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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with      Home login  
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 Lynsteph74
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 13
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Sounds to me like she is, or will soon be, an abused woman....and you were right in believing that she made a pretty stupid choice, but wrong to tell her that way-if you actually want her to get help for her situation, anyway.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 30
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Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/19/2008 4:34:53 PM
Oh that is so sad she has done this....
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 39
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/20/2008 11:38:17 AM

Anyone who would abandon thier children for a man/woman isnt worth dating. If someone can just drop thier kids then how could you ever believe they can commit to anything else.


77Ryan, you hit the nail on the head. And it applies to men just as much as women before everyone gets on that bandwagon.

As far as I'm concerned ANYONE who ditches their children, man or woman is not worth knowing. I have just as much contempt for men who move away from their children for a better job or to be happy. (It's a different story if you HAVE to relocate to get a job that allows you to support your children than to relocate for a job that's more appealing to you) Children aren't a hobby--if you're going to have them, you're obligated to be part of their lives whether it's convenient or not. I know several men who have made the choice NOT to move from the city where the Mom lives so that they can actually be parents to their children. I know men who have custody of their children. They are attractive because they understand the value of commitment and responsibility!

I had a girlfriend want to set me up with a man who lives in her city in another province. When I commented that I'm not interested in long-distance relationships, she indicated he would be willing to move even though his children are there. I was completely disgusted and uninterested in a man who'd ditch his children for a POTENTIAL relationship, not even one that is already serious and committed. What shocked me even more is that my girlfriend has children of her own and was advocating this behaviour.

As for those people who indicate that people in abused situations have only themselves to blame. That is a terrible thing to say, and you should be ashamed of yourselves. No one sets out to be smacked around--it begins subtly so that, by the time the fists start flying, they truly believe they deserve it and the man is doing it for their own good. And furthermore, asking for help doesn't always fix the situation. There are women murdered very regularly who tried to get away from an abusive partner.

I agree that she is most likely going to end up abused if not already. Good for you for pointing it out to her. I agree with the person who said you should notify the family. She needs to be reminded that people are willing to help her, even if she doesn't choose to take the help. Let's just be grateful she didn't take the children WITH her to the situation she's now in.

Nutt
 prinsesa_latina
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 40
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Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/20/2008 12:30:27 PM
I would have never left my child behind for another man. Then she says that he does not want her talking to her friends because they are bad influence on her. No way!!! One of the red flags of an abuser.
 sunshinenurse
Joined: 9/11/2007
Msg: 42
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Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/20/2008 2:07:51 PM
Not in a million years would I give my children up and I like to think that if any man loved me that much that he wanted me to move then he would accept that myself and my kids are part of a package deal and love them just as much.
 M_lissa
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 58
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/22/2008 9:09:42 PM
It is one thing to be a pathetic loser and bad parent. This woman is mentally ill otherwise she wouldn't have given her kids to an incompetent father to run off with an abusive, controlling man. It's possible her kids are in a better place being raised by their father.
 SuzukiSamurai
Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 81
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/30/2008 10:40:40 AM
ANY PERSON (SORRY FOR SHOUTING HERE) WHO WOULD GIVE UP THEIR CHILDREN FOR A NEW LOVE, IS TOTALLY FRICKIN RETARDED and sure as hell doesn't deserve the right to be happy. That is totally un-forgivable and that woman will REGRET it. You absolutely did the right thing..It's too bad she wasn't smart enough to get back with you. You sound like a really decent guy. In the end, you did the right thing and THATS ALL THAT MATTERS.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 83
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:38:12 AM
Hey brad, it's terrible that she abandoned her children, but be glad she didn't take them with her. At least they appear to be safe and well-cared for with their father rather than in danger with the mom's new, scary boyfriend.

I know people where the children have changed homes for different reasons--maybe a change in the finances or work of the parent they lived with who can not give them the time or things they need or because the children are having a turn with the other parent. I have a cousin who was the custodial parent for many years and now her son has gone to the States to live with his Dad. I don't know the reason behind it, but hope that it's a good situation for everyone. This is clearly not one of those situations, and that's too bad.

I'm sorry to hear that the children are so sad and confused.

