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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?      Home login  
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 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 3
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Kinda like marching in military formation- left, right, left, right, tit for tat. Lol
I don't measure equality by the piece, but by the whole, in this case, experience, or continuum of experiences. If she has trusted you enough to dance on your tongue, and show you her orgasm, maybe twice (!), treasure THAT, not the tally sheet, because now you have her attention! She's steamin' hot, ripe, rippling and ready for repeats. Damn, and you're resentful? If she so much as sniffs that odor, you've just scared the lobster, and that tail is gonna shoot backwards before you can blink.
Once had a lover who would only take about 2/3's of me, until she came, and then she couldn't get me deep enough, damn near swallow me whole, vaginally. I love to make my lover cum, she's showering me with her gifts, and I know her talents, and enthusiasm, aren't far behind.
I've never had a selfish lover. Maybe, just maybe, you have, but there's too much missing from the picture you're giving us to say. If she's really all just one-way, well, split; lousy lays lead lonely lives.
 duckling
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 4
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 11:53:06 AM

I wasn't aware that sex was just about keeping score.


I agree with you. Sex is not about keeping score. Unless one "team" has a score of zero!
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 5
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If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 11:58:03 AM
One of the greatest pleasures in a sexual relationship is the amount of pleasure you can bestow upon your partner. Not once have I thought - it's my turn and he won't get his if I don't get mine! That would take the pleasure out of any encounter!
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 6
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If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 12:01:30 PM

What a childish and immature attitude towards sex!


I wasn't aware that sex was just about keeping score.


If she has trusted you enough to dance on your tongue, and show you her orgasm, maybe twice (!), treasure THAT, not the tally sheet..


Not the first time I've seen such silliness from the OP, and I suspect not the last. Shame too, considering his age that he hasn't learned what sex and making love is all about. He's too busy keeping score to really understand it's not about what you get, it's about what you GIVE. All I have to say is..

You get what you give...

*rolls eyes and walks away*
 bob144
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 10
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 12:36:48 PM
some gals like to receive it but don't like to give it. and visa versa. If she don't she don't. But on the other hand, if it is something you like she could do it now and then. If not, cut her off.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 13
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 2:23:23 PM
So, I guess I better go get a pad of paper and a thick ass pen to start keeping track ...lmfao Lets see, I blew you so now you need to go down on me. Okay, switch. For God sakes, what is this, Romper Room??? lmfao My man will have a few pots at the end of his damn rainbow without me having to ask for it in return. If you need to ask, maybe you should not be where you are. :)
 jeeplover41
Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 18
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:16:30 PM
Holy carp! Why not try talking to your PARTNER about what you like, don't like, would like but never tried, etc.........ask her why no bj's or why not more often. THE MOST POWERFUL TOOL IN YOUR SEXUAL ARSENAL IS YOUR BRAIN, WHICH HAPPENS TO BE JUST A FEW INCHES FROM YOUR MOUTH. TALK, TALK AND LISTEN. I am dumbfounded by people who are willing to have physical sex but not mental sex. It's not a competition, there is no "score" to keep. The best sex you ever have whether oral, vaginal, phone....etc is when you give everything to the other without expectation. By being unshelfish and passionate about HER, believe me she will reciprocate many times over.

I need duct tape so my head doesn't explode.............
 GreenEyesGoldenLocks
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 20
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:25:28 PM
I will try to make this simple.
Giving pleasure (of any kind) is a bit like giving a present at christmas (or fill in applicable holiday) The joy is SUPPOSED to be in the giving not in wondering what you get in return. I will say this though a satisfied lover is way more likely to jingle your bells than one who is told "you owe me" just saying.. give it some thought!
 Yotta1rou
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 22
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If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:28:57 PM
Personally to me its all about pleasing your lady. Why would you even be doing it if you didnt get pleasure out of taking care of her. Thats what does it for me most. While I generally get the short end of the stick too because alot of women either have been taught its bad, or dont like it, or are unconfortable because theyre not sure if they know how or are not sure youre getting anything out of it. Honestly what you need to do is talk to her.., not ask here. Its all dependent on the people involved. It sounds to me like maybe you or she arent confortable about talking about sex together in general outside of the bedroom.., because if you were you might not have even felt the need to ask this question. If youre giving just to get.., you should stop while youre ahead. Alot of people are intune with natural energy and even if its not consciously they will be able to feel why youre doing it and that really puts someone off. If youre giving 100%+ of yourself you shouldnt even notice. Especially if youre in love with that person. My 2 cents anyhow. Not everyone is the same kind of lover that I am.

