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Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 2
Racism in DatingPage 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
well,I agree with you, that is sad..

look at the positive side, at least you know what they are REALLY like..why would you want to be involved with a 'stealth racist' ?

one who proclaims not to be, but still has some of those beliefs?
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 3
Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:35:08 AM
Sorry about your experience but the world is full of different types of people. Some are racist some are not. If you approach someone of a different race that is one of the risks you take. Try not to take it to heart and keep it moving.
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 7
Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:02:33 PM

Msg: 11 -- So the profile stays the same

As it should be. Your profile states who you are and what you want.
Changing this would be deceptive, and from what I have seen, you
apparently are NOT a deceptive person.

Although I don't suffer from racist insults, if you review my profile,
my posts, and the responses from those posts, you may see that our
experiences are much alike.

You receive barbs from hateful folk as do I. Your hate-mail is defined
by who you are, and my hate-mail is the same. My only remedy is to
ignore the chaff and pursue the wheat. My solution is to relegate the
hate to the chaff and continue to pursue the wheat. It is my sincere
hope that BOTH you and I find the objects of our searches. This may
seem hopeless, but then the search for a hopeless dream is already
doomed anyway, eh? My advice; do as I do, MAINTAIN the hope. For me,
THAT is ALL I have to validate my existence. Best of luck to you.
 Sensitive P. Ness
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 10
Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 5:04:34 PM

She likes to be on top!!!

Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 18
Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:57:38 AM

Fear not the person that to your face tells you that he or she hates you for whatever reason, color or otherwise. FEAR the ones that claim that are not racist that feel like they like "YOU PEOPLE", those are the real bigots, the ones that indicate that YOU people should have your own churches and schools and may as well your own restaurants and if anything, because they are fair, a part of the restaurant exclusively for YOU PEOPLE. The problem is that they find all kinds of justifications all in good faith, all with good intentions.

If you look at countries that have a mix of races, such as Latin America, you will realize that the US is about 100 years behind. These things are not achieve overnight. And even when achieved, that will not eradicate racism completely because racism is also fed by scape goating, thus charging a particular group with all the ailments of a society.

So dude, hang in there and realize that there's a long way to go, but at least is going and progressing.
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/3/2009 12:33:09 PM
To me its another reason why preferences should be listed so you know who to approach and not too approach.If your profile says your looking for A,B,C and D your gonna get interest from like minded people race aside. Racism in America is never gonna leave and i dont think pointing out that we have an african american president is gonna suddenly make the skies clear and the birds sing. For all the people who are interested in fairness in life and love there is someone that will never get a clue. You just hope that when it's time to cash in there chips and meet there maker that they have there affairs in order.
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 26
Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/3/2009 1:42:40 PM
That's the one thing people on POF seem to's their ethnic preferences in is such a big deal to many much as we like to "pretend" that it isn't, ...we have a right to choose who we date, or not date, but if you don't specify those you absolutely prefer NOT to contact you, then how would one know?... be man or woman enough to say so...and anyone that thinks racism is "dead" in America, is so , so sadly mistaken...yes we have come along way...but a long way is still ahead...
Joined: 11/5/2008
Msg: 27
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/3/2009 6:18:26 PM
Amen EJ...their response is indicative of how they treat ALL people. Shame, shame. I won't be a hyprocite and say I love 'all' people..I don't. I don't expect 'all' peolple to love me. But decency to others? That's another story...

Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 33
Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/4/2009 4:31:28 PM

^^^ forwarding the racist e-mails to the administrator is a far more effective method of dealing with it.

ej is right. If you receive anymore vile emails, let the admin know. It's a shame that there are still people who are so ignorant as to behave this way. It is despicable, but consider the source. They are beneath contempt. And the best revenge is living well. While you continue to live your life embracing all people, they will continue to repulse others with their bigotry and racism. Who comes out ahead? There is no comparison. You're the winner and still champion!!
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 35
Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/4/2009 9:18:47 PM
Racism is a fact , we all face it one way or other.
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 37
Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/4/2009 11:00:13 PM

That's the one thing people on POF seem to's their ethnic preferences in is such a big deal to many much as we like to "pretend" that it isn't, ...we have a right to choose who we date, or not date, but if you don't specify those you absolutely prefer NOT to contact you, then how would one know?... be man or woman enough to say so...and anyone that thinks racism is "dead" in America, is so , so sadly mistaken...yes we have come along way...but a long way is still ahead...

