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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do women have sex and then complain about it?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 7
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?Page 1 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
OP everyone is different. Some people feel used when they have sex. Some don't. I hear what you are saying about some people complaining but I think if some women would grasp that sometimes sex is just sex, then they would be happier.

Your values may be different than the next person, doesn't mean it's wrong. If someone wants to save themselves for Mr or Mrs Wonderful to end all, then that's their right. But I don't think the word "value" should enter the equation. I don't know your story or sexual history, but I've never looked for a lover to "value" me...cause if I did, I would charge A LOT! . Personally, my problem is getting me to leave me alone. I've never had anybody not call me back.

Sex shouldn't be used to make a relationship happen. If it does, fabulous and go live happily ever after...if not, don't sweat it. Go bang someone else.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 10
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:55:19 PM

And what would be so wrong about waiting until you have a ring on your finger before letting him have all 'the goods'?


Oh, so unless you have a ring, you should never have sexual relations...well good luck with that. How about people that don't want rings and just sexual satisfaction?


exchange cell phones... literally give him you cell phone...while you have his for at least 3 days.... just to see who calls....


Oh I wish someone would take my cell phone for 3 days, I would have peace and quiet for once. LOL All this means is you don't trust the person so you want to keep an eye on them and it's you with the trust issues. First thing you should have in any relationship is trust imo. That's a child's game you want to play.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 13
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:00:05 PM

What do you guys think?

Honestly, the first thing which came to my mind was something Gore Vidal said:
There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise.

You really don't want to know what the second thing was.
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 19
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:18:50 PM
And how does a man "prove his love"? Inquiring minds want to know.


1. Cancels a hunting trip he's planned for over two years to take you on some namby-pamby cruise.

2. Sells one of his own rifles to get the bucks to buy you one for Christmas.

3. Guts and skins YOUR deer so YOU can sit in the Durango getting warm.

I can go on, but you get the idea.
 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 20
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:21:40 PM
Great responses, I resent the post about women being brain washed by having premarital sex.I think lumping women's sexual prowesses together is in fact the act of one who has been brain washed,that's just me and my easy going everyone should be themselves attitude.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 27
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:43:00 PM
When a woman has sex with a stranger or with someone who has no ties to her, then she shouldn't be online later whining and crying that the guy is jerk and done her wrong. When to have sex is up to the person in the moment, but please, take the responsibility for your actions and stop blaming mean ole men for using you.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 30
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:45:10 PM
WHEN ........... don't matter at all.

First date ....... or six months later .... it just does not matter when.

If it is a real two way match - the sex will happen and it matters not ..... when.

It is a total myth that guys will be swayed one way or the other - either before or after the first sex.

If the guy likes you - he will still like you after sex (even if it is 30 minutes after your first meeting)

If the guy don't like you (for a potential gf) sex will not change that at all.

-------------

It is the economy stupid.

It is the girl stupid. Not her female parts.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 31
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:47:51 PM
Gee, what ever happend to "men give love to have sex, and women give sex to have love" Look, both sexes have the power to CHOOSE when it comes to having sex. An exception would be if you were facing a knife or a gun. If you have sex of your own free will, then one must accept the consequences (if any) that come along.

For me, if I'm going to have sex (I prefer lovemaking), then he and I would've already had the talk about being in an exclusive relationship. Been there and done that when the hormones rage, and perhaps it was a bit premature on both of our parts. However, I won't beat myself up, over what's happened in the past.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 35
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 2:21:19 PM
If a man can have you after the 3rd date or even the 3rd week of knowing you... why should he value u?


I find your question rather insulting of the women that don't want to see themselves as sluts or property, but equally engaged in their sexuality and their desires. Why should he value you? Because he met an incredible person, perhaps. Because the sex was awesome and the libidos match and would like to keep doing the same, maybe for the next 50 years with such woman. Maybe because because having sex, opens the gate of reciprocated intimacy and the man will know that you are as much into him as he is into you. Because he know knows that you are not leading him, hoping to get dinners, gifts and material things out of him.

But unfortunately, if you have the above perspective, then men will only value you in reference to your own perspective, so you will never see the other options or reasons.
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 41
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 4:56:08 PM

There have been forum topics on how women wont give in to sex until the man proves his love, and they get blasted for holding out by men. Now, if a woman gives herself to quickly, which could be from date 1 to the wedding night, she is labeled a slut. Men have us very confused, should we hold out and be dropped because we arn't giving or risk being called a slut because we had sex to soon by the men who want us but dont want us?


Valid points, all.