Nutt
 darkglow_46
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 87
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Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/31/2008 5:18:48 AM
Interesting post: It almost describes my rekationship with my ex-wife... We were married 13 years (two children at the time of divorce 5 yr old daughtter and 10 yr old son). She divoirced me and moved 880 miles to be with a guy she met online and had never met. I ended up with the children... Let's face it - It isn't just fathers that run off and leave their kids. As a father, I would never had done that to my children but there are so many examples of fathers and mothers who abandon their children like that! Society today!
 darkglow_46
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 88
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Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/31/2008 5:26:29 AM
I find it interesting some replys infer that the man made her give up the children. Let's face it -- In todays world no body can make you give up your kids... My ex-wife told everyone that I took the kids from her and see had to leave the state for fear of her life (LOL)..... I guess her lies made people sympathize with her instead of thinking she was just a bad person for leaving her kids...
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 91
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Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 10/31/2008 6:46:50 PM
This is the easiest question I have ever encountered on this forum....In a word No....Such a simple word....NO
 sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 96
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/2/2008 1:20:58 PM
You have got to be kidding. That's not a mother. That's a nine month carrier.
 Degreein05
Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 102
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/5/2008 10:05:03 PM
Wow, thats crazy! As a friend I think you did the right thing, if she called you its for a reason to. Im sure she wanted your thoughts about all this although she may not admit it outloud. She will regret in the future if she isnt already.
 mickuandme
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 103
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/5/2008 10:49:57 PM
Sweetness it ain't love.those people don't know the word meaning of love it is called LUST.
 mickuandme
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 104
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/5/2008 11:12:43 PM
BRADD in my opinion you were wrong to tell her the truth about her.she expected you to be on her side and support what she says.because if she had any moral she would not let a lover apart with her children. I beleive she gave her heart to this new guy thinking every thing would be great and loving relation because every is new to her not thinking once the ice melt s,h,i,t, will rise the truth about her lover ,she may have thought she lives in a domestic relation ship I beleive that is a lie, woman are, treated the way they want to be treated thats I beleive .on equal values .this woman is carrying a cycle.meaning that my ex her grand mother put her children in an orphanage and took on a lesbian relation ship,my ex mother had 5 children to 4 different fathers in wedlock because every one in her town was teasing her as a lesbian to prove them wrong she was then the slut of the town .now my ex god knows how many affairs she had behind my back whilst we were in a relation ship she only told me of five in the last 4 years but I know there is more.So next time when she calls if does just listen to what she has to say because it took her a lot of courage to make that phone call .DO NOT ARGUE with her and tell her how you feel about what she did because i beleive she is in grief of what she had done and don't need to be told nor reminded of it .
 chavala
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 107
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:13:18 PM
I will never give up the custody of my child.
Not even if the guy is really good, my child is my life.
My child will always going to be there, and a partner comes and goes.
Any person that puts you in that position is not worth it at all.
Is sad that your friend is weak enough to have accepted something like that, or is just maybe that she did not loved her daughters enough.
I know that been a single parent is not easy and sometime we wish to have 5 min. to our selves, but is not enough reason or excuse to leave your kids for someone else.
 jcorey1
Joined: 3/14/2008
Msg: 114
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:41:45 PM
never no way not at all my child is my life!!!!!
 mickuandme
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 117
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/8/2008 6:17:39 AM
People Readers And Members I like to share with you few Poems Some are mine,and some are not.But I like to hear your thought about them and thats why mothers are important for young and old children to be around with.Iwill start of with this one first then continue with the rest later depending on your response.

SUCH A PLACE

Such a place holds no one except for three children so dear
Such a place Can't be entered within your heart right here
Such a place is held special And brims with over flowing love
Such a place Can't be touched it's gods gift from heavens above
Such a place Can't be broken nor battered with life's pains
Such a place on it's own will always eternally reign
Such a place even friendship and love can not take
Such a place is locked bound with chains,no man can break
Such a place Can't be be lost nor replaced,by no one ,no other
Such a place is in your heart is held as the children's mother
With confidence and commitments you will always be a MOTHER.


There is no one no other very gentle and sweet yes you are a mother



Lies and deceit will never succeed
Truth forte and happiness will excel

Well I did write these poems to my ex when she first abandoned the children and took off with this guy tried to warn her about him and that she is making a big mistake.No she did not respond at all she was too much in love with the guy who she just met and fell in love with instantly.Love at first sight.
Some people may say that she did not abandoned the children.she left the father.
I am not angry,sad,nor upset,that she left me.On the contrary I am very happy about that she decided to leave the relationship,but some people do say you leave your relationship for better,not for worse and that's what she did she left the relationship for worse.The reason I'm happy that she left now is that I am only 45 years of age and still young and I can still start all over again.but it would have been very difficult for me had she left when I'm in my sixties.Call me dum call me stupid and call me what ever you want of what I continue to do support her financially whilst still in a relationship with her boyfriend.
 Snglin EWP
Joined: 6/11/2008
Msg: 124
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/10/2008 7:10:29 PM
ok to answer your Question, NO.


I would never give up my son for ANYONE... I would not move away from my son. I have been a single mom for the last 11 1/2 years and he has a wonderful relationship with his dad.

I am not quite sure how some woman do that, just meet someone and then give up custody of their kids and walk away.. Expecially out of state, how can you go without seeing your kids, on an everyday basis when you had them all the time.

That is just messed up..
 katykmac
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 127
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:37:12 PM
Not my place to judge, but what you've described is classic, and I mean classic, battered woman treatment. She needs help, professional help, to get her out of the hellhole she has found herself in. Thing is, she probably doesn't see it that way, and won't until either it's almost too late or too late. You did what you could. Should she call again, have the 800 number ready for her, then gracefully bow out of her life. You could be the next victim...I'm not kidding.
 scion07
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 129
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/12/2008 7:12:41 PM
there is no way in hell I would do that...............but that is what my ex did. They are a handful and
i get no support from her and she never takes them ever tey are 12@13 yo boys
 dbmf250
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 137
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Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:20:46 AM
ABSOLUTELY NOT...NOTTA...NO WAY.. would it ever have crossed my mind... I don't care if the other person I would supposedly be going to was a multi-millionaire and was going to give it all to me ....
 mickuandme
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 145
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/18/2008 10:05:40 PM
SHE DID ................SHE DID..........SHE DID.................SHE DID.............SHE DID..............SHE DID..................SHE DID.....................SHE...............SHE DID.................
She abandoned three of her children for a guy and raising his son.How can the message be put across to her,where as her mother abandoned her two daughters at the age of six months and 2 years old.To my understanding now it is the third generation who is carrying out this cycle.I am very lucky to have my three wonderful angels with me and in my custody.
 mickuandme
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 146
Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/18/2008 10:09:34 PM
It is so sad to see-one live in misery and yet surrender to people whom are full of lies, betrayal and deceit.
 mikecraig
Joined: 5/11/2007
Msg: 148
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Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner?
Posted: 11/20/2008 7:38:58 AM
I was not the custodial parent at first, but I bought a house about 5 minutes from my ex and kids, even though the same house 10 to 15 minutes away was considerably cheaper. I wanted to be as close as I could. Later, my youngest moved in with me for her last year and a half of high school, and it was amazing. The closeness, all the little things you share every day that I missed out on for so many years... how can anyone even think of giving that up.
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