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 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 1
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this afternoon i finally had some time to get things done. no sooner, did i get home and sit down for a few quiet moments and whammo, phone rings and my pregnant daughter was one month early in breaking her water. spent the day in the high risk delivery unit with my younger one and my best friend, labor is now induced, ran home to breathe, told this may take up to three days!!!

i have some good friends and all are rallying around me, driving me the windy distance to the delivery area which in her instance is attached to a neonatal intensive care unit. several shifts of animal care, driving and hurried shopping for essentials are taking place tomorrow--plus several volunteers for in the middle of the night cry for help, should she suddenly dilate quickly. however, not all ever had or cared for babies.

ok, so let's assume i take her home with the baby fairly soon. they think he will be nice and fat, despite being early--but they will need to check lungs, vitals, etc. i fost/adopted three post trauma teens, but never had an infant! what do i need to know fast track and what do i need to get immediately? her shower was supposed to take place mid december. she was given a list of questions to get answered beforehand, but of course she didn't. she meets with a social worker/financial advisor tomorrow. being adopted after 16 and a full time college student, she qualifies for some special assistance.

i can't think straight with not much sleep anticipated and need all the help you can give me!!! she is clearly not prepared, we have the infant seat, breast pump, combo basinette & bed & playpen on wheels being purchased tomorrow. one friend of a friend thinks she might find some donations. she too is a foster/adopt mom and is moved by our story--so wants to help. i think i might also be able to help her.

so please, while everyone is doing their thing and scurrying around to help us, will you all tell me what else to do right away and what to expect? she is a candidate for post partum depression and i need some clue as to what i should prepare for, as i'm not only 60, but also post lymes and therefore have to pace myself and be very organized. let's just say the father of this child will be "unavailable" to help until the end of december. whether he can pull of being a dad remains to be seen. so, here i go again!!! just call me mrs. dad. that on top of being a first time grannie!!! my little one has instructions to wait another ten years.....
 Malley
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 2
new grandma advice
Posted: 11/19/2008 8:18:07 AM
Aw, I'm so happy for you.
There is nothing that equals the joy that a new baby brings.

First and foremost, don't panic.
Do not project too may what ifs.
Take it minute by minute, hour by hour.
You'll learn as you go, as many of us did.
That baby will not be scarred for life if you forget to get bum wipes.
You'll learn to improvise.
After all, our grandparents managed just fine with next to nothing.

As others have stated, diapers, a bit a clothing, a place to sleep and Momma's breast is all that little fella is going to need for a while.

The only other thing I would suggest to have on hand, just in case, would be some colic drops and infant acetaminophen.

Cut ourselves a bit of slack. None of us did everything perfect, as much as we wanted to.
Feed, burp, diaper, clothe, love and warmth is all they truly require.
You'll do just fine.

Best of luck and congratulations to all.

Edit: You may want to pick up some nipple cream for the new mom. Breastfeeding can be difficult initially.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 3
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Posted: 11/19/2008 9:07:26 AM
breathing deeply and on my way to her, so far still not past 3 centimeters. i took SIDS course way back when i adopted them, but need to see if she covered that in her course and get a refresher. i had most of this on the overall list but at least can start slowly so as to keep the budget within reason. i had told her about the nipple cream, but i don't think she has it, so adding to the list. i'm really worried about the depression. have been through a lot with my kids and not sure i can go through another round. looking into "doula" services. not sure i can afford but maybe just to get her started. she will be with me the first few weeks until baby's daddy comes home. but, if anything goes really wrong, it may stretch to longer. she did a lot of reading and was in the middle of taking classes, but right now she's in agony and not making sense. little sister has this round of sitting with her and i am on my way. will check in to see if anymore to add. they have a lactation nurse on the wing, so hopefully we'll be getting more help. still not sure what they will cover.

thanks. i think my age was a positive for adopting teens, but babies--not sure i can do a whole lot more. i cannot imagine grandma's raising two and sometimes three generations. heck, i 'm just starting dating again. but, this kid of mine is one survivor, so i'm gonna give it my all.

ps i googled moses basket and yes, it's a bassinet.
 Malley
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 4
new grandma advice
Posted: 11/19/2008 9:13:54 AM
FYI .. if the new mama is breastfeeding, the post partum, if there is any, is often not present as long as she is nursing. It's only after she stops that the hormones can sometimes go outta whack.

Don't worry about it.
Get lots of rest yourself and be sure she gets plenty as well.
Take shifts if necessary.

