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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > My gf won't even let me touch her down there      Home login  
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 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 4
My gf won't even let me touch her down therePage 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I'm trying to pleasure HER


You are so selfless and think of her that you wish to pressure her and complain of how long you are go without intimacy?

If you wish to pleasure her, respect her wishes. If you are so horney, play with yourself, or decide if you want to throw away your month long relationship for another woman who will have sex sooner
 aprilwhyapril
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 13
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/3/2008 3:36:25 AM
Dude, you sound like you're still in high school...! It's time to grow up and learn what being in a long term relationship is all about. It's about respecting your partner at all times. You will look back on this relationship and regret not staying in for the long term because a partner like yours is rare these days. She is just pointing out your weaknesses, it's time to learn how to love, just love someone. The rest will fall into place in its own time. It can't and shouldn't be rushed. I know exactly how she feels. So many people out there no longer know what true intimacy is that they resort to physical closeness as the answer only to get that empty deep inside feeling. It only gets worse the older you get. Right now you're ignoring it but trust me when you get to that stage of having purely meaningless physical relationships you'll wish you were back in this moment and you'll wish you could relive it. Don't screw it up, enjoy each other's company, enjoy her for the person she is and really take the time to get to know her. She'll eventually reward you in the way you want and you'll appreciate it all the more. Don't think about being on some kind of schedule, punching the clock each day of your relationship. Don't turn it into a job with fringe benefits, you'll be screwing yourself out of a really nice bonus later on down the line.
 saggy ass and saggy tits
Joined: 5/22/2008
Msg: 19
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/3/2008 5:08:41 AM
wasting your time? thats a classic...i think she is wasting her time on you if you think that way.
my god, is it not enough for now that you guys have a good time? maybe she is not ready, she got burned by her last bf and she wants to make sure that does not happen again.
wasting your time, time to grow up boy
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 20
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/3/2008 5:22:38 AM
OMG OP ......... cut her some slack.

Do you like her or just ............... umm “down there” ?

Why not just hug her and keep your fingers to yourself - untll she makes it clear otherwise.

Stop pushing her.

She will let you know when she is ready for more.

Respect her.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 21
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/3/2008 5:44:20 AM
Dude, sounds to me that every chance you got you try to go down there, so you're beginning to be a pest. Stop that. She is not entirely comfortable with her own sexuality, so this is what I suggest and see what happens. Ask her if she masturbates. If she answers no, tell her to try it. If she is comfortable enough to masturbate then see if she is comfortable enough to masturbate in front of you. Now, do not interfere, do not help her. In fact DO NOT touch her. Let her be. If that works. Ask her, to next time masturbate, but this time she watches you masturbate as well. Again. No touching. See if you can do this several times, only that the second time around if she starts to initiate contact with you, let her. But when she does, don't then turn into some bumbling dog trying to hump a leg. Go slow.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 24
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/3/2008 6:39:32 AM

When I ask her about it she says she's inexperienced and is uncomfortable doing that stuff and her last bf just would "use" her for sex and the relationship to him was based around it. .


OP what don't you understand? This girl was in a relationship for 1.5 years where she felt she was used for sex. Ever think maybe she doesn't want to repeat that and wants someone to love her for more than her vagina? I know you're horny but if you like this girl and are patient, I bet she comes around when she trusts that you aren't there for just the sex.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 30
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My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/3/2008 9:47:02 AM
She has a different agenda than you do, either respect her wishes or leave her alone and find someone more sexually ready. You sound like getting her in bed is your main goal, so then what, do you plan on proving her right that she shouldn't have had sex with you? If you do not want to date a young woman who isn't ready to have sex with you, don't push her against her better judgment and don't make out to her like you want her for more than sex, just let her go her own way and find a better match for yourself. You are a bit old to be playing this teenage game, trying to get into a girl's pants by pressuring her and acting like you actually want a relationship with her.
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 35
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My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/3/2008 11:27:52 AM
hmmm....
i'd say, "she's not that into you"

At 24 - if she had a healthy sexual appetite, this wouldn't be an issue.
She definitely has some hangups due to her sexual history , and I agree with the previous post that she's gonna continue to have those issues until she meets the guy that actually trips her trigger.

