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 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 1
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Talking over someonePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
This is something I am trying to train myself in now...
I was brought up to never interupt...and got to the point where even were it I who is mid sentance, as soon as someone else starts to speak, I stop...which means I get talked over constantly...over the years I've had scenarios, mostly with my family where I get very upset at being talked over for the umpteenth time and kinda blow a fuse....on the rare occasion that this happens I get laughed at!!

WTF

Looking for people's opionions on talking over other people and how to overcome this.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 2
Talking over someone
Posted: 12/14/2008 6:32:52 AM
If someone is not interested in what you have to say - they won’t listen, even if they are not talking.

Some actually do think “they know it all”.

Some are just so full of themselves ....... what is in YOUR mind - just don’t matter.

I would just say “yes - you are right” smile and walk away. Let them have their silly little “victory”.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 3
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Talking over someone
Posted: 12/14/2008 6:38:20 AM
Looking for people's opionions on talking over other people and how to overcome this.
I think it is very commendable that you don't interrupt people. People find it very offensive when anyone interrupts them, and that way, you lose friends, not gain them.

However, when you get upset, people laugh at you, because you are expecting people to be polite to you, when they are not being polite, and no-one can expect everyone to follow the same rules or even be polite at all. Everyone has met someone who is rude or insensitive, and some of us have known people for years who are like that.

We are all faced with challenges like that. We have to think outside the box, and find a creative solution that answers all of our issues, or else our solutions are just as unmanageable as the problem.

One solution that people employ is to simply walk away. Another is to refuse to engage someone in conversation who has shown those tactics before. A third is, as ~EQUE~ pointed out, to raise a finger. A fourth is to simply drift off into a daydream, uttering the occasional, "Yes...No...Uh-uh...I'd didn't hear you. What was that again?"

But if you try to copy those people, you will be like them, and if you know how you feel about them, then imagine how others feel, because they feel 10 times as incensed as you do. Remember how little you value the friendship of those who interrupt. Now realise that could be you, with everyone not valuing your friendship at all. So I suggest that you find a more creative solution, either the 4 I mentioned, or someone else's, or make up your own. You'd be surprised, but probably, people actually like you right now, and if you change to start interrupting, you could lose that.
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 4
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Talking over someone
Posted: 12/14/2008 9:17:44 AM
Thanks for all the responses!!!

Azalea -I like yours in particular...because I feel I can use your one naturally, with humour and without coming across upset...

One problem I have with other approaches is that being constantly interupted really really gets to me, and I find pretty much everyone does it to me, it happens ALL the time...I worry that trying to politely point it out will show my upset too much....this is a ncie way to get the point across and difuse it...

I think it's possible that I'm even more sensitive to interuptions as I have a hearing problem so communication is more challenging for a girl like myself.

The other one I like is the fingers to the lips, or finger in the air...
I've tried the "let me finish" and people still talk over you...and I get the "don't get so upset" laugh...

Hey...has anyone ever noticed how people often interupt mid sentance with a stupid joke...or comment and then someone else goes oh yeah blah de blah...and then the story you were trying to tell gets blown to the wind and you'd look stupid to go back to your story??
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 5
Talking over someone
Posted: 12/14/2008 12:12:43 PM
OK, my mom is FAMOUS for non-stop talking. When my sister was getting married, her maid of honor and my mom were talking; sis went to bed. Next morning, she got up and went downstairs and saw the maid of honor and mom were on the couch again. Except, it wasn't AGAIN--it was STILL! Maid of honor was taught not to interrupt, so had been sitting on the couch listening to my mom jabber on for 7 hours!!!

Moral of the story: It's ok to interrupt some people. There are LOTS of people out there who feel what THEY have to say is more important than what YOU could possibly say, so it's one giant run-on monologue/pedantic rant.
 badHorsey
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 6
Talking over someone
Posted: 12/14/2008 6:59:42 PM


While I find the raising of the finger to be a useful tool to quell one's rude behavior.
I also add, "I am speaking right now and you interrupted me, just one minute".


Pinciperro, is this a tecnique you use with children, or with adults ?
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 7
Talking over someone
Posted: 12/14/2008 8:36:10 PM
On the other hand, if you are CONSTANTLY being interrupted perhaps you are a horrible speaker. I have a friend who is the slowest talker in the world, and I find I interrupt him quite a bit because I'm impatient. Or maybe your convo is so off-topic people are interrupting you to get back ON topic. It happens. I'm just sayin'--if you are ALWAYS being interrupted by EVERYONE, look at your speech pattern.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 8
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Talking over someone
Posted: 12/14/2008 9:31:58 PM
Do you take long breaks when talking? Maybe people think you are finished with what you were saying. Maybe they aren't interested in what you are saying or maybe you should find people to talk to who don't treat you that way. I'm a talker so I probably do that, but then I also usually am aware that someone was saying something, say I''m sorry for butting in and go back to what they were saying, but yeah sometimes it's so boring you can't take it. Blowing a fuse is immature, while people talking over you is rude...but if you aren't going to jump in there with gusto I'm not sure you can stop it from happening around people who feel free to butt in and talk a lot.


