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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > no sex = no dating?      Home login  
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 Dontlosehope
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 1
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no sex = no dating?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I'm still pretty young and busy with college and building a career etc. and I dont plan on have sex till I'm marriage since worrying about getting pregnant/getting diseases is the last thing I need right now, so I'm holding off for health, not religous reasons and I don't trust the pill/condom at being 100% effective since accidents do happen and I can't afford an accident right now. So it makes it hard to date, since as everyone says that guys are always thinking about it, so should I even bother trying to date, or would a man slowly go insane from waiting years to have sex?
 traceyn1978
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 2
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 2:21:53 AM
I think the best advice i could give you is to find you a religous church man and maybe he'll wait until married. good luck
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 3
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 3:02:31 AM
Don't shut yourself off from enjoying the company of a man just because you don't want to have penetrative sex. There are plenty of other activities you can enjoy, and the right man or men will be more than happy to enjoy them with you.

Not sure that abstinence is easily attained long-term with a guy, but that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't try. You're young -- enjoy life!
 Dontlosehope
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 4
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 3:23:56 AM
what the heck?! this isnt a troll post
 Blondecharmthe3rd
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 5
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 5:24:12 AM
Do whats best for you.

But a bit of constructive criticism, remove the photo on your profile labelled "skanky shot" since guys don't understand sexual poses with the no sex rule. They are simple creatures and need simple directions and that one would be confusing.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 6
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 6:16:04 AM
I dont understand why so many people think that dating leads to sex!! You always have the option of saying no to sex!!!

If a guy doesnt understand where your coming from, and won't date you because you wont sleep with him, then he isnt worth your time anyway!
I think you should keep an open mind when it comes to dating, It doesn"t sound like you have a whole lot of time for it, but you might enjoy a break every now and then.
 hilltop70
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 7
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:35:41 AM
how bout this no sex till marriage i dont spend any money on you till marriage i think thats fair
 textodd11
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 8
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:57:42 AM
I say more power to you however.... You're going to be VERY hard pressed to find a guy at your age willing to meet the parameters you've set. I'd say skip dating all together if sex isn't on the table but in any event be honest with whoever you do meet right from the start.

Also, I applaud your desire to wait until marriage but I think you might be making a HUGE mistake. Sometimes people just aren't sexually compatible for lots of reasons. In my opinion, you really need to make sure whoever you would consider marrying is sexually compatible with you before you actually get married. I can almost guarantee you that if you are sexually incompatible with your husband, it will eventually lead to divorce. And divorce is one of the most terrible things that can happen to a person in their lives, especially if children are involved. Take it from someone who's been there.

Having said that, you have a very noble goal and I can definitely appreciate it.

In the end I think that the risk of divorce caused by sexual incompatibility FAR outweighs the benefits gained by waiting.
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 9
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 10:21:21 AM
maybe you should hook up with "sportswriter" from this site

he can apparently suck his own unit so maybe he wouldn't make "unreasonable demands" on you..
 Witchypoo
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 10
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 10:54:32 AM
You are young... and anybody with eyes can see that you are very beautiful at the same time, but there is an old saying. No matter how beautiful, smart or fantastic she is.... there is always some guy who is sick of her shit. Hey... even KidRock got sick of Pamela Anderson:))

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saving yourself for marriage, but here's the thing my young friend. You can find the guy who is willing to wait to have sex with you until you are married, but will he be waiting to have sex?? Odds are... probably not. Not every man will want to do it your way. I know you like your burgers and hot dogs, but life isn't Burger King, you can't always have it your way.

Best regards,
:))
Witchy
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 11
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 4:13:22 PM

Tennis player Michael Chang waited till marriage, and he's 36. He did it for religious reasons. Now, that's what I call a true Christian


or..at least he SAID he did for public consumption..how do you know the real truth?

if I had a nickel for every "Christian" that didn't live according to their own blather..

(was a hypocrite.."do as I say, not as I do"..)

well, I know I'd have a LOT of nickels..
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 12
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 6:15:20 PM

how bout this no sex till marriage i dont spend any money on you till marriage i think thats fair


This statement made me laugh!!!..Why dont you just drive the streets looking for hookers then!!
Dont they trade sex for money!!

O.P. It IS all about you!! You know what you want out of life and what is bet for you! Eventually you can have it all if you just stick to your guns! Respect YOURSELF first!!
A date doesnt have to result in sex. But then again if more people thought this way, then the forums would be a boring place!!
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 13
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 6:16:48 PM

how bout this no sex till marriage i dont spend any money on you till marriage i think thats fair


This statement made me laugh!!!..Why dont you just drive the streets looking for hookers then!!
Dont they trade sex for money!!

