Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Here's an interesting thing that happened recently      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Wildman46
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 2
Here's an interesting thing that happened recentlyPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Playing devils advocate here. Did you offer to pay for anything on either of your other dates?.
If the guy has been nothing but polite and nice until the point of asking you to pay this time, don't you think kicking him to the curb might be throwing out the baby with the bath water?.

Are you sure the only reason you're pissed is because of the way he went about getting you to pay? Maybe some of your annoyance might be because you had to pay?.
 krookie
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 3
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/11/2008 9:52:45 AM
I'm kinda mixed on this one... First, he asked you to go out to dinner. He should pay - no questions. Yes, he was rude for saying what he said. Not only for the way he said it, but for actually saying it after he asked you out. It's POSSIBLE it could be an indication of future difficulties about finances, etc. Or, it's possible he was just really PO'd about having to buy tires and let it get to him.

But here's the other viewpoint...although it's weak. You did offer to bring something once and he declined. He may be the type who simply wants you to offer to pay just so that he can decline. (Ego thing, but I don't get the "why"...)

If he's been a nice guy so far, I don't know that kicking him to the curb is necessarily the best thing to do. It sounds like it's only been 3 dates, but if you like the rest of him enough, why not just ask him about it? The reaction and the answer will go a long way to determining if you really want to see him again. What could it hurt?
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 4
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/11/2008 9:54:07 AM
I don't assume or expect 'the man' is going to pay for my dinner, even if he initiates the date. You state in that week he already paid for pizza and japanese food perhaps it would have been polite for you to offer to pay when he called you to arrange the date. This guy obviously enjoys your company, but he's not made of money. I don't think he was being rude, I think you were. And further more, since you've decided not to see this guy anymore, he's the lucky one.
 CHAOTICBEAUTINESS
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 7
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/11/2008 10:46:32 AM

Called me up the other day and asked me out for dinner
See if he asks you, that means he pays, if you would have asked him, you would have paid. Not that in today's economy things aren't tough on everyone, but it isn't right for him to announce that you are paying. He didn't know if you were paying hospital bills, car expenses, whatever, yourself. It was wrong and rude of him. Wonder what he would have said if you said, I don't have my wallet.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 8
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/11/2008 11:10:48 AM
I would have laughed and paid. No biggie to me.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/11/2008 1:10:13 PM
Is this the 25 year old guy, or someone else?





~ds~
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:33:37 PM
Okay then, since I can't my question answered, I'll just give an opinion. If this is the 25 year old guy, then you are dating a boy (oops, young man) and expecting a man (oops, mature, more established gentleman) behavior. Doesn't make it right, but might explain it somewhat.

If he's an older guy (your age and older, etc.), you did the right thing. He should be old enough to know better.





~ds~
 Applette
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/13/2008 8:46:25 AM
Did it ever occur to any of they ladies who are asked out during the get acquainted stage of a relationship why the fellow stops calling for additional dates? Maybe because he got tired of footing the bill for expensive meals. If you had offered to pay on any of those occasions he would not of felt taken for granted. The bonus was he called you and why did you not call him to take him out for a treat? Furthermore, it does not always have to be a meal ..... it could be nice walk, window shopping .... If the state of the economy is so bad for you .... why would it not be just as bad for someone else!
 bootymon
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/13/2008 10:15:37 AM
Rude it was and also very ballsy. Had he asked to see and said he was broke you might have offered to sponser the evening. However that didn't happen so you are right to blow him off.
 Noebelle
Joined: 11/4/2008
Msg: 27
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:18:54 PM
Wow! That is an interesting thing to have happened. I can agree I would find this a turn off and would end the relationship at that point as well. Prior to that date, if I were digging him I would have invited him to my place for dinner, or I would have picked up the check at my choice of restaurants but I would never allow him to ask me to dinner, ask me to choose where and then as we're sitting down he tells me I'm buying because he put new tires on? Too bad, so sad, see ya!

