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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > How many is too many?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 URLOVEY
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 2
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How many is too many?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I suppose it would depend on whether you were a man or a woman. Either way I would never divulge that information, either they look at you in shock and think you are prude, or worse a slut. Its only too few or too many when you choose it to be that.
 Closing Shop
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 4
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:29:41 PM
"Too many" is one person past the point that you're comfortable with your sexual history. For some people that's two for some it's in the hundreds. But don't let other people dictate what's a comfortable number for you.
 TainQ2
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 7
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:02:52 AM
Interesting. Are we talking about frequency or the actual number of partners? How important is the age of the person being asked? 100 @ 19 or 100@50? What does this all mean? Use it or lose it or obsuse it? So much to think about.
 Blondecharmthe3rd
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 9
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:18:34 AM
Well... my soon to be husband has had 1. I don't agree with it, wish he has been with more than just me but thats HIS choice. I have been with .... triple digits and he likes that about me.

The key is what your current partner is comfortable with. And that regardless of any number above 1, that you get tested regularly. It should be a requirement at least once a year for everyone as part of their physical exam in my opinion. There would be less spread of STD's and STI's.
 MidnightStorms
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 10
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:25:41 AM
I don't care as long as currently I was the only one they were sleeping with.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 11
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:32:26 AM
Numbers should not matter as long as they are not a determinant of what the future will hold. What I mean by that is that if I slept with 100 women but when I am in a committed relationship there will be only one, then it doesn't matter. But if that number, implies a difficulty to remain loyal to one person, then it can be a problem.

Personally, I don't want to know her number, as I will not reveal my numbers.
 cal2233
Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 14
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:56:55 AM
I AGREE WITH MOST OF THE POSTS, IT REALLY DOSN'T MATTER. I'M NOT A VIRGIN SO I CAN'T EXPECT MY DATE TO BE. BUT I WOULD NOT WANT TO KNOW IF WE WERE TO MEET A PAST "FRIEND"----"SEE THAT GUY OVER THERE, HE HAS A SMALL WEE WEE, BUT GIVE GREAT HEAD" I THINK NOT.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 15
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:03:28 AM

it brings to mind that old saying "practice makes perfect"

Plus, if I question her on it, she might question me.


Which make me think of a great t-shirt I noticed: "Cheat. If you get caught, Lie!" Lol
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 16
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How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:06:15 AM
I have been asked that question too by my late husband during our intimate session,my answer was I burned the bridges I crossed.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 17
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:20:11 AM
Libra! Damn it!!! ROFLMAO!!
65,438 f*cks is just under 47 years of daily sex, with a new partner each time.
You can't get there from here. I know, I know, that's the point. LOL

OP- sometimes one is too many. Kinda like I would feel with Libra- just me against all of her!!
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 18
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How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:26:41 AM
Too many is the one right after you get herpes or HIV. You are only 18, PLAY SAFE!!!! Someone said too many was when you started to feel guilty about your sexual past. I call BS on this one. Guilt is an emotion that other people try to lay on you. Some people feel guilty because they weren't virgins when they got married; and other people feel guilty if they DON'T sleep with someone. (i.e. the one that got away.)

How many people have you slept with; is a question that should never be asked, or answered between lovers. When you ask a question, it is assumed that you are going to do something with the information you get. Think about it...what "good" can possibly come from asking, or answering, that question?

The bottom line is that we are the product of ALL of our life's experiences. If your partner loves you; and you love them; you all love each other BECAUSE of EVERYTHING that has occurred in your past; because if you had not had those experiences you would not be who you are today.

The only thing you and your lover should be concerned with is how many people you are going to be with while you are together. Good luck. DO NOT allow anyone to guilt you; and please please please PLAY SAFE.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 20
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:56:31 AM

I'm just wondering... does the number of people your partner sleeps with really matter to you?

Nope. What matters is how many he sleeps with once he's intimately involved with me. If it's more than one (me) there's a problem.