Agreed. POF should add ethnicity/race preferences like other sites. That way, you do not have to deal with anyone who is a closed-minded bigot when all you want is to try to open a line of communication.

I'm so sorry this has happened to the OP. What a bunch of crappy people.
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 42
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/29/2009 8:05:16 AM

Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color. ~Author Unknown

I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse. ~Mark Twain

We didnt come over on the same ship but we are all in the same boat-Author Unknown
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 43
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/29/2009 9:27:07 AM
I agree with your take on how rude the world's become, and I'm really sorry you've had to deal with it. Like you said, there is no reason that someone cannot politely convey that they're not interested.
It's completely insane how rude and thoughtless people have become.
Things like just holding a door open for a stranger have become so rare.
I've come to the conclusion that I feel sorry for the really rude people.
They're clearly extremely unhappy.
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 45
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:13:43 PM
If you're female and drive a race car.........I might date you. Depends on the color of the car though.

I definitely won't date a rainbow-colored race car!
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 47
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:51:42 PM
i'm more concerned about "insitutionalized" racism and it's subleties within a white society, than i am about a bunch of ignorant people who can be blocked or reported to admin. if done, their profiles will be "dead meat". choices are one thing, outright KKK comments are another.

my children are "of color", including two beautiful young women. on another site, you get to list both your race and your dating preference with respect to race. i have noticed that a majority of both white males AND males of color, will list okay to "white" and mixed racial daters, but many "white" men will vote nay to african american women who do not report a "mix". my response is to not date them either or to seriously challenge their choices if at least they will date mixed racial people. if they say "only" white, i just move on along. not for me OR my family! to each, his/her own. but, i don't have to buy into it! i might add that some have said, it's not the color but the culture. in their limited experience, they assume african american women are all ghetto! geeze, michelle obama has her role model work cut out for her.

it takes time OP. i've seen it with my own religion and "marrying out" as explained by others above. i was not raised like that, but many of my friends were not "allowed" to date non jewish individuals. the fear was that the jews were and are being killed off. to be fair, i've heard that amongst traditonal african americans as well.

one of my friends from the south was instructed by his parents to marry darker than his own skin. they feared the race would be eliminated, in the same way others fear for the religion. truth be told, we are all going brown and religions are slowly merging and competing for the younger crowd. we just have to understand the concerns of the elders and prove them wrong in terms of leaving them out. usually the grandchildren get them to change their minds a bit!

as to the bigots and kkk types, they are slowly dying out in terms of exposure and ignorance, but bet your bippie (hmm, what "is" a bippie?) that they are in major corporations and i'm told one of the chief KKK leaders has a harvard degree. sorry, i tend not to follow them in great detail. however, this is the fear: the creeping into the mainstream of society w/o any knowledge to the general populace.

so, at least, you do know what you're are getting, with these idiot responses.
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 48
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/9/2009 8:05:24 PM

If you arent interested in someone, why not just say that politely and move on. However to get "go back to africa", "find a date at the gorilla cages at the zoo", and "what self respecting woman would date a N@#$#@", are uncalled for.

Just be secure in the knowledge that you're a far better person than any of those losers have any prayer of being.
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 49
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/9/2009 8:50:01 PM
I was lucky enough to grow up in a thoroughly integrated town. We kids didn't care what color/race/nationality/religion/gender you were... and our high school reunions have reflected that attitude decades later - we're all genuinely happy to see our old friends again.