You aren't him.

The victim mentality that she was "used" for sex... what? she was in a relationship where she had sex with her boyfriend, willingly. If she felt "used" for a year and a half, she hasn't yet gotten past the idea that, baring sexual abuse (ie. rape), she is responsible for her sexuality.

I was this woman (generally speaking), and I was 33 years old before I figured it out. And the fact of the matter is, she is living HER truth, and until she finds another truth, this is the way she is going to be. (and will probably either blame her partner, or just think "this is who she is")

So, your options are:
1. wait it out. (the definition of insanity being doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results) but you will have to live with the reality that this area of your life will be less than satisfactory.
2. accept that you are not compatible in this area, and move on. you deserve someone who is sexually compatible. and anyone who says you are some sort of horrible person is buying into the idea that sex is some sort of "gift" to be bestowed on the "worthy".

sydneyleigh
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 39
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/3/2008 12:34:43 PM


Msg: 1 -- Am I wasting my time? How long is too long to wait?


Give up, at least temporarily. Go TOTALLY platonic, no kissing, hugging, or anything else. Treat her as if she were a MALE friend. Do this for about a month. If she doesn't turn around during that period of time then consider searching for someone else.
 Midnight_Matt
Joined: 3/3/2007
Msg: 47
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/3/2008 5:30:41 PM
Hey'a.

Alrite, well I read this. I'm sorry to say, but you don't seem to be respecting her as much as someone that REALLY likes her should do. I can tell this just based on the few lines that you typed. You know the saying "All Good Things Come In Three's"? Well, I found 3 things that I would like to quote. Please allow me to "Quote" a few things you said.

Firstly: "I just feel like I'm wasting my time". If you feel like you're wasting your time with a girl that won't get as intimate as you would like her to, then in my opinion, you're just disrespecting her. If you feel like you're wasting your time because she won't give in to some "Sexual-Desires", then you really don't like her for HER and her personality. There's a difference between LIKING her for HER and her personality, etc., and by LIKING her for SOMETHING you're hoping for. I don't want to use the word "USE/USING", beacuse it makes me sound kinda cold.

Secondly, let me quote this :"Am I wasting my time? How long is too long to wait? I mean I'm not even asking for sex, I'm just talking about anything. I'm trying to pleasure HER". Okay, so this may be true. You may be wanting to pleasure HER, I don't know what you're feeling or wanting to do. This is because, only you, yourself, knows your intentions and how you feel. However to be honest, it sounds like you're more interested in trying to pleasure YOURSELF, more than her. Therefore, makes it seem like you're being a little concieted and selfish. Be true. Be respectful. If she don't want to get as intimate as you, respect her for this. Respect her wishes. This will lead to a longer happier relationship. As for the "how long" question, I honestly don't know. Yet, I do know that you should give it a rest. Just don't try pressuring her into something she don't want to do. This is a unhealthy relationship and an unhealthy way to make her happy.

One last thing to quote thirdly: "I really like this girl but I don't know how long I can go without any intimacy". If this is honestly the way you feel, then you're setting your standards too high or too low, depending on the different point of view of others.. If you don't know long how you can go without intimacy, then dump her. I'm sorry to be so honest and up-front about it, but that's my opinion and advice. As I said before, you seem more interested in pleasing and fulfilling your own feelings, more than you do hers. This isn't a good way to carry on a relationship. If you're looking for someone that will be more interested in sexual-intimacy, within just 4 months of dating, apparantly you're going after the wrong girl, because it seems she's better than that. I would advise you to get a different girl or possibly going for the "Bar Scene", but I've never been to a bar considering I'm not quite old enough yet.

