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 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 1
Over Protective Bf'sPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Okayy soo.. lol i have been with my bf for a about a year now, well 5 years on and off and hes really protective. It's basically at the point where if i so much as talk to another guy he finds the guy and threatens to kick the sh^t out of him unless he stops talking to me. I deffinately know this is not normal and im not sure if this is his way of showing that he "cares about me" or if he thinks that he has the right to say who can and cant talk to me. Why are guys like this? Is it a trust issue? Like i dont sit there and tell him he cant talk to any girls because i dont care who he talks to?
 plebayo
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 2
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:10:53 PM
Hahaha guys aren't like this. Just the dude you're dating.

He does it because he's insecure.

It'll never change.

It'll only get worse and become more of a control issue. Tell him he needs to seek some counseling or you're out. Quit wasting your time on him.
 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 3
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:15:23 PM
Hes actually gotten better believe it or not. and he says he's only doing it because he doesnt want to lose me. but its like he thinks he "owns" me so to say and can tell people/control them in ways that he shouldnt be able to. hes like stalking the people i talk to. its quite pathetic. maybe he will changee.
 agenteightysix
Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 4
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Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:24:43 PM
I think you should ask him about his fears specifically. Why is he afraid. Try to listen, it will not make much since to you ,but write down some of his responses. Be clear that this conversation needs to stay focused and if there are other conversations we should have them later. when he starts to get upset or defencive give him time to collect his thoughts, but to be calm when talking. He is reacting from emotion, more than logic and so he needs to talk about it but it will take some time to get a grasp of why he is afraid. Assure him you care about him, but your life is also more that just him,its just a prison otherwise. Does he want you to be happy. Does he want you to know, he respects you. Does he think that his reaction is going to make your relationship stronger.
Being careful not to ever let this conversation get to intense, introduce articles from online that talk about destructive relationships and how to identify them. I think they will help the two of you relate better to what is going on.
 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 5
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:28:22 PM
Ive been talking to him and everytime i bring it up he says that all i do is talk to other guys and how he doesnt like it or "their trying to steal you from me". then he gets upset and says he will stop showing that he cares. but i thought i showed him i cared by not judging who he talked to.
 agenteightysix
Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 6
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Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 12:24:55 AM
I talk to people all day some men some woman. It could just be about gas prices or the weather or a million other things? Why would some random guy what to steal you from him. And if they do ,with his behavior maybe you should. If I got a cool PS3 would I keep my PS3 away from my friends because I was afraid they would steal it. Or if I had a dog, a really cute one do I keep it caged so no one can see it. No NO. His behavior not some guy you are talking to is going to make you leave him. Someone leaves when the other person is too extreme. Not caring gets the same result. So maybe a healthy balance somewhere in between. I think the last part of this is to tell him he is not in control of who you talk to or what you do. If you choose to include him in your life he should be grateful.
 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 7
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 12:27:31 AM
Well he certainly does not "own me" so to say. im thinking he's probably just worried that i will find a new interest in someone else. considering i hardly see him anymore because he's addicted to this game that he plays. but maybe it's my fault for talking to other guys.
 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 8
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 12:48:09 AM
I dont ignore him at all, and the guys i talk to are his friends or friends of his friends who live around me. im in university and i didnt have many people i knew here so he was the one who actually introduced me to them. so really it makes me mad that now since i found someone who i can relate to (since they are also at my university in my course) that im being told to leave them for no reason. he's also discontinued his relationship with many of his friends because they were "paying to much attention to me".
 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 9
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 3:45:58 AM
first off they aint guys from this site, n when i created this thing i was seeing anyone, n he knows about this site and dont care. infact hes on it aswell. and as u can see im just looking for friends nothing more. n cheating? i dont think so
 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 10
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:01:09 AM
ummm we were on a break. and as u can see im just looking for friends so read the profile again if u must and u will see im looking for friends. im not looking for any attention btw? just friends. i dont play games with other guys. all guys ive met on here ive met with my bf cause i dont meet people alone from the internet.
 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 11
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:08:54 AM
i have many friends who are girls. got tired of them. i get along better with guys. and as for the changing of the status i dont see the need to considering im looking for friends only and when someone asks me i tell them i got a bf,
 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 12
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:19:02 AM
happy? lmao seriously..i was just telling him bout this post forum and he really dont care bout my profile on here, im not looking for a relationship. everyone i come in contact with KNOWS that already, but thanks anyway.
 BrittyW
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 13
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 6:06:06 AM
Wasnt complaining simply wondering.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 14
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 7:06:27 AM
He isn't overprotective: he is jealous.

Being protective is wanting to keep someone from harm; he just wants to own you.

Not all guys are like this, but some women are.
 plebayo
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 15
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 7:49:03 AM

Ive been talking to him and everytime i bring it up he says that all i do is talk to other guys and how he doesnt like it or "their trying to steal you from me". then he gets upset and says he will stop showing that he cares. but i thought i showed him i cared by not judging who he talked to.


AGAIN.

INSECURITY.

He isn't showing that he cares. He's showing that he is insecure.

It's not going to change. The relationship you are in is NOT healthy. it never will be. So quit griping about it because you obviously like the fact.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 16
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Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/8/2008 8:55:01 AM
So not reading all of the responses. He is not protective, he is jealous and as he is not your father, you don't need protection anyway. It is his way of showing that he does not trust or respect you, whether you want to live with it or find a healthy relationship is your choice.

VVVV Very important, it is all related to his insecurities and has nothing to do with you.
 MyFunIsAnArtForm
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 17
Over Protective Bf's
Posted: 11/9/2008 12:40:28 PM
2 Sides of the story. Are you inviting flirting? Is he jelious?
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