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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why conflicting clichés?      Home login  
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 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 1
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Why conflicting clichés?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ok.

So, if "There's someone out there for everyone." and you only find your mate when you stop looking, aren't you actually guaranteed failure because "Quitters never win, and winners never quit"? Alright. Maybe it isn't about quitting the search so you can find what you are looking for... maybe it is about "Don't try so hard". However, isn't THAT a problem, because you aren't putting enough effort into what's important? Or, is it that you are putting too much importance on the search... which would conflict with your mate not being important enough to you... because if your mate is supposed to be important to you, then the search for your mate should equally as important... right?

Did you ever notice that there is always a cliché saying or concept for every occasion, even if it conflicts with the last one you heard? There appear to be an abundance of them relating to relationships though. I suspect that this is due to the large number of conversations that have developed on the topic, over the centuries. At this point in time, I'm sure that everything that can be said has been said, and the most common things that get repeated over and over... well... that's a cliché.

They are starting to annoy me. Appearing like buzzwords, they circle and hover... phrases like what I opened with... "There's someone out there for everyone." I'd like proof of that please. That one equates to "There's life on Jupiter." Sure, there *might* be life on Jupiter, but we just can't prove it now. I've come to the conclusion that clichés like that one are mere pacifiers. Hopeful sounding mantras, geared really not toward making a single person feel better, but rather geared toward giving the person saying it an easy escape from the conversation.

You know the drill.
"I'm sorry you are single. Yeah, it sucks you got turned down again. You know, there's someone out there for everyone. You can't give up. You'll find (him/her) when you aren't looking." Zip... gone. Conversation over, or subject changed. It is like a "Yours Truly" of relationship conversation.

Do people who say "There's someone out there for everyone." actually believe it? Have you ever said it? Do you really believe it?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 2
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Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:44:10 AM
I think it's all a bunch of BS, it's like pop psychology or saying Have a Nice Day! like you're stuck on repeat *groan*. Over half the population, according to stats, say that people are cheating, so which one are they for, the spouse/SO or for the person they are cheating with? Does this chant include gays and those who do not want anyone? People say crap like There's Someone For Everyone!, Looking for my Soul mate, If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all, My grandma always said blah blah blah...they spit this useless info out because I guess they have never really thought about the truth or researched these ideas. We all do it to some extent but for some, it's like there's nothing else rattling around in their heads but clichés and they rarely stop to think that many of them are rather insulting or down right dumb. Would you like fries with that?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 3
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/6/2008 11:07:53 AM
Do without doing.

Remove expectations from the outcome and you will find what you're looking for.

The only thing permanent is impermanence.


Be careful what you wish. Sometimes you may get it.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 4
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Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/6/2008 2:17:14 PM
Whatever...Just don't use cliches when talking to your partner about your relationship.
 webweebil
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 5
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Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:43:12 PM
Sounds like there's too many cooks in the kitchen watching a pot so that it never boils.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 6
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/8/2008 7:17:41 AM
Let me put this cliché to rest: There is NOT someone out there for everyone. If there were, there wouldn't be so many people desperately single.

Or, IF there is someone out there for everyone, the couples often refuse to recognize it. For example, obese, ugly people want someone with a gorgeous face and nice body, so they overlook the other obese, ugly people. I am not intending to be cruel, but I have seen it happen often enough. From reading profiles, I see it happen on POF.

Clichés often embody how we want life to be rather than how it is. If there is a silver lining behind every cloud, it is because we make the silver lining. If everything happens for a reason, it is because we make reasons in order to validate painful experiences in life. Not everyone has a gift or talent, but we like to think so because that means we have a gift or talent. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," right--so why do we, as a society, have standards for beauty? "Don't judge a book by its cover," but that doesn't mean a book with an ugly cover will be delightful to read.

You are right, clichés are platitudes to sooth. They are unoriginal and lack any type of creativity. Instead of those goody-goody clichés, people should use another one: "Yeah, that sucks, doesn't it?"
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 7
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:43:45 AM

But more importantly, although it could usually be better, it could ALWAYS be worse, so therefore it's all good.


It is NOT all good--give me a break.

Suffering or dying of a major disease such as cancer is not all good.

Going hungry is not all good.

Being oppressed is not all good.

Yes, it might be worse to fall down and break your back rather than spraining a finger, but that doesn't mean the finger is "all good."

That is an either/or fallacy when there are hundreds of gradients. So, if I am living in poverty, hungry and cold, I should not even strive to do better because someone is worse off and it's "all good"?

Pablum for the masses--accept your lot.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 8
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/8/2008 9:04:40 AM

there wouldn't be so many people desperately single.

