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 Caanon
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 1
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...Page 1 of 1    
So I met this girl and things seemed like we clicked really well very quickly. We've slept together a couple of times but all of a sudden she limited her contact. Over the past couple of weeks I've tried to get her to do things with me and she would either not answer or blow me off. We've talked and she has mentioned that she was wierded because she's not used to having a "nice" guy like me. Her previous boyfriend was pretty bad and ended up cheating on her. She's also mentioned that she has a bad habit of blowing things off with friends and she's usually busy with other friends and family. She's asked my friends and her cousin (who knows more about me) about my character and who I am.

One thing that might be a problem is that she smokes pot and I don't. I told her and her friends that I'm fine with it, but she appears more bothered by me not smoking.

..I admit this girl and I haven't known each other for even a month...

I told her that we could take things really slow, and we've hung out one other time since then. Basically my gut is telling me that she's either not interested in a relationship with me, or she's really that busy.

Is she just not interested? Do I need to give her MORE space? I contact her maybe once or twice a week.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 2
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Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 8:59:08 PM
Hmmmm, sometimes a person that is really nice, can scare the hell out of a person that is used to being mistreated. They don't know what direction this person is coming from, and in some cases can fear that it is only a matter of time the real monster will come out.

Other times at first things seem great, but then the differences start popping up.

My SO has an issue that I drink soda. He wants me to stop, and has given me what seem like lectures on how it is bad for me and that it would do me a world of good to stop.

I drank soda before we met, and personally I think since I buy it, it is my choice. Therefore I don't really enjoy the fact he wants to change something I see as a minor issue.

You have to ask her if she is not interested, because anything any body on the fora says is pure speculation, and you never want to go on someone elses speculation as to what this person is thinking.

Perhaps she will have a hard time coming up with what she is feeling, or maybe she really is busy.

You guys don't seem to have a lot of contact sooooo it seems like a fading interest, but that is something she would have to tell you.
 collecting moments
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 3
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Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 9:09:32 PM
It sounds like you're one of the nice guys. She probably likes bad boyz.
 WeatherGuy80
Joined: 10/11/2008
Msg: 4
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 9:11:31 PM
I have the same problem, what do I say/do to make a woman Want to contact me for being a nice, genuine, old-fashioned guy, not a bad-ass?
 Caanon
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 5
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 9:16:55 PM
Your last point seems to make the most sense, that she's just lost interest.

I'm just posting this because I need a second opinion....and I over analyze everything.

"I care about you too, so the last thing I would want to do is hurt you or make it so you dont want anything to do with me. I tend to freak myself out in my own head. Thats why I need to get to know you better so I know who you are.
I am kinda bad when it comes to making plans because so many people make plans at the last minute with me. But Im working on keeping my word when it comes to spending time with people and not bailing. I do want to get to know you I think your this super sweet nice guy, and it would be my privlage to have you around. Just let me know when you want to hang out and we will make it happen. Just so you know I do trust you you have given me no reason not to trust you. "

We hung out once after this message...

Again it could just be me but anytime I hear the words "the last thing I want to do is hurt you..." it always sends me a flag basically saying, sorry it's over I just don't want to say it.

My friends say that I'm over analyzing and thinking way too much into everything... but the end is always the same...
**On a vent note, I really hate it when girls say that. I would rather be hurt than given false hope.**

I guess I'm more frustrated just because I don't want to lose her too... I really didn't think I did anything wrong.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 6
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Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 9:17:20 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Listen to your friends, when you over analyz things then you end up creating what you fear the most, and that is she isn't interested. She is saying she has some issues that she is working on, and that YOU are someone she doesn't want to hurt, because of these issues. I am sure there is a heck of a lot of things that you don't know, and she doesn't want to tell you, because then you may think less. People who have been in abusive situations usually carry a lot of guilt and grief from these situations. If you really like her, let her work on them, and maybe not get so focused on her so much. If she is interested, she will work at letting you further into her life...



I have the same problem, what do I say/do to make a woman Want to contact me for being a nice, genuine, old-fashioned guy, not a bad-ass?


It always amazes me that if a woman doesn't have an interest in a guy, it is because she wants a bad boy, or pretty boy.

Weatherguy, you just be yourself, and the best self you can be. There is 6.5 billion(my 12 yr old says 6.8)people in the world. You aren't for everybody and everybody isn't for you.

It doesn't mean they want some badboy, or pretty boy, because they aren't interested in you. If you focus on one person or even ten that aren't interested, you have missed out on one that maybe YOU wouldn't consider as YOUR type...
 The Lone Haranguer
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 7
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 9:17:44 PM

I told her that we could take things really slow


Slow? You've known each less than a month... have already slept together a couple of times... and she's been blowing you off over the past couple of weeks (in the "less than a month" that you've known each other). And now you're offering to take it slow?

