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 jklee
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 1
Am I single or divorced [CLOSED - Redundant - Use Your Search Function]Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
... This is a make it or break it question ..

I am divorced 10 years ago with children. At my profile, I wrote single but someone called me a liar because I am divorced ...
What is the different between single or divorced for those of us starting all over again ?
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 2
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:05:43 AM
I would think that in this context, because 'divorced' is quite visibly an option, that choosing 'single' is inappropriate. In a profile, this is information - to be accurate, you should list yourself accurately. You are divorced.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 3
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:35:57 AM
I'm with most of the other posters on this one ...

Single means you've never been married before. Now you could conceivably have been in a long-term relationship and even have produced children ... but just never married ... that would make you single.

But once you've been married and then divorced ... you probably should list yourself as your true status ... divorced.

I'm also with the poster who suggested that if you lie about that status ... what else would you lie about?

BTW ... do you have a problem with listing yourself as divorced?
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 4
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:30:22 AM
On some of questionairs ,an interviewe write me down single, So now ,I referred myself as single and my friends referred me as single too. If some one ( one on one) ask me of my status as a single I will tell them I am a widow and goes the questions how long I am a widow ? what he died for ? blah,blah... There is no different of being SINGLE as widower,divorce, or not been married. Single means unattach with any one legally.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 5
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:23:18 PM
divorced means, you were married and now are not

single means, never having been married

imo

if i read a profile where it says that he has kids and then see "single" as his status, it gives me a different initial impression of the man than if he has "divorced" as his status ... similarly if he has "widower", rather than "single" (if there is such a category offered)

each status is just one way that i can glean a little information about the person (which, admittedly, might prove to be inaccurate :))

 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 6
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:30:42 PM
Well, I am separated and stae so in my profile. My wife (ex in my mind) has a profile on 2 sites and presents herself as single.
I guess divorced is different because it shows a past whereas single could denote no past (marriage wise)
But I can also see if you are not married, engaged or otherwise attached, you could make a case for single.
I think the end result here is how much is that title hurting you in your pursuit of someone?
 bldrnnr67
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 7
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:07:46 PM
IMO the OP should be listing himself as divorced. Some people do not want to date someone that has been married before. When I was much younger, I wouldn't date someone that was divorced. It was my preference at the time. Single - never been married. Divorced - self explanatory.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 8
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:22:02 PM

What is the different between single or divorced for those of us starting all over again ?


To me, the difference between whether you are single or divorced after 10 years, has to do with how small the mind is that's trying to grasp such unimportant concepts. Especially, if they called you a "liar".

I hope you dodged that bullet...
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 9
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:51:54 PM
Anybody who gets that hung up on how you lable yourself is probably not worth taking the time to get to know and they probably have serious issues with other things.
 ***blue***
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 10
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 5:18:02 PM
"IMO the OP should be listing himself as divorced. Some people do not want to date someone that has been married before."

I don't see it as a problem except in the above situation. Some people just do not want to date or have a relationship with someone who has been married before. Doesn't really matter what the reasoning is behind it, it's just how they feel.

To each thier own.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 11
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 5:30:34 PM
If you were ever married
then divorced, you are divorced.

Divorced indicates previously married, i.e. you once had a spouse.
It is what it is.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 12
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 5:46:51 PM
I can understand why this would truly matter if in fact a person isn't actually single but listing themselves as such. Off with their heads.

But I do have to say that it would be nice if Admin would redesign the marital status dropdown to illustrate how long someone has been separated and whether or not they are actually living separately and apart from their ex. I've had a lot of clients who have been separated for years and years and we've had to actually draft divorce Writs to their "last known address". On the other hand, these days, there seem to be a lot more people continuing to live together even after their divorces have become finalized.

But hey, some people say the ages are wrong and won't change. Other people fight with the "body type". I guess we're stuck talking to one another to actually find out what that person's definitions are in all categories that are important to us. (I'm tongue in cheek of course... )
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 13
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 6:31:51 PM
^^^^ Yup, and there ya go OP
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 14
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 6:58:16 PM
I'm single. I am also divorced. I happen to think of myself as "single" first, though, so I chose that option. It's been so long, the divorce is far behind me and I dont even think about it any more. My profile also says all my kids are over 18, so I assume people can figure out that I was once married.

If that causes issues? Shrug. Not my issues.
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 15
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:13:42 PM

Heck I worry more the ones that say single at my age and I wonder HMMMMM I wonder why? Not that I would rule them out but... I would wonder and ask.



When reviewing other profiles and I see someone who says they are 49 and Single my mind wonders to why, have they ever been married, if not, why? Way to many questions start to form and then I just give I up and go look somewhere else.


