|Body Issues?Page 1 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)|
|Perhaps a better question is: "How can I improve my self esteem, get over my low opinion of my body, and look past men who have different ideals than I?"|
They're out there, but ya gotta keep fishing.
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:20:53 PM
|I am so sorry that has happened to you. All I can say is that a good man would understand.. But I wonder about a man who would leave a woman becauser she doesn't want to run around naked.. sheesh..well he was a shallow jerk wasn't he.. |
You do wear a body shaper don't you?
You ever watch that show about the couple that had the sextuplets? Jim and Kate plus Eight? I think it is.. anyway.. she showed what her belly looked like... yikes.. she wears a body shaper all the time..
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:20:59 PM
|Well there is not much to be done to regain elasticity when you stomach has been stretched so much except for a tummy tuck. However if you have seen that big long scar that a tummy tuck leaves then I think you would rather have the saggy skin. I know I would rather the saggy belly then the huge scar.|
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:21:37 PM
|Everyone has body issues, even men. It sounds like you are far more troubled by your perceived "imperfection" than a man, even your ex, would be. (He left because of your hang-ups, not because of your perceived physical flaw.)|
If you cannot or will not alter your abdomen surgically, the only left to do is come to terms with it and stop hating your own body. All us older people deal with wrinkles, stretch marks, varicose veins, and sagging flesh to one extent or another. Learn to accept yourself and stop focusing on your little "problem."
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:22:14 PM
|Your own opinion of yourself is what is holding you back. Perhaps others feel you are just fine the way you are, and you refuse to accept that reality.|
A lot of us have "lifes battlescars" on us...some wear them proudly, others hide them in shame, others couldn't give a rat's butt! (like me....ok...I got scars...all over...and oddities...certainly NOT perfect...but I also LIKE myself.) (Except when I don't and then I try to do somethng about it....but hey...that's another issue!)
Relax a bit with yourself. Sheesh...quit kicking yourself and start having a bit of pride in yourself!
(Boob shots welcomed...as always....
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:22:59 PM
|The last woman I was with had the same issue due to giving birth to two boys. Didn't bother me.|
BUT.....have you tried Yoga?? I know it sounds silly... but it has been known to help. Doesn't get rid of all of it...but you do notice significant improvements in all areas of your skin.
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:37:01 PM
|Any man that would leave you because you wouldn’t run around nekkid is an asshat. Is that the core of a healthy relationship, prancing around al fresco? I think not. OP, you look mahhhhvelous and you’re sure to find someone that will accept you just the way you are. I think the greater majority of us “mature singles” are not going to come with rock hard abs, perky boobies, or slender thighs. Do not be so down on yourself; a flabby stomach is not a difficult situation when compared to someone with a disability, illness, or other infirmities that cause them to face extra challenges in their everyday lives. I think of that whenever I’m cursing the laws of gravity. It may be a drag getting old, but there are many who suffer daily who would be happy to be in my wrinkled skin. |
Posted: 12/18/2008 7:00:12 PM
|OP, my God....if some guys are attracted to someone like me who weighs way more than you do, then believe me you should have no problem!!!|
Did someone put this toxic belief about your non-perfect abdomen in your head?
Your worry about it seems so far out of proportion to all that you have to offer.
Posted: 12/18/2008 7:05:42 PM
Are there men out there that can accept imperfection?
My experience as a not perfect-looking woman is yes, absolutely. I don't think many men expect -- or even want -- us to look like Barbie. Still, a couple of things I know about women and our body images: It's really hard for most of us to like all our parts and to comprehend that someone else could love those parts we don't.
I remember very clearly having the inside of my leg stroked, my partner mumuring that I had the softest thighs (meaning smooth and hairless) and my first thought being soft must mean "squishy" and wanting to apologize that no matter how much I work out, the flub there never goes completely away. I knew even in the moment that I was being a lunatic, that he wasn't whispering tenderly a suggestion that I do more squats. But those kneejerk feelings bubbling under the surface are very real, even if they make no logical sense.
Posted: 12/18/2008 7:49:16 PM
|^^^If squats didn't help, knee jerks cetainly won't. Ha! I kill me!|
OP, if your pics are recent, you look wonderful. Of course there are men who will accept less than perfection. I have a caesarean scar & It's a fat magnet. I was very self-conscious about it for years until I was complaining about it to a bf, whining about how I couldn't get rid of the little pooch belly, and he looked all genuinely confused and said, "What scar? You have a scar? You used to have a belly? What are you talking about?"
I've said it before, but it bears repeating:
If you are the naked woman in the room, you're beautiful.
Posted: 12/18/2008 8:33:07 PM
|OP, you are 56 and you are lovely. End of story.|
DO NOT...let anyone make you feel bad about your body.
That said, you have to feel good about your body.
And what will help, is Pilates and maybe running, but for sure the Pilates will help, all exercises are based on your core muscles and it will definately help you.
Posted: 12/18/2008 8:41:06 PM
|I was with a lady that had this same issue. Even though she was slim and in great shape, it bothered her so much that she wouldn't let me see her naked for a long time. It didn't bother me at all, in fact I thought those lines gave her character. I viewed you're profile and you look in pretty good shape, so I would say stop worrying about it. If a man likes you, he won't have any issues with it. I don't recommend plastic surgery, its risky and leaves a nasty scar. Yes, there are lots of men that will accept you for who you are, but its doubtful you'll find too many on a dating site. Good luck.|
Posted: 12/18/2008 8:41:29 PM
|I looked at your pic in your profile and you look fine to me. As we get older our bodies change. If you are dating guys so shallow that they cannot see past this... then are they really the type of men you want in your life? That’s rhetorical. Be happy they revealed their shallow attitude. Kick them to the curb and go find a real man! He is out there… just keep looking.|
Posted: 12/18/2008 8:43:04 PM
|you can ALWAYS fix your body....what's 12K to make you feel and look what you feel like on the inside? Yea it sucks that happened to you with the twins thing....but you went through with it, so if you want it fixed suck it up. |
I've seen lots of fitness women your age with no surgery that have had 5 or 6 kids and their abs are tight as ****, 6 packs and all....mmmmmm girls with 6 packs..
