Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What happened?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 parteovahere
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 1
view profile
History
What happened?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
So I met this girl on here a few weeks ago. I think I emailed her once or twice before she gave me her number. I asked her out of course and she told me on the phone that she was interested in going to my place off the git go. I told her first I wanted to go someplace public and we went to a go cart track first. On the date she was very flirtatious and when the go carting and air hockey was over she said she was ready to go to my place and watch a movie and she asked me if I wanted to get some alcohol first. I didn't even have to ask her any of this, nothing like this has ever happened to me and seemed to good to be true. FF we are watching the movie ( I can't remember if we were making out before the following happened or not) somehow catch her arm while I am getting up and manage to spill her beer on her which is in her hand. The next thing I know she is taking her shirt and jeans off right in front of me (OMG IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING) and wants to barrow a shirt of mine to wear ( I should have picked a very small, tight shirt to give to her but I didn't ). Anyways soon after this leads to more making out she is planning on spending the night and another thing she likes to do is cuddle, and by cuddle I mean spoon in my bed. At this point I am going for home plate since we are only a few inches and a very thin piece of fabric from already having intercouse, when she says I'M SORRY I DON'T DO THAT ON THE FIRST DATE. I ended up politely taking her home at this point. What the hell is she doing? Why? I know she either just really liked messing with my head or maybe I did something wrong.
 combatknight
Joined: 8/28/2008
Msg: 2
What happened?
Posted: 9/24/2008 4:18:35 PM
I will be able to give a better report if I had her name and number please?
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 3
view profile
History
What happened?
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:37:31 PM

Does cuddling automatically mean sex?


Selena.. sadly, for a lot of men it does.

I'm lucky. My guy is a cuddle-holic.

OP, sounds a little bit like she was very comfortable in your company, and very comfortable with her own body. If you can be patient and not push too hard with her, she might just rock your world. Let her lead, but don't let her lead you on too much.
 parteovahere
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 4
view profile
History
What happened?
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:43:52 PM
Ok, so whomever said I should have stuck it out is right. I just couldn't sleep with her in my rubbing up against me all night. A guy can get a medical condition.
 parteovahere
Joined: 3/4/2007
Msg: 5
view profile
History
What happened?
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:46:23 PM
and yes I would have let her change in the bathroom.
 Closing Shop
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 6
What happened?
Posted: 9/24/2008 8:03:40 PM
A person isn't obligated to have sex just because they're spending the night, though it's best to make those limits known *before* hopping into bed. But who cares if you missed out on some future sex because of your lack of patience, this woman:

told me on the phone that she was interested in going to my place off the git go
said she was ready to go to my place and watch a movie and she asked me if I wanted to get some alcohol first.
is taking her shirt and jeans off right in front of me
is planning on spending the night

This girl sounds clueless in so many ways. If you'd had sex with her on this night or a future night, I think you would have been in for some trouble. I think she's the type that would start her own thread saying, "Everything was going great- we went back to his place and did some innocent kissing then we got into bed to cuddle and he threw me out for not having sex! I don't know what gave him the idea I was that kind of girl. What a jerk!"
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 7
What happened?
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:30:03 PM
OMG OP ...........

“I am not that kind of a girl”

“yes I know that”

Then just keep going .... she has to mention “I am not that kind of a girl” ... then give you the opportunity to ...... umm

Well OP - when I was a kid (before being married for 100 years) .........

EVERY GIRL TOLD ME THAT

I just turned up the heat

“I know I know”

Turned up the heat more

“but what will you think of me tomorrow?”

“I know I know”

Just kept turning up the heat

OP ........ don’t go past their wishes ..... just don’t misunderstand their mandatory “disclaimers”

Anyway ....... she did seem like a prick tease lol.

--------

OP you wanna hear about the one that - came over and picked me up - took me to her house and ...............

“I don’t think I wanna take you ALL THE WAY HOME THIS LATE”

(a huge whooping 11 miles)

I was so damned dumb - I actually did not know what she was doing.