These are my feelings, and I hope you'll take them into consideration. Thanks and goodluck with this relationship you're in. -Matt
 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 59
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/3/2008 10:15:22 PM
the OP knows what he wants. she's not giving it to him. she's had some kind of emotional trauma in her life.

all i can tell you dude is if you stay with her be prepared to spank the monkee for the foreseeable future. no horizontal mambo for U.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 67
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/4/2008 1:48:57 AM

Yeah, I need to try it. It's hard not holding her or wanting to even touch her but that is a good idea. Maybe she will feel as if she has lost some intimacy and want it back, and even more. Like I said before, it's not sex. I really could care less about sex, or getting off. I care about passion.

For example tonight, instead of going up to her place to cuddle and watch some TV after the basketball game we went to, I just gave her a kiss on the forehead and said I was going home and was kind of tired. I guess what would really suck is if it back fired, and she even became less passionate.


You are an idiot. Normal, I am more polite, but there is no other softer word to describe you.

Instead of communicate and respect, you feel is better to play game and manipulate into get what you want. Just leave her. Find another person (if you can, if this is such problem, I wonder why are you still with her) who you do love and respect. It is clearly not this person you are play childish game against.
 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 70
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My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/4/2008 6:57:06 AM
OP,
Am I wasting my time? How long is too long to wait? I mean I'm not even asking for sex, I'm just talking about anything. I'm trying to pleasure HER, and the last thing I would ever expect her to do would be to unzip my pants and give me a stroke.

I'd say she's either frigid....and uncomfortable with sex....((MMMM not a good sign....will probably refuse intimacy in relationships to garner whatever wants she may have or she'll make you feel responsible for her own inadequacies) OR she's just not into you- but because nothing more substancial has come her way, she's just biding her time (and yours) while she's still in search for her truer love.
Are you two church goers? IS she feeling remorse for having sex, to begin with? Maybe she's trying to fill her virginal cup, so to speak, acting all pristine and angelic.
A lot of modern religions teach, or rather, worship virginity, so young girls become accustomed to being given that mindthought, brainwashing of sorts. It's hard for them to work past all the guilt associated with having sex until well into their latter life.
 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 79
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My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/4/2008 9:36:35 AM
Why do all of you think that I'm trying to pressure her. I've only tried to do more with her like 3 times EVER. 3 times in 4.5 months. I only really tried again because I was asking her why she felt uncomfortable when I would try to become intimate, and she said she was sorry and she really does want to and for me to try "next time". So I did, and she had to stop me again.

OP, nearly every single inch of a womans body can become an errogenous zone, meaning, an area that, when touched or stroked properly, it changes there mental focus, and often leads to sexual desire. I've said I think she could just be frigid, and others have, too. Yet, we're not in the bedroom (or living room) with you and her.
But if it's been 4 months, you've tried 3 times to move closer, and you're not getting anywhere, but she says she wants you to try next time..... there's something amidst that we're not all privy to. You may not be forward enough for her....she may subconsciously desire an alpha male->>highly aggressive....and you're not doing it for her....or maybe she's really feeling let down from the past guy and not wanting to revisit those feelings, or even take that chance. Maybe she's protecting her emotions....but we can't know all that.
But, (coma) you could try doing different things.....try giving her a foot massage....or even suck a few toes....i know....sounds disgusting...right? But the sensation is brilliant. Try giving her a back massage.... try getting some kama sutra oil and offer her a full body massage...
It may be a bit more patience will be your best opportunity...it may be you're not doing what she wants done to illicit those amorous feelings....
I read a book at around your age.....called "How To Make Love to A Woman", by an annonymous author, M. What a great read, as are many books on sexual gratification. It may be as simple as... you're just stuck in a rut of sorts....to which she anticipates your moves and advances.....so break it up a bit.....
I think the feet and toes are the number one best bang for the buck.....hey..it's worth a try...and you might just realize you enjoy giving her those pleasures too. It won't be sexually explicit, but it does break down walls in many cases, which can lead to people letting go of their inhibitions. Either way you look at it, people will have ddiffering views on a particular subject, and not everyone is right OR wrong....because at this point, we're all outsiders, with no possible chance of knowing the dynamics of the relationship you're in.
If you're really struck with this gal....give her time....but I think several have warned...withholding intimacy in relationshps...is often a red flag for future episodes....buyer beware...so.... it's a concept you're going to have to master yourself. We're all jsut here piddling away our time commenting on your personal situation....and you wont' find everyone being the same pussycat.
 blonde chickie
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 80
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/4/2008 9:37:50 AM
Sorry about all of this OP. I know you was only looking for advice on the matter and you get some harsh replies by the posters. Good luck on what ever u do.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 84
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/4/2008 1:14:07 PM