~Quinn
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 23
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If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:34:38 PM
not near enough info to judge....
Did she ask for u to give her oral......or are u giving it expecting to recieve it?
As others questioned.....are u giving her oral and then having intercourse.....or just giving her oral and u get no pleasure?
Did she used to give u head.....and now doesn't for some reason?
Are u repeatedly telling her she "should" be doing it and it is now a grudge you're not going to win?!
 Benevolent Being
Joined: 10/6/2008
Msg: 25
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:37:52 PM
Well I love oral sex and it gives me more pleasure than buggery, I find it more intimate and more exciting because I feel if someone is prepared to make the effort to pleasure me like that I would return the favour but I get bored after a while if it is going on for a long time. I'd be disgusted if they stopped half-way through or before I was about to cum.

Is this selfish of me or is this a normal reaction ?

My friend Emma refuses to give oral sex because it makes her gag and in turn her partner refuses to give her oral sex as a punishment - that's not very nice of him.
 Benevolent Being
Joined: 10/6/2008
Msg: 26
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:38:39 PM
Oral sex is a very important part of foreplay.
 Soccer__Guy
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 27
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:39:49 PM
i give oral because i like doing it and thats why you should do it not to get something in return. you should be trying to make it the best expierience possible for he. then who knows maybe next time she will blow your mind ? just a thought
 printer2
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 29
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:51:44 PM
I have been with two women that did not care to go down on men. I never once thought I would deprive them of something I enjoy doing for them. What would be the sense of having someone do it if they did not enjoy it?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 30
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If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 4:52:06 PM
well, nevermind then.....
 kiinunobaka
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 36
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 10:11:48 PM

If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?


Sexual dynamics are funny.

My mate only gets head when I'm not turned on in the least. He likes it.. but it's a treat he gets to remind him that I love him even when my body isn't cooperating.

then again. we've got different circumstances than most people. But I still think it would be similar. you do these things out of love and not obligation. He's never expected pleasure from me and I've never expected it from him.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 37
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If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/15/2008 10:34:35 PM
Oral sex is worth 10 QFU's (Quality F&ck Units); Orgasm is an additional 10 QFU's; and allowing your partner to come first is worth a 5 QFU bonus; with an additional 5 QFU's for each additional orgasm achieved, before you are allowed to cum (These QFU's are bonus units for delaying your orgasm for your partners benefit; and are in addition to the 10 QFU's alloted for each orgasm independent of sequencing) In the interaction you mentioned you have accrued 10 QFU's for performing oral sex, 10 more for bringing her to orgasm, 5 bonus for allowing her to cum first, an additional 15 for allowing her to cum again (5 are bonus for delaying your orgasm) She has racked up a 40 Quality F&ck Unit deficit! You are certainly entitled to a sum of gold at the end of your rainbow. However, anal sex is 50 QFU's; so if you're expecting any anal, you still owe her another orgasm.

My ex ran up a deficit of 16,875 QFU's before our divorce; and I'm trying to negotiate some type of financial compensation exchange rate; but I'm finding the intrinsic value of QFU's is severely compromised following divorce.

Reality Check: there is no appropriate use for the term "obligate" when discussing having sex, or making love, outside of a pay for service agreement.

