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 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 2
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need some advice pleasePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Am I understanding this correctly? You texted for 10 days then slept with the guy and now he's not acting as interested. So you had sex with a stranger and you are surprised or confused that you don't know a thing about him and haven't any idea what he thinks of you? Who knows, but I'm guessing this is one of the ways he gets lucky and then he moves on if he doesn't want to get lucky there again, or he keeps a little interest so he can get lucky on & off as he needs when not finding others who will have sex with him.

I would suggest that if you are going to have sex with strangers (your choice) then do not set yourself up to think of the encounters as anything but for sex, thinking of them as somehow turning into a relationship is going to confuse and hurt you every time.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
need some advice please
Posted: 11/29/2008 2:42:40 PM
A lot of times people you get close to, you go from texting a lot to then talking in the phone a lot and no texting at all. So see how it goes on the next week.
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 12
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need some advice please
Posted: 11/29/2008 3:09:46 PM
what esad said.

if a guy's interested, he stays in contact. that contact adjusts to a level that's actually sustainable. when contact stops, that's when you move on.

but otherwise, what esad said.

syd
 aprilwhyapril
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 19
need some advice please
Posted: 11/29/2008 5:25:14 PM
Classic strong sell for sex and then taper off to go after the next victim while keeping you for back-up booty calls.

The lesson here? Take it easy on the instant relationship moves, contact rarely, one to two times per week to start with, even after meeting him.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 21
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need some advice please
Posted: 11/29/2008 5:33:34 PM
Could be he is just busy... just keep being you and see how it plays out.

Could be he is reevaluating the relationship... assessing how he feels - sometimes we we meet someoone we have eagerly anticipated and built up in our heads we need some time to step back and catch up to our thoughts/feelings << could have either a positive or negative result. Either way, just keep being who you are and see how it plays out.

Sounds like you have either pressed him for how he feels or he has volunteered it. And you're scratching your head saying "yeah but, his behaviors have changed and they don't line up with what he says" True enough... one rarely goes wrong by listening more to someones behaviour rather than their words.

^^ The answer to that is simple... give it some more time, the answer you seek will come clear in the fullness of time. Give him the space to sort out his feelings and either come around or move further away. Just be yourself... neither distance from him nor try to crowd closer.
 MGMLION
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 23
need some advice please
Posted: 11/29/2008 5:45:16 PM

he sent me around 400 text messages in those 10 days then we met up and slept together.



what i want to know is would you consider this to be odd?


400 text messages in 10 days Yes I would.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 25
need some advice please
Posted: 11/29/2008 6:58:56 PM
^^^ Make your own thread in Ask a Girl.

OP - I suggest since you've asked this fellow what's up and he claims nothing has altered and he still thinks of your constantly (Ick) you lighten up and back the heck up.

Leave him alone and wait for HIM to come to you.
If he does? Then the sex was ok and he's back for more.
If he doesn't? Then you can assume the sex was not ok and he's moved on.

Sex early in a "getting to know you" phase is not good for building a relationship upon.
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 32
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need some advice please
Posted: 11/29/2008 10:29:57 PM
OP
{sarcasm}Hold on... lemme dust off my Crystal Ball and ESP headgear...{/sarcasm}

Come on... did you seriously ask if he actually likes you? This is something we are supposed to interpret from your summarized take on the situation? He might be taking his time with you, not wanting to screw things up. He might have other girlfriends. He might have just been out for sex. He might have a busy life. He might...

Only HE knows the answer to the question if he really likes you. And now it boils down to whether or not you are going to trust his answer, when you communicate your fears to him. Because if you don't communicate properly with him, then what's the point?

If you didn't want to sleep with him for the sake of sleeping with him.. why did you? Did you sleep with him to ensure that he stayed involved with you? Wrong reason. Did you sleep with him because you believed all on your own this would make things progress further? Wrong reason. Did you sleep with him for any other reason than to just enjoy that activity? Wrong reason. If you attached anything to having sex with him, before knowing for a fact if you were right or wrong for attaching it... then it was the wrong reason.

The worst thing another person can do to us, is fail to live up to our expectations. The worst thing we can do to another person, is impose expectations.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 33
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need some advice please
Posted: 11/29/2008 10:44:08 PM
There wouldn't be anything wrong with two strangers having sex if that was the plan and neither was on a dating site wondering why he's suddenly not so interested anymore and her asking him if he still likes her and you know, it's just not that hard to read between the lines. Nobody is in love with you after some over the top texting and nobody who has met you twice is busy sprucing up the old relationship mojo to sweep you off your feet...the man was wacko with texts, got laid, then backed way off and then she hadn't even heard from him for a few days. Yeah, I just bet she's not the least bit worried about the sex being too soon (I can imagine how much sex talk was in the texting) and him not really being all that into her like he was feeding her, a complete stranger, before the sex happened, no she's not worried at all, she's cool as a cucumber about the whole thing....that's why she brought it up herself and posted all this, and is wondering WHY? WHY? WHY?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 35
need some advice please
Posted: 11/30/2008 9:18:57 AM

Sex early in a "getting to know you" phase is not good for building a relationship upon.


Completely disagree with this statement. There's no magic formula as to what date to have sex. There are people that had sex on the first, second or third date, that ended up with successful, long-lasting relationships, and there have been those that have been a failure. The same thing can be said about those that are so cautions that by the time they have sex, one or the other feels like it was better as friends, while the other one is madly over hills for the other person. The problem with rushing is that you may then be taken for granted. The problem with taking your time is that you may be placed into the friend category and not be able to move the emotional level any higher. And this happens to men and to women.

So OP, of all the comments I've read so far the only one that I think is viable and good is the one saying, move from texting to talking on a real phone. Texting does not relationships make.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 39
need some advice please
Posted: 11/30/2008 11:57:04 AM

so for the cynics amongst you,,......do you worst.


Just a comment, not a criticism of you, but you did post and ask for input. Noone here has any motivation other than giving their opinions, just as you requested. When you post a thread you need to have thick skin as people will post from all different perspectives.


for the hopeless romantics amongst you (and i hope there's more of you than the first lot), I hope this works out.


If this is something you both want to persue, then go for it! Realize that most relationships don't always move forward flawlessly, there will be steps backward, misunderstandings......in the end it's what the two people decide and what they choose to do. I hope this works out and you both are happy together.
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