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Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 2
When it's my time...Page 1 of 1    

I think there is a difference between having some valid regrets you have accepted and moved on from (hopefully with insight) and then there is just denial, i.e I have no regrets.

That "insight" is why it's not a regret. The most rewarding lessons are the hardest to learn.

I don't know if it would stop me from dating someone. I think the degree there matters and is holding on to regret holding them back really bad.
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 3
When it's my time...
Posted: 3/15/2009 9:45:16 PM
Good question. I have regrets, most definetely, but then again, those regrets helped me to shape a better person out of myself. I posted in the "Wisdom" thread about a certain issue, so I'll say it here quickly...I have had to watch my father die slowly in the hospital due to heart atack/cirrhosis of the liver. He is shutting down gradually. My dad was not a very kind man and he was an alcoholic. I and his brother have been the only two people to visit him because of this. My siblings don;t care, nor do many of his former co-workers. It's sad. I bet he has regrets. He teaches me alot just watching him die, unfortunately. I too have made many mistakes, but seeing my father dying has taught me that I still have time. Now I choose my words and actions very carefully. I would never want to be on my last legs knowing that I had opportunity to live a better life, for myself and those around me, and chose instead, as he did, to be apathetic about it. There is a slogan in twelve step groups (my dad belonged to them from time to time) "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it"
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 4
When it's my time...
Posted: 3/15/2009 9:47:35 PM
If I may run on to address the last part of your question...If someone's view on regrets would prevent you from dating them...that's a broad question. Care to share a little deeper on your own situation?
Joined: 7/8/2004
Msg: 8
When it's my time...
Posted: 12/9/2009 3:46:49 PM
I think we should live our lives as though each day is our last...Sooner or later, it will be.
Joined: 7/8/2004
Msg: 10
When it's my time...
Posted: 12/9/2009 7:40:19 PM

why would you want to talk about such a morbid subject?

True; it's dysfunctional to dwell on such thoughts, but it is even more so to reject or ignore them.
How can life have any meaning if death is never pondered?
Joined: 11/4/2009
Msg: 11
When it's my time...
Posted: 12/9/2009 8:37:12 PM
When it is my time, the only regret that I will have, is having been born.
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 12
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When it's my time...
Posted: 12/9/2009 8:55:42 PM

"When its my time to go I want to be able to say I have only few regrets (because none would be impossible, we will all make some mistakes) "

It was recently argued to me that you can have no regrets, I think there is a difference between having some valid regrets you have accepted and moved on from (hopefully with insight) and then there is just denial, i.e I have no regrets.

I recently heard that women only regret the men they did date, and men regret the women they didn't date. But I also read that women always think about the guys they could have dated but didn't, and men always think about the women they wanted to date but couldn't. I think that when it comes to regrets, there are certain types of actions, that for certain types of people, in certain types of situations, that are considered a win-win, certain ones that are considered a lose-lose, and certain ones that are considered "sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose". I think that people can accept the times when it's "sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose" and they lose. Some things are a gamble. What people regret, are those that were clearly a lose-lose, and they went for them anyway, or those that were clearly a win-win, but they didn't at least try.

Would someones view on this affect your choosing to date them? Why
Yes, and it has before. People who I've met, who said they wanted as few regrets as possible, tended to be risk-takers. They were a lot of fun, and dated a lot of people. But overall, they were very hard to be friends with, and even harder to date, because they were always getting into scrapes, and their friends were often dragged into those scrapes as well, and their boyfriends had to be bail them out, which was often, and it also worried their boyfriends if they would be all right. They tended to be avoided by guys looking for an LTR. So they tended to have a lot of flings. That made them very sure that men only wanted sex, and that if a man didn't try to sleep with them, that he was either gay, or didn't fancy them, or he was just pretending to be nice, because he was worse than the guys who just wanted sex. They really seemed to find it very difficult to establish an LTR.

All in all, they seemed great for a 1-night-stand. But they seemed trouble for an LTR. So if I was going to date them, I'd tell them that "you don't miss what you never had". So they should date me until they've would regret not being with me, because it's only then that they'd miss me, and it's only then that they've have me.
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 13
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When it's my time...
Posted: 12/9/2009 9:07:25 PM
I would have thought shagging to many people would be a regret.

I must be behind the times.
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 15
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When it's my time...
Posted: 12/10/2009 8:37:49 PM
I think it's possible to make some horrific mistakes in life and accept them as part of your learning process. In that respect, I wouldn't regret those mistakes; without them, I wouldn't know what I know. To me, regret comes from choices that have made my life worse than it needs to be by my own standards. Living on the street is ok - no regret. Becoming a drug addict - regret.
This is purely an opinion of course.
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 17
When it's my time...
Posted: 12/11/2009 1:51:17 PM
I can only hope when it's my time, my only regret isn't "Aw, shoot! I shoulda cut the green wire!"
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 18
When it's my time...
Posted: 12/12/2009 5:32:52 PM
I think its funny for someone to say "I have only a few regrets". Like many other things we put aside, exercising more regularily, loosing weight, eating healthier, quitting smoking, etc, etc,etc........this almost sounds like a flubbed New Years Resolution.

People I think are more sensitive to a "bucket list" or a "life's to do list" due to the recent movie about just that topic.

Its better to live that philosophy than just sit back talking about it.

I had a school friend die very premateurely in the 80's and I realized at his funeral how much he did for others in his life that me and others never let him know how much we appreciated having him as a friend. It was at that moment that I changed the way I lived my life. If I have something to say to someone, a compliment, a thank you, I just take the time to let the person know, right there and then. It was due to this philosophy that I helped both my parents make peace with things and people in their lives before they passed away. Its freeing to know you don't have unfinished personal business when you wake up each morning. Exceptions of course being a work in progress or dealing with ongoing problems/events.

I would never choose not to date. I may choose to remain single and not be in a relationship with someone, due to lack of mutual interests, lifestyle and the oh so often abused thing called "chemistry".
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