~OP~ I think the sooner you learn to stop answering such silliness, the easier your life will be. People want to know this for very simplistic reasons: to judge your character by what they perceive as their own character; or to have something to throw in your face down the road. It's not about health, if it were ~ they'd take you to the free clinic on a first date so you could bond over a little blood drawing action. I've rarely been asked "how many" and the times I were, there were three very simple answers:
"Since when?" (Usually gets a stunned "Hmmm???" look.)
"Why do you ask?" (Usually gets a stunned "Yea, why do I ask???" look.) and my favorite:
"Too many to be a virgin, too few to be a professional."
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 21
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How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 11:00:57 AM
It's a secret. Only few are privy to that info...but I do feel it is a "decent " number...
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 24
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 11:55:21 AM

I'm glad you feel that you know that it's just for simplistic reasons. character and to throw it in your face...

Oh M ~ silly you. You are free to ask that which you wish to ask, but I think the following is a clear example that I'm likely accurate (at least to some degree!):

I'd ask, because I don't necessarily want to run into her ex lovers... I've had this happen before, and it wasn't a great experience...
I'd ask, because it's important toME to know...
I'd ask because I'd like to know if I have a 1 in 5 chance of being her best lover rather than a 1 in a hundred chance...

So, what you are saying here: It's all about you on that note. I can respect that ~ well, or something.

Me, I'd ask, because I'd like to know a bit about my partner's sexual past... Just as I'd like to know if they have a history of drug-abuse... alcohol abuse etc...

So it's about her being a sex addict. Well, that was a tad simplistically minded for me to say ~ but that's what that particular analogy says to me.

I'd ask because I'd prefer someone who's view of sex was compatible to my own... ie sexual compatability...

Sexual compatibility is vital. It takes some pretty in depth conversations to know such, and being exceptionally complex in that area myself, I can honestly state: the number of partners (on either side) doesn't mean jack when it comes to experience, experiences, prowess, or level of skill.

I'd ask, because I do take my health seriously, I'd like to have a better idea of my risk at having sex with her... as we know neither condoms(safer-sex) nor testing is 100%reliable... so it would increase my information...
I'd ask, because I also would take HER health seriously, I'd like to have a better idea of whether or not she may have long term health issues from a past STD... like infertility is not an issue at my age, but her risk of cervical cancer is...

The HPV scare is just that. You'll have to do you're own research on that note. As a woman, I was more than concerned until a knowledgable physician spelled it out for me. At my age ~ and any other woman over 25 (from what is recommended by the powers that be on this topic) I'm not even allowed the vacination. No need. Health is important and the harsh truth is: have unprotected sex one time, you're at risk and so is your partner. For those of us with children ~ it's a moot point after that, we've had unprotected sex. Do it how you wish ~ but don't judge me because I don't think you make any sense at all. You apparently don't think I make any sense either. Seems to be your MO more often than not. Not a bad thing ~ just part of "who" you are.

I'd ask because I've seen some women who were suffering from other 'issues' that led them to have a lot of partners... as opposed to just a healthy liking of sex...
I'd also be concerned that if she couldn't tell me something as simple as that, I'd wonder what else she's not telling me...

Ahhh ~ yes. Those who keep some things private are liars in disguise. I get it. Well, I'm sorry. My past is just that. The glory of my life? There isn't a man I will EVER meet who will EVER meet one of my "former" partners unless I happen to introduce them. Which I do from time to time. If one is so worried about performance, the number of partners certainly isn't going to fix that. If that is your concern (as you state two times here) ~ go to a seminar, a professional, or practice practice practice. Good luck to ya.
 Doug6105
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 25
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How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:35:49 PM
To me he sounds insecure for asking. I'd never ask. ... and no it shouldn't matter, after all it's in the past, right.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 33
How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:35:08 PM
^^^Sorry, I find that the CDC is where one really should probably look for info on health. They aren't opinion-swayed by drug companies. At least the last time I looked no one was paying for air time or web advertisements.


Genital HPV infection is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that is caused by human papillomavirus (HPV). Human papillomavirus is the name of a group of viruses that includes more than 100 different strains or types. More than 30 of these viruses are sexually transmitted, and they can infect the genital area of men and women including the skin of the penis, vulva (area outside the vagina), or anus, and the linings of the vagina, cervix, or rectum. Most people who become infected with HPV will not have any symptoms and will clear the infection on their own.

Site to view recommended by the CDC on their website:


2. Myth: Only people who have casual sex get STDs.

Even with up to 12 million Americans contracting an STD each year, many people continue to believe that only "someone else"--for example, people who have multiple partners, sex outside of marriage, or a different lifestyle--are at risk.

