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 Raging Heart-on
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 3
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
You should pay for the cable BUT ...


...kick him in the nuts if you catch him watching it !
 WhiteWaterRogue
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 4
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:22:42 AM
You should be paying 1/4 of the cable if his kids live with you, all the the bills for that matter, food especially.

Ok, maybe not 1/4th, but, your obligation to the household in a non-married relationship should certainly not be 1/2 when your partner has kids that also consume household resources. They still are HIS kids; his financial responsibility.

Did you agree to the new vehicle before it was purchased? Did the two of you discuss the impact that choice would make on the household? Or did he make this decision on his own?

If you agree to pay the cable bill alone, then I also would suspect you are the only one watching cable too...
 webweebil
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 5
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:23:40 AM
Actually, it depends. If what you are already contributing is paying for his daughters food and clothing, etc., I'd take a pencil and paper to it and break it down. Nothing like making the numbers real when it comes to budgeting. And? His vehicle is all his as yours is all yours and you shouldn't have to help pay for it.
 salemnmerlin
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 6
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:24:56 AM
Jessica,
You have to make a stand now, you have just moved in together and 50/50 spliit is fair on the apartment bills. Now he wants to cut the cable what is next because he has taken on another expense. He should have looked at the financial side of his purchase before it was made. I think he should have discussed this before he made his purchase if he couldn't afford the extra. There needs to be communication especially this early in.
-J-
 Raging Heart-on
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 8
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:34:40 AM
Tracy, you must be new here. Some posters here are like vultures who need to critcise and judge to feel better about themselves. Relax.
 WhiteWaterRogue
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 9
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:37:04 AM
Hey, its not hard changing the status of your profile....do it.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 11
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:48:20 AM

Last month he bought a new vehicle ($50 more a month than his previous vehicle) and now wants to cut the cable to ease the pressure a bit.


What was plan to pay for new vehicle when you discuss it last month?
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 15
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:01:13 AM

I give him half of my monthly income


In this case, if you want cable, use your personal money to pay for the cable bill.

Just as if he want more expensive truck he should use his personal money to pay for the cost differents.

Shared bills should be agreed to.
 webweebil
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 16
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:02:55 AM
I think you're doing more than your share. Taking care of his daughters is a HUGE contribution. Do you have any money left to save for yourself? You really should be taking care of that.
 salsa35
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 18
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:18:09 AM
Suzie Orman the Financial Guru who wrote several books one of which she devised a formula for who pays what expenses when married. (in this case we will apply the formula to cohabitation couples). But basically whoever makes more money in the household contributed more. If you are in school go to the library and check out her books and find the formula for married couples. I hope this helps.
 Dempcey
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 19
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:25:20 AM
I just can't understand why all the bills and each others income wasn't discussed before living together....but deal is done.

Look, one can do badly by themselves and two incomes weather small, large or larger is better than one income.

You are SUPPOSED to be working as a team.

Instead of cancelling the cable how anout just down grading it? Buying a new car right now wasn't the brightest move and seems a bit selfish on his behalf (unless the prior car was to damnaged to drive).

As far as him having kids YOU KNEW he had KIDS before you moved in no? So this shouldn't even be an issue. You didn't know children cost a lot of money and time?

No I'm not picking on you, but being a student I would have thought your education would have been more important right now rather than chosing a mate with a lot of responisbilities. Many students go without cable.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 20
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:31:21 AM
Well, since he is paying most of the bills then unless you can come up with the money for cable then it is his right to shut it off. Cable is a luxury and as a struggling student you should understand that you are getting a very good deal already. He's your boyfriend not your father so by subsidising your bills he's doing you a pretty big favor. Did you not discuss finances before shacking up?
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 21
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:34:08 AM
I agree that your financial arrangements should have been discussed before you moved in together, but it’s too late for that now. I am assuming that you two are cohabitating because you are in love, committed to one another, and this is a “forever” arrangement (i.e., marriage without the license). If you guys are in it “for the long haul”, then taking into account your present circumstances (i.e., struggling student with limited income) a 50/50 split of expenses seems unreasonable. If you bring in, say, 20% of the total household income, then why not contribute 20% toward the expenses, with said contribution increasing exponentially as your income increases? You can also subsidize this by contributing more to the household in non-monetary ways (e.g., perform more chores, errands, etc. than your BF).

This is not a roommate situation; it is two people with kids in tow creating a new family together. You and your BF are now a team. Your schooling is important, and your earning potential is going to increase (it’s not like you’re sitting on your bum, moochin’ off your man). Compromise and communicate (oh, and that means you and your mate should not make major purchases, like a vehicle, without consulting with one another and coming to an agreement about it first).

