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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I love you but I'm not in love with you...........      Home login  
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 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
It means it's time for you to stop thinking of him as a future husband and start looking elsewhere or just enjoy him for the sex and dating. Certainly there are a lot of people I love but am not in love with, it's not such an odd thing nor is it an insult, it just is.
 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 8
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/18/2008 9:38:50 PM
Idk I think of it as a "nice" way to let someone down easy.I know I know it seems inhuman and it kind of is but at the end of the day it means......I care about you, and love you to tears;just not in a romantic way.I think that it's one of those phrases that burns(yea like acid on an open wound)at first but in a few years or when ever you move on it'll prove to be a loving sentiment.

Hmmm could just be women to men but I think that's what someone meant when she told me it just wasn't in the stars.

P.s. The woman who told me this,the an object of my affection might I add has just reentered my life.One never really knows when a chance'll pop up again
 CocaColaGirl1970
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 15
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/19/2008 1:23:04 AM
It's his way of saying he doesn't want a relationship. He would rather say that than "I don't love you".

Men lie to avoid dealing with an upset or pissed off woman!! Plain and simple.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 17
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:28:32 AM
That phrase is the coward's way of saying ``I want out of the relationship, but I still want you to like me because it's not really my fault.''
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 20
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:05:34 AM
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........when those word are said it is like a knife in the heart. when i get a sickening feeling like i want to throw up it means i have to deal with the pain that tha man just really doesn't care and try to get MYSELF together and over him and start healing.
 IrishGuy66
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 25
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/21/2008 7:42:52 AM
Translation: "I want to dump you, but don't want you to hate me nor do I want to feel bad about it so I'm going to sugar-coat it and in the process give you false hope that I actually love you because your heart is broken and you won't be thinking clearly but its ok because I'm incredibly selfish and don't want the guilt while I look for someone new to replace you."

So there you have it....and can you blame him? Who wants to ramble off a run-off sentence like that with no punctuation?
 Tuck4x4
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 28
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/21/2008 8:45:00 AM
My ex told me this after we had spent the best weekend of my life together. We'd been together more than a year at that point. So I told her, "Well then I guess I need to find who IS in Love with me" and left.

Last week I filed harassement charges on her. Ive not seen her in 5 months.

So in her case, "I love you but Im not IN love with you", was an ownership thing. You are mine to do with what I want, you do not have permission to find better and if you do I will make your life hell for not complying to my wishes.

What sucks is now we're both unhappy, but in different ways.
 Tuck4x4
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 30
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/21/2008 8:57:40 AM
I see that as part of our modern culture. We want it now and if it becomes tough, we want something else.

Psychologically, infatuation lasts about a year, if you survive that as a couple you can begin to look at it as love.

I believe that this is one of the major reasons the divorce rate is so high.

"I no longer feel butterflies." So they go looking for infatuation again, passing up what could be unbelievable.

Ok, you don't, but what you SHOULD have at this point is 10x better. You have comfort, and security and companionship and future.

Love takes work. If your not prepared to work on it, buy cats NOW.
 IrishGuy66
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 31
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/21/2008 9:10:40 AM
There's two kinds of love; real romantic love and the love you have for relatives, friends and even pets. When someone dumps you, they trying to make you feel better by explaining that while I no longer love you romantically, I'm filing you next to my neph, best high school buddy and Fido. Its an attempt to make the dumping process go amicably. Again, I feel this is counterproductive as it may indeed make it go more smoothly, but only because the dumpee will grasp on that 'L' for all its wrong meaning and convince themselves that they are still in the first category. This will delay their healing process while the dumper will instantly move on to other things (if they haven't lined someone up already).
 4408joseph
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 34
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/21/2008 10:01:40 AM

I think I would loath that phrase should I ever hear it uttered


WHY? If in fact it was coming from someone open and honest.

To clear this up from MY end...

As Santa said.
Am i the only weirdo on these Forums?


As I scroll through my cell and find no less then 7 (5 married) X girlfriends from the late teens up til I myself married........... as well as a couple Guys.....

I love them but am not in love with them....

Simply means.... I love them like my own blood(some cases more)..