It is true that a higher number of sexual partners over the course of a lifetime does correlate with a higher risk for STDs, including HPV. This is not because of any moral judgment concerning "casual" sex as compared with "committed" sex, but simply because the more sexual partners you have, the more likely you will have a partner who (knowingly or unknowingly) is carrying an STD.

However, STDs can be passed along as readily in a loving, long-term relationship as in a one-night stand. And HPV is the virus to prove it. At least one study of middle-class, middle-aged women, most of them married with children, found that 21% were infected with cervical HPV. In other studies, according to Nancy Kiviat, MD, a researcher at the University of Washington, about 80% of people who have had as few as four sexual partners have been infected with HPV.

http://www.ashastd.org/hpv/hpv_learn_myths.cfm


4. Myth: Genital warts lead to cervical cancer.

No one knows how many sleepless nights can be laid at the door of this myth. The truth, however, is that the fleshy growths we call genital warts are almost always benign. In the vast majority of cases, they do not lead to cancer, turn into cancer, or predispose a person toward developing cancer.

According to Katherine Stone, MD, a member of ASHA's HPV Scientific Advisory Committee, genital warts need not "raise a red flag with regard to cancer in anyone's mind."

There are more than 70 types of human papillomavirus, and most are quite specific in the sites they can invade and the pathology they can cause. Those most strongly associated with cancer are HPV types 16, 18, 31, 45, and, to a lesser degree, half a dozen others. These are known as the "high-risk" types, not because they usually or frequently cause cancer--in fact, cervical cancer is a rare disease in the United States today, and penile cancer even more so--but because, in the infrequent event that cancer does develop, it can usually be traced back to one of these types. Even so, it bears repeating: most women with high-risk HPV on their cervix will not develop cervical cancer.

http://www.ashastd.org/hpv/hpv_learn_myths.cfm
70 to 100 strains. A possible 10 (or say 12 maybe) that can possibly be linked to certain cancers, but there is no data to prove such. Young ladies should indeed decide if the vaccination is for them. Prevention is almost as valuable as accurate/fact based knowledge.

~OP~ I used to think that answering "3" was a great idea. One is too few, four is too many. Apparently so according to the above. At my age ~ if someone I might be considering becoming intimate with told me anything less than double digits, I'd assume they had been either been happily married for a LONG time or that they were likely a liar liar liar. Then I'd probably find myself mystified or irked. So I just don't see the need to ask. Good luck to ya.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 34
How many is too many?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:25:29 AM
M: It was a direct quote from the CDC. You apparently missed that when you ventured there, maybe???? (Straight from my previous post:)

Genital HPV infection is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that is caused by human papillomavirus (HPV). Human papillomavirus is the name of a group of viruses that includes more than 100 different strains or types. More than 30 of these viruses are sexually transmitted, and they can infect the genital area of men and women including the skin of the penis, vulva (area outside the vagina), or anus, and the linings of the vagina, cervix, or rectum. Most people who become infected with HPV will not have any symptoms and will clear the infection on their own.

http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/
I've turned into a member of the Disease Posse. Augh. ***Smacks own head***

~OT~ Like-minds. It boils down to meeting/dating those who view this topic as you do. I could never date someone with the logic I've been bantering with here. No way, no how. And because I won't turn over my spreadsheet (ha...that's a good pun ) of sexual partners (with codes for prowess, experience level, special talents/gifts, lack of this-that-and-the-other, as well as dates, times, names, places and their test results in attachment) he probably wouldn't want to date me. Yep, the glory of like-minds.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 37
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How many is too many?
Posted: 10/5/2008 10:10:26 AM

Me, I'd ask, because I'd like to know a bit about my partner's sexual past... Just as I'd like to know if they have a history of drug-abuse... alcohol abuse etc...
Personally, I think verygreeneyez nailed it…sexually, my concern is how many partners they are going to have after we are intimately involved. Drug abuse, Alcohol abuse, same thing…when, how bad, time line, track record, are they over it?

I'd ask because I'd prefer someone who's view of sex was compatible to my own... ie sexual compatibility...
Sexual compatibility is absolutely critical; however I've certainly done things in my past (sexual and non-sexual) that I learned a great deal from that in no way represent my present. What's important is are we sexually compatible NOW.