I just gotta ask...why is it better to have a failed marriage under your belt at the age of 49, or 40, or say, 39, then to have never been married? Please, I REALLY want to know!

I am 39, never been married. I was engaged, I lived with my kids Dad for 8 years, which was as close to married as I ever wanted to get with him. Sorry if I am a failure, or..oh oh oh, my absolute favorite on here (rolls eyes) a red flag to those of you who prefer to date people who have crashed and burned in their marriages, rather than recognizing that marriage would be a mistake and avoiding it altogether.

Yup, I failed miserably in my last relationship, and not only that, I bore children out of wedlock!! Anyone got a scarlet "A" I can borrow?

If you're single, put single. If you're married, put married. Whatever.

I loooooooooooooooove labels!!
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 16
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:21:29 PM
Single is NEVER married.

Divorced has been married in the past but is currently no longer married and legally divorced.
 chrylann
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 17
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 8:35:46 PM
I see myself as single and/or divorced. There is no difference. Some people are just idiots.
 chrylann
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 18
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 8:39:55 PM
NEWS FLASH, just em, people don't have to have been married to mention children. They have them now without being married. Times have changed since our day, huh?
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 19
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:31:52 PM
Most people have already stated what I believe... if you are divorced, you are divorced. If you were considered single then divorced option wouldn't be there. It is what it is.

It seems many that have posted are older than myself and have been married/divorced so it probably doesn't matter to them. It DOES matter to me. I have many many reason, most of which are personal and religious. Plus I truly AM single... never married. If I met someone who was divorced even 20 yrs ago and they listed themselves as single I was would be severely disappointed they weren't upfront with me. I might not call them a liar but it would leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Do whatever you want people but the divorced option is there for a reason.
 bldrnnr67
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 20
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:56:43 PM
A person can rationalize it all he/she wants, but it all comes down to integrity. If you want to mark yourself as single because you believe it's the more applicable than divorced, feel free to do so. Just don't be amazed when someone calls you on it. It's no different than putting yourself down as a social drinker if you are drinking a case a day. As long as you are doing it with friends, it's still social, right?

Most people care less about the difference between single and divorced as they get older, but there are still some to whom the difference is important. Respect the preferences of those fish and be honest up front. You may get less responses, but then you won't be accused of being a liar.

Prior to reading this thread, a woman that had a yes for children, and single under marital status, I always assumed it meant she had them without being married. I've never judged them for that, and have had relationships with a couple of them. However, I've ran into a few that when their profiles do not match what they tell me, I lose interest in them. Why? It's all a matter of integrity.
 bldrnnr67
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 21
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:37:18 AM
Excuse me? I'm not trying to knock on anyone for being divorced...heck, I am a divorcee too. I will knock on someone for not being honest about their marital status.

I have no idea what makes you think I want sex right off the bat. I've had a relationship go a year and half prior to sex. If I was in a relationship with a woman that wanted to wait until marriage, I'd wait...been in a couple of those relationships too. Your attacking my profile isn't going to make your rationalizations for marking single when you are divorced any more effective.

As for cuddling, my love language is touch. There is a Christian book out there about the five languages of love, and to me, that is important. So that information is in my profile. Sorry if you misunderstood it to mean I want sex right off the bat. Which is OT to the post.

 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 22
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:41:00 AM

If they listed single, then you find out later on in conversation they're divorced.....it's no big deal.


That's a huge deal to me!! Unless they tell me within the first few minutes they are divorced it's a deal breaker! I don't want to start a relationship with someone who is divorced so I'd be pisssssed if someone omitted the truth about being divorced and I started to fall for them.

Why can't people just accept this is a huge deal for some???? Seriously, if divorced meant single there WOULDN'T BE A DIVORCED CATEGORY!!! Damn!
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 23
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:12:20 AM
I can accept the fact that someone had been married previously. I won't accept the fact that they may be trying to hide that previous marriage from me.

I prefer a person who is honest about their past.
If a once-married person claims to be single, rather than divorced, that person is trying to cover up their past, or pretend it didn't exist.
It makes me wonder what else the person is covering up? Their criminal history? Their battles with addictions?


I am divorced 10 years ago with children.
Then you are divorced


What is the different between single or divorced
duh?
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 24
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:49:04 AM

Nope, I just assumed that your not a republican from Alaska!


A belated LOL to you rockman... good one ;-)
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 25
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:51:36 AM

If a once-married person claims to be single, rather than divorced, that person is trying to cover up their past, or pretend it didn't exist.
It makes me wonder what else the person is covering up? Their criminal history? Their battles with addictions?


See, I think you're just being paranoid there.

I guess it just boils down to those that care about this, and those that don't. To me, it's not a big deal. Divorced or single, either way, you're unattached. I don't care how you choose to phrase it.
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