O.P. It IS all about you!! You know what you want out of life and what is best for you! Eventually you can have it all if you just stick to your guns! Respect YOURSELF first!!
A date doesnt have to result in sex. But then again if more people thought this way, then the forums would be a boring place!!
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 14
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:18:58 PM

ANAL (no I'm not beerbag). It’s the safest sex around. You don’t even need protection.


Ummmmm WHAT??? We had the aids epidemic that took out a heck of a lot of gay men... Now perhaps I am a LITTLE fuzzy on all the things gay men do, but I am pretty sure that anal is involved...

Please, suggesting that anal and no protection is perfectly safe was just a joke...(perplexed look)

If a person is infected with WHAT EVER, it can cause just as much issues done anally, as in any other orfice...
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 15
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/9/2009 7:32:14 AM
Thank you strawbs08.

The only thing POSSIBLY safe is NOT getting preggers... The rest is left to hoping that the person doesn't have any STD...

Tattooed I am actually a bit taken back that you would think it is safe... Stick an infected what ever into another person, and they risk the chance of getting the STD... In fact since the OP hasn't had any experience tearing in the rectum is extremely likely, because she would probably be tense.

Hmmmmm I am thinking perhaps Tattooed has had the pleasure of something stiff and hard shoved up the back door, thus doesn't realize for a first timer it may NOT be pleasant at all???? Just thinking...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 16
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:52:52 PM
I think your headline isn't necessarily accurate. I would say in the very least "no sex = no relationship". I think most of civilized society does not abide by the marriage-before-sexual-relations "rule". It's unnatural and kind of laughable, actually, unless by some chance you end up marrying someone very quickly and early in life.

It's good that you're erroring on the side of being safe. However, I think the viewpoint you're convinced of is unhealthy and kind of sad. If you think being on the pill and a guy wearing a condom is not very effective, then I think you're living in the land of paranoia. Using a condom properly, and taking the pill properly *at the same time*, you'd have a better chance of getting into an accident while driving properly in broad daylight on a Sunday afternoon. Does this mean you're not going to drive anymore?

Guys are thinking about it alot, but so are women. Don't peg just guys! I think you're turned off about sex. However, I don't believe you're going to wait until marriage, to be honest. You will have sex when you're in a solid relationship, given enough time, if you're honest about it being purely for health reasons, and you come to your senses about the threat of pregnancy (it's not rocket science).

Basically, you can date -- but you just have to tell guys you're not going to have sex most likely until there's wedding bells in the air. Yes, your chances will diminish. However, you're very pretty, so I think many guys will try to take a few stabs at you (no pun intended), and at some point, you'll calm down about the whole sex-paranoia thing and nature will run its course.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 17
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/10/2009 4:14:09 PM
Dontlosehope, I in my young days, your age, had been raised in a strict religion... No sex before marriage...

Perhaps you need to go back to your own roots, there are still men that are "closer" to the relgious ideal, than mainstream, I get sex, because that is what I demand routine...

Now there is no problems as to WHY you have taken a vow of celebacy, however mainstream men have't been taught to think that way.

Seems to me the most logical people to DATE, and people that have the same beliefs as you do. There are many site out there, and YOU shouldn't feel just because of your core values you are left out from the dating realm...

Frankly mainstream dating is not a heak of a lot of fun with the demands and expectations, with these uspoken rules..

You are right accidents DO happen, even when a gal is doing birthcontrol...

If you can find a guy that cherishes your values of waiting for the right time, by all means GET that guy. He will be understanding, and HOPEFULLY not trying to climb in your pants, just because he's horny...

I seen a LOT of marraige in the church I attended, and things DID work out for these people...

Yeah, mainstream dating, hard to find a man appreciative enough of your values, let alone wait for you to be ready...