Posted: 12/18/2008 8:57:55 PM
what's 12K to make you feel and look what you feel like on the inside?
Are you serious? Uhhh, I don't know, the cost of a nearly-brand-new car? That's a lot of money to spend on a minor physical imperfection.
Even plastic surgeons tell people to work on their heads before they try to fix their faces.
Posted: 12/18/2008 9:08:43 PM
|hi.. we need to rise above the airbrushed ideals of society in order to be the best that we can be... I totally agree, yoga can do wonders in a very short time.. back bends and down dogs with ab poses may help you since surgery it too risky and expensive... google the 5 Tibetan Rites and practice until you achieve the 21 reps then keep at it for 6 months.. at the same time limit cooked oils and fats and eat raw unrefined coconut oil , rub into your skin as well..eat raw foods high in natural silicon and sulfur-residue.. Eating For Beauty by David Wolfe is a great read ...blessings for happiness, warmly Mona|
Posted: 12/18/2008 9:09:53 PM
Are there men out there that can accept imperfection?
There are plenty of men out there that can accept imperfection OP. The question is, can you accept your own personal imperfections? Although that seems to be your perception, or misperception; its certainly not mine from the pics you have posted. You mentioned a man leaving you in the past because you didn't want him to see you running around naked. So even there, it wasn't that he was put off by your imagined flaws, but by the fact that you didn't feel comfortable enough with yourself and him to share them. Now any man who would look down on you because you've experienced the effects of childbirth isn't worth spit. But a good man can appreciate a woman's body and love her for it. You may see it as a flaw, while he sees it as a badge of honor. Find one like that and you'll be happy.
Posted: 12/18/2008 9:20:17 PM
Your concerns are real. Men and women first judge each other on looks. And they continue to judge each other on looks even after they are "together" as happened to you. Good looks trump personality, especially in the beginning. It's not right or wrong. Just the way people are wired.
Now for the good news. Lots of other women, your competition, have stretched tummy skin too. That means lots of men have seen it before. So your stretched tummy skin isn't any kind of unique disqualifer.
In short, you still have a good chance of finding a man who will love and accept you just the way you are.
Good fishing and Merry Christmas.
Posted: 12/18/2008 10:51:30 PM
|It sounds to me like your ex didnt leave you because you wouldnt walk around naked.It sounds more like he left because you lack the confidence .|
There are many men out there that dont expect perfection ,but they do expect confidence.
Posted: 12/19/2008 12:15:12 AM
|Well I didn't have twins, they were 15 months apart, felt like I was pregnant for three years! Yes, I also have the battle scars of being pregnant, over stretched skin, stretch marks, gravity has made its toll also lol!!! There are times that I'm insecure about how I look also. But you have to remember, more than likely the person you are with has flaws also, haven't seen a perfect person yet!!! At my age, if they can't deal with real people and their flaws, I say, see ya later! and good luck finding that air brushed model !|
Posted: 12/19/2008 1:15:27 AM
|You are the proud mother of two beautiful children,be very proud of that fact alone.Your tummy is part of you,your past,an who you are today.There are many women out there who would literally kill,for the chance to even experience what you had/that is,even be 'able' to have a baby.As for the tummy,that wouldnt even matter.You were lucky enough to experience something so wonderful.That belly,try the yoga or pilates.Look at your children an be proud,the belly,saggy boobs,fatty thighs,saggy arms an neck.We all have something.If people take you on looks alone,an dont take the time to learn about,an get to know you,'the person'.,they arent worth letting in the front door.You,the whole package,is what counts,not a bit of extra skin.Learn to appreciate both your good an not so good points(if you believe they are not so good),they still make you unique an special.,to that special person out there,who you just havent met yet.|
Posted: 12/19/2008 1:32:58 AM
|As the father character said in the film, "Juno,":|
The right person will always think the sun shines out of your ass.
Chances are your ideal guy isn't physically perfect, either, just a great guy.
People find each other all the time. It's totally understandable you'd be concerned about this; the right guy will understand and care about that.
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:23:53 AM
Any man that would leave you because you wouldn’t run around nekkid is an asshat.
Just reading the replies are all good in the confidence department.
Having confidence is very sexual too and methink you just needed a little re-affirmation to keep your spirits up.
You live in a loving area of the country and if my may suggest if you like history,
a hike up to Fort Bowie Nathl. Hist. site would do the soul good....
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:16:35 AM
|OP - almost everyone (over about 21) looks better dressed than undressed.|
I weigh exactly the same (183 pounds) as I did when I was 19 years old and .............
I sure as heck don't look the same naked.
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:26:33 AM
|OP, if you ever did consider doing a tummy tuck, definately do the research. Not too long ago, a friend of a couple that I did some work for went to Venezuela to have either teeth work done or a small optional surgical procedure...not quite sure what it was..just something minor. She chose to do it there because of the cheaper price.|
Well she also decided to have a tummy tuck and during this procedure she unfortunately died. I don't know any of the details but it was a trajic experience for her family and friends. Maybe there is some type of laser surgery for scar removal?...not sure