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Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 1
Free your mind and you will follow...RelationshipsPage 1 of 1    
I am just posting this from something I found written by a woman. Now If I had the time I would insert the word or man since I know there are female players out there also. So please do not think this is directed exclusively at the men. Just give me some feed back on how accurate you feel she is.

Free your mind and your will follow."

See, once you have already made up in your mind to do something, your actions based upon that decision will come automatically, without your even thinking about what to do or how to do it. When you have to constantly bullshit yourself and "try" to do something you will fail miserably. Thats why whenever I hear someone say the word "try" I know they are bullshitting. And if you CHECK how often you say youre gonna TRY to do something...I mean really check that will find that you are bullshitting yourself because you dont FULLY 100% intend on doing what you said you will TRY to do, you DONT WANT to do it and you absolutely will not do it.

"Do or do not. There is no TRY." - Yoda

If you want to lose weight, stop drinking, stop using drugs, stop impulse spending, hold down a job or want someone special in your life HERE IS THE REASON WHY YOU CANNOT OR HAVE NOT REACHED YOUR GOAL.

Its because you simply, do not WANT to reach it.

There is something about these things that you want to hold on to. No matter HOW small it is, although quitting any one or all of those things mentioned above will enhance, enrich and better your life, you just don't want to let go of one or more things that you enjoy about this stuff, and you want that little thing MORE than reaching your goal. You want your cake, and eat it too. Sorry, you cannot have it both ways.

The key is, you have to stop saying "Im NOT gonna do this" or "I DONT want to do that. Or NO sweets, NO booze, NO sex, etc..."
You will just defeat yourself.

A double negative creates a positive...even in the human mind. If you know what you are doing is negative, and you use negative words and thoughts to "try" to stop doing it, you are headed towards an epic fail. Self deprivation will cause an overwhelming urge to counter what you are depriving yourself of.
This is why you have to CHANGE your approach to a problem.

See...I recently lost 30 lbs without "trying to"...It was effortlessly done without even thinking about how to do it..instead of saying "I cant have this or cant eat that" I knew it would cause me to SPLURGE eventually and give up.
I knew the benefits of just wanting to be healthier would bring about weight loss benefits. And by focusing on all the good things that will result in my life because of was easy to do. In doing so, I have not deprived myself a single thing I used to enjoy eating or doing before. I have not denied myself any "bad" stuff-I eat whatever I want to, whenever I want to. I didnt do it by working out at all...only in the 1st month.

***Once I made up in my mind that I wanted to be heathier, I achieved exactly what I set out to do.***

Now for relationships. (from a woman's perspective)
Once you decide that you deserve better than what you settle for, something better always comes along. Its because you are ignoring those good men who will treat you right, because you are stuck on some clown whom you hope will "come around" because you have invested so much time and energy into him, it will seem like a waste to just drop his ass.

Guess what...he will never come around no matter how well you treat him.
So just drop his sorry ass and decide you want someone who already has a clue.

Believe it or not, when a man says he does not want a commitment, "right now" does not want to get married "right now" or is "too busy" to see you "right now" he will do all of the above...just not with you. Ever. Cause once a girl grows half a brain she will eventually get tired of beling strung along by this man's bullshit.
Although he probably had or has one or more good women who would make great companions and partners in life, but does not want to give up his so-called "freedom" and thus will not settle down even if the best woman on planet earth fell for him.

The minute he decides IN HIS MIND that he WANTS to settle down, he will automatically start doing all the things that will get him to this goal. He will treat the women he is currently seeing in a much more considerate and appreciative way...much better than the women before them. He will effortlessly "do the right thing" towards them and one of them will decide he is a good man and will settle with him.

But as long as he has not made up in his mind that he wants a relationship, his actions will automatically prevent him from doing this no matter how much he knows he should, when he has a good of a woman who IS ready.

Losing a good woman (which is a rare find, I hear) is more important to him.

This is why you see "players" settle down all of a sudden...this SAME man one day woke up and decided he wanted a companion, and so he will make this a very easy task for somebody who wont even be tested! An insult to all women before her who showed him love and patience, but couldnt take being mistreated by him anymore.

Not fair? Youre damn right it isnt fair!!!!

Another thing...a man doesnt even miss his freedom when he settles down! (with a good woman btw) He is more free than he was when he was single because there are more worries and problems with being single than being on a loving, trusting friendship with a woman he is already crazy about. Plus a good woman is confident in herself and wont want him to give up spending time with his friends, and if she can cook he has hit the jackpot.

If there are any women reading this, please understand that theres nothing good that you can do FOR a man, nor anything good you can do TO a man that will make him want you any more than hes already decided that he matter how beautiful, intelligent and considerate towards him that you are. If a man does not see you "worth" giving up being single after so many months or years, may as well move on.