He was rude. Unexcusably rude. I hope you ended it immediately and told him why.
 bewitchingall1
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/14/2008 7:15:17 AM
Wow I've read a portion of the responses to this forum and I'm really surprised how many think you should have paid. I'm with you on this op....he asked you out...he pays! Even if he intended on you paying he should have said something in the phone conversation...not at the resturant. It would have been extremely embarassing for both of you if neither could have afforded the meal. I personally would have said something to him right then an there an not ordered anything but to go home. Alternating paying is fine for a "COUPLE" that is in an exclusive type relationship but when your just dating who ever initiates the date should pick up the tab. As you stated he didn't know your financial status so why assume you had the money to pay. Plus to offer to take you anywhere you wanted to go? WTF Oh well ....sorry it happen op guess there are some that don't think like us. Thats why I have dating 101 on my profile...so there is no guess work. lol Best of Luck in the future
 lyingcheat
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 32
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/15/2008 7:08:51 AM

The guy I am talking about is not my FWB! This was someone (else) I have been "dating".

So he's not the FWB (friend with benefits), he's the FFM (friend for meals)?
Why don't you consoli-date? That way you can go straight from the table to the bedroom without changing partners?

I'm wondering how you would react if your FWB invited you over, and informed you once you got there, that it was your turn to blow?

Anyway, without being privy to the actual telephone conversation when the arrangements were made for the third date, it's difficult to know who created the misunderstanding, or if it was mutual.
It would make a big difference for instance if he had said "Let's eat out, you choose wherever you like because I don't care..." as opposed to "Allow me to take you out, anywhere you like, tonight is all about you..."

Regardless of the details though, I feel that if anyone has benefited from this situation, it's him.
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/15/2008 9:45:12 AM
In my opinion..what he did was rude. He should not have said it the way he did, nor should he have said it when you were already seated in the restaurant. It should definitely have been discussed before any concrete plans were made.

Here's an example of where that could backfire, and be terribly embarrassing. I am a single mother of 2. If a guy asked me out, I would have to hire a sitter. NO , I would not let the man pay for my sitter, they're my kids. Obviously if I couldn't afford a sitter, I would decline his invitation.

So, we're at the restaurant, or movie, or whatever, and he blurts suddenly "your turn to pay". Ummmm...what?! Now, I've budgeted for the sitter, but paying for the night out as well..not so much. I would die of embarrassment, because I would either A. Have to not pay my sitter until a later date, or B. Have to admit that I didn't have the money to pay, and feel like a loser/mooch. Wow, sounds like fun, don't it?

Sigh. This is why I don't date, I can't stand the f*cking labels. I f a woman doesn't offer to pay she's branded a golddigger (by some on here - and you know who you are), and if a man expects a woman to pay, he's a cheapskate (same criteria -by some ).

Isn't dating fun?
 TodaysCatch
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/15/2008 6:18:00 PM

Has anyone actually read the post? She is not saying she did not have the money. She is not saying a woman should not have to pay. She is saying she was annoyed at the fact that the guy TOLD her she was going to pay. He said, I will come get you, take you where ever you want to go, and then, after they sit down, and by the way, you are getting this bill. His actions indicate he is going to pay, IMO. If I tell a woman I am going to take her where ever she wants, I am indicating it is a treat by me.