*THEY* are smarter than us you guys ........ we just have to accept it lol.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 8
What happened?
Posted: 10/2/2008 2:19:16 PM
I feel for you.

The worst thing is that the exact same scenario used to happen to me a lot. (Now if what I am about to say offends any of the ladies, please stop reading right now because what I am about to say may sound counter intuitive but it's true). Getting the girl to come to my place was rather easy. It could be on the first date, second but no later than the fifth date. If they wanted to go to my place, they wanted to get hot and bothered and even do all kinds of grinding and taking off the majority of their clothes, but they would not go any further. The same lines would follow.

This didn't happen all the time, but about 80 percent of the times. So definitely there was something I WAS DOING WRONG.

So dude, yes, she wanted to sleep with you, but you failed to understand the emotional side of the woman and the rational side of that same woman, both with thoughts and feelings that are completely contradictory to each other. But let's start with this one. Women want to fvck you as bad as you want to fvck them.

But men can spread his seed without consequence. For women, there are a lot of consequences. Not only that but while you have about a million seeds to be spread, she has only one egg at the time, and it's a keeper. And if that eggs achieves the objective, her metabolism, her sex life, everything will change drastically not just for nine months, but a long time, like the rest of her life. So women want to have sex with a person that is not only special to her, but and individual that can bring out all those sensations that are raw and inside of her that she keeps at bay all the time so she does not appear as a slut. She also wants a man that takes control, and sweeps her off her feet. Now these are all cliches, but they are true.

The problem is that since she doesn't want to come across as being easy she wants to be able to shift guilt to the guy. Even though she wants it as much, the guilt needs to be on the guy otherwise in her mind she will feel like a slut and if she feels like a slut, that is not fun, so she will shot down, become all rational and tell you what she told you.

A woman also has to get into the zone. That zone is a window of opportunity where her emotional and her rational size are in sink and are not asking of herself too many questions. She needs to first feel completely safe and her emotional side is allowing all her tingling emotions to come to the surface.

Boy this sounds like way too much theory to understand why a woman would want to sleep with you or not. So bear with me.

So how do you keep that balance? And yes it's you the guy who has the responsibility to like an instrument amplify emotion, or bring it all tumbling down. So there are things that you have to do, there are things that you need to hold back, and there are things that you need to allow her to do. Miss one of these things, and she will tell you all she wants to do is cuddle. Get them all right, and next they she will tell you that she didn't know what went over her.

Do they work? Yes. After I changed my approach I went from 80 percent failure to about 90 percent success. And the interesting thing was this. None of these women had one night stands before, they were not promiscuous. Some actually played me, while the majority did want to develop a relationship. I did not play them either since the ones we dated for a while didn't see the relationship evolve, and the one that did, well, I am still with that awesome woman.

So here's some of the things that worked. And again ladies, go ahead and say this is bull if you want, that if a man did that it would not work. Actually, now that you know, perhaps it would not work, or perhaps you would like it better. But let's start with the first thing. Two steps forward, one step backwards. Be almost aloof. If you get to your place, and everything is perfect, and you have the perfect make out music, and all that, they get spooked. They want out of there. But if you give them a quick tour of your place. Go to the bedroom, show her around (so she knows you are not a slob) and then take her away from it and go to the living room and even leave her alone and do something. She will start becoming familiar with the place, her nesting instinct will come in here. The more familiar she is with the place and the more comfortable she feels the better. In your case, you started the movie but perhaps moved way too fast into messing around. Stop. Slow down cowboy. If you move too fast, the defense mechanism will go up. You want all her emotional responses to be on your side, so all you have to deal with is the rational side. So if you make her defense mechanisms go up. However, at one point, and actually even more than one point the anti slut defense will creep into her and she will tell you to stop. So that tells you that you're moving too fast. If you have not kissed yet, then you need to work on that first kiss, but usually when she's in your place, you have already covered that, but if you haven't, this is the time. There's tons of stuff that works on that area so that is a different subject. So let's assumed you have already kissed before, she is into you, you are into her.