I love how the men are always supposed to be sensitive and nurturing to a womens needs, but it never goes the other way. We have needs to and when your in a relationship, one of those needs is sex


If you were hurt in a previous relationship, it would be expected for her to consider that above her own want, just like this situation. Sorry but sex is a want. You may want this very badly, but it is not a need. Other wise the survival of billions of single men are in jeopardy.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 87
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/4/2008 1:54:22 PM
It is also true that, in terms of dating, it's an "open market". It depends on how important sex is to a 25 year old guy, whether he's willing to have a relationship, that doesn't address his sexual needs. It really is up to him, because most women his age will.


If his horneyness is more important than how he feel about this girl, he should leave. Every body have different priority. But sexual "need" should not be spoken as if your parts will fall off if you do not have sex. No one is entitle to sex, and she has done nothing wrong by not being comfortible yet.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 107
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:54:01 AM

Why do so many women own vibrators? Why do men masturbate?


Because orgasm feels good. This is not the same as sex, but this proofs that sex is not a need for physical pleasure.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 109
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 8:25:53 AM

Normally you would get an orgasm during sex. Sex is good. Sex is real good. Sex is great. Sex is really great.


Sex is not great if one is uncomfortible. Seem very simple.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 110
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 8:36:31 AM
Why is the OP being portrayed as a "bad guy?" He didn't "pressure" her right away, and he hasn't abused her. He even kept seeing her for 4 months, before getting tired of having his relationship needs ignored.


Msg 71 show he is a jerk who does not care for her.

Beside that, there is nothing wrong of break up with her for a person who will have sex. I would incourage this, if he cares more of sex than her.


And, she would probably be happier if paired with a guy, who shares her views of sexuality in dating.


Nobody know her view on sex. There is no indicate that she is wait until marriage or think sex is bad. We only know she was in bad relationship with only partner.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 113
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My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:24:34 AM

because he is growing tired of having his sex life controlled by a woman who, after 4 months of exclusive dating, is uninterested in having it be sexual.


They were NOT exclusive for 4 months. He himself says that only in the past month would he consider it exclusive. Perhaps this is why she is reluctant, sounds to me like there was some ambiguity between them for at least 3 months, are we or arent we? that lone would be enough for me to not trust, and if I cant trust you, we are not having sex....
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 114
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My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 10:11:35 AM
Proper orgasm means that he gives her one and doesn't satisfy himself.

WHAT?
That's funny.
And ultimately unsatisfying in a healthy sexual relationship.

Several posters are focusing on the "high schoolish term" of "fingering" - what the h3ll else is it called? Does the term "manual stimulation" make you feel better?

The way this OP describes his g/f is that she is "not passionate" - she does not approach him with affection. This tells me that she is, for whatever reason, a generally unaffectionate person with him. Why should this guy be forced to do all the work in the relationship in regard to affection and passion? When I'm into someone, I want to kiss and touch, and I want to be physically intimate. I may wait to see if he's got the qualities I'm looking for in a partner (though, sometimes not, cuz, well, a girl has needs) but the THOUGHT of doing so, and the physical flirtation that accompanies those thoughts, is there, in the relationship - long before we actually get naked together.

