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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Changing others' perceptions of yourself?      Home login  
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 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 3
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Changing others' perceptions of yourself?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
If your circle sees you a certain way and you are ready to change, how do you change their perceptions?


Zeeba, you don't change their perceptions....that is within each of them individually....they are their perceptions afterall. Now having said that, you can influence their perceptions....and that my friend, is done by actions. When they SEE you doing things differently....SEE how you act around others with this new found confidence (consistently and persistently)....eventually, they will come to know it, rather than think or see it. JMO. And if they don't, so what? You still have to do what makes you and your life happy, right?

It's something I've learned fairly recently, as well.....know and be yourself rather than trying to please everyone else. For one, it's a lot less stressful.....for another, it makes it easier to recognize that person in the mirror each day.




~ds~
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 4
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Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:12:19 PM
I doubt one could change anyones perceptions. And why would you even want to try? If they can not accept you for who you are, maybe it is time for some new friends?

I have work friends, aviation friends, and realitives. I tell them all the same thing.

How do you like me now?
 OldFolkie
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 5
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Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:15:34 PM
I'd recommend a low cut blouse, short skirt and fishnet stockings...maybe one of those sexy neck chokers. I don't know about your circle of course, but it would sure as hell influence MY perceptions!
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 6
Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:19:04 PM

If your circle sees you a certain way and you are ready to change, how do you change their perceptions?

1. At best you only have a 50% chance of changing someone's perception about you. You should realize that even if you are successful, it's not certain that it'll be for the better.

2. You perception of yourself what matters most. Are you the person you'd truly like to be? If so, isn't that enough? It's a heck of a lot more that what a lot of people can achieve.

3. Who's to say that your environment (friends included) need to be the same? You've expanded yourself internally, why not stretch your legs and expand your environment (including your friends).

4. More times than not we have friends who define themselves by their surroundings and friendships. If you change yourself, you change their definition of your friendship. Change is scary. They spent a good amount of time in learning about the old you, you were predictable to them. You're now new, different; scary. It's easier for them to still consider you as the "old you." It would be a shame if they somehow make you revert for the sake of their comfort.
 URLOVEY
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 12
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Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:35:04 PM
you may never change their perceptions. But, once they see you out dating they may change... However, they are probably very comfortable with the old maid they had for a friend and are not going to give her up that easily.

SIDE NOTE: CONGRATS ON THE SELF IMPROVEMENT!
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 13
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Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:36:01 PM
As Dr. Phil says, "I'm not responsible for how you perceive me. I'm only responsible for how I present myself."
You need to distance yourself from these "friends." Don't give your friends anymore info about you trying to change yourself. It seems misery likes company. Because you're looking to change yourself, these so called friends might now see you as a threat. I don't see where they are being supportive of you. As the saying goes, "with friends like these, who needs enemies?"
You can't look at people as looking to change them. You can only change yourself. You will find that you will be able to make friends in your new surroundings, it just takes time.
Actually you just describe these people as aquaintenances and not friends, so move on and don't share too much info with them, because they're not going to be supporting you.
You're not going to change them. They're happy the way they are.
 OldFolkie
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 16
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Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:44:26 PM
I think I have to disagree with LB J. I can't see a need for you to give up on professional and personal friendships that have lasted for years. If they don't immediately see the changes you've made in yourself, give them some time. If they fail to notice, it may just be because they see you through a filter of years of memories and are just slow to recognize change. It's not like friendship grows on trees (at least here in California), so it would take a LOT to cause me to discard an old friend.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 18
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Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:57:03 PM

And, part of my situation is living in a smaller community for a LONG time.


Sit back and read that....read it again....once more.

What you're saying, is you 'care' about how the rest of the community views you. Realize....come to terms with....YOU. It's been a progression, right? This change? It didn't happen overnight. They've already noticed it. Have THEY comes to grips with it? Accepted it? Embraced it? That is where your focus currently lies. Snap yourself out of that train of thought....doesn't matter.....what matters, is if you're happy in your own skin. Are you? Almost? Once you are, they will have no choice in the matter. No influence....accept you as you, or not....their choice. As long as you accept you for you.





~ds~
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 22
Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/2/2008 11:36:20 AM
Hey OP,

I think you're going to have to live the life you want to live and not worry about their perceptions. They'll change or not as they get to know the new, confident you, but I certainly wouldn't let their opinions and feelings affect how you view yourself or hold you back in enjoying your life--whether that enjoyment is dating, traveling or whatever.

Best wishes,

Nutt
 Be_Cause_We_Can
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 23
Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/2/2008 11:40:17 AM
I absolutely get what you're saying and I'm going to tell you straight off that some of these people can't be your friends in the same way as before.

You told them exactly what you needed to say and you saw the results...you have to move forward and if they are with you and for you then they can join you....you may have to break up with some friends (and others may ask you for coaching!..DO THAT!...LOOK FOR THAT!...TO TEACH IS TO LEARN TWICE OVER!)

You didn't change their perceptions when you showed up the first time, did you?
 OldFolkie
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 25
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Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:01:21 PM
Glad I could help, Ran. Was it the choker or the stockings?
I was shopping today checking out the options, and I just couldn't make up my mind.
Being correctly accessorized is SO difficult now.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 28
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Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/3/2008 9:04:13 PM

^^^ I am who I am period. I do not try to change anything about myself...

WOW, never?




~ds~
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 38
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Changing others' perceptions of yourself?
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:55:59 AM

Never. I never change myself for others' perception of me. [/qutoe]
Okay Lori, this makes more sense....not doing so based on other's opinions....the way I interpreted what you wrote was you'd never change anything about yourself, period....not even for your own betterment/improvement. My bad.




~ds~
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