Keep us posted as to her progress.

What an exciting time for all of you.
 Malley
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 5
new grandma advice
Posted: 11/19/2008 10:20:03 AM
Oh, I forgot.
Do NOT forget a camera !!!

You can NEVER have too many brag pictures.
 Alabamamam
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 6
new grandma advice
Posted: 11/19/2008 6:13:16 PM
Congtatulations, granny! I am sure you guys will figure it out and things fall into place very very soon....
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 7
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Posted: 11/19/2008 11:18:46 PM
in response to the above, i have many bossy friends who don't know how to educate a young mom and empower her. some are not up to date on the easier equipment they have nowadays. for example, hardly anyone buys a high chair anymore. so, that is why i posed my question on the forums.

i have two friends who do know their stuff and my daughter respects them both. they were there for her in the bad days and always were my backup. so, they are the ones helping me the most, but do not live nearby. my kid made this choice and she has to step up to the plate. but, i am at least getting her started. i am looking into doulas for maybe the first week home, but still not sure if i can afford this type of care. they are taught to educate the young moms.

in general not all my friends agree as to what i need "right now" and some are so busy running around in response to the unexpected event (in addition to their families needs) that they leave things out here and there or tell me to get unecessary stuff. with a tight budget, i don't need to get today, something that will be needed six months from now. i was there for both of my close friends during their very difficult deliveries and now they are there for me. pays to have younger female friends! even some male friends are helping and/or giving me moral support if not necessarily technical assistance.

SO!!! at any rate, before i burst with the news : we deliverd her baby today and he is 5 pounds and 8 ounces, 17 inches long and one very sweet and hungry baby!!! he got the knack of breast feeding with just one repositioning, while i fed my very hungry big baby as she breast fed the little one. i helped deliver a baby way back in grad school in our rural trailer park when the town doctor was too drunk! this was a totally different experience (high tech/high touch)and while i had one side of my daughter and my youngest had the head to assist the two nurses, i took regular pics and moving pics right down to the placenta! my kid wants it all to see and to show the baby's dad when he gets "home". in the meanwhile, she's coming home with baby to me in two days. i am still in shock, tears in between, and already quite enamored with my new grandson. he holds my finger, wiggles his nose like his uncle, winks with one eye, and blows lots of bubbles. after he came out wailing, he settled down with rocking and every now and then he utters these little noises.

as to rushing delivery, even though they induce, they want dilation at 10 centimeters before they encourage pushing--else the baby is just banging his head on the wall! after the long haul to 4 centimeters, she then slid quickly to ten in just a few hours. he then took less than an hour of pushing and out he came!!!!

they also say if you teach the baby to take in the whole nipple and not just the tip, you won't need the nipple cream. the baby bites because s/he is not getting milk at just the tip. if he grasps the whole nipple, he will feed properly and she won't get hurt. also they suggest holding the baby against you, versus allowing him to pull--but being careful with his nose and breathing.

got calls from many pofer's. thanks all of you on this thread and them. sometimes being alone is scary. but whenever i need help, someone is always there and in the middle of the night, half the world is up anyways.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 8
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Posted: 11/19/2008 11:44:55 PM
she needs the nipple cream or some vaseline, babies don't bite unless they have teeth, what causes the pain in the nipples is the suction which causes the nipple to dry off. the pain usually start a few hours after breastfeeding. even with the cream,t here is still a bit of pain/discomfort but it should go away after a few days, just grim and bear it. For me it lasted a week but once it's done, then there's no need fo rit, new skin appear. Breastfeeding did save a lot of money on formula, and it's so convenient and you do feel so close to your baby. But make sure she drinks plenty of water and milk to provide her own nutrient, not to mention she needs to build calcium herself so the breastfeeding doesn't take her own supplement of it. or have her take multi-vitamins.

Get some bottles, and have her pump in a bottle so you can feed her sometimes that way the baby can do either or. but wait for the bottling til a few weeks so that the baby can adjust to doing both bottle and breast. My daughter refuse to do bottle. It was also hard because most nipples on bottles were too long and she'd choke on them. I think the gerber bottle brand has a n ice size to them.