I know that in my relationships, if I'm the one doing all the "pursuing" in regard to affection and intimacy, the object of my pursuit is NOT that into me.

It's reciprocal. It's SUPPOSED to be reciprocal.

And from my experience (having been JUST LIKE this girl when I was her age) she's most likely enjoying the companionship, the idea of being in a relationship, but she has no intention of being intimate, or passionate with him, until it's the point of contention in the relationship. And she thinks its just "the way she is". Oh, and he will have "used her" for sex once it finally gets that far.

Why are we still viewing sex as a commodity? It's an important part of a relationship, not an exchange of service for goods. (You will love me, and I will give you sex)
Intimate touch is crucial to the survival of the relationship - in the long run, for BOTH parties. It's not the crux of the relationship, but its got top 5 status.

Women, please! You can't be USED for sex. You are getting SOMETHING out of the deal (companionship, dinner, intimacy, orgasm, wtf-ever...), firstly, and secondly, you have complete and total control over who you voluntarily get naked with! Own your decisions - and stop foisting your guilt off on these poor unsuspecting men. If you feel obligated to have sex, have the fortitude to say "gee, i really enjoyed the company, but I just don't think you are someone I want to get naked with". Shoot it straight with the men you date, I know they will appreciate it. Dont' be afraid to say "next bus".

/rant
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 116
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My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 12:03:00 PM

The point is "fingering" does nothing for a woman.

actually, "fingering" does nothing for YOU. Please don't paint us all with THAT brush.
(the last time I checked, I WAS a woman)

Unless one uses a toy in masturbation, there's really only a few options to get the job done.
"Fingering" would be one of those options.


At least in MY experience.

sydney
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 120
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My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 2:37:40 PM
What I meant by proper orgasm was that he simply give her one.

Haven't any of you ever given your BF or GF an orgasm and not had one yourselves?!

Simply put - she feels that people want her just for sex. If he gives her an orgasm and doesn't ask for anything for himself (this one time), his ACTION will prove that he IS concerned about HER pleasure.

I didn't think that was difficult to comprehend.


He can't give her one. She won't let him get close enough for long enough to even try.
Of course my GF/BF have had orgasms when I didn't. It's sort of part and parcel of a good sex life.
She feels people want her just for sex - and therefore she's not having any. (see my first comment for his issue)

It's not difficult to comprehend. She's not affectionate. She doesn't want to be touched in any manner to be construed as sexual (ie. below the navel).

This isn't about "she'll do foreplay but won't finish the deed." - he hasn't seen her naked (except, apparently for the boobies, which, somehow, isn't sex ~eyeroll~)

This poor young man has a LONG ROAD ahead if he sticks around. And she's still not gonna be into him.

You are correct, fingering isn't oral sex, its manual stimulation. And I am almost certain that if this young woman can't bring herself to orgasm, (being from a very conservative background, and a history of "being used" for sex, by the one man she lost her virginity to at the age of 23, she's probably not really into getting herself off) - this poor guy is SO NOT going to have any better luck.


sydney
 discrete_contact
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 122
My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:43:03 PM
If she would need sex and you won't do it for 4 months....you would be OUT in 5 sec/sec if you haven't learned this yet. If she does this to you after 4 months (hanging out so much though)...then find another one for sex at least and give her slack as she likes....years of slack and don't even mention sex anymore....don't look at her physical appearance anymore and STOP telling her how good looking she is. She is controlling you knowing that you like her and also she know that she can have sex any time as she would like "out there". Wake up guy...you will end up in "alimony territory" one day. Red light flashing.
This is a clear proof that is all about her and what her endless needs are and not for a second about you. Go and suffer guy, later you will find out if it was worth or not....BUT....if does not work this for you....Welcome to the "sharks" group later you will be a very good candidate for the Big White Shark King. That's how guys won't give a sh.t after attemps like this failing. So go and figure...
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