Do I : Let them (which means spouse & kids if so be) stay at my house if theirs burns down,left them borrow my car,if theirs is stolen,rush to the hospital if they could need maybe a bone marrow/skin/blood/etc /sample from me as to help, loan whatever money I can afford to not be repaid. .. Know them well enough and their honesty I don't need to question their side of the story. Get out of bed 3 am to tow their car/fix their busted water pipe/puck they up from the airport..Remember their birthday!

Yes,yes, and Yes

Do I think of them most of the day, and conjure up thoughts of ; sending them a mushy "thinking of you card", stopping at the end of the day to pick up flowers and edible undies un their size, Scouting the net/paper for THEIR favorite outtings to go,THEM when thinking/viewing porn?


No,no,and NO

Would I ever sleep with these people? The men 100% hell NO. The women, if not married....99.95% NO.

You don't need to get wet panties, or a rise in your Levis to LOVE someone.

LOVE is a heavily charged emotion that has many angles. It most oftenly is confussed with lust Yes, love is blind, but lust doesn't give a phawk.

You have to have a deep inter peace with yourself, and have obtained true love, and unconditional love before you will ever know and accept an "honest"

Who would ever think in your youth, telling someone, or being told...
"I love you but I'm not in love with you..........."
15-20 years later they(& family) would be at YOUR custody hearing an false charge trial going to bat for ya on the witness stand..

Speaks volumes of "love" and it's many meanings,

 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 36
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/21/2008 11:37:18 AM
It simply mean that "I do not want to expend the energy and-or time to maintain a moderne relationship affair."

I think it's very, very healthy that people these days are seeing "being in love," like marriage vows, is nothing more than the perpetuation of a fairy tale. Making a mistake these days becomes ever-increasingly expensive. Then, yes, there's the obvious point about never taking a risk. However, judging from what I've heard, seen and read about those mistakes, it's going to have to be a pretty damned good going-in negotiation to make the risk pay off. Many [of my generation] just can't equitize that kind of payoff.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 39
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:09:45 PM
There are some of us that have been hurt so much in the past that "love" is very very difficult overall. Some of us just can not seem to open up enough to truly be "in love" again.

This does not mean that we do not love at all, or care deeply on many levels.......it just means that we are not capable at this time, and do not know if ever, of being "in love" again.

I am of the belief that love is much more of a "gray" area, and to many connote love with what is really lust, or the wonderful feeling one gets with a new significant relationship.

I tell my mother all the time that I love her, and always will. I might not like her at times, or things she might have done long ago, but I still love her deeply, but am not "in love" with her at all.

I tell my son that I love him more than my own life, and would do almost anything for him, but he knows as well as I do, that sometimes we do not agree, do not get along, and are not "in love" with each other.

There have been those in my life, past, and present, that I care for, will do most things for, and enjoy immensely, but I am not "in love" with. I do love them in many ways, and on many levels, but nothing is so black and white in my life anymore, when it comes to love and what it means, and certainly not when it comes to being "in love".

Most that know me, accept the way I am, and understand how I got here, and will respect my feelings on this overused, and abused word called "love", and if they just might not hear the word the way they want to, does not mean that they do not feel it, the way I act and treat them.......

Just my opinion.......
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 40
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:33:10 PM
it is a man's way of saying i want to date you but not go steady..................i know those are old fashioned words but i am to old to "hit it"
 Tuck4x4
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 42
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:42:24 PM
I agree with Stefy....

But when its an ill person saying it, as in my case, it means You are not the one... but if you break it off, I will stalk the living hell out of you for the next year, because altho i wasnt IN love, I did consider you to be MINE and wont let you be anyone ELSES.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 45
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/22/2008 8:03:56 AM
What is there to compromise? Love cannot be compromised - it is either there in full glory and with all what makes your heart flutter, your mouth watering, your knees happily go weaker and soul connection buzzing ... or nothing at all.


You either love someone enough to have a relationship or you don't.

OP, your conclusion is correct.
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 46
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/22/2008 8:22:29 AM
When my second husband said this it meant that he didn't love me enough; I wish he had just said that before we said "I DO".

I look back at that now and realize though that he has never been "In Love" or not in a manner that most people are "In Love". He is working on his "ninth or tenth" love now. He didn't like being alone yet he really didn't know how to love someone. He hated his mom and I believe he had subconscious thoughts that all women were like her.