Give her some space, she may feel the need to adjust to being a mother and taking care of the baby. Not to mentio hormones are still all over the place even after pregnancy, It drove me crazy when my parents would hover over the baby when she cries and myd ad would freak otu each time, it made me feel I did something wrong each time baby cried when I know all the baby is is hungry.

as for teh swaddling, i've never heard that is an issue with SIDs, perhaps not to let the baby sleep while swaddling, but awake, i think some babies do like the comfort of being swaddled since it's similar to the position they were when they were in the womb. You just have to be careful with the blanket around the face/mouth. And when the baby sleeps, it can't be around loose blanket, sorry to the post to say that it's loose bedding, that's inaccurate, from any site, it says the bedding needs to be tight, that way no loose fabric can cover the babies face/mouth/nose to breath. Serenity, I'll send you an email about th elink that I found that out.

Best of all, be calm ad relax, t hings will work out, the baby will sleep a lot so don't think you have to do it all at once
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 9
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Posted: 11/20/2008 12:32:05 AM
i didn't mean bite literally. two lactation specialists disagree about the cream. i was there when they repositioned the nipple. we will see. i too thought the cream was needed but they said the pain was from improper nipple postioning when the baby feeds. they said if she fed diligently in the beginning the breast milk would flow better and would then give her a manual pump for back up to freeze or refrigerate extra milk. we will see.........as said above, i want to empower her, not overpower her.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 10
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Posted: 11/20/2008 3:22:36 PM
according to sids.org, no covers should be used at all.

http://www.sids.org/nprevent.htm
5. Do not over-clothe the infant while she sleeps. Just use enough clothes to keep the baby warm without having to use cover. Keep the room at a temperature that is comfortable for you. Overheating an infant may increase the risk for SIDS.

along with: firstcandle.org
#5 - Be wary of soft bedding and blankets! Anything loose, soft or fluffy in your baby’s sleep area can be dangerous. Take care to remove pillows, blankets, sheepskins, soft or pillow-like bumpers, stuffed toys and other soft objects from your baby’s sleep area when placing them down for nap and nighttime sleeps.

#6 - Keep your baby warm and safe during sleep! Loose blankets in your baby’s sleep area can be dangerous. Consider using a wearable blanket or other type sleeper to keep your baby warm and safe.

also, with swaddling:


Swaddling, a method of wrapping an infant securely in a blanket or cloth, is a common infant care practice in many cultures. Some researchers suggest that swaddling reduces the risk of SIDS because it helps infants sleep more comfortably on their back. If an infant startles while asleep, his own body movements can cause him to wake up. Swaddling can limit those movements and help an infant feel secure.

It may help ease the symptoms of colic as well. Take care to swaddle properly and securely, but not too tightly. It is important that the blanket not come loose and pose a danger to the baby. Once your baby becomes wiggly and squiggly, it might be a good time to discontinue swaddling.

However, SIDS researchers caution that swaddling can contribute to overheating. It is critical to learn how to properly swaddle infants if an infant is to be swaddled. Usually swaddling is effective only during the first 4 to 6 weeks of life. It should then be discontinued as the infant grows and becomes more mobile.

http://www.firstcandle.org/new_exp_parents/new_exp_swaddle.html

I've googled swaddling and SIDS and all of them say it reduces SIDS.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 11
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Posted: 11/20/2008 4:20:39 PM
Princess, I'm sorry for your loss, but there is no true indication of how SIDS is caused, you can do the tips they suggest but there's still a chance that a baby can die of SIDS. perhaps it's due to country, but the States encourage swaddling but it's an option. I've only needed to swaddle a few times with my baby. my nephews were swaddled, it actually comforted them and help relax them. I have yet to come up with an article that says no swaddling other than the one I found that it's only dangerious due to overheating. I actually found one were UK is now encouraging swaddling more.

But yes, some things are not something that everyone will agree upon.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 12
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Posted: 11/20/2008 7:11:08 PM
Untrue? interesting how I backed it up with good resources yet, you keep saying that googling isn't a good resource to rely on, google offers sites that give out information and I only gave you the ones that are acknowledge and given info by a doctor. Every site they refered to all say the same thing, swaddling reduces SIDS, if the conferences you attend that says it's not, why isn't the research online that supports it. There should be at least the same, less, more amount of articles on swaddling isn't a good thing, but I have yet to find one article that says it increases SIDS. Why aren't they offer a site to educate that it's not something to be done. If done correctly, then there should not be a fear of overheating.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 13
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Posted: 11/20/2008 10:20:19 PM
the baby was born in a top notch perinatal and neonatal care center. the delivery nurse swaddled and even got the head, but no way in the manner that she did it, could the baby suffocate. she learned in japan and said everyone did it differently. the sids guidelines they gave her said not to swaddle past the chest. i will find out what they told her about temperature and age restrictions. i believe it's recommended to simulate the womb in the first few weeks, however the cloths used were breathable cotton. also, it depends upon climate and humidity. here, it is very dry and a lot warmer. it gets colder at night, but people vary as to how they keep their home temperatures. we have two zone steady gas heat, with allergy filters and good ventilation. housing varies. once the baby is happy to be out of the womb and doesn't need the comfort of swaddling, then they just recommend clothing. that can also be too warm. at some point, it takes some ability to analyze the particular situation.