Dude, if you aren't pleasing your partner because it gives you pleasure to do so; you're missing the only healthy motivation for making love. If your partner is selfish, deal with it. I have NO tolerance for a selfish lover. However, nothing anyone does ever obligates the other. Ever. Period.
 49nholden
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 46
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 9:51:58 AM
I must say that making a lady cum using my tongue is almost as much a turn on for me as she makin me cum I lovvvvvvvvvvvvve tonguing a willing and appreciative clitty for sur e
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
 Blondecharmthe3rd
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 48
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 10:42:36 AM
The short answer OP to your original question is no. You shouldn't EXPECT a blow job based on the fact you so selflessly went down on her (yes, I am being sarcastic). Trust me when I say, there are MANY men out there who don't give but expect just the same. I guess you came across the female version, suck it up and talk to her... don't expect anything unless you talk about it first.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 49
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 12:20:05 PM
if i give a man head it is becasue i want to savor the taste and smell of them and the sexy intimacy of giving him pleasure, NOT because i want him to do it back to me. I expect nothing but to enjoy the sight touch taste smell of my lover.
I would not even WANT a man to eat me out if h only was to do it because he wanted head in return.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 50
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If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 1:02:11 PM

Guys should be lucky for what they get
What a sad and pathetic commentary.

Sex is about giving and sharing unselfishly. You do things to, and for, your partner because you want to; because it makes you feel good; not because you owe them one; and they should be doing the same for you. If you don't enjoy something, don't do it; and if your partner doesn't enjoy something please don't ask them to do it. If you can be turned on, while your partner is miserable, you need to see a therapist.

"Expect" and "Obligate" are very harsh and aggressive words; neither have ANY business being used in regards to sex between two loving and mutually accepting people. Expect and obligate are terms that can be used in a transaction with a prostitute; not a lover. You expect her to do certain things, you give her the money, and she is obligated to do those things, or return your money.

All of that said, I have no tolerance for a selfish lover. If it's a long term relationship; it may well be that it is a relationship issue; not a sex issue. Find out why they have no desire to make you happy. Is it a general emotion; or does it revolve around the particular physical act you are asking them to do? Negotiate, and deal with the underlying problems until both people are happy; then get back to a warm, loving, unselfish sex life.
 phishkev
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 51
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If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/16/2008 2:13:32 PM
I LOVE to give and give...sigh...
 supersnuggle
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 52
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If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/17/2008 5:13:26 AM

It would be nice if she returned the favor, but she shouldn't be expected, or pressured, to do so. If the gal doesn't enjoy doing something, she has a right to not do it. I have had several GFs, over the years, who had never given a guy-not even a hubby-head before....much less let him cum in her mouth. I explained what I would like, but made it clear that there was no expectation, or pressure, for her to ever do anything but what she wanted to do. I went without head for awhile. Eventually-as a show of thanks for my understanding, and out of a desire to please me-these non-head givers finally gave me a lot of great head. One started on my birthday. Another started on Christmas. Another began on Valentine's Day. One waited 6 months, and another waited a year, and another waited two years. Each was comfortable with it in her own time, and found that she enjoyed the ability to please me, and the ability to control my orgasm. They would take me to the brink, pause, let me come down a bit, go at it again, and so on. They could make me cum sooner, or delay my climax awhile, as they chose. Having such power was a turn on for them, but they had to grow into the appreciation of it on their own. I made my desires known once, and let them know I was fine with them not doing it, and then I shut up. I pleased them in every way, for months, and they finally got around to wanting to please me in that 'special way'. When they felt the time was right, they pleasantly surprised me. Sex is not about keeping score, and sometimes you get a bit less than you give. Knowing how to deal with that is part of what maturity is all about. Besides which...bad head-from a woman who wants nothing to do with it, and who is only doing what she feels obligated to do-is not worth the bother. Great head-from a woman who does what she wants to do because her heart is in it-is well worth waiting for. Grow up.


That is a great answer, corindon!