Hopefully, he will see that someday and accept women the way they are and that no one is perfect.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 49
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/22/2008 1:27:13 PM
If that's how you measure your love, good luck.... because I can't imagine that staying constant in anyone's life.

Thank you 'bullielover62'.
Good thing about love is that it cannot be measured and there are no 'terms & conditions' attached. I welcome any description of I love you as long as it warms your heart, puts smile on your face and wishful thinking is not only a thinking

 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 55
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:33:15 PM
Everything is handed to (her) on a silver platter. This kills (her) desire. This extinguishes the fire to pursue you, because you are too easy. (She) wants to feel "in love". You won't let (her). You are too willing to do all the work, with very little effort on (her) part.

This sounds like a romance novel with an orchestra playing in the background. Real life is being in love with the person for who they are not some "novelty" the i love you game is so
inmature.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 62
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/23/2008 9:40:26 PM
And here I thought women had a patent on that phrase.
 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 65
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/26/2008 8:44:48 AM
And...the men who get slack-jawed over the porn princesses that are so stitched up, botoxed, inflated, fake n baked, and dyed that they look like Barbie.
Funny thing....the women that spend thousands of dollars to do this? It's because men do like this. It's a billion dollar industry.
Women are forever trying to please men because ...well...men are visual aren't they?

Soooooooooooo....what's wrong with men trying to be a hero? To be a protector? To go and battle dragons for her? To be strong and confident. Dashing, fun and a bit of bad boy....and ...best of all? Makes her happy sexually....and actually loves her.
That makes me go wet.
Maybe that's why those books are a trillion dollar industry.
Are you perhaps working for El Capitano? This seems like a retort that serves as a validation of The Captain's point. Further, if you believe the "makes her happy..." paradigm, then you really may consider reexamining what constitutes reality, for it's well-established that a person is responsible for his or her happiness. To project the responsibility for self-determination on others underscores relationships as A 10of6 Ultimate Truth: relationships are exercises--usually terminal--in who's got the power and control and therefore, dominates the direction the relationship takes.

El Capitano, mea culpas for stealing your baton and marching in your parade.

By the way, it's my mother who taught me that phrase--I love you but not enough to marry you--when I had gotten engaged to a woman that I then regretted having gotten engaged to. Her phrase got me started in a sort of lifelong quest to understand women: her lesson to me went far beyond teaching me how to slither out of a relationship, it was a HUGE peek into the female programming source code.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 68
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/26/2008 10:41:15 AM

So, now you're gonna tell me that you and and pretty well every other woman here hasn't had her ickle heartsy go pitta-pat or gotten wet panties over a romance novel or a romanctic movie but found that reality is different?


Capt B, you are batting a thousand in the play nice dept of us fairer sex and inability to see fantasy and reality. I'm not one of them wimmenz you refer to. I apologize in advance as I know you will tell me I am one of them sappy romance chick flix gal. But I promise, I'm not.
 ernstt
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 72
I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/29/2008 4:09:19 AM
love is a great big word, and it has a lot of meanings, so the phrase in question could easily mean anything

i think it means i have strong feelings for you, but i don't like playing house
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 76
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 12/30/2008 7:14:28 AM
There are plenty of people you can love .....but being " in love" with someone is completely different......and just because you have those feelings......if they dont.....there is nothing you can do to make it happen......
 SapphirePoet
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 85
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 8/18/2012 2:14:14 PM
I have recently heard this from someone.
They said " I love you dearly, why isn't that enough? Being In love is fleeting at best and never lasts, why can't we just love each other?"

At the time I took it that he meant " your okay for right now but not forever"

But I have been thinking about it and maybe he has a point, being "in love" is not all it's cracked up to be and hasn't made my relationships last so......
 susanh55
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 87
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I love you but I'm not in love with you...........
Posted: 8/19/2012 12:24:37 PM
I had someone tell me. He broke my heart as I was deeply in love or so I thought. We have both moved on he's on his third or fourth relationship since and I have had one and the gentleman died. And he was a gentleman who loved me deeply. I am sure he died with a broken heart cuase I would not marry him. I loved him like a friend, but I was not in-love. SO I can understand that. However if someone is not in love with you, leave the realationship as you are wasting your time.
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