Good luck, it isn't impossible, just creative searching...
 ViaDemetreas
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 18
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/10/2009 9:12:00 PM
Wow was not intending on reading all of these or replying funny how plans change huh? :o)
Dontlosehope... you are beautiful and you know it, and just a vibe I get, you enjoy flaunting it. That's a bit hypocritical if you ask me. There is nothing wrong with waiting until the time is right for you to have sex. Good for you for knowing what you want, and sticking to it that is smart. Having said that, if you're going to be a tease and play some poor shmuck like a yo-yo, then don't bother to date. It's not fair to either party. Take it one goal at a time and enjoy life, don't set rules they create pressure which in turn creates stress, anxiety, drama and a plethora of other negative emotions. Just be honest and upfront. Put in your profile you're not looking for sex at all right now. That will weed out the ones you don't want to waste your time with. For instance Men like Tattooed Lawyer who really should try thinking before speaking. However, in my opinion, I agree with a lot of people previously posted; that being that this is a health reason and not a religious reason, then don't wait until marriage, wait for financial stability, job security, relationship compatibility, and emotional assurance that the guy is the one for you; but not marriage. As you get older or get into a steady relationship sex is going to become more of an intense desire for you as is the natural course for human life and if you marry someone you have never slept with then you have a 50 50 chance that your honeymoon will either be the most magically sentimental moment of your life or the biggest disappointment with the realization that now you are stuck with a man that can't or just doesn't turn you on or get you off. Why not, wait for engagement and go from there, at least then you have the option of backing out. Go through life smart and cautiously. There are many good men out there that crave intimacy more than sex, the problem there lies in trying to find one in their early 20's as is the age range you're looking at. Statistically sexual desires are stronger and harder to suppress for men in their twenties where as women peak sexually in their early to mid thirties. So the sexual desire is not as strong for you as it will be for the men you date in that age range. I'm not saying give in to them if you're not ready, just be aware of that fact and try to be a little understanding. If your main worries are STD's and pregnancy then when you find a good guy and have been dating a while make sure you BOTH get an STD blood screening test hell you could turn that into a date and go together. Then talk with your doctor about birth control that will be right for you, there are numerous types, pills, patches, implants, shots.... they all have different efficiency levels in different people. Nothing is 100% but they are between 97% and 99% effective. Increasing those odds with the more precautions you take. As others have stated there is also the non intercourse intimacy, cuddling, oral sex (after the std screening of course, but at least this way you can't get pregnant.) anal sex (AFTER the STD screening because contrary to Tattooed's opinion it is still a method of std transmission whether you are male or female. But there is not a possibility for pregnancy.) masturbation both self and helpful. tons of foreplay, there is also the option for your partner to get a vasectomy (if that option is something he'd be willing to consider.) They can be reversed although it is still surgery so there are risks and the reversal is not 100% guaranteed to work. All of these options will satisfy your man by showing you are willing to please him, while at the same time keeping you safe from the worries you have. The point I am trying to make is this... be honest, upfront and as respectful and understanding of your partners needs as you wish him to be to yours. Don't do anything you're not ready to do EVER. The key is to communicate, know where he stands and let him know exactly where you stand so there is no pressure, confusion, or disappointments. For now, just relax, go out on dates have fun; stand your ground, respect yourself and don't rush into anything. Stay away from intimate relationships if you aren't seriously willing to compromise. I hope this is found to be helpful, and I want you to know I was not meaning to insult you with my "hypocritical" comment it was simply an observation I got from the types of pictures you have on your profile. There is nothing wrong with having confidence in yourself enough to flaunt your sexuality just be careful when doing so, things can get confusing for men if you attract them purposefully to the very thing you are going to deny them. I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors, and the decisions you make. Be proud of yourself and never apologize for who you are or what you want out of life. :o)
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 19
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/11/2009 8:10:04 AM
a man would go insane, and it would be cruel of you to even think of putting a man through that,so do mankind a favor and dont date, or get married,you wold not have any experience to stay married for long anyway,i think your profile is the first one i have had a negative response too,you just strike me as a totally dis functional woman, have you never heard of testing??
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 20
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:51:42 AM
^^^^^^ Actually, us men DO UNDERSTAND that many women tend to be over-critical of their looks and notice the smallest of flaws. It doesn't necessarily mean her self-esteem is rock bottom or anything, just too critical. However, when a woman has an extremely low self-esteem, no, that does not demand respect. In that case, it's a turn-off, and righteously so. Not all women have bottom-of-the-barrel self-esteems.

There's a difference between a woman dressing to look attractive, and a woman dressing and posing in a highly sexual manner, when her complaints are that all men think about is sexual things. If a woman's pictures contradict her claims of who she is and what she's about, then yes, there's going to be booing. You're just explaining WHY some girls can be like that; not a justification for it.