Dude, please. Not even if you could warp the time-space continuum.
 Caanon
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 8
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 9:29:15 PM
Well slowER. I figured that maybe I was pressuring her into having sex everytime we hung out.
 collecting moments
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 9
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Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 10:15:19 PM
caanon,
You sound like a very sweet guy. Quit worrying so much, you're goin' miss all the fun! It might be that she's just taking things slow too.
 bcblondee
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 10
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 10:56:48 PM
i think she's unsure of how to handle a 'nice guy' like yourself. If she's used to bad boys that treat her like crap and only think about themselves, maybe she was the one doing the chasing and doesn't know how to be on the other side. I hate to say it, but if you're always the one persuing her and being nice and acting like you'd be honoured for her to give you a few minutes of her precious time, she might just take advantage of that because she knows you want her.

my advice going from your posts......man up with the confidence she doesn't KNOW you have and tell her all you want to do is hang out with her to get to know her better, and ask her straight up if she's into it or not. If she blows you off, you have your answer, but it might just wake her up and make her think "wow, this guy DOES have balls" ;)
 Kindredspirit07
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 11
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 11:29:14 PM
Don't call her and see if she calls you, that will let you know if she's interested. If it's one sided, then she won't call you anymore and that will answer your question. Personally, I only want to be with someone who has the same interest level as myself. If she is used to being abused then she probably has some issues that she needs to deal with. If you are patient and willing to help her, then stick it out. Otherwise, I would prepare yourself for more emotional issues on her end to come out of the closet. JMO
 24DegreeAngel
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 12
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Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/10/2008 11:36:10 PM
She's either not interested enough or not stable enough for a healthy relationship to form.... if you want to be her savior and help her realize she's worth it then that's your thing but you'll probably get hurt doing that.

If you like her you can still hang out... not take it so serious... enjoy the sex... but continue to date around. If she comes around she does and if she's loopy then she'll do her own thing and it won't hurt as much.
 angelofdarkness84
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 13
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/11/2008 4:14:23 AM
Personally, I think this girl has some kind of commitment issues. It might be because of her ex or it could just be how she is. Maybe she sees you as that "nice" guy that won't cheat on her or anything and it scares her that it could be that serious. I would suggest if you want to keep her in your life, stay friends with her and get to know her better. It might turn out that shes not one that you really want to be with but at the same time, she could come around and things might work out.
 Bellydanza
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 14
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/11/2008 4:16:33 AM
I think she's trying to be nice and blow you off in a polite way hoping you will get the message.

and it's obvious you are not getting it. Has nothing to do with ''nice'' or pot...or anything...she's just not that into you.

Get over it and move on.
 KISS MY A$$
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 15
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/11/2008 12:24:00 PM
OP. I think it's to late to take things slow. You can't undo what's done.
You admit you don't know her.Why are you trying to read her mind? Why don't you find some courage and ask her what she thinks and how she feels? Your trying to get into her head and your like a homeless person.
Stop analyzing and ask.
 happyrebel
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 16
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Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/11/2008 2:47:12 PM
OP....From your posts..you've known here less than a month, but it sounds like you were sleeping with her nearly from the very start. Maybe she's pulling back to see if you're going to stick around - now that you've already gotten the goods.

IF this was a woman writing this thread....I'd say he's lost interest or was only interesting in being a fvck buddy. Could it be that was all she was looking for?

But....if this actually happened

I figured that maybe I was pressuring her into having sex everytime we hung out.
.........then I guess we know why she's pulling back.

It is a busy time of year for a lot of people...but I'm sure if she wanted to get together, she would have called you. I'd say that if you don't hear from her in another week, she's lost interest.

HR
 Helen1967
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 17
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/11/2008 2:50:53 PM
She's behaving just like men do when they've lost interest in women. In other words... well, you know the rest.

Sorry - better luck next time!
 Caanon
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 18
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/11/2008 3:57:19 PM
Eh.. 1. I've already asked her what's on her mind and she's told me... my gut tells me that she's just trying to play nice. SO even after asking her directly I STILL have to intrepret her words... it's not that I really want to guess what she means, GUYS HAVE TO. I have never met a girl where she just directly says how she feels.

2. The "she's acting like a guy" answer doesn't help... cuz that's variable on which guy you're referring to...personally that sounds like "I'm bitter cuz I've been hurt in the past" response.

3. I got the advice that I needed to hear from most of you, thanks I appreciate that :)
 Yourmasters
Joined: 11/28/2007
Msg: 19
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/11/2008 8:54:29 PM
I do agree to the part of her used to being treated badly in the past and is waiting for the monster to appear. That is how it starts with abusive relationships, all nice and sweet and caring then WHAM, the abuse starts. She should not be blamed for her past, it is not her fault that she feels nervous still. Victims do feel that way alot, and only can truly feel comfortable with unstability and meanness if that is all they are used to. It will take time, alot of time and patience to help her get past it. And understanding, I know it is hard to understand something you have no knowledge of, but give her time and a willingness to want to know more about her and if she wants to talk about it, let her. Times when she doesn't, don't bring it up. Let her make the next moves, it may not work out for you both in a love relationship at first or just good friends in the end but atleast you helped her and maybe in time you could be a love to her.
 The Brunette Bombshell
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 20
Always contacting her, rarely contacts me...
Posted: 12/11/2008 10:08:25 PM
Its been a month LMAO...RELAX...unless you are obsessive and insecure and want her to pick up on that and run for the hills.
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