Now THAT'S an interesting phrase; "desperately" single. I bet if every person here stopped and thought about it a minute, they'd realize that there are people out there "desperately coupled."
Does anybody ever stopped to think that maybe they are in fact one of those for which there isn't "someone", and you aren't gonna KNOW that until the coroner is calling your time of death? I'm not suggesting that every single person develop a defeatist or "resigned to it" mindset. I just tell people who lay a tale of woe and/or frustration on me "I'm sorry that you got hurt( or that you're lonely/frustrated/whatever.) The Universe wants you to be happy and have a good life whether you have a partner or you have single blessedness. "
Cindy O
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 9
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/8/2008 12:59:15 PM

So I rolled my dad's truck and broke my arm. It could've been better (the accident didn't happen or even certain factors to change the outcome), but it could've been a lot worse (I could've easily died or been much more seriously injured), so it's all good.


And what do you say to the person who lost a child to a drunk driver? It could have been worse? It's all good?

I am not usually pessimistic; I accept the bad along with the good, but to say anything is "all" good, or bad, is a misnomer.

However, this is a digression and is off topic from the OP's posting asking if there is someone for everyone.

Blankets don't cover everyone and everything--someone's ass will be uncovered.

And I still maintain--if everything is all good, why change it?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 10
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:12:29 PM

Well, if we are tearing down cliches,



That cliche is coupled with "every dog has its day".
Uggh...


Down with cliches! Avoid them like the plague! Give the devil his due! Out with the old, in with the new! Burn 'em, I say!

Then, perhaps, I will not ever have to write on another student's paper, "Cliche--try something more original and creative."
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 11
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:38:23 PM

Many of what you call cliches often have a deeper meaning.


And stereotypes are applicable to SOME of the people whom they lump together.


If you can't find a partner out that bunch then you are too damn hard to please.


There is a difference between being with someone merely to be with someone and being with someone who is a kindred spirit.
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 12
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Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:57:16 PM
It is quite simple: Cliches are built around facts, stereotypes are built around facts but one has to temper that knowledge (and application of cliches and stereotypes) with the fact that a broken clock is correct (factual) twice a day.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 13
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/8/2008 9:30:03 PM
I Love the word OXYMORON~ it means saying one thing BUT meaning another which is quite a dichotomy ~~~~~~~DICHOTOMY~which means~ of the one and the many

and of course as the ODD Couple says........ don't assume otherwise you will make an as s of u and me
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 14
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:45:22 AM

Cliches are built around facts


Cliches are built around facts?

Facts can be proven by empirical evidence. Cliches are all encompassing, blanket statements. Let's take "Look before you leap," which is highly applicable if you are crossing a busy street. However, if you are in a pasture with a bull and your friend shouts, "Jump, now!" perhaps you should consider following that advice instead of checking out the location of the bull. It can also apply more metaphorically--i.e. not taking chances. But how many people have gone on blind intuition and been successful? Even if there are only a few, it belies the truism of the cliche.

A cliche such as "all is good," again, is highly optimistic but delusional. We can climb out of the tar pits of our lives and if we are wise, take lessons to avoid future pits, but that doesn't mean the experiences was "all good."


stereotypes are built around facts


So, white supremacists are right and non-Caucasians really are inferior? This is a long standing stereotype--which "fact" is it built upon? It was a long held stereotype that women are also inferior to men--which fact is that based on? When we, as a culture, finally move toward discarding stereotypes, does that mean "facts" have changed?

Women are also stereotyped as having no logic--snort.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 15
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:01:20 AM

Do people who say "There's someone out there for everyone." actually believe it? Have you ever said it? Do you really believe it?

Well, what do you WANT them to say? "Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in awhile?"
Cindy O
 MyFunIsAnArtForm
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 16
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:36:57 AM
It seems that if the person you have been looking at on the dating site has been there for 10 years then most likely there going to be there 100 more years. There internet dating junkies and will stay in that track forever most likely. If they find someone then that's great and I happy for them.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 17
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:23:36 PM

I suppose I wouldn't have done it if Gwendolyn didn't know who I was, but she does...


I would have done it even if I didn't know myself. And actually, the comment would have been amusing even if a man had said it. I would have assumed he was being satirical.



Why would you be proud of those scores because you are a women? What's being a woman got to do with it?


Apt question! By declaring pride over scores because one is a woman is a form of sexism; it assumes that other women wouldn't do as well.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 18
Why conflicting clichés?
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:38:36 PM

Of course I should've known it would come off as bragging and set me up for scorn and ridicule... but for what, we can all tell who's got any brains around here or not.


It wasn't that your statement came across as bragging; rather, it seemed strange for you to chastise ismene for making an obvious joke about the ability of women to think yet in the next breath, say that you are proud to get high scores because you are a woman. It insinuated that you shouldn't have done as well because you are a woman.


It has nothing to do with being a woman,


Then why point out that you are a woman who got high scores? It seems that you desired to prove that a woman could be logical.

As ismene pointed out, shouldn't you have just been proud--femininity aside? Shouldn't a man who had as good a score be just as proud?
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