it? Does she think he watches porn for the storyline? I bet the wife is a pleasure to be around at the beach.

Some women need to get over their insecurities. It also amazes me that men put up with this type of women. Then again, you should be careful who you marry. If she's controlling him pleasuring himself, what else is she hell bent on him not doing to get so upset at it?



Despite the opinion of others here, anything you choose to hide from your spouse is cheating.


Is he supposed to tell her every time he masturbates? If she can't handle seeing him do it, I doubt she wants a text that he's about to begin.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 19
Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:46:27 AM
The radio guy just neglected tolearn the rules before he strapped it on and ran onto the field. Get the rules, in writing, before you play the game.
Sounds like she was asleep at the snap, delay of game, so the penalty's on her.
Like a lot of men, he married a player-ref. Yeah, that's right, player-ref, not player-coach.
Ever see that t-shirt that says "I have the ****, so I make the rules"? They will if you let 'em. So don't be surprised when all the flags get dropped on your side of the line.

However, as most of the ladies point out, ball-hogging really does deserve a penalty, no matter who the ref is. And that is cheating.

Your replay doesn't give a clear enough view to make the call.
 mermanus
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 23
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Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:20:13 PM
Guys with high sex drives have to whack off if they're not getting daily to a few times a day. Doesn't mean they all do. It's just natural.

If I caught my girl masturbating, I'd hope she was jacking off to me but if not I'd look at it as a challenge to show her reality with me was hotter than any of her fantasies with Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 24
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Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:31:06 PM

Is he supposed to tell her every time he masturbates? If she can't handle seeing him do it, I doubt she wants a text that he's about to begin.

The point with my comment wasn't about the masturbation, it was about the context of it.

Would you be OK if you woke up and your man was masturbating in silence in the dark? Probably.

Would you be OK if you woke up and your man was masturbating to an adult magazine? Probably.

Would you be OK if you woke up and your man was masturbating in the corner on the phone with another woman talking dirty to him? Probably not.

Would you be OK if you woke up and your man was masturbating to a live webcam of the next-door neighbor's wife stripping for him? Probably not.

There are levels to this. Masturbating is fine and normal and healthy, but masturbating in the privacy of another non-spouse person and hiding that from your partner/spouse, IS cheating. See my prior definition.

But who knows if these were "just videos" on the computer like redtube or if it was a Skype video call from his mistress. We're missing some critical information here.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 25
Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:43:27 PM
setuid , Don't assume any of the things you said I would say "probably not" to, that it would bother me. Actually, none of those things would bother me. Then again, I am not like the majority of females out there with inseurities. I don't believe in jealousy, I find it a wasted emotion that leads to anger...which is what the woman in the OPs story was feeling IMO.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 29
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Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 6:24:53 PM
Even someone that sleeps with someone while in a relationship or even married can rationalize that it's not cheating.

Sure, the view of the OP's SO may be wrong and could be a preview of other issues... insecurity, controlling, etc. But if she says it's cheating to her, it's cheating to her and that is the opinion about which the OP needs to be most concerned. Either to respect her views... although quitting masturbating isn't realistic... or to recognize that there is a compatibility issue at best.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 31
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Is it cheating . . . . . .
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:22:21 PM
You slut!!! ...
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