Talking over someone is a sign of Low IQ.]/quote]

LOL could you quote the studies done on this and the results you quoted?
 badHorsey
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 9
Talking over someone
Posted: 12/15/2008 6:11:52 PM
Absolutely true. I just wish I was there to see you do it to an adult , thats all. It would be a hoot! Why, it almost makes me want to interrupt you.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
Talking over someone
Posted: 12/15/2008 10:48:54 PM
I used to do interpreting, which is a fancy name for translating "live". What people don't understand is that in order to say what other people say is that you have to be intrusive and stop them on their tracks. Use a breathing pause to do so. What happens to you is that you need to take better control of your rhetoric style. Your enunciation. And the places that are natural for others to interject. People that tend to pontificate, like to speak for a long time, and they also b!tch that others keep interrupting. Yet, all they are doing is hugging and polarizing the whole conversation. So when it doesn't go their way, they explode. Like you do.

So my advice. Learn to control the conversation better. Be more emphatic. But realize two things. People are going to interject. That is natural. But instead of butting heads, then lead them in that direction and then bring it back to your point or your direction. This is really an art. It is not easy. I have not mastered myself, I have to tell you. But being aware is half the battle, and it makes you better not only at parties, and with friends but meetings and business situations.

So good luck.
 badHorsey
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 11
Talking over someone
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:10:02 PM
Wow Outmind, thats extremely inciteful. Thank you.
 plebayo
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 12
Talking over someone
Posted: 12/16/2008 5:47:08 PM
When someone interrupts you, you need to stop them and say "Excuse me, you're a verbal vomitter and you need to shut up."
 transcend
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 13
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Talking over someone
Posted: 12/16/2008 10:58:24 PM
conversational patterns vary extensively and sometimes the point being made ..isn't
but the circumstances have to be considered..how well you know those involved in the conversation , the type of group casual , business or technical..who is talking or listening ..perhaps someone that can have an impact on your career ..many subtleties need to be factored in to determine when an interruption is necessary,needed or selfishly rude. if the interrupter is ego driven then its rude..if the offended party is ego driven then an interruption is probably appreciated by others in the conversation. If ever you interrupt you must be ready to be interrupted, that should be accepted as fair. Brainstorming ideas tend to be a stream of interruptions ,hopefully leading to a more successful approach.

I dislike people repeating a point once i have grasped the idea..i will invariably interrupt to reassure the offending individual that i get it.. once is information twice insulting .
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 14
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Talking over someone
Posted: 12/16/2008 11:09:54 PM
you raise a very interesting issue, one that i have found to be cultural and geographically related. coming from nyc, i've been raised to talk and listen at the same time. often my close friends and i, only had to say half sentences, which were completed by the other. yet, i was told by an active listening instructor that i was a natural at it.

i had a young woman work for me, who was from the midwest and found all this very disconcerting, as she too was brought up not to interrupt. then she found an article that went something like this:

two out of towners were talking at an nyc bus stop. one was giving incorrect directions to the other. a stranger heard the conversation and interrupted and corrected the directions. the out of towners' found it rude. the stranger knew that the place the out of towner would end up at (with the wrong directions) was not only incorrect, but a dangerous area. the stranger figured if they did not want him to listen, they should have had their discussion elsewhere or in whispers. for some reason, my employee had a major aha moment when she read this situation and understood the different assumptions.

i think the question should be, were you heard? someone may not interrupt, but also not be listening. you should also know the intent, given different practices. and if you ever want to come up with brilliant solutions, no doubt brainstorming is the best way to go--as said above, this includes interrupting or maybe just plain old erupting! but, ego is not the issue, rather the synergy.

OP, if you were raised to not interrupt, why is it that your other family members did not have the same problem? double standard or maybe another factor is involved that has nothing to do with interrupting perhaps? if you are treated w/o regard for your input at all, by a bunch of loud mouthed and "insensitive" people, then i suppose if it were i in your position, i wouldn't want to be with them at all. maybe a big fat yawn, would get your point across!!! on the other hand, if there is a high energy and interchange and people do get you, then it's another story. as said, very cultural and geographic. by the way, we also speak with our hands--but putting your finger in someone's face, in my world is an act of aggression! live and learn.
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