The most important lesson I learned about racism came in college. After my freshman year, I had a small apartment and walked to the campus every day. On my way, I passed an all-girls academy, grades K-8. One morning, I was walking to the college campus, and had just passed the academy. An adorable little girl (white), couldn't have been more than 6 years old, was walking towards me on the sidewalk in her school uniform with her book bag. As she approached me, she flashed a huge smile, said a bright bubbly "Hi!", and kept walking. I was so surprised, all I could think to do was smile and wave. On that very same block not that much later, I watched in dismay as an elderly white woman chose to cross the street, walk one block on the opposite side of the street, then crossed back so she wouldn't have to walk past me on the same sidewalk. Taught me all I needed to know.

My 4 godchildren are white (three brothers and a sister). When he was about 7, the second oldest had a school assignment to draw someone he admired. The teacher noted he drew a man with a lot of brown crayon. Inquiring who the person was, he promptly replied "My uncle!" (This is how the children were introduced to me.) The teacher actually called their mother after school, concerned over this situation and wondering how a white boy could think he had a black uncle. Their mother promptly began laughing, but explained who I was in relation to the children.

While I have not been turned down in the manner the OP was, I have certainly had my share of "I don't date your type" replies in other settings... one of which was when I was simply talking with a woman in a chat room - said nothing about ever meeting, let alone dating - but apparently upon seeing my profile picture, she felt the need to send an email noting I was not her type. (Ooooookay...) At my previous job, one client who had only dealt with me over the phone, took a liking to me so much that she said she was considering introducing me to her daughter because I seemed like such a great guy. Our companies then had an in-person conference, and upon seeing I had a "year-round tan", never mentioned her daughter again.

Personally, I wouldn't be here without interracial relationships (we have traced the Native American and Dutch lines in our family back to the mid 1800s) or teen pregnancies (my paternal grandmother conceived all her children before she was 20). So I have never had an issue with either. Race has never been a concern of mine - I have been attracted to women of all ethnicities, just as I have been unattracted to women of all ethnicities. It's the individual that matters, not their categorization.
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 53
Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 8:14:22 AM
I lock my doors any time I'm anywhere in a bad neighborhood regardless of who is crossing the street. Every time I do this and it's a black person, I feel awful because I assume they think it's because they're black. No, it's because I'm in a bad neighborhood and I'm alone. If the person was a white male, I would check my doors as well. Some things are just human nature, and I wouldn't assume that she crossed the street because you were black, unless you were able to speak to her. Your whole comment is chalk full of assumptions. You sound paranoid.

Sometimes you can make a reasonable explanation that this happened due to race. Perhaps the same white lady DID NOT cross a street to avoid a large group of white people. But did cross a street to avoid a single black person.

I have a question for you, out of curiosity, if you email a white girl and she isn't interested, do you automatically think it's because you're black?

This wasn't directed to me. But since I'm black, I will answer the question. No I wouldn't assume that this is due to race. Unless a white woman specifically mentioned that "I don't date outside my race" or "I'm not interested in black men". That has happened to me several times. Saying these things isn't nearly as bad as making outright racist statements. But I still feel it is unnecessary to say these things. Just say that "we're not a match".

Commentary to ONLY1DAYWALKER: On your statement: "Obama winning by a land slide has pretty much proven to me that racism in the United States is pretty much dead.", oh dear, get some help! Obama won because of a revolutionary grass roots movement that radicalized many non-voters (many people of color) to vote like never before, not to exclude hordes of disenfranchised youth who were sick of more of the same. But the main catalyst for his win, were the masses of Republicans and Independents who simply didn't vote. Get the facts straight, racism is alive and well in this country. It's just much more transparent.

Good points.
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 54
Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:25:53 AM
@ Pleasantly Human:

Why only use that with your black friends? Couldn't it happen to your Asian friends? Or are they considered white?

and your racism obviously have assumed that racism by definition cannot impact or affect a 'white'/"Caucasian" person?

that thinking in itself is clearly shows..when a group of 'non-white' people attack, beat up or shout "white trash" at a white person, unprovoked (based solely on skin tone), wouldn't that fit a definition of racism?

also maybe you are a little North American -centric but there are places where whities are the minority and are routinely discriminated against
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 55
Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:35:53 AM

It's still all based on assumptions. As an elderly woman, maybe his age frightened her. My grandma refers to blacks as "coloreds". This made me curious when I was in my pre-teens, so I asked her, "Grandma, would it be OK if I married a black guy". And she proceeded to tell me that love sees no colors.That if I loved him, she would love him. HOWEVER, if she was walking alone and there was a young man coming her way, she may cross the street out of fear because she is elderly, regardless of his skin color. Assumptions are dangerous and fuel the fire.