This guy gets it, and the OP would do right to trust her Spidey Sense with Mr. Rude. Poor communication skills that can easily lead to awkward or embarrassing situations should be noted as soon as possible, and you did just that within a few dates. If you're a "three strikes" kinda gal, this would be one. If you still wish to see him, you'll know to watch for trends in this department, and to keep money in your purse if he invites you out in the future. Better yet, offer to take him out to his choice of places and don't bring money. If he's a good guy, he'll appreciate your sense of humor. And do write us with the update.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/16/2008 9:36:32 PM
It was their 4th date.. He paid for the other three.. , I would have told him that the 4th was on me since he had been so generous the other times .. I suspect he would have gotten the cheque anyway just because I was good enough to offer. If he didn't ~ well I was expecting to pay anyway, so it's all good
Even if I didn't offer to pay and he said that to me.. I'd say "ya know what, fair enough, you've covered the other three" If I like him enough to go out with him 4 times, (and one of those times was dinner at his place ) then I'd like to believe that him saying that wouldn't offend me.
 ceaser_73
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/18/2008 3:16:05 PM
I agree with some of the other people's post's, I think it was his approach in asking. I think in all honsety he was trying to say it in a joking manner and maybe thought you would be sympathic with his recently large purchase,and was maybe hoping that it would start a conversation with you as well. I don't think I would read into it too much,sounds like you got someting good going on for you, I wouldn't be so quick to pop the ballon. If he says things like in the future tell him how you perceive it when he phrases things like that.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/18/2008 4:01:28 PM
^^^ I suspect that that's why he waited till they were out already before he suggested she pay.. if she has your same attitude (I'm not saying it's right or wrong here) then he'd have felt used because he was never treated to a night out. Perhaps he saw the writing on-the-wall and suspected that Op was going to bail soon and he was just looking for a bit of "payback" before she cut him off.??? .. (or, he cut her off for that matter)
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/18/2008 4:12:42 PM
^^^ At msg #110

The dates were over a 3 or 4 week period so it wasn't all in one week
He said he spent enough this week on Tires.. Not on the dates. .. Thought I'd clear that up for you as the number of dates in one week is not the issue.
 ceaser_73
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/18/2008 5:00:42 PM
Ok, were are in a diffrent era, if you are dating somebody and you go out to eat, and you have bought dinner several times, and have established a solid ground. I don't think it is unfair at all to bounce back and forth, you got this one, I got the next. It gives a good balance and doesn't build tension over finances,show's the art of comprimise,and openess,with a willing to share. I have done this with the women that turned into LTR's and never had a problem. Yeah I paid a majority of the time,but a gut shouldn't be expected to pay every time.
What the hell does wanting to share some expense or develop a system got anything to do with someone disrespecting someone?
Oh I get it, you want the pleasure of my company it will cost you. WHATEV
That's why I like independant women they know this.
All you women that said you would drop a guy in a heartbeat if he asked you to get dinner, your the ones that get a doggy bag and bring home to your 12 cats!



 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/20/2008 10:09:50 AM

Really? Where exactly did she say all the things you claim? You have pieced together how many posts and how many statements over what period of time? You had to have made a lot of loose connections to claim she has done what you think. She hasn't explained once in this thread anything about what level of dating she is on with this guy and what they have or haven't discussed.
Op's posting history and profile are right there in black and white for all to read.
like things to be equal. I went out with a guy for about six months recently and are salaries were similar, so we shared everything. You can acutally do more things if you share. He was by NO means cheap, but like me he had to watch his money, like I said sharing is good.
Not only is "sharing good" it's also FAIR! I think anyone woman or man who feel they are entittled to have their date pay for all dates.. are the ones that aren't showing any decency or respect. If someone offers to pay ~ fabulous / If someone expects you to pay ~ not so good.
 fhhghgh
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 52
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/20/2008 11:04:35 AM
Face it,,,,,,the guy was married. he would not bring you to HIS place. I wonder why,,,,You had to pay because his wife noticed he had been spending money that he could not account for. As a rule if he won't at least show you around his place he is married. h ewould have bben able to save money if he were able to bring you to his and his wifes place for dinner. The truth hurts. John
 1flippantsob
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 53
Here's an interesting thing that happened recently
Posted: 11/23/2008 8:23:30 PM
The guy was married. He couldn't have her over to his house, so he kept taking her out. She seemed more interested in social dating, so he did something rude to ditch her.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Here's an interesting thing that happened recently