So you two embrace and instead of kissing her, hold her hair tight in a fist and pull her head back. Start smelling her. Smell her neck, smell her ears. And no, don't go and start sticking your tongue in her ear. Not good. ONLY smelling. Do that and gauge her response, then pull back, even get up, go to the kitchen, open a bottle of wine, or offer her something. Or even say, I got to check something. Like I said two steps forward, one step backward.

This sound so counter intuitive that is ridiculous. You may think that then she will get cold. The thing is that she is not even hot enough. And when you reach each new plateau of eroticism, you will open the door, but you will not cross over. You will offer the hand for her to cross over. So for instance don't start grinding right away. Horrible. Don't start going for the bra, or the buttons, and start sounding desperate. Lay back, let her do some work. Embrace her again, do variations of smelling her and caressing, now start working on her other erroneous zones. Let her work on some of yours. Again let her feel as an active participant, so pull back.
Start reading the feedback that you get from her body, from her desires. From what she wants you to do now. Take the initiative, be the leading man, then pull back. Read all her signals. Some women will then start touching you, that is her permission for you to touch her. Or she will take something off. Or begin to undue your belt. Again go slow. Pull back. Then change the tempo to fast and passionate. Then pull back.

The thing is this. Now the little voice that says all he wants to do is screw me is overcome by the voice, "what is he doing? Why is he not more forward? Is there something wrong with me? I am attractive aren't I?"

If these are the thoughts in her head, she is no longer thinking about the other thoughts. Even when her slut alarm goes off, she will be the first one to calm it down, to guide you to continue.

One key thing, remember that she is going to put many of these stops, and they are normal and almost predictable. But if you get frustrated, or desperate, or that you want it and she is not giving it to you, or you put pressure, it's over. End of story. "She is not that type of girl."

But if you understand the dynamics of what is going on, you will BOTH be very happy in the morning.

Okay enough said.
 ShrpndTrvlr
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 9
view profile
History
What happened?
Posted: 3/3/2009 11:59:34 PM
[qoute]ou pretty much had a promise of a fun second date and you blew it. --Jerry

Not so sure about that. What he had was this thing called "come here - go away". It's a function of attraction/uncertainty. Outmind pretty much outlined the antidote which is "come here - go away" in behavior by the man. Paying attention and then letting go. It builds trust and is an essential process in all relationships. So the second date may have worked out with her succumbing or ravishing him but by his description I think she has a very strong uncertainty combined with a very strong need (her comments and undressing without a thought) and suspect she would just turn into what they call a drama queen "but do you really love me?" In the end it likely would have looked like this: until they got so tired they both would have gone
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 10
view profile
History
What happened?
Posted: 3/4/2009 10:45:17 AM
OMG.......Funny.......

This is like high school all over again....... ......But as I remember it, it did not happen until you finished cruising the town in your souped up car, getting a burger, and then heading to the submarine races.........

God......I am so glad that I matured........

Now I do it on my Harley, get some sushi, and head to one of our houses.......

Just my opinion.......
 Rain4Eva
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
History
What happened?
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:23:47 PM
lol, this is funny.... Maybe she didn't want to because she didn't feel anything behind her (if you catch what I'm saying)? Wow dude, wow... You wanted more, she didn't you took her home,.

Either way you look at it, you won? she definately won by finding out what type of guy you were, so it's a win/win situation. Good luck and have fun in fishing in the future after this post.

EDIT: Just to not make anymore bad assumptions. Even if she was playin with you, you did something good, by not "trying to force her", and bringing her home. The way I see it, if she wanted to, she would have. She didn't, so nothing happened, but you didn't want to cuddle? :(.

Also, I really don't believe things happened as you so put it, nor should you have inclination to care lol.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What happened?