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 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 1
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Divorce EtiquettePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Need responses from men and women....
I know a person who has dated a man for a few years, but has never met his friends or his family and is constantly kept from meeting them. She has explained that she is hurt that she is excluded from any events, but he continues to exclude her and rationalizes his reasons.

What insight would you give to your best friend if she told you this dilemma.

If she is exclusive with this person, when is the right time to meet some of his friends and their family or at least his adult children?

Looking for feedback....thanks
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 2
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Divorce Etiquette
Posted: 1/14/2009 4:44:29 PM
If I were dating a man and never introduced to his friends or family, I'd probably dump his butt. I can tell you that I wouldn't date a guy for years, and not meet his friends or family. Two things come into mind, he's either wanted by the Mafia, or he's married.

As far as a time frame of meeting friends and family, if you've been exclusive for 6 months or longer, than it's time to meet the loved ones in his life.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 3
Divorce Etiquette
Posted: 1/14/2009 4:49:04 PM
I don't think it matters what his reasoning is. You can't have a relationship when you're excluded from half your partner's life. She is smartest to walk away and find someone who can be a real partner. The hurt of being excluded is nothing to the hurt and anger she'll feel when HE dumps HER, and she remembers she should have known better than to be treated that way in the first place.

Nutt
 FortyFine44122
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 4
Divorce Etiquette
Posted: 1/14/2009 5:24:11 PM

I know a person who has dated a man for a few years, but has never met his friends or his family and is constantly kept from meeting them. She has explained that she is hurt that she is excluded from any events, but he continues to exclude her and rationalizes his reasons.
How did she manage to date him that long then?
It's obvious that he doesn't consider her a g/f: he thinks they are FWB, or he's married (if they don't go out in his town)...anyway, she's not a long-term for him. get rid of that -- the sooner the better
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 5
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Divorce Etiquette
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:48:15 PM
An important thing I did not mention, but thought it maybe would be understood when I titled it Divorce Etiquette is that this friend has been dating this divorced man for 3 years. Yes, she knows he is divorced and has seen his papers and he has his own residence, yet he continues to spend all the holidays with his ex-wife, grown children and his grandchildren. Thanks for any advice. I will pass it along to my girlfriend in hopes that your feedback can ease her troubled soul.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 6
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Posted: 1/14/2009 8:53:01 PM
He is definitely divorced. The fact that she is excluded from all events and meeting neither his friends or family, is the reason for most of the resentment and arguments because he continues to promise her that she will meet them and she believes him and she is continually let down.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 7
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Divorce Etiquette
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:57:24 PM
True that is why I believe too. Something is fishy...but my friend states that he continues to rationalize and make excuses for his behavior and she is just brokenhearted over it. She already saw his divorce papers and he has been divorced for about 3 years already, but can't seem to let his ex-wife go. His kids are grown and he has grandchildren. My friend is excluded from everything, even his grandchildren
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 8
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Divorce Etiquette
Posted: 1/15/2009 9:27:09 AM
A few years and has never met his friends or family????? can you say.....bye bye....
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 9
Divorce Etiquette
Posted: 1/15/2009 9:59:52 AM
OP, after a "few" years, I would wonder what he was hiding. Personally, after the first year, I would be wondering why I hadn't at least met his friends. Your friend needs to have a heart to heart talk with this guy and see what exactly their relationship is.

I see red flags all over this one.
 tongue-untied
Joined: 10/13/2004
Msg: 10
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Divorce Etiquette
Posted: 1/16/2009 4:29:06 PM
Perhaps there is more under the surface....Get out while you can....sad but true....
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 11
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Divorce Etiquette
Posted: 1/16/2009 5:02:25 PM
He may be avoiding introducing her to people because he is married or involved in a relationship with someone else. Whatever the true situation, what he is doing is being very disrespectful to her. He is not acknowledging her in public. I can't imagine why she is still with someone who would treat her like this. He might be coming up with rationalizations for what he is doing but she needs to tell him this has to stop. I expect she feels too involved to risk it ending, but this is just too weird for any sane person to continue with.
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