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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Did I have the right to be angry?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lestergass
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 11
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Did I have the right to be angry?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
relationship? kids? and you haven't even met? I'd have been GONE in a heartbeat . . ....... .. but I'm a cynical old dude
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 13
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Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:00:54 PM
Personally, I think that you and he have taken this way, wayy, waayyy to seriously. He says things lkie love and children but you have never even met yet!?! Ridiculous!!
Then you took him seriously!?! Even more ridiculous!! And even after he showed you that he was off the deep end you go and swim out there with him.
How the heck can someone cheat on you when you have never even met yet? What are you? His Cyber-girlfriend!?! Really? Are you effin' serious!?! You did not find out by pure chance! You as him and he flat out told you! Do you think that he would have told you that he was just ignoring your emails!?! Really!?! I'll tell you. You would have had a really long silence from me too. Because I would be wondering if you were crazy. He did not hide anything from you. What are you 14 years old?
This whole premise is just stupid. He did not cheat on you. Until you are both in a commited relationship with each other, it is impossible to cheat. Good grief!! WHo the heck even cares what he does or does not do? He is just words on a screen until you meet him!!
My advice... push yoursef away from the computer. Stand up. Go outside. get re-aquainted with real life for awhile. You have completely lost your perspective!
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 15
Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:23:29 PM
He says things lkie love and children but you have never even met yet!?! Ridiculous!!....How the heck can someone cheat on you when you have never even met yet? What are you? His Cyber-girlfriend!?! Really? Are you effin' serious!?! ....He did not cheat on you


Pretty much what I was going to say. Cyberlove is a biatch!
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 17
Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/2/2008 8:19:07 PM


I told him that we should not rush and promise each other too much especially we have not met yet, but assured him that I liked what I knew about him so far.


Is this polite Miss Manners code for WTF?!?!??!?!?!



Angry? I don't know that I would be angry. I think I'd laugh my azz off. I mean come on - you busted him. He was playing and you caught him! How cool is that?

The thing left unsaid and what made me pick up on it is this;


Then one day I emailed him on POF and sent him a rose just before we were supposed to meet


Uh oh!!!! Girlfriend! You were DIGGING him!!!
You were doing girl gestures!
You were into him!

And then you accidentally stumbled onto his game.

Then you got angry.
Which is entirely ok.

You felt anger because you were into him and he was playing you.
And you didn't expect it when you were liking him.
Disappointment and emotions like hurt, anger etc., happen when OUR expectations of how something "may" go, are wrong.

And that's when we (humans) feel. We feel hurt, we feel loss, we feel disappointment, we feel our HOPE for what might have been whimper and die.

And then we go - "FUCDGE!!!!!!!!"
and we burn




And then we eat ice cream and chocolate,
we do our hair and we mingle on the forums
and we re-group.
Til next time.

Hopefully next time we're more brilliant and discerning the creepies in the shrubs!
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 19
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Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:19:42 PM
@ Damon.. He TOLD her he was reading his other emails and he completely ignored hers that had a rose attached.

@ canam miles: What you say is true.. however; you must admit that more than likely that had they met it would be quite likely that he would be doing the very same thing to her and she would be even more hurt.... I don't think it's prudent to make op feel that she over reacted just because she listened to her intuition.

@ GSB.. fabulous post :0)

@ Op... I think you did the right thing..
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 21
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Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:48:52 PM
Talk about Red Flags
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 26
Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/3/2008 6:06:36 AM
Ya know....you just have to give the guy some kudo's for excellent taste in she-males, I mean come on??!?!?! You're the tops!

But the poor dude.
Cagey booger.
Not cagey enough though....


But I was really angry because I believed he was honest (something he stressed and I was naive enough to accept). I thought his intention were good.
This is why when I saw him avoiding my emails and giving no explanation for it I took it as a red flag this guy is only very good with stories and lies, and acted upon it.


Here's the thing about this whole online dating that makes it such a biotch...you're a more savvy than normal individual (I know this wink _dang it cowboy! Get out of my damn thoughts!)

Any way.....you're savvy.
You're sharp.
But the thing is this my friend - you fell. You bought his goods. You believed him. And you are NOT easily conned and he GOT you.

That's the part that sucks the most.
And look!

All of you look - if she hadn't been checking?
She'd have kept believing him. Trusting him. Thinking he was being honest....

It's a really crummy, crummy thing - when you're a smart, sharp, intelligent person who is sincerely interested in a REAL relationship and you go through the motions, and get to the point of the meet to find it was all someone else's game.

This ain't a game people.
And ya know....maybe there should be a seperate area - intended for playing games...

Think any one would be stand up and say - "Hey I'm just here to screw with as many people's psche's as I possibly can?"

What was it the Little Rascals used to call it?
The He-Man Woman Haters Club?

uh oh......I'm hearing a song.....Queen?
"She doesn't like the tough guys....!"

Thank God it's Friday!

You go girl!
Another one rides the bus!

 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 28
Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:07:22 AM
Look, you never met in person. So you lost nothing. In fact, you got lucky and found out what a bas!art he was without wasting any additional emotional energy.