Here's a thought. On the first face-to-face date, nail down when swapping bodily fluids would be acceptable to both of you. Do it at a coffee joint or someplace public. No one leaves until this is settled. For example, he says "now," you say "four dates/weeks/months"... he says "two dates/weeks/months"... et cetera. Use whatever timelines you want, just get it out of the way. Make sure whatever you both decide upon is acceptable in his eyes as you not being a slut and make sure to your way of thinking you're not going too fast/slow. Just get it out of the way up front... then have another cup of coffee -- or, just screw whomever you wish on your own timetable and keep the information off the Internet.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 43
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 5:35:55 PM

Guts and skins YOUR deer so YOU can sit in the Durango getting warm.

nothin' says lovin' like guttin'

If you choose to have sex with a man, you cannot then blame the man for having sex with you. If you choose to overvalue sex and give it a mythical importance, you cannot help but be disappointed.
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 45
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 5:41:41 PM

nothin' says lovin' like guttin'


I like that!
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 50
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 6:36:29 PM
I honestly can say, the only times I've ran into these issues, are here on the forums. In my lifetime, how, when and under what circumstances sex does or doesn't occur, is a mutual decision between myself and the woman. Guess what the common denominator always turned out to be? As it turns out, if one party or the other isn't ready, willing and able, for some reason, it just never seems to happen. Weird, huh?





~ds~
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 56
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 9:08:11 PM
OMG! Most women want sex with someone they're physically attracted to as soon as most men do. If the one you've had early sex with enjoys you.. and you enjoy him.. then the union will take place more than once. It doesn't matter if that union takes place after 1 date or 100 dates.. he/she is going to want more of a good thing. Holding out or not holding out will never secure or ruin a relationship that is mutually wanted.
Actually, I take offence to your opening post that if women would deny themselves they would have nothing to complain about.. good gawd! Sex is not the only thing that keeps a relationship together, nor is it the only thing that breaks it up.


Now, if a woman gives herself to quickly, which could be from date 1 to the wedding night, she is labeled a slut.
It's mostly the women that call other women the sluts in my reading experience.. Further; Any man that would label a woman a "slut" or not worthy of a committed relationship because she "gave it up too soon" is not the type of man I would be attracted to anyway and he wouldn't have to worry about me "giving it up at all" Usually this type of chauvinistic thinking is sussed out very easily.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 58
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 9:23:50 PM
I support your belief and agree.
Women who hold themselves so cheaply should not be surprised nor complain when they are treated like harlots.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 60
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 10:14:20 PM

I would say that a woman is the guardian of her own virtue, and the man who would have her, honorably, is the one who, without question, protects her virtue as well, even in the face of her weaker moments.

^^^ amazing insight.. thank you for your post.
 transcend
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 64
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:22:38 AM
One of the most overlooked aspect of ourselves is that we, and only we, decide by our actions exactly what we are worth.. what you give has the meaning that exists in the matrix of your history of giving.. How many times , what previous circumstances , how sincere you remained, and how you developed and grew from the giving.
to judge others based on the differences in where they are at the moment in this understanding is easy but hardly helpful.. better to share what you have learned and add to it from whatever wisdom others have found.. all of us have been fooled, have given access to parts of ourselves prematurely..how fast you recover is partially dependent on the real consequences..obviously stopping short of sex removes several serious potential negative outcomes..is that reason enough to wait? ..
answering that one is impossible without context and so is the original question
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 65
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/22/2008 5:41:52 AM

It is the single most intimate act between two consenting adults. However, since men don't value it... women are not forced to disregard its value and importance and this is one of the greatest crimes perpetrated against society as a whole


Rubbish. Who says men don't value it? perhaps those that you've slept with, but don't tar us all with the same brush.


Men are simple creatures..women, on the other hand, are highly complicated and will hear what they wish to hear...

I'm sorry, I really resent that. My thoughts and feelings are just as deep and varried as any human beings. It's really asinine to judge all men as "simple creatures".
It's obvious you are on a man bash rant here. If you want to wait till marriage, keep your legs closed till some poor fool says I do..... most likely you will continue to say "I don't" since you "wield the power"
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 77
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/22/2008 9:24:30 AM
^^^^ Yea, guys these days are so onto how some women try to trap them and obligate them into a jump-started relationship by pulling out the heavy artillery (aka "sex") on the first date.

And then they expect us to call them? Unfreakin' believable...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 79
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/22/2008 11:51:54 AM

So, if this is true, and most people are engaging in sexual activity today outside of the contract of marriage...who do you think is getting 'shafted'?

How is it that men are getting their 'exercise' despite failing to prove to women their love???

I'll tell ya:

Women have forgotten who they are...what they are...and how important they are in the whole scheme of things.