I'd ask, because I do take my health seriously, I'd like to have a better idea of my risk at having sex with her... as we know neither condoms(safer-sex) nor testing is 100%reliable... so it would increase my information...
Condoms do have a legitimate failure rate; however, testing is so close to totally accurate as to be nearly absolutely accurate when done properly. The tests are skewed in such a way that they are more likely to show positive when you do not have a disease than they are to show negative if you do have the disease. In the first instance you test again; in the second instance you could infect others or die, hence the increased sensitivity. Testing works.

I'd ask, because I don't necessarily want to run into her ex lovers
I’ve never had trouble with this. Besides, he lost. I’m her current lover; and I’m better than him anyway. Also, if neither of you knew the other was a lover, there would have been no incident, would there?

I'd ask because I'd like to know if I have a 1 in 5 chance of being her best lover rather than a 1 in a hundred chance...
This is really weak. Are you a good lover? Could you be a better lover? If so, then be a better lover. How many times has a woman told you that you were the best she has ever had. They will tell you, so if your answer is “several times” or “every time” then no worries. If she has been with 100, you’re still the best. If you answer is “not many” or “never” then you need to work on your love making abilities; and the fact is, the more lovers she has had, the better she can help you become, because the more “secrets” she will know. Dave’s g-spot technique on here works, try it. For “real” mind blowing love making, I like my “technique for the true lovers” using Football Mum petals.

I'd ask, because I also would take HER health seriously
Then the question is NOT “How many partners” but “Do you have, or have you ever had HPV or Cervical dysplasia?” and “Does cervical cancer run in your family?” and “Does any cancer run in your family?” and “Do you get your annual ‘female’ exam?” Bottom line, ONE partner can give you HPV; and if your family is prone to cervical CA then your chances are much higher. Breast CA is very high on my mom’s side. My mom and two of her sisters all had breast CA, one aunt died. In one family my aunt, and 3 or her 4 daughters had breast CA, one daughter died. So family history and personal health history give you lots of info, number of partners gives you almost nothing.

I've seen some women who were suffering from other 'issues' that led them to have a lot of partners
Bingo! The vast majority of the time, those “issues” were as younger women; and they have worked through them, and matured out of them. Yes, some “older” women have these issues; but the important info isn’t “how many” but “how many now that you are with me?”

Example: You meet a 47 year old woman you are crazy about but find that she had 100 sexual partners. She also had genital warts. What do you do?
The warts were when she was 18, and have been cured without recurrence. Now what?
You find out that she had 98 sexual partners before the age of 20, since then she has had two; he husband of 25 years who died two years ago, and you. Any difference in how you’d respond?

Example 2: Blonde haired, blue eyed, drop dead gorgeous babe with a 5 year old son. Recently divorced, her only sexual partner was the father of her child. What do you think? Turns out dad is in prison for drug use; mom and son are HIV positive. I KNEW this woman. Sexual history = 1.

Bottom line: the information you are looking for is valid, and important; but there are many much more accurate ways of getting to the information that matters as opposed to all of the assumptions, extrapolations, and statistical manipulations you would have to make if getting only numerical data. The information you are looking for is important; the number of people she has been with is relevant only because they helped her become the lover you are with today. Be thankful for her past, because she would not be who she is without it. Be glad that she is healthy. Be grateful that she loves you; treat her like the treasure she is; and quit asking questions that can only cause pain and discomfort.
 WhiteWaterRogue
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 40
How many is too many?
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:43:42 PM
Sure...pick a number.
 Blondecharmthe3rd
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 41
How many is too many?
Posted: 12/5/2008 4:27:27 PM
I ask, and when asked, I answer.

Doesn't mean the whole world needs to know but if a potential sexual partner wants to know, finds out how many and then re-evaluates and decides its too great a risk, they have my respect ... just not my body. And I am ok with that.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 49
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How many is too many?
Posted: 12/18/2008 2:05:52 PM
It does not matter to me about a woman's past,its time for the double standard to go out the window, if a guy sleeps with x # of women hes a stud.... and so on and so on......
 blkstr2
Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 50
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How many is too many?
Posted: 1/2/2009 11:52:39 PM
does your partner know everybody in town or whereever you go that is toomany(mail person ,laundramat ,grocery store, city dump,every wedding , kids party , convenience store ,,all over the county and then some they might just be a ....
or celeberity(whor#)
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