The reality is that this will happen again, but you will now be prepare for that type of moron.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 36
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Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/3/2008 10:34:23 AM
"The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool." .. Steven King
 Diadora
Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 37
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Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/3/2008 10:43:41 AM
Some people use POF and other personal boards as a means of letting off emotional steam. Play acting a relationship. Kind of like when we were kids and we day dreamed about relationships. People are doing the same thing here... except they are using other people in some of the roles. Fair... certainly not. Healthy... no way. But it happens. That is why a cultivated BS meter is so important. None of us want to be props in someone elses cyber daydream. Trust your gut level feeling.
DiaDora
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 38
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Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/3/2008 11:24:57 AM

OP>>> What do you think?

I think in 29 more days, you'll be back up 2 roses!





~ds~
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 39
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Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/3/2008 2:58:14 PM
You have still lost your perspective. The fact is that even if you had spoke to each other for hours a day, everyday, neither one of you had the motivation or the interest to see each other in person. Go out for a drink, walk, coffee, date... nuthin'. Yet you actually would accept conversations that involve love and children as a resonable conversation.
A poster a few above me had it right. The fact is that the both of you were simply fantasising a beautiful romantic relationship. You simply fueled each others fantasy. You had no intention of meeting or after a few months you would have done so.
In all actuality he did nothing. He did not read an email of yours and told you so. You were not cheated nor decieved. He simply burst your incredibly romantic dream world that you both had created.
YOOU HAD NO RELATIONSHIP WITH A REAL PERSON. REAL RELATIONSHIPS HAVE PROBLEMS THAT CROP UP FROM TIME TO TIME. NOT READING AN EMAIL WHERE YOU SENT AN ELECTRONIC ROSE THAT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE GETS FOR FREE DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A PROBLEM. Of course if that is all that you have in a relationship then it does. but, frankly you did not have anything and before you try and defend it, answer why after a few months and hours on the phone everyday did you NEVER meet?
 Divinity
Joined: 2/16/2008
Msg: 44
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Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/3/2008 6:11:12 PM
Women intuition is never wrong, trust it.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 45
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Did I have the right to be angry?
Posted: 10/3/2008 6:22:15 PM
I said this happened a couple of months ago. Never said we spoke for months. But we agreed to meet after two weeks of talking, then a 'business' of his came up and we put off for one more week. Then I noticed I am being ignored by someone who presumably says he wanted a relatioship! It is true that it was my fault failing to see that as a red flag.

If that is the case then I apologise, but you never said that you did not talk for only three weeks. You said that you were talking to some guy months ago. Then this happened months ago! Why bring it up now? That said the scenario does not change. I will be blunt with you. The truth is that some guy that you never met and had been in contact with for three weeks said that you were his one and only and wanted to have children with you. You in turn decided to take this person seriousy. Frankly it is unreasonable for you to hear that kind of statement in your situation and beieve that this is a stable kind of guy that has made a rational decision about wanting you as a partner in his life. This is not just a red fag. It is a fire alarm! When you heard that you completely ignored what it means. It means that either he isnot serious or that he has fallen way too hard waayyy too fast for someone that he does not know. You encouraged that once he said it. Yes I know you said,'let's not promise anything to each other too soon" but that is worlds away from 'Whoa, slow down. You are moving too fast and I think that we need to re-evaluate this relationship.'
The only reasons that you would do this are 1 of three.
1. You are a player and were playing on his emotions for some gain.
2. You are equally as niave and honestly did not see how foolish this situation had become.
3. You were fantasizing about some romantic dream relationship where you and a virtual stranger had conversations aboutyour future lives together and discuss children.

I was not angry he opened other people's emails, I was angry at his failure to tell me why... failure that came after first denying he ever logged on to his account in a first place. And for the record I was neither angry when I asked him the question nor posed my question in an accusatory tone. I simply wanted to know why.

So I was angry he painted a deceitful image. My question was whether I had the right to be angry to which you said no I did not. Fair enough.
Thanks.

Here is the crux of the situation. Why does he have to tell you anythng?You are not his girl. You are not in a commited relationship. You would have to tell you? Why would you be angry that he did not?
Als What is the deceiptful image if not the whole high romance relationship thing? The image that this guy painted was one that you and he were in a serious relationship. After three weeks on the phone and emails, you were'nt. This decietful image that you accuse him of painting is the exact same bubble that I accuse him of bursting.


@canaam_miles
Very good friends of mine met online. They lived in the same town, but emailed and chatted back and forth for three months before meeting. They've now been together 4 years, and moved in together a year ago. Some people like to take their time; this doesn't make them insincere.

Oh don't get me wrong. I completely believe that you can wait to meet and be successful, but were your friends talking babies after three weeks? Were your friends checking up on each other after three weeks of emails? Probably not.
The difference here is that the OP believes that she had something special when all that she really had was a pen pal. If you check her original post, she refers to this guy as a cheater. Like she has been cheated on. Your friends met each other, for whatever reason took their time to meet and made a connection. The OP met each other online made a connection and then made a relationship, but never actually met in person. The insinuation is that they were in an excusive relationship.
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