My two most recent girlfriends both enjoyed receiving oral sex until they came, and while both would give me some oral, basically as part of foreplay, they would never try to get me off that way. The first one, the very first time we were in bed, told me there were two things she didn't do...she didn't do anal, and she didn't swallow. And for five years we had some of the best sex I ever had.
 edster1224
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 55
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/17/2008 6:41:24 AM
I take pride in being able to make her cum orally. Also, although she does return oral satisfaction, I prefer not to cum from oral sex. I get a lot more satisfaction from actual intercourse myself.

Ed
 redviking
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 57
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If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:46:41 AM
"A woman is not obligated to do a damn thing she doesn't want to do in any situation. "

^^^ Neither is a man. If he's tired of always giving and not getting much in return he is free to do as he wants. If he feels she is being selfish- and has voiced his concern to her with no positive change or dicussion- he can either keep doing what he's doing, stay with her but not continue to do things if her lack of reciprocity makes him resent it, or he can call the whole thing off and look for someone more interested/willing to have a more mutual exchange. Giving and getting nothing back is no better than giving with an agenda and expectations attached. One is being selfish, the other is being used. There is no real positive side to either scenario that I can see. There is a big difference between tit-for-tat scorekeeping, and feeling that the general balance of a relationship, or an aspect of a relationship, is out of balance.

Don't know the specifics, is he going out of his way to please her and she can't be bothered? Then SHE is the selfish one. Is he going down on her just to "earn points" for what he should get in return? Then yes, he's the selfish one. Is she doing other things that 'work" for him and he's all bent out of shape over one item... or is she expecting him to pleasure her and not seeing any need to reciprocate and feeling, as some posters here seem to, that he should just be happy she is showing up for the event at all? Perhaps sexually they just aren't very compatible? Perhaps they just can't communicate? Perhaps this is just a reflection of another trouble elsewhere in the relationship?

Sounds like they should talk about it.

I hope I'm wrong, but this thread and others give me the impression that a lot of double standards still exist; a lot of women are clueless about male sexuality; a lot of women think if a guy comes it means he is always "satisifed"; a lot of women still like to control using sex, and act like it's a one-way street; a lot of women are selfish lovers (and the most selfish ones are probably the first to project their own selfishness unto men); and a lot of women hold the guys responsible both for their pleasure/satisfaction, and his own. And let's not even try to deal with the "he should just be happy he's getting any" argument. I don't see anyone telling women they should be thrilled just to be getting mediocre sex.

This is NOT to say there aren't plenty of men with equivalent attitudes, nor to suggest all women are selfish/controlling/ignorant. It's just to point out -using as an example the fact that most posters immediatley jumped on the OP without regard for the fact that there are 50/50 odds he's not the selfish one in this scenario (granted, his choice of wording may not have been the best if what he was trying say is that he is freely giving and just doesn't feel she's making any effort or giving any regard in return ) - that men with the equivalent selfish/ignorant/sexist attitudes are nearly universally bashed (and rightly so!), usually by both men and women; while the women who feel/act this way seem to feel a sense of "rightness" and entitlement- and quite a few men seem to back them up. Ignorance and selfishness are not gender-specific attributes. But there sometimes seems to be a filter, or an offset centering point, that allows selfshness on one side to be socially accepted as "fairness", while fairness on the other side is viewed as "selfish". When men are viewing women as superior beings whose affections must be earned through constant tribute, or as fragile creatures that must always be coddled.... and women are viewing men as evil sh&ts who should be happy for whatever they get, or elevating themselves above men and demanding special treatment based on their gender... nobody wins and everybody loses. Genuine respect cannot coexist with spite, vegeance, superiority/inferiority complexes, double standards, power trips, etc.

When it comes to the topic at hand, personally I'm only interested if it's on equal terms, done freely and enthusiastically, with mutual respect and consideration and a genuine mutual desire to please one's partner. Anything else is just window-dressing.
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