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 webweebil
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 3
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How soon can you spot a red flagPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Freud would say he has an oral fixation and needs instant gratification.

IOW, he's a big, greedy, baby.
 michaely2k
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 9
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:40:48 PM
Bitting on the lips during kissing, is he a family member of MIKE TYSON? Once an ex-girlfriend of mine bit my lower lip, still hurts. I split right after that, 'cause it is abuse and control technique. Neither I like to control or abuse any one, nor I would allow anyone any more to control or abuse me. RED FLAG. do you know which way is the exit?
 CGY
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 10
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:45:55 PM
You're 31? WTF?

Run away. Fast.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/30/2008 11:49:32 PM
Oh hell no! That would be a very quick fluck off and block. I wouldn't even bother to discuss it, he'd be totally off my list of someone I would talk to much less date.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 14
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 4:38:30 AM
Yes, those would be red flags to me.


Is running the theme of the day today?

Damm I hate exercise!


Herds running?
Stampede!
 TitusBreast
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 16
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 6:36:47 AM
I'd say red flags include obvious dishonesty, or the beating around the bush about full disclosure. A kiss is still a kiss, though! What? You waited beyond the first date for a kiss? What gives? Maybe you know how to kiss...I wouldn't count that as a red flag, for God's sake! Love, Titus
 ThymeKiller
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 17
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:40:55 AM
I ignored those very red flags and it cost me dearly, though sexual aggressiveness in women isn't usually a red flag IMHO.
 SeattleRob
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 18
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 9:54:51 AM
Each person is a unique individual; good, bad or ugly


Yes. And some people have enough "traits" that, when combined, are known as "personality disorders", making them unpleasant to be around. I can still love them, but I also choose not to spend much time around them, or let them close enough to my heart that they can hurt me.

Exceptions are certainly made for those that are aware of their traits, and are actively working to modify the antisocial ones. Nobody's perfect...
 BuzWeaver
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 20
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:57:40 PM
I'm so glad I invested in the Red Flag business, my stocks are soaring.
 sugarcookie
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 22
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 9:11:44 PM
Oh yeah...can we say, "Needy, possessive, controlling, maybe with a bit of a cruel streak running through his red flag outfit he's wearing?" This would not be what I would consider, "sweet".
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 23
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 11:01:49 PM
How quickly you spot the red flags is immaterial if you choose to ignore them. Speed is not really the goal because you then run the risk of fixating on looking for flags instead of just spending the time getting to know the individual.

If you keep your eyes open but don't exhaust yourself looking for signs that the person is not who he thinks he is and choose not to hide when flags start to emerge, you probably won't be involved long if the person has character traits or habits you don't want in your life.
 60to70
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 24
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 10/31/2008 11:31:18 PM
You hear a bell in your head...watch out. I heard the bell 35 years ago and liked the way his mind worked anyways. Lots of troubles but comprimise and acceptance helped. Glad I gave up on a Disney outlook on life and understood that shopping is different from choosing a possible life partner. Anyways who's perfect? I do not believe that relationships are oceans of calm. No way. Get over yourself and get working. It don't come easy no matter how the media portrays the running of a relationship. I remember how I met him, but mostly I remember the sometime tried loyalty. In the end, a good friend and tempered companion.
 superbadzzz
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 28
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 11/3/2008 10:08:30 AM
please respond faster!
 varinia
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 30
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 10:01:26 AM
This guy I recently met had a whole lotta red flags popping up.


So you don't really like this guy but go to his place on the first meet and are surprised that he pounded on you? You then decided to see him again? and so on...and so on....

Of course he didn't take your closure letter seriously. Through everything you wrote you were saying one thing one moment and were a pushover the next. No consistency, no setting of boundaries and sticking to them.

Frankly, from your post you didn't seem to care for the guy from the beginning on and just strung him along - I think it was him that should have seen the red flags and moved on, since he was being played.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 34
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 10:38:48 AM
Those ARE obvious red flags. Some guys I see through like a glass window, while others are slick, hence resulting in my 2 young men(sons).

I love my kids but took awhile to find out the guy was a lunatic. They paint a pretty picture at first don't they?
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 35
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 11:13:59 AM

Out of curiosity, I went.


Curiosity is no excuse for foolhardiness. Everybody and her uncle will tell you to never, ever go to a stranger's home - but you were 'curious'

Drop the kitten behaviour and wise up before you get yourself into serious trouble.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 37
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 11:37:30 AM
The real danger lies in those who are able to conceal their real character until you are "together" or compromised in some way. Red flags flappin' in the breeze like the ones that have been suggested, are easy enough to see and avoid. It is when everything seems to be sailing along on a perfectly normal course and suddenly one day, out of the blue you hear something like...."there is no way you should be making the kind of money you do, you dont contribute anything of value to society". Then the buzzers go off, the siren blasts, lights start flashing and you are sitting there wondering what it was you ever saw in that individual.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 38
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 11:39:59 AM
OP,

Ignore these obvious red flags at your own peril.

TT,


9. Pulls the "Let's Be Friends" card. (Why bother?? I haven't even CALLED you in the past month! ding ding ding hint hint hint!)


Why bother? Because you reward bad behaviour with another date, so he figures you'll do that again.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 40
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 12:36:49 PM
1, can be a red flag, or an indication that a person has been let down in a past relationship. For some people, it is enough to just give them some understanding, but communicate openly with them that their behavior makes you uncomfortable. This has been my recent experience with my current girlfriend. There have been a couple of instances where many would have dismissed her because of her supposed red flags, but in each case she has been very quick to adjust her behavior when I objected.

In other words, some people just need a little love, and they'll prove to perfectly ok. We all have pasts and sometimes our past can make it difficult to move forward. There are obviously limits, but be being forgiving to a point can give you great rewards.
 Ima P Ness
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 41
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:00:11 PM
I am like a BULL when it comes to red flags...
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 42
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:22:41 PM
Ironically, seeing red flags too quickly is also a red flag.
 gracengracie
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 43
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:36:36 PM
I know I noticed the red flag, after we parted.
Or maybe the flags are not that obvious.
When everything is rosy, we don't analyze certain behaviors or see them as warnings.
We just think it happened because this or that, never because its a bad behavior.
 Mr Bain
Joined: 12/6/2004
Msg: 45
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 1:54:28 PM
You can spot a red flag in people's body language. The vibes people give off. It's something I have down like no other.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 46
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How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 5:27:50 PM

I would advise against using 'red flags' and 'deal breakers'.

Wait until you find yourself with a control freak, addict, or, worse, abuser. Then you might understand that the idea of 'red flag' is exceedingly wise. Same goes for 'deal breaker'. A gambling addict who'll bankrupt you both plus all your family = deal brealer. Someone who refuses to clean up after himself always = deal breaker. You may be too young to realize how very many people there are who can't be bothered turning themselves into people who are pleasant to live with.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 47
How soon can you spot a red flag
Posted: 9/13/2009 5:55:28 PM

A date is not whats in it for your interest but what benefits you can get


This statement does not make sense....one's interests and one's benefits amount to the same thing.

The reason I date or get involved with someone is because the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. We complement each other. We learn from each other. We enhance each other. We support each other. We have interest in the other's well being and growth.

It is not about how I benefit, so much as what I can give to the situation. The red flags come into play when the object of my affection is only interested in how he can benefit or is out for his own interests.
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