In reference to another post, no, sex is not everything, and that's not all there is to a relationship. But relationships are -sexual- in nature, by definition. Otherwise, it'd be a friendship. The act of sex may not be everything in an established relationship, but it's a key ingredient at least at some point to make it full circle. Exercise isn't everything in life, but at least in the natural sense, it's something that is natural, healthy, and a staple in life. I don't think everyone is saying that you HAVE to have sex in a pre-relationship ('just dating') phase... that's respectable by many, and one would expect their persona should reflect that. But in one's 20s, in an established relationship, and depriving each other of natural sexual expression (in a responsible manner) is unhealthy -- not a value to be held in high esteem.

I love how some people are equating those who don't subscribe to the marriage-before-sex docterine as sex-crazed heathens who have reckless sex non-stop in every bathhouse in the country. It's a classic black-n-white mindset for the sexual anorexics. It'd be like an anorexic person thinking that those who eat are all who choke down 10 big macs a day. lol
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 21
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/12/2009 6:58:35 AM

I love how some people are equating those who don't subscribe to the marriage-before-sex docterine as sex-crazed heathens who have reckless sex non-stop in every bathhouse in the country. It's a classic black-n-white mindset for the sexual anorexics. It'd be like an anorexic person thinking that those who eat are all who choke down 10 big macs a day. lol


I think the OP has this idea, because men are saying that she shouldn't date, or they will go completely insane NOT having sex.

A person will NOT go completely insane if they don't have sex, and a good while back, it was the norm to wait until marriage.

NO it doesn't always work out, and some people find out that what they had waited for was not what they wanted... HOWEVER if the OP has never had sex, how is she going to know if it is good or bad???

She gets the opportunity to learn by waiting, and the person she is with will get to help her learn, not a bad deal for people in their 20's.


But in one's 20s, in an established relationship, and depriving each other of natural sexual expression (in a responsible manner) is unhealthy -- not a value to be held in high esteem.

Once again how is it ABNORMAL or unhealthy to abstain from having sexual relationships until a person is married..

Really don't you read the forums, were people get the crap beat out of them for NOT keeping their legs closed? She gives up something that in her heart and soul is valuable, and then the guy walks off, because he deflowered her, do you think she will all of the sudden have a healthy respect towards sex and men???

There is NOT right or wrong answer to anyone in regards as to whether they should wait or NOT... What is wrong is when people tell someone what they feel is right for them, IS wrong.

If she meets a true respectful gentleman, he will be willing to wait for her, and to value the fact that she has waited for the right person to give up what she believes as a virtue, and worthy of keeping herself from being exposed to STD's and risk of pregnancy.

I have to say after reading a lot of these posts that men seem to think they can't live without sex, thus she either better put out, or hit the curb... No wonder there is a black and white stigma to the whole thing.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 22
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:25:09 PM
I think the OP has this idea, because men are saying that she shouldn't date, or they will go completely insane NOT having sex.
She posted before hearing a few comments like that, and no, not all men (and certainly not I) say that she shouldn't date.

A person will NOT go completely insane if they don't have sex, and a good while back, it was the norm to wait until marriage.
I never came remotely close to implying that if someone isn't scratching their itch, they'll go even close to insane. However, if someone spends a significant amount of their adulthood forcing it to be like a priesthood, yes, it's unhealthy. A negative view on sex in general isn't a good thing. Some would be able to deal with it better than others, but it's a red flag. Second, a good while back, it was the norm to claim/preach to wait until marriage, yes. However, most naughty things were pretty much hush hush, and many folks didn't wait it out... but more patience than today? Yes, I'm sure there was. You combine that with marrying earlier, and things worked out more smooth on this topic. However, look at the 70s and the 20s. Crazy unprotected, multiple partner sex. If you grew up in a strict religious household -- don't take grandma's reflections as how society operated. ;) Most people have always had sex before marriage in a modernized society -- even in the golden era (they just probably racked up less numbers of partners, that's all).


Once again how is it ABNORMAL or unhealthy to abstain from having sexual relationships until a person is married..
It's abnormal in the sense that it's unnatural. It -can- be psychologically unhealthy. Again, having sex before marriage does not mean having reckless sex, whether you are firm on waiting for marriage or not. How unhealthy it is depends on how much of your adult life you do so before being married. It's unnecessary and pretty unnatural to hit one's 30s, never engaging in any serious sexual activity -- unless you're living in a shack like the unabomber.


I have to say after reading a lot of these posts that men seem to think they can't live without sex, thus she either better put out, or hit the curb...