If he does not give you the attention you know that you deserve, and has a selfish attitude towards how he deals with you...your relationship its really all about HIM because THERE IS NO YOU! can keep wasting your time and give him everything wants, see him when its convenient for him and allow him to never treat you with the same regard....
Its a double-edged sword because he will never fully respect you for making yourself so easy to be with (although you may truly love him and think you are doing right by him) so its best that you

...just drop his ass.

The minute you decide you are worth being treated better than this you will never see or hear from him again.

And if you are an overweight chick...and you feel that being unhealthy is worth more than fitting into a sleek sexy pair of jeans and turning the heads of quality good-looking, successful guys...then all I can say is go on and have a second and third helping of chocolate cake since you love that cake more than being confident and attracting the kind of man youve always dreamt of having.

Stop expecting more out of life while you feel that you arent worth BECOMING more TO YOURSELF. Otherwise you WILL set yourself up for disappointment every time you "try."

Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 2
Free your mind and you will follow...Relationships
Posted: 12/7/2008 5:23:26 AM
AWESOME post, Angel. You have to love YOURSELF is what it all comes down to.
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 3
Free your mind and you will follow...Relationships
Posted: 12/7/2008 6:25:39 AM
Hey that is a very good post, i enjoyed reading that!!
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 4
Free your mind and you will follow...Relationships
Posted: 12/7/2008 9:58:52 AM
dream Angel...I totally agree!
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 5
Free your mind and you will follow...Relationships
Posted: 12/7/2008 10:58:41 AM
OOh ....Jim, that was good! Well said and sooo often true!
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 6
Free your mind and you will follow...Relationships
Posted: 12/7/2008 3:05:40 PM
The post is partly true and partly mis-leading... at least in my opinion. The actual problem is being comfortable in our own skin. Positive self worth and esteem are only choices in regard to making a decision to pursue or acquire them. It isnt an on/off switch that we can flip. It is about correcting invalid thinking. Guys and girls do what they do for a number of reasons, mostly in regard to filling unmet needs, either healthy or unhealthy, which for the most part, and certainly what Ive seen on the site, remain obscure and unknown to the individual.
Look at the profiles that are posted. For the most part, the individuals, both men and women, say alot about what they like to do for fun or enjoy... and zip about who they really are... personality, emotional qualities and character. Why? Real simple. They dont know who they are. And of course they are all looking for a "good guy" or a "good woman". What is good? Honest, trustworthy, loyal... ad nauseum. Please... So how many profiles have you seen that say "I am a liar, thief, cheat and adulterous?" I havent seen any. So somewhere, I have to be able to discern these things on my own. I have to have boundaries. I have to take responsibility for my own choices. That is impossible when my own unmet needs are driving me forward, I end up desperately needing to believe... and accepting unacceptable behavior... Why? To fill my unhealty needs... so this other person can make me feel good and whole. I have no boundaries... and I justify my own behavior of no boundaries by pointing out all the things I did to try to make it work. In all truth... who is using who? Socrates said it best,"The unexamined life is not worth living." If I have no self awareness of who I really am and what I really need, not want.... need, how can I respond in any healthy manner in a realtionship???
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 7
Free your mind and you will follow...Relationships
Posted: 12/7/2008 4:01:01 PM
Wouldn't you attribute a great deal of not knowing oneself to simply, age? Age = experiences, which are consequences of gauging choices and dealing with them. Some people make better choices than others. They have better decision making skills. Many of these skills are aquired along that road, LIFE!
I think most mature adults do know themselves, what they want, and what sort of matches ( be it friends or lovers) they do well with. And if one does desire a long lasting, nuturing, commited relationship, shouldn't you be able to communicate what sort of treatment is desired (acceptable) from the person you want to be involved with? How would you know WHAT you want if you haven't made choices? I believe that was the gist of Angel's post. As far as personality,emotional, and character traits, there are the "tests" Marcus has provided for all fishies to answer and the results are accessible to all other fish. "Seek and ye shall find". So, my search goes on......I am enjoying the journey.
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 8
Free your mind and you will follow...Relationships
Posted: 12/7/2008 4:27:53 PM
My intent with the post Vern, was to help others to understand that they have to know that they have to love themselves enough to not settle for anything less than what they want and deserve. It was a reminder that we can not change others.
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 9
Free your mind and you will follow...Relationships
Posted: 12/7/2008 4:30:12 PM
Sorry that did not make
I meant that it was to help others to understand that they need to love themselves enough to not settle for anything less that what they want and deserve....sorry
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