If women shut their legs for a period of one year (all single women)... men in our culture and society would change.

If women began DEMANDING that men prove their love... the palms of mens' hands would be seen to be bloody and raw... You'd be in an elevator and the men next to you would have blood dripping on the floor coming from his right hand...



Wouldn't that be a sight to behold?

Is anyone else just plain and simple CREEPED OUT by this? Sounds to me like the OP lost a potential new boyfriend to some other gal and has decided it was because the other gal "put out".
I can't give a "been there, done that" answer to the OP's question.
If I have sex with a guy and then he falls off the face of the earth, I say "oh well..." I don't complain. If I have some doubts and DON'T have sex, and the guy falls off the face of the earth " I say " Oh welll..." I don't blame other women's sexual behavior. If I have sex and it's just not good, I say "Oh welll..." and keep quiet about it. A lady does not kiss and tell, nor does she screw and complain.
I think the OP's got a little anger thing goin' on here and maybe she needs to step back and sort that out before she blows a gasket.
I'm just sayin'!
Cindy O
 kenfla38
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 81
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/22/2008 12:04:14 PM
I think it comes down to some basic truths and realities... While most people love sex, having sex with someone (itself) is not going "win someone over" for you.

If you're going to have sex... do it because YOU WANT TO with no expectations of what it will make the other person do or feel.... Don't do it because YOU THINK it's going to win him/her over.... or because you think that THEN he'll/she'll love you... It doesn't work that way.

Too many women (some men too I suppose) have sex only to please someone else... because they think that will convince someone to love/like them... IT DOESN'T...

Don't do it for someone else... do it because it's what you want to do.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 83
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/22/2008 12:23:21 PM
This is starting to remind me of Beyonce's...I mean Sasha Fierce's song "single ladies"....


Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
Uh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh
Uh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh

 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 85
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/22/2008 12:43:09 PM

Don't do it because YOU THINK it's going to win him/her over....
Does anybody really just have sex because they Think if they do they will win the other over??? Really? I think they do it because they want to, because they are attracted and there's a pull to be with the each other. I don't think during this "pull" that either person is thinking ahha! if I do this he/she will be mine ~ all mine. Thing is, after several nice encounters, bonding starts to develop and it's only then that we make the mistake of thinking that the other is bonding as well. How long you wait has little to do with it IMO... Some wait until marriage only to find out what a huge mistake they've made.

If you don't, or won't, or can't have a discussion about how each are now feeling and if you do have a discussion but actually don't or won't LISTEN or HEAR what the other is saying then that is when we get the kind of forum thread the the Op is talking about... THAT is when some may mistakenly think that they can win someone over with just the intensity of their want.

Unfortunately there will always be liers and those who have hidden agendas. When one comes across one of those.. not even talking about it will help... No sense complaining though, just reflect on the enjoyable parts, learn from the experience, know what those inner alarms are for, heal from the hurting, establish boundaries that should be unwaivering, leave the rest in the baggage compartment and trust that you know yourself enough to not get hurt next time.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 86
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/22/2008 1:00:29 PM
" have NOT proven their love for them" WTF

I am not going to prove anything for sex. A women that needs something to be proven is a big red flag. If a women need something to be proven, why would a man ever value her, she is (fill in the blank).
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 87
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/22/2008 1:02:58 PM

1. Women who are fresh out of a divorce or long term....and are feeling "liberated" will sometimes go on a sexual marathon just to prove that they are autonomous, entitled, and to get their sense of power of "making their own choices" back. They feel that they are in control. Predators love these type of women.

I must beg to differ with this. If a woman has sex because she chooses to do so, NOT to gain some ulterior benefit( another date, a relationship, to feel like she has a "boyfriend") she IS in control.

After a few booty call "relationships", a couple of FWBs that...well...that didn't end in "Love"....and now these women are now really starting to understand men, dating, sexuality and what makes a relationship start and work out.

Oh, what you actually mean is that she's "learned her lesson", right? Now she can get out the chastity belt and allow herself to be controlled by the parameters of keeping her knees together until the man has "proved his love". Of course, in today's dating world, this often smacks of "sex as a weapon" to otherwise calm and levelheaded men,and rather than keep chasing after the "P*ssy on a stick", they simply torpedo the whole involvement.
Being "in control" is a matter of putting sex into perspective. And once that perspective is in place, the complaining STOPS. Dating and relationships evolve to being about 2 people enjoying one another's company, and allowing the committment to develop naturally, IF IT'S MEANT TO BE. Yes, ideally, sex is an expression of love between 2 people. But there can be differing philosophies and women who are prepared for that ARE "in control."
Cindy O
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