You're taking it too black n white, because there's a heated debate. It isn't about animalistic tendencies, or demanding that a girl or guy has to put out by the 4th date. It isn't like that at all, and my posts don't reflect that one bit!

ANALOGY:
If a girl said she can't kiss a guy unless she's been going out with him for 6 months, because of the threat of bronchitis or herpes with the risk of it leading to sex, she'd still have the right to have that opinion, "she's entitled to it", etc. etc. And the guys who say "wtf" to her are going to accused of being disrespectful to her problems (not values; problems). She'd respond that she has the values of not making out with every guy on the block, and that'd be devaluing and would lower her standards. She'd be right. However, that's a trick of changing the subject. The subject isn't about recklessly making out with every boy or girl, it's about waiting 6 months to kiss someone and being bogged down by fear.

I think most guys, even some players, have respect for girls who don't have sex during the pre-relationship phase, and err on the side of being safe. Good for them... seriously. But that's not what the discussion is about. It's about believing that condoms+pill equal significant risk, claiming higher moral order by demanding marriage before sex, and saying that all/most men are like the few that say that a girl needs to "put out" frequently.
 catman50
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 23
no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:33:04 PM
I know of one girl who said she would wait til she is married . she was 22 . and STILL is not married . today she is 43 . now , she has no man in her life . SHE COULD HAVE . she has refused to . she went with one guy . as soon as he told her he was not to get married . she dumped him .
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 24
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:34:12 PM

It's abnormal in the sense that it's unnatural. It -can- be psychologically unhealthy. Again, having sex before marriage does not mean having reckless sex, whether you are firm on waiting for marriage or not. How unhealthy it is depends on how much of your adult life you do so before being married. It's unnecessary and pretty unnatural to hit one's 30s, never engaging in any serious sexual activity -- unless you're living in a shack like the unabomber


I didn't have sex for 4 yrs while I was in college in my 20's. It was a matter of first having 2 very younglings, and not wanting to complicate my life in any way with dating... Worked out fine, and I got through school without the drama of dating... I was NOT unhealthy, or out of balance, just focused on what I needed to get done...

Now I have dated while I am in college again... Ohhh do I sometimes wish I had the will power of my younger days some times, because dating and having a relationship really puts a linch pin into focus... However I don't have two younglings (babies, but do have a 12 yr old that can be more self sufficient) so once again it does balance out. Well sort of, the drama of breaking up, or not being into someone, or them not into you, can be rather emotional, fortunately I am not taking 21 credit quarters or I would never make it...

I do have to laugh that you say it is unnatural NOT to have sex. My friend that is 33 would LOVE to be having sex, however he hasn't met anyone that wants to have sex with him... He's a great guy, and why he hasn't met anyone to even make things into a GF/bf relationship is beyond me.

I don't know if the OP has an irrational fear, because if she is focused on getting through college, wants her grades to be top notch, the distraction can really mess a person's grades up FOR SOME PEOPLE... TO me that is NOT unnatural, but rather a person who has put getting herself to where she wants to go, without adding risks, or complications she doesn't want to deal with.

I would also say that she probably heard the don't date, because guys will want sex prior to posting her thread...

It may have been over 20 yrs ago that I was in college the first time, and back them MEN were a lot more respectful in some cases, but now days it seems to be a given, and men will say if I pay for a date you owe me sex...

Heck I remember someone thinking because he bought me a soda, I owed him sex...

My long winded point, what seems unnatural too you, doesn't mean it is unnatural for someone else...She will not go mad, nor would anyone that respected her feelings about sex. They are hers and are rational to what she is trying to accomplish...

IF YOU don't have to risk a pregnancy, then NO you don't have to worry about it... Use women, yeah, pregnancies happen on birth control...I know, I have read the forum, and worked with younglings who have gotten pregnant wondering what the hell happened...

Not every body subscribes to abortion, or adoption... Being pregnant for 40 weeks IS a major disruption, then being faced with what to do, and what is best, et al... That is something some people don't want to face, and I don't blame them for feeling that way.
 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 25
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no sex = no dating?
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:54:05 PM
Date!I mean I'm in the same boat as you at this junction of my life and I'm ok with that and the people I date seem to be as well.One can gauge someones motives,that is if lots of time and conversations have been waged.Cudos to you my dear but I do have one little question;do you believe in heavy petting? I mean I don't really want to get anyone pregos or catch an STD but if I found someone I cared about I wouldn't be opposed to oral sex(And no not receiving I just mean giving,not wild about oral sex) to "Keep them around" so to speak.
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