there is also a range of intelligence and ages of moms. with certain people, the objectives are sufficient for them to find their way. my two best friends and advisors differ in great extreme. one is over cautious about everything, the other was that way with her first, but a risk taker with her twins (in my other friend's eyes). they also differ on vaccines, etc. etc.

they want as much breast mile production in the beginning as possible. they want her breast feeding as much as possible. however, she is to pump breast milk for me or others to feed when necessary. it keeps well in the freezer, so she is to feed him first and then pump. but she is "not" to use the bottles or the baby may get confused. i assume part of bonding and to make sure the baby prioritizes the breast so that she does not stop producing milk.

the baby is very healthy. she is told she can drive immediately and several teachers have said she can bring the baby to college classes as still too young to go into day care there. yes, there is disagreement about how soon the baby can leave the house. i believe they will let him out pretty soon. will check. they want him to build up an immune system. they say in general the baby can go out sooner if breast fed due to immunity from the milk.

princesspinkpixie, i want to say thanks and i am so sorry you have had at least two losses that i can decipher. being an ex "strategic planner" i too tend to try to prevent future pain and suffering. but no matter what i come up with, something else always happens! i hope you have no more tragic losses, at so young an age. i see you have kids, so that makes me feel a bit better for you. i think that if everyone got to the underlying issues of the swaddling and the circumstances/conditions, there may be more consensus. the info is distributed to the general masses however, so each cultural solution is often not addressed, let alone the differences as i briefly alluded to above. when i went to visit my ex inlaws in scotland, i almost froze to death. here, at least in my home, temperature is pretty stable in the winter at 72 degrees. my kids apartment can get too hot and she opens windows. the blankets as mentioned are porous and natural fibers and lightweight, but the issues are endless that have to be addressed one by one.

this forum has raised the concerns and she will take the info and apply it to her situation. i'm just starting her off because the baby is early, she's alone for now and scared. this kid has been there for me, despite it all. it's way too early in my mind, but she is trying like heck to do what she has to do. i hope this one is her last one, until she becomes a bit more stable in life. but, that is how i was raised. many it seems just have babies w/o thinking out their futures. i am supporting this journey at her request. she trusts me and i love her. but she is very clear about the fact that i am not supporting the second one so soon. she needs to grow herself up as well. i think she will succeed. i had one tantrum yesterday but an apology followed immediately afterwards. she just needed to be the baby a bit, before she became the mom.

thanks everyone.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 14
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Posted: 11/22/2008 11:05:53 AM
Diapers, Onesies (clothing), receiving blankets, cloth diapers make great birp rags and clean up for messes, diaper wipes, bulb syringe, bathing supplies, breast feeding bras, breast pads. Google some baby websites, they will probably have a better list, I haven't done this in 10 years, lol.

The baby may have lung issues so I would also recommend a cool mist vaporizer. Now, take a breath, both of you will know what to do you were born with it.

Call some churches, many keep pantries with baby things, we have anywhere between a half dozen to a dozen cribs at our church to loan out when needed. A newborn's needs are not huge, much of the other stuff can wait until he shower and you may even be able to bump up the date on that.
 sben77
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 15
new grandma advice
Posted: 11/28/2008 2:15:41 PM
Congratulations serenity!I think you are doing a wonderful job at being a grandmother already! You seem to have most of the items, remember to get a couple different sizes of diapers, skip the newborn and go to stage 1 or 2 so you do not have to rush out in the middle of the night! Lots and lots of burp cloths and receiving blankets, also warm outfits. Again start with the 3-6 month size, those things always shrink up and gerber suggests to buy bigger! Gas drops are also a lifesaver!
As for the mother needing your assistance just remember it is the little things that mean so much! She may be very hungry, irratable, moody, or emotional. This does not necessarily mean post partum depression, called motherhood, lol. Keeps visitors to a minumum and unplug the phone often!
Gosh you have made me miss my mother so much right now!
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