As for the cable, do you have a household budget? If not, set one up. See if there are other areas where cost savings can be recognized to help pay for it (a budget will also help reduce the number of arguments the erupt over finances). If possible, get a cheaper cable package or try switching cable providers; many offer incentives and promotions to get you to sign with them (i.e., you’d probably get a nice reduced rate for your first year of service). Good luck to you!
 GGarbo
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 22
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 10:03:14 AM
I've paid 50/50 in all my relationships and have to admit I resented it at times because the guy usually made a lot more. My contributions gave him a better life but sometimes I was paying for things I didn't want or feel that necessary....like cable. At times when things got tight I would give up cable. If you have internet you don't really need it but found I was sacrificing things like maybe going out with my friends or going to lunch with colleagues to maintain the lifestyle he wanted.

At the same time where they made more money I felt like I had less of a say. But seeing how a lot of other couples were doing it I was making mistakes and paying too much attention the money and individual fairness based on that. In a relationship it isn't supposed to matter who makes more money and you have as much as a say as the person who makes more.

If you have a household budget then you make decisions as a household. You may not agree and maybe even have the odd dispute but if you are planning TOGETHER then it doesn't turn into a blame game.
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 25
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 11:33:54 AM
I think that you should pay. Perhaps you could mention your increased earning power when you graduate.
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 27
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 1:54:09 PM
heres an idea:
if this is such an issue, get your own place and move out -problem solved, no more b!tchin
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 28
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 2:01:13 PM

Thanks for all of your opinions, good or bad I wanted to hear them and that's why I'm here. For clarification purposes: Money WAS talked about BEFORE I moved in. Half my income and half the groceries was agreed to, but once he got the truck (which I did not agree to) our budget became even tighter (as you can imagine) I currently have my own house, bills, mortagage and am paying for everything myself via renters. I DID try to talk to him but communication (as you can see in my either thread) is not his strong suit. So for more general feedback, I came to you guys and girls and you did not disappoint.


If your agreement was that you'd contribute half of your income then you have every right to expect that to remain the situation until you both agree otherwise. (Personally, I disagree with that sort of arrangement but that is outside of what you and he agreed to.)

It sounds like it might be time to review your previous agreement. Getting him to do that is (apparently) a different can of worms.
 Dempcey
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 29
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 4:38:11 PM
Honestly, if it has come down to a cable bill....this is coming to a bad end quickly.
A serious break down in communication.
 Texwolf
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 30
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 4:38:17 PM
If he has two girls living in the house you sould not be paying 50/50 the way i see it that 1 of 4 is 25 % . and he is playing you on the cable with two kids they want cable to I can assure you. if you do get it dont let him watch it .
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 31
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 5:01:58 PM
The man pays it all.... in exchange you give him sex. If you are going to split expenses, then you need a rental agreement, and another room to rent to a stranger. Then, you can be single again.
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 32
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 5:04:18 PM
I believe in splitting things evenly... but I've been in a similar situation.

I was a student working part time and a half on a low wage job, and we'd moved together because she'd gotten a job making 45K/yr.

She paid the rent... I paid phone, groceries, and cable.

It worked out pretty well for a while... then things got a little dicey. Money arguments can really mess things up... but as long as you're stable in other places it should be fine.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 33
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 5:19:39 PM

f he has two girls living in the house you sould not be paying 50/50 the way i see it that 1 of 4 is 25 %


No, unless this kids are old enough to help with bills. But she knew children are involve and knew her responsibility would increase.


and he is playing you on the cable with two kids they want cable to I can assure you.


Not relevent. Kids want many thing. Is the choise of two adult to decide what can be afford. He has made his decision. He is happy to be without cable to save money. It is up to OP to decide how important it is to her.


if you do get it dont let him watch it .


Perhap she have priority to use cable and watch what she want, but to say it is hers and no one elses is only childish.
 celebrtlife
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 34
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 5:23:13 PM
Did you move in with him just to have your bills paid? Convenience is not nice on either end.

Pay your way as if you had a roommate. No one likes to feel taken for granted.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 35
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 6:49:14 PM
OP.. I've read all of your posts on this thread and still can't quite figure out what is going on in your situation. What percentage of the rent are you paying with "50% of your income"? Obviously, if you are taking home $400 per month, he is getting $200 which might be a very small percentage of his rent or mortgage. Are you contributing to the utilities and maintenance of the home financially?

But... before you think I am going to say that you should be paying half of the rent & utilities, I wonder what he would have to pay somebody to do what you are doing with his children? Is he receiving child support from the mother and if not, why not? If you are actually saving him money by being there to do for his children, I think that should make up some of the gap in what you are not contributing monetarily but still contributing in value.

Since your own property is being paid by your renters and I am assuming (with a cynical eye toward the economy) that your own property is appreciating in value, I think that's a hidden bonus you need to factor into the situation as well...

I can't imagine having cable, paying for cable and not letting my spouse watch it with me regardless of whether or not, he saw it as a way to cut back with some expenses but much depends on the true picture... If, for instance, he isn't receiving or pursuing child support from the mother of his children, maybe he should be doing that instead???
 coca2
Joined: 2/17/2006
Msg: 36
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/17/2008 7:53:05 PM
As was mentioned before. Move out and get your own place. This is wayyy too much drama.
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