I understand your point. Yes there could be other possible explanations. But I still think there is a realistic chance that race could be a factor. Especially if the only tangible difference between the black man she crossed the street to avoid and the white man she didn't avoid was race. Perhaps all other tangible factors ( age, body type, wardrobe etc ) among both men were about the same. Besides I would generally keep my viewpoints to myself unless it was overt racism.

And thanks for taking the time to reply to my question and comment on my comment.

You are welcome.
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 56
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 11:14:53 AM
I'd LOVE to date women of other races but I never meet them at my klan meetings. WTF?
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 57
Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 11:38:51 AM
She didn't "not avoid" any white man. It's still an assumption and that is dangerous

I wasn't talking about your grandmother in particular. I was using a general example where a woman walks right past the white man. But crosses the street to avoid the black man. As stated before, the only tangible difference between these men is race. I don't think stating that race could be a reason is any more of an assumption that any other possible explanation for this.

This can apply to other things as well. Suppose 2 women tried out for some type of contest. One woman was slender. The other woman was obese. All other traits among both women were about the same. The contest slot was given to the slender woman. I think you could make a reasonable case that body type was the deciding factor.
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 58
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 1:50:23 PM

Some things are just human nature, and I wouldn't assume that she crossed the street because you were black, unless you were able to speak to her.

This was not a bad neighborhood (quite the opposite), and I was going to an expensive university. The fact that she looked at me, crossed the street, went ONE BLOCK, and crossed back to continue walking where I had been, is not "an assumption" - and her actions were sufficient for any reasonable person to make the same conclusion.

It sounds to me that you have taken issue with many people based soley on the color of their skin and your assumptions. I'd give us the benefit of the doubt.

If your client had been black, would you have drawn the same conclusions? How about if she was hispanic?

I haven't taken issue with anyone. I am reporting my observations and making very reasonable conclusions based on actions. I didn't go into all the details of conversations that transpired between myself and that client before and after we met in person, but there was a MAJOR change in her tone after meeting me. Where did I say ALL of my white clients are like this? Where did I say EVERY elderly white woman avoided me on the sidewalk? For that one woman who did, I can say with pride that 20 others have asked me to help them cross a busy street or reach a high-shelf item in a store.

The assumption being made is YOURS, as you imply I am against many people because of the actions of a handful.
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 60
Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 2:37:45 PM
I thought your statement was in regards to another person's comment. So this is a make believe scenario? How can I debate that? But yes, absolutely in that situation it would be racism.

It was an example based on previous actual instances in my life.
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 61
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Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 2:58:05 PM

Unless you know for a fact by speaking to her, that it wasn't because she was elderly and you were a young, strong man, but in fact because you were black, then yes, it's still an assumption. There are too many possible reasons for that having took place to assume it was because you're black.

We were the only two people on the sidewalk at the time. This was not Broadway we were on, but a quiet suburban street in a residential neighborhood near the college campus.

Where did I ever imply any of the above? // Please show me where I did this.

From your earlier statement:

It sounds to me that you have taken issue with many people based soley on the color of their skin and your assumptions. I'd give us the benefit of the doubt.

That is your assumption based on what you have read. You are assuming that I was assuming. "It sounds to me" implies your opinion. I could take up a lot of bandwidth explaining the details of what I initially posted, but there's no reason to do so.

Your life experiences are such that you haven't seen the behavior that some of us are referencing, and that's fine. But to suggest that other people's experiences and conclusions are "assumptions" because of your interpretation is shortsighted. As I noted, I was lucky enough to grow up in a town where background was a non-issue - but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced racism elsewhere, and thus don't recognize it.
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